"Gwahahahaha! Gwahahahaha!!!!!!" Heidegger laughed, sounding much like a stupid horse.
Rufus smaked him in the head and told him to shut up. His voice sounded very irratated. "Ok," he said. "The plan to build the mako refinery is all set to go so why haven't we built anything?!"
Rufus then turned his attentions to Reeve. Now this was not the same Reeve as the one who was now resigned to being nothing more than a scrap of brain in Cait Sith's stuffed body. Rather this Reeve was a clone. After the unfortunate incedent with Scarlet and Sister Ray, Rufus started to ask where Reeve was. Hojo tried to explain the entire situation, but after about five minutes of carefull explaination Rufus was still asking where Reeve was. Hojo, having realised that the president was just too stupid to understand, simply created a clone Reeve from some left over brain scraps. This clone Reeve had the same personality and a befuddled, but still functioning memory of most of his past. He was a little off though, but that's another story for another time. In any case, Rufus was too dumb to notice that anyway.
Back to our story...
"Well," Reeve began, settling uncomfortably in his chair. "It's Midgar Gulch... It seems that the people don't want to leave and..."
"And what?! Spit it out!" Rufus growled. He was quite angry now. He had developed high blood pressure at the tender age of 20 and had been popping CalmAll, a blood pressure medication made from Heal materia, like
candy for months now.
Popping another CalmAll as if it were a tictac, Rufus got up from his chair and started to yell at Reeve.
"Why can't you get them out! Urban planning is your field right?! Well plan a way to get them out so we can tear down that stupid hick town and get on with things already! I'll take military actions if I have to!"
"But Midgar Gulch is my home town and...."
"Shut up!" Rufus screamed popping two more CalmAlls. A huge vein had begun to bulge from his forehead.
"Gwahahahaha!!!!!!!" Heidegger laughed.
"And stop that stupid horse laugh!!!!!!!!!!!" Rufus yelled.
"Heidegger, aren't you from Midgar Gulch too?" Scarlet asked, a touch of venom in her voice.
"A farm outside of Midgar Gulch!" Heidegger said.
"Whatever....," Scarlett said. "Anyway I say we blast em out! I'll fire up Sister Ray....."
Just then Hojo came waltzing in, a sick grin on his face and spoke. "Oh I have a much better idea....."
Meanwhile, in Midgar Gulch....
Cid was standing in front of the bathroom mirror at the sherrif's station.
"Will you marry me Shera?" Cid said, a dopey smile on his face. "Shera I was a wonderin'..... No, no no! @$&^$@$%* dammit! How'm I supposta say this right!"
Cid had been trying to come up with the perfect way to ask Shera for her hand in marriage ever since the night Meteor almost destroyed Midgar Gulch. But so far he just couldn't get it right.
He was about to start practicing again when Cait Sith came rushing in.
"Cid! Cid!" He yelled, tripping clumsily and falling on his ass. "Cid! I jus' heard from the sherrif of Mako Corners! It's gonna be teared down for some big fac'try or somethin'! An' I hear we're next!"
"The hell you babblin' about?" Cid asked.
"Well," Cait began. "It seems that Shinra's got this plan for a big 'ole mako refin'ry. They need miles of land to build it. An' all that land is in this here area 'cause it's supposed to be rich in mako an-"
"Stop the #^%$@# blabberin'!" Cid yelled. "You sure it's true?"
"Yep!" Cait said.
"Damn @$%&#$# Shinra dumbasses! They ain't gettin' my #&^$ town Cait! I swear to Bahamut!"
Cid stormed out of the bathroom and picked up the PHS.
"Shirley," he said, addressing the operator. "Gimme Shinra headquarters!I wanna tell that #%$#@!^% damn &^#@&@ bastard Rufus where he can stick his #@$*&$% mako refinery!!!"
Meanwhile at Hojo's lab....
Hojo was laughing maniacaly. He had discovered the ultimate materia. Lucifer!
It had been found on a Shinra funded "buisness trip" to Costa Del Sol. Hojo had been relaxing on the beach with some hot babes when he saw something glittering on the shore. It was the brightest red materia he had ever seen.
Hours of research later.... he discovered that it summoned the devil himself!
"Mwahahaha!!!!!!" Hojo screamed as he finished his ham sandwitch, being carefull not to choke on it like Mama Cass.
"With this materia Midgar Gulch will be history!"
Rufus came into the lab, popping CalmAll as usual. "Is this Lucy materia ready yet?" He asked impatiently.
"That's Lucifer sir," Hojo corrected.
"Yeah... whatever... hurry up," Rufus retorted as he left the lab.
"Mako Corners.... Ifrit Falls..." Rufus thought, popping more CalmAll. Both had been successfully taken with fear. Rufus enjoyed controlling the world with fear. It was fun. After all, ever since they cancelled
Los Luchadores he had nothing else to do with his saturday mornings so why not cause some fear?
So this saturday morning he would cause some fear.
Today was the day that Rufus would land in Midgar Gulch in his spiffy helicopter and stir things up. Then if what Hojo said was right, once he used the Lucifer materia all the work would be done for them and there
would be no trouble from that stupid, chain smoking, foul mouthed sherrif and his ridiculess joke of a deputy.
Rufus sat in his comfy office chair and tuned into Digimon when the phone rang.
"Dammit!" He said, picking it up. "What is it?! I'm busy!"
It was Bernice, the office secretary. A fat, ugly cow who had a huge crush on Heidegger.
Heidegger avoided her like the plague but that didn't stop her from driving him nuts.
"It's the sherrif of Midgar Gulch on line 3," Bernice said. "Something about you shattering his dreams for the last time?"
"Tell him I'm in a meeting," Rufus said as he settled in to catch up on the saga of the Digidestined before setting off to cause some chaos.
Tifa and Sephiroth were unloading crates of mako liquor from a truck parked at the back entrance of the Golden Chocobo bar.
"This ain't right!" Tifa grumbled. "No lady should hafta do this!"
"That's why you are doing it.....," Sephiroth thought to himself.
Grabbing another box off the truck Sephiroth tripped over a rock and fell. The loud sound of breaking glass was heard and liquid could be seen pouring out of the box.
"HAHAHA! That's gonna be a comin' out of yer paycheck bleach brain!" Tifa cackled.
"Oh......," Sephiroth moaned, seeing that his right knee was scraped. "My perfect body......"
Tifa was still laughing when Sephiroth got up and grabbed her arm.
"It isn't funny! Are you going to help me you barbarian?!" He said angrily as he brushed dust and dirt off of himself.
"Fergettit!" Tifa said. "Do it yourself clumsy! It's yer own durn fault! Now git the hell off'n me!"
Sephiroth muttered a grunt and started to attempt a clean up before Shera saw the mess when a heavy wind flew by, followed by what sounded like helicopter blades.
"Gotta be the Shinra...," thought Sephiroth. "Gotta be. I wonder what they want.
As the helicpter was landing Cid and Cait ran out of the sherriff's station with surprised expressions on their faces.
"The $&@#$$! hell is goin' on!" Cid yelled. "&@@*%#$&@!!^# Shinra! What do they want?!"
Everyone in town had come out to see what was going on. Sephiroth and Tifa came out from around the back of the bar and Cloud came out of the hotel. Yuffie wasn't anywhere to be seen.
Just then Rufus stepped out. He was accompanied by Heidegger and Hojo.
Young girls started to giggle, sigh and whisper when they caught sight of Rufus. He had quite a following of groupies.
"Cid broke through the crowd and gave Rufus a dirty look."What kind of buisness do you guys have here?" He asked. A look of distrust on his face.
"Well," Rufus began. "I'm here to tell you all that you have exactly one week to clear out Midgar Gilch."
"That's Gulch sir," Hojo corrected. "Midgar Gulch."
"Shut up," Rufus said. "Who cares what it's called. It's a hole anyway."
"Gwahahahaha!" Heidegger laughed.
"And stop that stupid ass horse laugh!!!" Rufus screamed as he popped a CalmAll.
"So what I heard was true!" Cait said as he came through the crowd.
"I don't know what you heard. I don't care. Rufus said coldly. If you do not vacate the area within seven days you will be forced to do so by SOLDIER. This is the site of the new Shinra Inc. Mako Refinery. It will be so large that I will also need the land that is currently occupied by the towns of Mako Corners and Ifrit Falls. I expect no trouble. You have ample time to collect your belongings and relocate."
"Relocate to where! Where the ^#*@#%*!% hell are we supposed to %^@!*$%(@ go?!" Cid yelled.
"That's your problem. Not mine. Rufus said in an icy tone. I have to go now. I have an important event to attend."
The "important event" was Yu-Gi-Oh! Which came on at noon and the young president never missed an episode.
Rufus and Heidegger got into the helicopter as Cid cursed him out.
Many of the townsfolk seemed to be doing that exact same thing.
"Aren't you gonna go?" Cid asked Hojo.
"No...," he replied. I think I'll stay here for awhile...."
Hojo then headed towards the bar with an evil grin on his face.
