Terrible Old Fanfiction


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I warned you not to click. But you didn't listen. It's your own fault you know! So why would I even put these here if they are so terrible? Because why should I laugh at me by myself when we can both laugh at me together. I must be a masochist. I swear...

Some stuff needs editing, spellchecking and formatting done. I intend to go through everything and try to fix it up. But no rewriting save for glaring grammatical mistakes. That would totally ruin the aesthetic. But everything will be as is for now. Beware! And watch out for broken links! Although I did fix the background of the Lunar fic because eyebleed. Page design subject to change. Maybe.

There shouldn't be a lot spoilers here. But you should always take caution with series you haven't begun or finished yet.

Showdown In Midgar Gulch

From way back in 2002. That feel when you write a god-awful magnum opus and can't seem to stop feeling fond of it after more than a decade. This is a straight up parody fic of Final Fantasy 7. Tifa is a drunken outlaw who heads to the to a one chocobo town called Midgar Gulch. It seems a certain rascal named Cloud cheated her out of 12,000 gil. Hilariously out of character for the most part. It may just be so bad that it's good. But don't hold your breath on that. Needs major editing. A project I dread to undertake. Click below for chapters.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Epilogue

Showdown In Midgar Gulch part 2: The Devil Went Down to Midgar

It looks to be from 2007 but I'm not entirely sure. That feel when you write a god-awful magnum opus and then go ahead and do a sequel. President Rufus has decided to bulldoze Midgar Gulch in order to build a huge mako refinery. He recruits Hojo and his Lucifer materia to get rid of Sheriff Cid. It's basically Blazing Saddles with FF7 characters. It may also be so bad it's good. And it also needs major editing which I dread oh so much. Click below for chapters.

Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9/Epilogue

Jerry Springer {Lunar Style}

A Lunar/Jerry Springer parody from way back in July of 2001. Xenobia, Phacia, Royce and a fairy named Buttercup all accuse Ghaleon of being the father of their babies. so they take him on The Jerry Springer show for a paternity test. It's script style because lazy.

Untitled Castlevania Crossover fic

From 2003. Honestly I don't know what I was thinking here. It's a fourth wall breaking Castlevania SOTN/Zelda 2/Dragon Warrior/Lolo/Phantasy Star 2 crossover. Maria is looking for Alucard because she didn't get the ending where she follows him. Madness ensues as she comes across all sorts of weirdos in her quest for true love.

Untitled Castlevania Fic (also known as Apples)

This one is also from 2003. I actually got a laugh out of this and some people liked it. But the concept is pretty strange. Alucard, Maria and Richter are walking through an apple orchard for some reason. They keep getting pelted by Apples. I think maybe I was inspired by the apple throwing trees in The Wizard of Oz. I don't hate Richter at all. But for some reason I always write him as a jerk. Maybe because he always looks so smug in his official art.

I Don't Like Songfics (Materia Girl)

A relic from 2004. Yeah a totally original idea too (sarcasm mode engaged). A terrible songfic about Yuffie from Final Fantasy 7 singing about stealing materia and stealing the hearts of boys everywhere. It's to the tune of Material Girl by Madonna. As if you couldn't have guessed. I mainly wrote it because I don't like songfics. Thinking back that seems really weird.

Sour Cream & Salsa Porkrinds
From 2007. I was conflicted about putting this here. Mainly because I actually don't think it's that bad in terms of over the top parody. But I don't want it elsewhere so here it is. The title and concept was inspired by an episode of Beavis & Butt-Head called "Beavis & Butt-Head vs. The Vending Machine". Reno wants a bag of said porkrinds. But he keeps getting foiled. He then tries to coax Elena to steal a bag from the machine.

TMI (Too Much Information)

Another Final Fantasy 7 fic from 2007. It's a rather gross fic and the title speaks for itself. Reno is grossing Elena out with gross gossip. Gross right? Rude keeps chiming in deadpan. That's the only part I really like.

Nephy's Whack Friday

From the ancient era of 2002! It's a Sailor Moon/Parasite Eve/Castlevania/Ronin Warriors/Pokemon crossover. Nephrite is driving around town at night in his cool car. He picks up a hot babe. Ridiculous madness ensues. This is another fic that I was hesitant to put here. But I wrote it down on loose leaf at 2am while watching Charles In Charge. So where else on Earth would it go?

Hangover From Hell

Another 2002 fic here. You know how you get a little too into a crack pairing and things start going a bit overboard? Yeah. It's that kind of fic. I'm warning you right now it's yaoi. That's male/male and can be rather graphic. This one has things just implied or already done. It's Sailor Moon. Specifically NephritexJadeite. There used to be a running joke that Nephrite was a drunk because of hilariously censored alcohol consumption in the DiC dub. This fic concerns hangovers, bodily fluids and drunken trysts that go on all night long. Read at your own risk. It's pretty bad.

One Day At The Library

2002 reporting in again. Ditto on the overboard crack pairing here. Jadeite is trying to relax at the library. Nephrite has over ideas. It's gross but nothing actually happens. Be thankful. Very thankful.

Bishounen Hunter Adrastia

From 2003/04. It's like a nature show. A ten part series where I hunt hot anime/game guys with my trusty assistant Frederick. He's a character I made up to be my personal assistant. He's loyal and hapless. I don't really use him anymore. Poor Frederick. The Sora episode kind of creeps me out now. The whole thing is done in a script style. Click the numbers below for each episode. You should read them in order because there is some continuity there. Warning: It's really awful. Fangirlgasming at it's best. Or maybe it's worst. Both work for me.

And if you must know, my favorite episodes of this series are "Episode 6: Jadeite" and "Episode 8: Rune".

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