Jerry Springer {Lunar Style}The studio is packed. The crowd is going wild! It's the most vulgar, crazy and wild talk show on TV! No, I'm not talking about Joan Rivers' snooty E show. I'm talking about the Jerry Springer show!
(Cue announcer) "Ladies and Gentlemen, the eighth wonder of the world... JERRY SPRINGER!!!"
*The crowd starts chanting JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY!*
Jerry Springer: "Today topic is wild paternity secrets revealed. Three sisters claim that the premier od the magic guild in Vane is the father of their children. He denies it, saying they are liars out to get him. But these three sisters say just the opposite. That's he's a liar and isn't man enough to own up to his responsibilities.
*ghaleon just sits there shaking his head*
Jerry Springer: "Let's bring out our first guest. Xenobia is the eldest of three sisters who claim to have given birth to Ghaleon's child."
Xenobia: "$@!$#@^^%!!!!!!!! He looks just like you! a little albino elf with red eyes!"
Ghaleon: "That isn't my baby! he belongs to some other gigalo you slept with you little strumpet!"
Xenobia: "@$^$! You will pay child support for Ghaleon jr. He needs a new %@#@%#$@ HAT!!!!!!!!!! And he needs to eat! I can't afford to feed him!"
Audience member: "With a rack like that he'll never go hungry!"
*the crowd chants JER-RY JER-RY JER-RY!*
*xenobia has to be restrained by two huge bald guys while the crowd begins to chant STEVE! STEVE! STEVE!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ghaleon: "What do you mean you have no money? Don't those guys pay you? You give it away for free now?"
*the audience starts chanting SLUT SLUT SLUT!*
Jerry Springer: "Maybe Xenobia's sister Royce can shed some light on the subject. She claims you knocked her up too."
Ghaleon: "I did no such thing!"
Jerry Springer: "Let's bring out Royce shall we?"
Ghaleon: "Oh no.... not her! I can't stand her!"
*royce storms in wearing a skimpy outfit that barely covers her pregnant belly*
Royce: "You bastard! you freaky ABBA listening, ugly albino elf! you knocked my sister up and won't take responsibility? what about when our baby is born? you gonna deny that one too?"
Jerry Springer: "Well Ghaleon, what do you have to say for yourself?"
Ghaleon: "When did I sleep with you Royce!?"
Royce: "At the frontier ball six months ago! I remember all five minutes of it speedy! And all three inches of it too! And the whole time you wouldn't take that dumb hat off!"
Jerry Springer: "Cheap shot Royce!"
Ghaleon: "I don't even remember! And furthermore, I do not have three inches!!!!!!!"
Xenobia: "You're right........ more like two and a half!
Jerry Springer: "Let's bring out Phacia, yet another sister who claims you are the father of her child."
*phacia comes out and ghaleon turns red*
*the crowd takes one look at phacia and starts chanting HOT LEGS! HOT LEGS! HOT LEGS!*
Ghaleon: "Phacia......"
Phacia: "You no good $%@#! You damn ^@#$@ you cheated on me with my own sisters? Being the least slutty I stayed faithfull and you do this? What about little Ghaleonna? What about our baby?"
Ghaleon: "Ghaleonna?
Phacia: "You don't remember your own daughter's name you ^#$% pig! ^&$#% you and @#*#$ in %@!@$! hell!!!!!!"
Jerry Springer: "You seem to be in quite a predicament here Ghaleon....."
Ghaleon: "They are all lying Jerry!"
Xenobia: "You knocked us all up? You $^@#$% bastard!!!!!"
Ghaleon: "I swear....... I'm not their fathers!"
*the crowd begins to chant DEAD BEAT DAD! DEAD BEAT DAD!*
Royce: "What about those fairies huh? how many of those did you knock up you &$%@& bastard $%@# son of a %^@#$*!@#*%#@#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ghaleon: "That's.....that's preposterous! how would I do that?"
Xenobia: "Why not, "it's" certainly small enough!"
Jerry Springer: "Well actaully there may be some truth to that...... Let's bring out Buttercup the fairy!"
*fairy storms on stage*
Buttercup: You %#*$@ bastard! you %^@#$!!!!!!!!!! I'm having your baby ghaleon! Your ^#$@^ baby! You made me sing ABBA 24/7 and you told me you loved me......." *cries*
Xenobia: "See, I told you it was small enough...."
Phacia: "How dare you expose ghaleonna to this you filthy #@!^% pig!"
Ghaleon: "Who the hell's ghaleonna?????"
Phacia: "YOU $%@#*!@$@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Our little girl that's who!"
*phacia starts beating ghalleon with her chair and must be restrained by two really huge bald guys*
*crowd begins to chant STEVE! STEVE! STEVE! again*
Buttercup: *sniff* It was over so quick too....... I couldn't feel a thing!"
Ghaleon: "But I...... I didn't do anything!"
*audience boos and jerry laughs*
Buttercup: "Well maybe you don't remember because you were too drunk! Or maybe your hat was too tight! *sniff*
Xenobia: "Ghaleon has a horrible drinking problem......"
Ghaleon: "I do not you %@#%& lying &$#$@ tramp!"
*once again steve must pull xenobia off of ghaleon as the audience chants his name*
Jerry Springer: "Maybe Ghaleon needs a little hard core evidence to convince him of his paternity issues?"
*ghaleonna rushes the stage*
Ghaleonna: "DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!" *runs onto ghaleon's lap*
Ghaleon: "Who is this?"
Phacia: "Your daughter! remember? She was born two years ago. She was concieved in your room. After the big christmas party where Royce got so drunk she ran around naked yelling, "I'm free! I'm free!"
Ghaleon: "I'm drawing a blank......."
Phacia: "I was in a blue and white dress, you said I had great legs. You wanted to show me your stamp collection."
Ghaleon: "That was you???? I thought that was Royce......."
Royce: "No you $##%$^% gigalo!!!!!!! That was after you did Phacia!"
Ghaleon: "Oh yeah...."
Ghaleonna: "DADDY I WUV YOOOOO!"*kiss*
Ghaleon: "Get this snot nosed little brat off of me! She isn't mine! I use birth control!!!!!!!!"
Phacia: "How dare you say such things to our precious little girl! And you didn't use birth control...... you... you had that stupid hat!"
Jerry Springer: "A hat? Hahaha! What's with the hat?"
Royce: "You said your hat had magical controceptive powers and that's why you kept it on the whole time!!!!"
Xenobia: "He told you that too?"
Ghaleon: "I never said that! It's a lie!!!!!"
Buttercup: *sniff* "He said it would work......"
Jerry Springer: "Well there's only one way to solve this....."
*audience begis to chant PATERNITY TEST! PATERNITY TEST!!!!!!*
Jerry Springer: "After the break Ghaleon will take a test to prove he isn't the father of Ghaleonna or Ghaleon junior."
*five minutes worth of commercials come and go*
Jerry Springer: "Now it's time to reveal the results of our tests."
*audience boos ghaleon*
Ghaleon: "Why are you booing me? I'm not the bad guy here!"
*audience must be held back buy several huge
bald guys while jerry springer chants STEVE! STEVE! STEVE!*
Jerry Springer: "Xenobia, are you ready?"
Xenobia: "Ready as ever!"
Jerry Springer: *opens a big blue envelope* "Ghaleon is the father of ghaleon junior."
Ghaleon: "NO! it's a trick! I demand a
retest! a retest!!!!!!"
Xenobia: "Now I better be seeing some @^@*$#@! child support you ^$%#@&*@ loser!"
*audience cheers xenobia and chants her name* Jerry Springer: "Phacia, are you ready for the results?"
Phacia: "Yes, I am!"
Jerry Springer: *opens another blue envelope* "Ghaleon, you are the father of Ghaleonna!"
*audience goes crazy*
Ghaleon: "Who the hell is Ghaleonna!?"
Phacia: "Don't play dumb with me! It's too late! I'm getting my child support now you %##^$ pig!"
Ghaleon: "But....... I don't even remember her being born! It's a trick! you four harlots are trying to do me in!"
*audience boos and throws stuff at ghaleon*
Phacia: "I called you when I went into labor! you said you'd come!"
Ghaleon: "Ummm..... I don't remember."
Phacia: "I went into labor on your birthday!"
Ghaleon: "Ohh..... I thought that was a prank call."
Phacia: "You $@#&!@# no good ^#*&&&@#$!$%^~ son of a %@#% how dare you!"
*phacia tries to claw ghaleon's eyes out but is held back by five huge bald guys* *audience chants STEVE! STEVE! STEVE!*
Jerry Springer: "So Ghaleon will you come back when royce and Buttercup's babies are born so you can take a paternity test for them?"
Ghaleon: "Certainly not!!!!!! It's a trick! I'm not the %!^&#&@! father!"
Buttercup: *sniff*
Royce: "Oh he'll come if we have to drag him here! I won't let that no good %#@*%# get away with this!"
Buttercup: *sniff*
Ghaleon: "Turn off the water works you hussy! I know what you are up to! Don't give me any of you're crocodile tears!"
Buttercup: "You #@#^%$%@# no good ^$$!%$#&$@!^%&!!!!!!!!!"
*six huge bald guys have to hold buttercup back*
*audience chants STEVE! STEVE! STEVE! and WE LOVE BUTTERCUP! WE LOVE BUTTERCUP!*
Jerry Springer: "Well that's all the time we have for today. After the break I'll be back with the final thought."
*a bunch of commercials roll by and when the show comers back Jerry is sitting in a chair on an empty stage*
Jerry Springer: "In cases of paternity, when the father won't own up to his responsibilities as a parent even after he has been proven to be father it's the child that suffers. No child should have to ask "Where's daddy" and no child should have to be the subject of constant fighting either. I hope our guests have learned that. And I hope that-
*suddenly Jerry Springer is hit with nitro dagger*
Jerry Springer: "AHHHH!!!! Ugh....."
*ghaleon pops out from behind the curtain*
Ghaleon: "OH YEAH!!!!!!!! Who get's the final word now, Springer?! HAHAHA!
*xenobia, royce, phacia and buttercup all gang up and open a can on ghaleon*
So concludes this episode.
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