"Damn you and your children."
Me.
"Damn the man and his children."
Ruth, upon realizing that combining two lines into one only makes it funnier.
"Oh yeah. You?ve got allergies."
Matt to Megan. At the time of this statement, the two of them had been going out for 6 1/2 months.
"It's like you're drunk, and then you close your eyes, and you?re still drunk!"
Ruth. She was drunk at the time.
"Togo? What's a togo?" (to go)
Megan to Tyler in response to him asking "Where is there to go?"
"Hey Tyler. Do you protrude more than 11 inches?" Megan.
"What the hell?" Jeannette.
"Damn straight!" Tyler.
Megan wanted to pin Tyler up on the nursing board, the rule being that it can?t stick out more than 11 inches.
"I felt you coming."
Jacci said this to me after I snuck up behind her at 7-11.
"I got you off!"
Ruth, after pushing me off the bed.
"I want to become a professional hugger. Does that make me a prostitute?"
Stacey, after hugging someone who?s having a bad day.
"Burning is not really burning, it's just making stuff mouldy faster."
Megan, after burning her bread.
"I blew on it, and it started getting bigger!"
Megan, in reference to a paper towel set on fire by Jeannette.
"I don't smoke, I don't drink, and I haven't eaten since the 70's. My Mother tried to feed me, but my Father was against it."
Tyler, in reference to obeying library rules.
"Trevors aren't sexual beings"
Sara from the School of Music, in trying to figure out why I flirted with her.
"Sara, you were flat all day." Me.
"No I wasn't". Sara. She proceeds to look down at her chest.
This is why you never tell a female musician that they were singing or playing flat.
"I wish this was still a grocery store so I could buy some fresh fruit."
Kim, getting the music building confused for the drama building.
"If you wanted us to memorize the whole text book, you should've put in the syllabus!"
Beth's comment sheet for first semester Music History.
"You told me you were an only child, but you look so alike."
Jackie, after I tried to pass off my friend Amy from Toronto as my sister.
"I don't know any Robitailles. Wait. Except my family."
Jackie, in reference to me knowing Robitailles in Toronto.
"If life gives you lemons, put them in your bra to make you look bigger."
Kat's friend Sharon, who apparently found this in an email.
Editor's note: If you're a guy, you can put lemons in your underwear to make you look bigger. Thanks to uncle Rob for that.
"I don't know about you, but I need to put some pants on."
Kelly, in a skirt, in the cold.
"Anyone can piss on the floor. Be a hero. Shit on the ceiling."
Sarah, reminding us that effort is a good thing.
"Fuck you. I'm going to eat an egg."
Nicole, in the oddest way to curb aggression that I've ever seen.
"If I ever get cancer, I'll be so lucky."
Stacey, on her mother having U.S. health insurance.
"It's like driving a car through a tunnel, then driving it through a straw."
Grant, describing the difference between playing tuba and french horn.
"Make sure to blow in the little end"
Dr. Mackay's advice to junior high students just starting to learn an instrument.
"Look at it this way. You take your clothes off, people will either pay you becuase they like it, or to get you to put them back on. You win either way."
Steve to Bridget. Self-respect is overrated, isn't it?
"No one cuts off a homo on a bad day."
Jeff to Liz, reminding us that cheap pop is very important.
"Him and I don't get along, so I'm going to be his penis."
Rachael, about someone who she obviously doesn't like.
"I don't really know anything about, well, music."
Kish, who is a University music major.
"Sex is a wonderful and beautiful violent thing"
"Have you ever fallen through a bed having sex?"
Both these quotes from an anonymous source. And who says rough sex isn't fun?
"I've seriously considered breaking my finger"
Pam, before an organ jury, improv exam and guitar techniques exam.
"How does Trev and Bev rhyme?....Shit!"
Music Kat. Refer to Ruth's drunk quote.
"He's rude, he's arrogant..." Lindsey, about her ex-boyfriend.
"What's his name? I probably dated him" Rachael.
For those of you thinking nice guys finish last, there's more proof.
"Walmart isn't the only saving place" A sign on St. Andrew's Church in Toronto
"The ten commandments are not multiple choice" A sign on a church in London, Ontario.
Catholicism with a sense of humour. God knows they need it these days.
"So Trev, have you joined a sorority yet?"
My Mother. She meant fraternity.
"I've got 50 bucks in my bra, and it feels good."
Courtney. If you can give me a commentary that explains it, please let me know.
"Size does count." Me, in reference to playing the tuba.
"Definitely. That's why i play the flute......hey wait a minute!!" Grant.
A flute's long isn't it? What's he worried about?
"I punctured my nipple."
What happened when Jillian gave Adam a purple nurple. Ouch.
"Everyone in your life is going to fuck you over. It's whether or not it is intended which defines friend from foe."
Ok, follow along. Lexi's friend Earl has it as his MSN name. At the end of the quote, it's attributed to someone named Trevor. Now while this is something I would say, I didn't say it. I wish I did.
"Don't worry. The hair down there isn't white."
Ryo's pick-up line when his hair turns completely white. It will happen in the next 18 months we believe. Note he turns 20 in October.
"Don't you call one sheep a lamb?" Earl.
This happened when they were discussing what the plural of sheep is. (For the record, the plural of sheep is sheep) As a bonus, say this in a Forrest Gump voice. It makes it funnier. :)
"Who throws a shoe? Honestly?" Austin Powers from Austin Powers I.
Dedicated to my dear friend, Ruth. :)
"This E.D. (Erectile dysfunction) thing is getting big." Mom.
"No pun intended." Me.
Stemming from a discussion about E.D. at dinner one night. Yes. Dinner.
"I'm trying here, okay? What do I have to do to make myself memorable to you? Wait, BAAAAAD question." Melanie.
It sounded dirty, and it came from Melanie. The two don't usually go together. Oddly enough, that quote was said because she was so desparate to get on the quote wall. See how popular this is?!? :)
"Don't put me up just because of pity."
Shelley Marwood, who got put up here because of pity. :)
"C'mon Stacey. All the cool kids are doing it."Darren.
"No thanks. I'll stick to smoking."
Stacey's third appearance on this wall. Geez.
"Anytime you want something from someone, you finger them."
Who said this? I don't remember. :(
"Isn't a hickey the disease you get from sitting on a toilet seat?"
From a 12 year old. You would think being 12 in today's society, he'd know what that is.
"A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you."
Erika. Don't all dresses inspire men, though? That's what I thought.
"How do you play this? (When opening up the Monopoly CD)"
Elisa. How can you not know how to play Monopoly? Honestly.
"Practising is like sex. The people that are always talking about it, aren't getting any."
Bridget. Singers are notorious for not practising and always talking about it. The irony is that Bridget is a singer. To be fair, she's one of the few who do actually practice. The irony couldn't go unnoticed, though.
"I was trying to be pretty."
Normally we wouldn't put this up, but when Grant says it, and when he shows his dimples doing it, you really can't resist.
"The clarinet, when it's resting on your knee, is like a big penis"
Now, with me dating the Manager of a porn store, Melissa saying this is quite curious, because her boyfriend, as a result, wants her to work at a porn store. Confused? Sorry.
"I don't appreciate anyone playing my vagina."
Stacey, in reference to an African drum. Let's congratulate her on her 4th quote wall appearance, and save any inevitable rude remark for another day.
"I won't let you come in my tunnel."
Caitlin. She wants to build a tunnel to protect her from the cold, and has threatened to ban me from it on several occasions. That said, think dirty. Think REALLY dirty.
"What do you want in a girl?" Mike.
"A pulse." Scott.
At least he has high standards. Seriously.
"It's not a real day unless you talk about what you would name your boobs."
From Lindsey. Any suggestions?
"I wanted to give a blowjob, but I didn't because I thought I would suck at it."
From an anonymous donor, who has been kind enough to figure out why people say 'no pun intended' in the first place.
"I know I'm a slut. It just makes me good at what I do."
Amy from Toronto. Considering she's my sister, I'll leave that one untouched, unlike Amy. Damn. I couldn't resist. Oh well. I tried.
"I don't like your boney butt digging into my pelvis."
Amy at school to Jon, her boyfriend. I mean the least they could've done was gotten their own room :)
"It's either strawberry dachery or piss."
Craig, in reference to jelly beans Shawn had been bringing in all week. And it got worse. There were also vomit and sardine jelly beans. The sardine one doesn't taste very good.
"Three cheers for apathy!"Jennifer.
"Hip, hip, ah fuck it."Her friend John.
It's a mantra many associated to me use. It's quite telling of university students.
"The wind, it's windy" My grandmother.
This is long believed to be the origin of Trevorisms.
"Are you high?" Courtney.
Now usually this doesn't go up here, but when said in reference to a flute being sharp, and said in the Courtney tone of voice made famous, I couldn't resist.
"If I ever see Madonna on stage, I'd have an orgasm" Kelly.
Going from wearing no pants in a previous quote to having an orgasm. This should prove that Kellys, are in fact, sexual beings. (Cross-referenced two quotes. Go me!)
"I'm going to start burning my bra and stuff"
I'm of the belief Grant is in an identity crisis. He went from looking pretty to burning his bra. I wonder when the operation is, lol.
"Procrastination is like masturbation. It seems like fun, but in the end, you're only fucking yourself." Darren.
It's amazing how common every day tasks can be referred to both types of sex. Practicing to two-person sex, procrastination to one-person sex.
Editor's Note: It has come to my attention that while Darren brought this to my attention, Emi was the one who informed him of the quote originally. We'll congratulate her on her second appearance on the wall in 10 minutes. (See the Polkaroo quote)
"The soprano was invented" Katie.
This in reference to why I don't like Mozart because the tuba hadn't been invented. On the plus side, when the soprano was invented, it was a great day for all singer bashers everywhere. :)
"He's not my Alex, he's Germany's Alex."
And then.....
"Please don't put this on!!!"
This poor anonymous sorce of such brilliance and pure, unadulterated joy. This is why people like me advocate that there should be mini talking dolls of certain people. If they don't cheer you up, nothing will.
"Good flute music must be better than Prozac." Lindsay.
Now as funny as this is in regard to flute music being a calming source, let us congratulate Lindsay on her premiere appearance on the quote wall. She has worked much too hard to get here.
"It is now believed that pokemon would not exist if not for Polkaroo. Think about it."Emi, through me as a subject title.
So are you confused about the tag line as I am? Good. But try telling me this does not make sense. Honestly. I double dog dare you!!! :)
"Laura, do I know her?... Oh wait! That's my friend Laura!!!" Jennifer.
You'll have to forgive her. She was drooling over Daniel Taylor, a countertenor, at the time. She had to go on a "bike ride" after this. :P
"If you spin a Chinese man around, does he become disoriented?" Matthew.
No smart ass comment, I just wanted to welcome Matthew to Windsor, the newest tuba player. As Holly would say, "Tuba What?"