Trinity's Journal |
||||||||
Live everyday with passion as if it were your last |
||||||||
|
I finally
decided to put a journal upon the web. I’ve been
thinking about it for a while. I’ve kept a journal on my
computer and have lost them countless times when the
computer has crashed. Finally,
Autumn is almost here! It’s my favorite season. I have to
go out tomorrow and pick up some material that I really like. I also have to
pick up the kids’ fair tickets. Jackie and I will have to wiz through school
tomorrow to get finished by three. Now that school
has started, I have little or no time on my hands with teaching Jackie and
taking care of the house, yard, and all of the things in between that take up
my time. I’m really trying to teach myself to not let the little things
bother me so much. There just aren’t enough hours in the day. This little
journal is my treat to myself. I love to journal and I think it will be good
for Jackie to go back and read when she gets a little older. © September 2, 2003 Just got an
e-mail from Michael. He sounds miserable and confused. My nurturing instinct
kicked in immediately. I promised myself that I would try to get out of the
caretaker role and stop trying to “save” everyone. I do wish that there were
something I could do for him, but it’s up to him to save himself. I also
don’t want to get pulled in emotionally again only to have him kick me to the
curb. It’s so hard to think of him as “just a friend” when I still have
feelings on a much deeper level. If he wants to try to remain friends, I’m up
for that. I will try to help him in everyway possible, but I need to remember
to keep my own feelings in check and keep it on a friendship basis. I don’t
think that either one of us could handle anything more than that again. School with
Jackie went rather well today, after a fight that is. I need to set firmer
rules for her and stick by them at all cost. She needs to realize that she is
not going to like every subject and that not everyday is going to be filled
with fun things. I need to make her understand the long-term effects of not
having a good, solid education. Even if she grows up and wants to be a
housewife for the rest of her life, it may not work out that way and she will
need an education to fall back on. It’s hard to explain the ups and downs of
life to a nine year old. They see everything as a fairy tale and they never
think that anything bad will ever happen to them. © September 9, 2003 I haven’t
had time to write much lately. The fair is this weekend so I have been trying
to catch up on everything to free up the weekend. Jackie has
been sick the last couple of days with whatever everyone else is sick with,
so I’m not teaching her all day today. We went over the reading and spelling,
but she really couldn’t concentrate well enough to go on. I’m just going to
spend the day planning Jackie’s work for next week and catching up on a few
e-mails. I had a
chain link fence put in, in the back of the house to keep the dogs confined
to the backyard. Neo was digging up all of the flowers. I plan on putting
grass in either this fall or in the spring. I wish that it would rain again.
I haven’t had time to water very much and the wind is blowing hard today. My
ears hurt and I have a sore throat so I don’t want to risk getting sicker. I haven’t
e-mailed Michael back in the last couple of days. He really doesn’t have very
much to say, so I really don’t know what to talk to him about. I truly don’t
think that we will ever be as close friends as we once were. Too much has
happened. Jackie
started her postcard swap this week.
We will be sending a postcard to a family in Canada. I don’t know who
will be sending to us yet. I hope that the families actually send the cards
out. It would be such a disappointment if she didn’t receive one after she’s
been looking forward to it. © September 12, 2003 Whew! I
finally have a little bit of time on my hands to catch up on my journaling. I
finished all of my errands today and can take some time to do what I want. Jackie and I
went out today and collected some things to put in her package exchange with
a family in South Carolina. We also found out that she will be receiving her
postcard from a family in Ohio. The homeschooling is running me ragged, but
it’s well worth it! We went to
the museum today. I must say, I was very disappointed in what they had.
Arizona is so rich in history and I expected to see something along the lines
of Indian pelts and skins. Maybe even some arrows and Tee Pee displays, but
there was nothing to that effect. I did,
however, get a lot of ideas as to where I would like to take her on field
trips. Tomorrow is
Saturday and I will be able to sleep in. John has to work, so I am going to
take Jackie to the fair around five o’clock. We both like to go at night when
it’s cool and all of the lights and music are on. Sunday, I definitely have
to water the plants in the yard or there will be nothing left to come up in
the spring. I haven’t watered in almost a month. I haven’t had time for
teaching Jackie. The schools
around here are going to go year round starting next year. I have been
thinking about teaching Jackie for six weeks and then giving her a week off
so that I can catch up on a few things I would like to do. I really would
like to paint the kitchen again before the holidays creep up on me. It’s not
in bad shape, but I would like to catch it before it gets that way. Giving her and myself a break every
six weeks will prevent us from burning out so quickly. I had that problem
last year and when we get to that point, it’s better not to even try to teach
her. © September 24, 2003 I haven’t made
an entry in a while, so I have quite a bit to write about. To start off, Jackie
and I went to the fair Saturday before last. We had a really good time,
except for the fact that I got really sick from a couple of the rides. I can’t
handle them like I used to when I was younger. I could still live at an
amusement park though. They are definitely my weakness. Especially at night
when all of the lights and music are on. Jackie won a Scooby Doo stuffed animal on her own. She was
very proud of herself. I was proud of her too. Especially since she won it on
the first try. Some of those games are such a rip off and they make them so
hard to win. Last
Saturday, Jackie and I went out shopping. We adopted a new dog named,
Morpheous. We now have three dogs, one cat, three birds, and two fish. I told
Jackie that we are going to stay away from Wal-Mart from now on, on Saturdays
when Pet Protection is there. Every time we go down there on Saturdays, we
end up coming home with a new dog. I really like Morpheous, though. He is an
older dog. Probably around four – five years old. He is very well behaved in
the house, he gets along well with the other animals, and he is very
friendly. I am going to take him to the vet next Tuesday to get his shots and
have him neutered. I haven’t
heard from Michael since around the fourteenth of this month. He sent an
e-mail to me asking how he could change and get over the fear of forming a
relationship with woman. I e-mailed him back, but I haven’t heard from him
since. I don’t know if he took something I said wrong, or has just been busy.
I really don’t care at this point. If he took offense to something that I
said, he should have emailed back to talk to me about it instead of just
leaving me hang. All of the trust that I had for him is gone. I had a feeling
when we started emailing each other again that something like this would
happen. He is very unpredictable and very moody. He knows how to take, but
wants to give nothing back in return. It has just become too emotionally
draining and not worth it to try and maintain a friendship that is so
one-sided. I am tired
of giving myself to others that only know how to take. That seems to be the
norm lately with everyone. Phillip and
I were talking about Richard the other day. I asked him if Richard has
mentioned anything else about the DNA tests that he said he wanted. Phillip
said that he only emails him once in a while. I have such a problem with
this. Richard continually tells Phillip that he doesn’t believe that Phillip
belongs to him, and yet, he continues to email him. Richard either needs to
stop telling Phillip these things and take the DNA tests, or he needs to back
out of Phillip’s life altogether. It sounds to me as if Richard is still the
same old person that he used to be. He needs to take into consideration what
all of this is doing to Phillip. I have no doubt that Richard is his father,
but now Richard has put a doubt into Phillip’s head. I have thought about
emailing Richard to tell him how I feel, but I know that it wouldn’t do any
good. I have tried to stay out of it and let Phillip handle it. He is sixteen
now, and he needs to work this out on his own with Richard. Kat and I
had hard words yesterday. It seems that Phillip had a bad grade on his
progress report and Kat and Sue are going to conference on Tuesday to see
what’s going on. Also, the high school called here to say that Phillip had
been absent from class. What angered me is the fact that Kat and Phillip
never call here unless they want money. Kat should have called me up to tell
me that they were going to conference and given me the option to be there. I
basically told Kat this and she said that I was over reacting and when I told
her to get the money off of Sue that she wants for Phillip, she reminded me
that I am Phillip’s mother, not Sue. Exactly my point. I should have been
told that Phillip’s grades were down and given the option of going to
conference. It’s not Sue’s place to be there. As I said, Kat and Phillip
never call unless they want money. I am tired of being treated this way by
both of them. I give Kat money all of the time for Phillip. Even when it
means putting something that Jackie needs on hold. The other day Kat
mentioned that Phillip needed 100.00 for the Homecoming dance. I told her
that Jackie needed winter clothes, but I would get her the money. She made
the nasty comment that She needed clothes too as if were no bid deal that
Jackie needed something as long as Phillip got what he needed. I never
thought that my family would turn out like this. Especially, Kat. I am so
shocked at the things she does and says. She never even calls Jackie and that
really blows me away. She has been with her since the day she was born. I am
just aw struck! © |
|
|||||||
