The Story Of My Love Life.
It's amazing how people how change within moments. It doesn't take much time for someone to love you and hate you. Sometimes life just stabs you in the heart over and over again.
That was a introduction to my relationship with someone. This is exactly how it happened and when it happened. I want everyone to know what happened. Because there are three sides to a story Person A, Person B and the truth.
This all started about three years ago during the summer of 1999. I was 17 years old. Well I was 16 but my birthday was three months away. I had met this guy in the chat room who seemed to love being all mysterious about his location and age. It kind of made me want to talk to him more because he was playing hard to get, it was a challenge. But I kept my distance. The first time I actually "imed" him was when I got "tosed" by a host in Indic Languages. Our conversation that day last about 2 hours. That was just the first day.
After that emails, letters long conversations, I introduced him to my friends and it got to a point where it was a habit I mean I had to talk to him everyday. I knew I had some kinda feelings for this guy but I didn't know what they were. So in all of this he kind of told me he loved me which kind of scared me because I had never seen him, he always had this mystery no matter how open he got with me. (even to this day I feel like I don't know him)
After he told me he loves me online I felt like oh god another guy, I had so many guys tell me that and I would just say no I don't love you. I thought he would be different. I thought of him more as a good friend than a lover really but I still had weird feelings for him so for him to say I love you was not what I expected. So I wrote him a long email saying I'm leaving AOL and I don't love you but it didn't feel right because I had feelings I just didn't know what they were. So I went on Ims with him and told him I loved him too and god was that hard. I remember signing off then coming back and saying "lol jk". That was mean right? lol, I was so scared, I was spell checking that whole message and editting it. I never told anyone I loved them and actually meant it. So that was my first time.
But I know he knew I did mean it. On my birthday I was so depressed I was online really late and so was he. He sent me E cards and didn't want me to check them until after 12, I thought that was so sweet. He was like a dream come true. Then one day my best friend (Kavita) we were discussing how he would look like and she asked me, "are you in love with him?" I said I don't know. That day I decided that I wouldn't care how he looks, doesn't matter because looks are just temporary. There is so much more to a person then looks. He didn't send me his picture. He sent it to Kavita. That hurt a lot. She sent it to me and no he was not the cutest or the most handsome but I loved him, for me he was the cutest.
That was my attitude all throughout the relationship (even now). I remember our conversations on the phone and online like they just happened yesterday. Me and him used to talk a lot online then one day he asked for my number and he called me that was the first time I heard his voice. Can you imagine how that felt? Oh my god, I was so scared I was soo quiet. Then of course that idiot had to say it! He whispered "I love you", AHH! I was sweating I could feel my face getting red. You know what I said? "ok" lol! I felt like such an idiot. I could have kicked my own ass for that answer.
When he told me he loved me I didn't know what to feel happy or sad. I lied to him about myself, about my age and my family and what I did and I sent him a fake picture. Because I didn't know him, I didn't know how he would react. Everyday being with him was like a research project. I had to find out what he was thinking or feeling. We had conversations about relationships, love and marriage. He told me that looks didn't matter to him, he told me he would marry only the person he loved. He told me so many things and I felt the same but I still had this strange feeling that he was lying to me about that. He didn't seem to be the kind of a person to be so down to earth and not care about looks. I felt like one day I should just tell him. But I didn't, I didn't have the guts to tell him. I was afraid of losing him. (that fear came true three years later)
About a year later on February 29th 2000 we met in person. I was so scared. I just wanted to go to a plastic surgeon and totally change the way I looked. I knew I wasn't pretty, I knew he wouldn't like me. But to my surprise he did. I remember standing outside the hotel and praying. I had my back turned to the door. But I was still peaking. I think he hugged me, or held my hand. We went to this church and got yelled at for "romancing" in church lol. But we weren't doing anything! Grr! Then we went to this park, and he kissed me and kissed me and kissed me and kissed me ..and kissed me lol. THAT WAS MY FIRST KISS! I felt so lucky, I had my first kiss with someone I actually loved. He gave me this heart shaped pendant ( I still have it). That day was like a dream. I was in shock. I went home and cried. I called Kavita and she was screaming so bad, she was like "oh my godddddddddddd you met himm, did you have sex, did you kisss" lol. I was just in awe. I loved the feeling. I didn't want that day to end. But it did :-(
He came to New York the next week as well, then he came almost every twice a month probably three.
