The things I put in here represent raw content. Content too...something for the old. Here, you will have an inner look on me and my mind. Enter at your own risk, you may regret it on some days.
July 25, 2003: Wow, not even a day later the movie comes to an end. Yep, I've been dumped, yet again. And wow, am I sad. I don't know what to say about it, really. I regret losing her, but she's already moved on. She likes Jimmy again, of course. She hasn't come out and directly told me, no, because apparently she's afraid of hurting me again. *shrugs* I just don't understand why I'm always stuck being nothing more than second best. And oh boy, are my friends helpful. Nothin' says "I'm here for ya" than "You're pathetic, dude." "Quit being such a baby and move on." "Just get over it already and find a new girlfriend!" Pff. Whatever...I wish somebody understood me. Well, one person does, but as she's the subject of conversation I can't exactly go to her and speak my mind...Hmph. I'm gonna go now, I guess. I want to get something to eat...Do some more thinking.
July 20, 2003: Holy ba-jesus, but it's been a while. Wow. Okay, update time! Let's start with movies, I guess. I've been to X2 (awesome!), 28 Days Later (!!! Godly) and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (Meh.). All of them with Michelle, of course. Ahh, my love, my life, my breath. Hehe. The 29th of last month was Michelle's graduation party...Hoooo, boy...What a shitty week. Michelle and I broke up, and I thought maybe a black hole had opened somewhere in the region of me 'eart. That evening, however, I was surprised. Yes, it's only happened a handful of times, and this was one of them. It was July 4th, so of course I found some place to go for fireworks, which happened to be McSummerfest, in McDonald. My main purpose for going, outside of seeing Michelle, was to hang out with Dylan, who I haven't been around since school let out. Anyway, I got there around 9, and was looking for Dylan...As I looked, I muttered to myself and rubbed at my eyes cuz they were burning from earlier. I heard running feet...The next thing I knew, Michelle had flung herself into my arms and locked hers around me. I don't really know how I expected her to react when she saw me, but that was definitely not it. lol. I was so happy, you have no idea. I was over the moon. Wow. 
We got back together, and wow, I couldn't have been happier. I was nearly singing when I went home. lol, I'm a dork, I know. Don't care! Whee. Yeah, I'm a little hyper right now. We got home from New York a bit ago, so I get to see Michelle. Well, talk to Michelle, but hey, that's good enough for me. She gets to go up to NY with us! Happy Dave :) I'm excited about her meeting my grandparents, I guess. Plus, I get to spend the time we're up there with her, and we'll be sleeping together on the way up in the back of the van. I'm listening to music right now, talking to Michelle, stuff, blah blah. Wow, what a long update, eh? Lemme think...New York was boring. I missed Michelle, my grandparents are eager to meet her, Jonathan is an evil twit who needs to work on his temper...The weather sucked. It was pretty hot, and I was miserable. Not much to do but watch movies and read, so that's what I did. *shrugs* I'm descending into blah-ness right now. I can't figure out why. I'm gonna go, I guess. Might go get a drink, if my legs decide they want to support me. I'm a smidge tired, and exhausted. All my love to Michelle, I'm outta here.
June 16, 2003: In your effin' eye, Angelfire. I have a separate web-browser now, so it won't mess up, so I can FINALLY update again. It's been 14 honkin' days!! Yeah. Let's see, Michelle's birthday(Jailbait!!), bowling, school's over (YES!! YES!!), Month 4 is on Saturday(), MY birthday (sweet 16) is 2 months and 10 days away, I found a dream car (Shelby 'Stang, 1967, oh the sexiness), I need to update my subprofile, I've been writing more and more, I'm apparently a good writer (according to Michelle and Ms. Pusateri), and many other things. My life is pretty boring...Right now I'm working on all three of my Journals, my Bolt one, this one and my Sub-Journal. Fun! Yeah, I'm bored. Michelle won't be online for a good while now, and I've nothing to do. I hope I can visit her place of residence sometime this week, before the weekend. I don't get to see her every day now, so I should be allowed to. Y'know, I've slept over her house 3 times now. Lineancy? Yes, friends and neighbors, my parents have FINALLY loosened up. 
I'm gonna sk'daddle, I think I've typed enough here there and everywhere. Lots of love to Michelle, hate to the rest of the scummy crummy world. Later, kiddies.
June 2, 2003: Okay, let's see how much I can type before Angelfire gays up like it has been recently. Yeah, this is my first journal post in nearly a month because Angelfire is a piece of shizzle. So, update...Not much significant has happened, actually. Me and Michelle hit the three month mark, we went to prom which was tons of fun, and X Fest was last Monday (GODSMACK!!!!!!!) I guess I'll talk about prom. Michelle was absolutely gorgeous, she had her hair done and wore the most beautiful dress. We danced, we laughed, it was a lot of fun. They played mostly rap, but hey, what can ya do? *le sigh*...Gaw, I am so lucky. To be in love with such a wonderful person and have her love me back? It astounds me, but it makes me so happy. I want to age faster so that we can get our apartment together. So, yeah, I'm not gonna type much, cuz Angelfire is probably gonna error in a minute. Love to Michelle, I'm out. Later, kids.
May 6, 2003: I hate you, Angelfire. I hate you, life. I hate next door to everything, with the exceptions being obvious (General Tso's, Michelle, System of a Down, drumming). Why me? Why am I the one who has to absorb and fluctuate all of this hatred and loathing? I feel like a goddamn sponge. I can't say much because Angelfire is gonna error in a second. I just wish I was with Michelle right now. I need a hug 
I've been depressed lately, and I can't figure out why. I shouldn't be, but I am. I wish I was older so Michelle and I could snag a place of our own rather soon. I hate my house (Jonathan, the wretched beast) and I want out. I want out of school, too. No one will leave me alone. Rocco tried to shove me down the stairs Friday, and I couldn't do anything because I was surrounded by people. He called me a "fuckin' faggot", and I wanted to end his life. I told him today if he did it again I would, and he got all indignant on me. I wanted to really deride him for it, but Pusateri would have heard and started ranting. Blah. I dunno what to do anymore, I just listen to that mantra and try to smile. "26 more days, 26 more days, 26 more days 'til Branbury Cross, ride a cock horse to Branbury Cross." (inside thing) Angelfire hasn't messed up yet….I'm not gonna jinx it. ctrl-c! There we go. Hopefully it won't error soon. Blah, I'm just gonna go. I'm gonna wait for Michelle, and then go to bed whenever I'm commanded to. I love you Michelle, later kids, I'm out.
May 1, 2003: Fuck you, Angelfire. I got my followup to Tuesday's post all nice and tidied up and Angelfire just fucks me over and deletes it. Basically, ignore the post below this one, I'm not mind-numbingly depressed now (happens randomly once a month, fuckin' annoying and I never know when it'll happen) I never thought Michelle didn't love me anymore, my evil subconscious, Cthulhu, the part of me that presents the evil, hopeless looks on life, presented this concept to me for the first time, it only bothered me because I let it get to me, that's not to say the CONCEPT doesn't bother me because it does, it's just that I know that Michelle would TELL me something like that, and besides, I know (and knew) that she hadn't fallen away from me already, the thought just crossed in the back of my mind because I was on some mental track (don't remember what) and it ended up leading to that. In short, I know Michelle hasn't fallen out of love with me already, I knew that when I made the post, but my crippled means of communicating things totally screwed me and what I said wasn't what I meant to say. OI. Yeah, I'm gonna go, Love you Michelle, Nüguns to everyone reading this, I'm outtie before Angelfire fucks up again.
April 29, 2003: Dammit, what is wrong with me? I feel so terribly down lately. Last night, I was taking my shower, and I thought I was gonna just burst into tears. I have no idea why, though. All of a sudden I want to die all over again. Michelle left just over an hour ago. She came here after school for once, and we watched The Matrix, and, well the rest is our business :P. Now that she's gone, I feel the lingering depression again...What the hell is causing it? I think I know what it is, but I'm afraid of it coming true, should I say it...I'm afraid that Michelle has fallen out of love with me already. I know it's not true, but for some reason, Cthulhu (The name I've given to the evil, hurtful division of my subconscious) keeps telling me it's true. I hate you, Cthulhu...You'll be my downfall one day. Oh well. I know that Michelle still loves me, and I love her. The nugget of doubt is slowly slipping back into the recesses of my mind...thankfully...I don't like thinking negatively about my relationship with Michelle. It's going great right now, and I don't want that to change. I love her...I don't want to lose her. I want this relationship to be my best and last, meaning I want to stay with Michelle forever. God, I probably sound so pathetic. Ignore this post, everyone, it didn't happen, I am perfectly fine. I'm already starting to feel better. Tomorrow I get to see Michelle, so I'll be better then. I hope whatever hit me last night passes. Whatever it was, don't worry about me, I'm patching up already. I'm gonna sk'daddle now, wait for Michelle to get online. Love you Michelle, I'll sing for you the next time I have an oppurtunity, I promise. Later kids.
April 24, 2003: 
Fuck all of you, you goddamn assholes. Leave me in peace before I lose control of myself and destroy all of you. Today was Teaser Day for the school's yippy-skippy musical this year, so all day long the people in the play were giving a quick 20 minute preview of the production. This meant that they also had to eat lunch @ 10:30, for some strange reason. With me. Rocco and Dugas are in the play, natch. Richard Craniums. Rocco followed me around like a little fuckin' puppy, "Hey David, How ya doin' David, What's up, you little fucking faggot?" I wanted to do something, but precog tells me had I attacked him, I'd be out for the rest of the year and stuck in school for another year, consequently. Then, the fuckin' clincher. I went up, got my lunch and came back to sit down, Rocco Dugas and about a quarter of the room just trumpet, as loud as they can, "David Ca-all! David Caa-aa-aa-aall.." and start laughing like a buncha fuckin' kindergardeners. Along with that were the usual, "Redface!" "Queer!" "Loser!" "Faggot!" and all the rest of the derogatory names they use for me. It's bullshit the way I'm so hated. Only because Haspel and Rocco are the fuckin' Ringleaders they are. Follow the Fuckin' Leader. One day I'll look at all of them, and just fucking LAUGH. Especially at Boy Band (Rocco) and Big Bird (Haspel), hereafter known as BB&BB, since they're connected at the mind and hip. *sigh* Oh well. The ear thing from yesterday seems to have been eclipsed by something else, what it is I don't know, but I'm glad. Michelle was really torn up about it, and was even afraid to go to school today. So was I. I was afraid the wrong person would say the wrong thing and I'd just light into them, dominate some soulage. I was more worried for Michelle, though. If I did do that, what would that say to her? I'm supposed to be stronger than that. I dunno. I'm gonna be at Michelle's tomorrow, so no update until after midnight, maybe later. Depends on when I get home, and if I'm dead-fuckin-tired or not. I keep dropping F-bombs. I'm so angry this afternoon. It took a day for the full effect of yesterday to hit me. For it to hit me how much it hit Michelle. God, I'd love to go on a bloody rampage of the school. Grr. I'm done. Michelle, I forgive you, I love you, I hope your spirits lift about this whole debacle, and that it truly is over. I'm out kids, later.
April 23, 2003: April 23. May 15. TWENTY TWO DAYS UNTIL THE MATRIX : RELOADED!!!!!! After three years (four for the people who saw it in '99) of waiting, it's finally ALMOST HERE!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D The people who know what happened today probably realize I'm using this to alleviate my rage and acrimony, and YES GOD DAMMIT, I AM. Not gonna say anything about it, just something happened this morning that was Michelle-related, and everyone used it as an excuse to torture and torment me. I felt bad, because the only person I could blame is Michelle, and she didn't do it to cause trouble, if she'd known she wouldn't even have done it, so I can't be mad at her. Not that I could anyway, but I think that's beside the point. Oooh, I nearly got written up for yelling Fuck You at Haspel, cuz it was right in front of Ms. Couse. I personally don't see what the problem was, I was provoked, she even said that, and that's probably what saved my ass. Of course, Queen Viscovicz got up on her fuckin' soapbox about my lack of respect (ha!). Oh well. Michelle spent the second half of the day apologizing...I just, didn't know what to say about it. I wanted to just *fantasy moment* unfold a pair of black wings, wrap them around the two of us and block out everything on the outside. It seems we both dig holes for ourselves with our actions. Oh well, I'm over the whole thing. I still love her, Friday is still Dave & Michelle Day, no bounce, no play(inside thing). On a happier note, Prom is only a month away. Whoo! Well, I've rambled enough for today. Love to Michelle and those who need it, knives in the eyes to Cole, Haspel, Rocco and Elwyn. Burn, motherfuckers, burn.
April 22, 2003: Hey, guess what, it's been 10 days since I updated so, shibbity, I'm updating. Yesterday was the two month mark for me and Michelle. Nüguns! I was gonna update yesterday, but Angelfire was being an über-bitch, so I couldn't load up the page. Things with us are...Well, they're great. Everything's going great, I spent Friday and Saturday with her, we watched The Ring, Fight Club (You're not your fuckin' khakis, sheer brilliance David Fincher), Domestic Disturbance (God, that kid's a bad actor) and High Fidelity, which is still a great movie. God, why couldn't I be older? I spend not even half as much time with Michelle as I'd like to. Two years and we can get an apartment, but dammit, that's two years. I think if my parents talk to her's about me spending the night, they'll realize it's not "evil" like they think. Then I can spend more time with her. Happy Dave. Mucho happy Dave. Maybe they'll even let me move my stuff there and move in? Heh, doubt it. I'd like to, sometimes. Escape the Hell I call home. Escape Jonathan, specifically. God, how he irks me. Yesterday he tried to lie to my dad so he could commandeer the computer from me. He's like a little troll. Then he sat over here and made fart jokes and laughed like he was a Japanese schoolgirl or something. Blah. Oh well, Friday is (again) Michelle Day, and it's only three days away, so soon I'll be Jiminy Fuckin' Christmas, Jesus Christ Bananas again. 'Til then, I'll see her at school, and use System to create...what, a bridge? Yeah. A bridge between when I can see/be with Michelle, and in a few years I won't even need it cuz we'll have a place to live and be even further on our way to Happily Ever After. 
God, how I love her. Cole, Rocco, all you dickheads, I have what you'll never have. And Rick, don't you worry, your retribution will come, either this year or next. I wasn't fucking around when I told you to shut the fuck up about Michelle, and you just keep crossing The Line, so I have to educate you on what happens when you cross The Line. Everyone will see your downfall, and that makes it so much better. 
Well, I'm gonna go now. Love you, Michelle. 'Til next time, kids.
-Dave
