How To Survive A Slasher Movie

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There are rules to surviving slasher movies. Everyone should know them but in the movies seldom are they followed. Of course if anyone in the movies followed them no one would be hacked to bits and that would defeat the whole purpose of the term "slasher movie" to begin with but that's beside the point. Here is a list of things that should keep any teenage camp councilor or family vacationing in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere alive for at least half the movie.

1. Absolutely do not engage in any carnal acts. Not even making out. Doing so will undoubtedly spell your doom every time.

2. Don't look in the basement. Ever. In fact, stay away from it entirely. Don't even go near the basement door. There is always some psycho slasher down there just waiting to hack you to pieces.

3. Don't look in the attic. For the reason see No.1.

4. Do not go into the woods. The killer is always there lurking behind the trees. And once you get lost in those woods you are doomed.

5. Don't even try to start the car. It always stalls and there is always someone hiding in the backseat with an axe.

6. Screaming does absolutely no good at all. Trust me..... no one ever hears you except the psycho trying to kill you.

7. Don't bolt the door from the inside. By the time you do this the killer is already in the house. And besides, it just makes it harder to escape when he's chasing you with an axe.

8. Don't even bother calling the cops. It's a waste of time. They never believe you and in the rare instance that they do, they never make in in time.

9. If all of your friends suddenly disappear don't bother looking for them. They have already been decapitated.

10. Whatever you do, don't take a shower. Need I say more?

11. Skinny dipping in the lake at night will get you killed almost as fast as taking a shower will.

12. You know that crazy hillbilly that keeps warning you about the homicidal machete wielding maniac? Well no matter how much moonshine he's been drinking you better listen to him. He's right. He always is.