Things My Mother and I Have Argued About

This is just a test. Come back in a couple weeks when there's a possibility everything will be finished.

I got my idea from this guy and I haven't even gotten his permission yet to do something similar so I guess technically this isn't even legal...

I want to start off by saying that soon after getting this idea, I sat down and listed, on a piece of paper, just some of the recent things my mother and I have argued about because, though we argue a lot, I wasn't really sure if I would have enough content for a website. I was able to come up with 21 topics. That should be a good starting point.

• Topic Number One: Smoking
  Now, before I elaborate, there's something that you should know about me. Generally, this is how my day starts off:
  • First, I wake up and curse the volume of my alarm clock for being nothing short of Hiroshima on August 6, 1945.
  • Next, I stagger to the bathroom and, like most of the world, take a piss for slightly longer than Tom Hanks in "A League of Their Own"

    I know... you're wondering where this is going...

  • Then, I smoke the first cigarette of the morning.
  • Next in line is a cup (or two... or seven) of high-test coffee courtesy of my mother.
  • Not that bad so far... Next is my second cigarette. Yes, two within 10 minutes of each other.

  This is what my mother would call "chain smoking." However, there's one more thing you need to know. That is the only time of day I smoke more than one cigarette within a 1 hour time period. For the rest of the day, I will go for hours without smoking a cigarette. But, this is just a general topic, I'll get more into specifics now.

• Pack Rat Complex

  I'll bet that piqued your interest.

  I'm honestly not sure what caused this phenomenon, but it seems as though all middle-aged persons, women especially, just can't throw anything away. My mother saves her extra packets of honey mustard sauce she gets from McDonalds and her extra salad dressing packets she gets from Dairy Queen. This really makes no sense to me. I guess it would make some sense if she actually used them. But she doesn't. Instead she just keeps on using the dressing that we already have and the dressing packets just sit there in the refrigerator.

  Well, to the point of my rambling. My mother went away on a business trip last weekend. Well, she was only gone for one night. But, during that time I spent 10, that's right, TEN hours cleaning our house from top to bottom. I know a lot of you are thinking that I am exaggerating, however, I assure you I am not. I guess there's no way to prove it though... But, I didn't do it all in one day. Sunday night, I spent 6 hours cleaning, and then Monday morning I spent another 4 hours cleaning and the only reason I stopped was because my mother called saying she was back and needed me to pick her up. And by saying that I hope you were able to infer that I had not infact cleaned the house completely. But, the house looked a lot nicer than it had in a long time.

  Getting to the point of the dreaded Pack Rat Complex, I think it is my duty to inform the public of the new life forms I discovered in my very own house (yes, it was THAT disgusting). And also, you should know some of the random, inanimate objects I found...

  • Newspapers from weeks ago
  • J.C. Penney ads from September
  • Tax records from, get this, 1987!
  • An endless supply of CD cases completely devoid of any clue as to what CD they actually belonged. (therefore I just assumed they belonged to the garbage if you catch my drift)
  • A chess set which appears to be silver and gold but is probably closer to something like brass and lead
  • Half-burnt candles with no holder
  • A notebook that belonged to my sister when she was in high school (she graduated in '01)
  • Random, bent paper clips, broken rubber bands, unused staples and other similar objects
  • Piles of unopened mail. Some of which looked like bills...
    -On a side note, my mother never deletes old emails either. Just incase she might need them later...

    Also, this is what our recycling pile looked like when I was finished cleaning the house. It looks like mostly empty cereal boxes but those are only on the surface because that's what I did last. A lot of it is newspapers and such.

  When my mother came through the door, I honestly thought she was going to have a coronary. She was so happy she was almost in tears. And she was thanking me because we have a big Thanksgiving planned this year and it helped her out a lot.

  That night, her papers for work were spread across the dining room table like butter on bread.

  And she left her cup on the coffee table and her blanket on the couch...

  By Wednesday it looked like this