Now,9
Eh had a long day and still going woke up at 7am took little cookie face to school.
Back home back 8:30am started my work out that took 3hrs
did some cleaning wow that took for ever. did a little work on my site
when to pick up cookie face from school then went to see the family over morris ave.
call david cuz i was feeling a little bad about saying i didnt liked the way he looked in person.
Back home by 7pm cook dinner gave cookie face a bath help with her homework omg i dont like being a mom lol.
Now it's time for myself if i could get cookie face to sleep she keeps calling me to read her more books eh
Eh had a long day and still going woke up at 7am took little cookie face to school.
Back home back 8:30am started my work out that took 3hrs
did some cleaning wow that took for ever. did a little work on my site
when to pick up cookie face from school then went to see the family over morris ave.
call david cuz i was feeling a little bad about saying i didnt liked the way he looked in person.
Back home by 7pm cook dinner gave cookie face a bath help with her homework omg i dont like being a mom lol.
Now it's time for myself if i could get cookie face to sleep she keeps calling me to read her more books eh
Now,10
WOW had a very wired morning at 5am the phone ringing woke me up answer no one there I *69 and got nothing,...... 2 mins after that the door bell was ringing onces again no one there.. It scared me a little cuz it was the door bell not the gate bell.. I couldnt fall back asleep I kelp thinking someone was out there looking in at me down side of all the big windows. Anyway nothing happend it was all in my mind. At 7am I woke up cookie face got her ready for school came back did my work outs... Lets see what else happends today Oh yeah I have to stop by Derek's place for a few mins EH I don't know why but I hate the fact he is with a Brazilian woman I guess it's cuz of the David Issues the man who thinks i'm a psycho...Why David why you had to go on and fuck-up everyone this was the time it was going to happen for as... anyway its noon I have to get going now.. I'm Back 10am the day wasn't so bad same old same old I met someone today at Derek's place a friend of Ken hottie like in his 30's tall dark hair somewhat long hair the bad boy look MMM love that oh yes i never in my life have seeing eyes like his so dark green wow. anyway nothing of it just that I can't get him out of my mind . will time to get to work on my site
WOW had a very wired morning at 5am the phone ringing woke me up answer no one there I *69 and got nothing,...... 2 mins after that the door bell was ringing onces again no one there.. It scared me a little cuz it was the door bell not the gate bell.. I couldnt fall back asleep I kelp thinking someone was out there looking in at me down side of all the big windows. Anyway nothing happend it was all in my mind. At 7am I woke up cookie face got her ready for school came back did my work outs... Lets see what else happends today Oh yeah I have to stop by Derek's place for a few mins EH I don't know why but I hate the fact he is with a Brazilian woman I guess it's cuz of the David Issues the man who thinks i'm a psycho...Why David why you had to go on and fuck-up everyone this was the time it was going to happen for as... anyway its noon I have to get going now.. I'm Back 10am the day wasn't so bad same old same old I met someone today at Derek's place a friend of Ken hottie like in his 30's tall dark hair somewhat long hair the bad boy look MMM love that oh yes i never in my life have seeing eyes like his so dark green wow. anyway nothing of it just that I can't get him out of my mind . will time to get to work on my site
Now,11
blah blah blah LOL, same old morning took cookie face to school did my work outs
okay something very weird is happen to me.
I can't stop thinking about Ken freind! I just don't know whats going on here.
all night long I kelp seeing his eyes I love them LOL so fucking dark green very sexy I never seeing eyes like his before.
It felt like his looked in my soul when he said hello the only thing i hate of him is his name Dave eh.
Why I can't stop thinking about this man will I ever seeing him again?
he only said a few words to me but when he said bye my he made my legs weak he said it was nice to meet you I didnt know Kevin kid! sister was beautiful. IT wa sthe way he said it the sound of his voice even now when I think about it makes my legs weak. I'm crazy here I truly understand part of me it's dying little by little cuz of David and the other part is Hmmm who was that man... crazy right? anyways today i'm going to NJ again cookie face is staying with her mom family and I dont like it I don't feel she's safe there but theres nothing I can't do other then stay at a hotel and hope she is doing well. I hope this is over soon oh yeah maybe i'll stop by david job and see how his girl looks like i'm dying to know.
blah blah blah LOL, same old morning took cookie face to school did my work outs okay something very weird is happen to me.
I can't stop thinking about Ken freind! I just don't know whats going on here.
all night long I kelp seeing his eyes I love them LOL so fucking dark green very sexy I never seeing eyes like his before.
It felt like his looked in my soul when he said hello the only thing i hate of him is his name Dave eh.
Why I can't stop thinking about this man will I ever seeing him again?
he only said a few words to me but when he said bye my he made my legs weak he said it was nice to meet you I didnt know Kevin kid! sister was beautiful. IT wa sthe way he said it the sound of his voice even now when I think about it makes my legs weak. I'm crazy here I truly understand part of me it's dying little by little cuz of David and the other part is Hmmm who was that man... crazy right? anyways today i'm going to NJ again cookie face is staying with her mom family and I dont like it I don't feel she's safe there but theres nothing I can't do other then stay at a hotel and hope she is doing well. I hope this is over soon oh yeah maybe i'll stop by david job and see how his girl looks like i'm dying to know.
Nov,11 at10:45pm
my plans for the weekend were all mess-up by I got sick and ended up in the ER again... I'm absoloutley afraid for cookie face my prayers are with her. her family still came over and pick her up for the weekend...... I just don't have peace of mind knowing i'm not mins away from i wanted to stay the weekend at NJ next to her ... but my ass being sick as always didn't let that happend this weekend...... when cookie face call me i told her remember I'm only a phone call away baby..... she answer me I know titi I love see you Sunday I'll call you in the morning okay go to sleep titi....... God I miss her miss her being a pian in my butt lol... I hope her mom dont show up with her lies to the little girl getting her hopes up for the hell of it how can a mother do that to her kid?
my plans for the weekend were all mess-up by I got sick and ended up in the ER again... I'm absoloutley afraid for cookie face my prayers are with her. her family still came over and pick her up for the weekend...... I just don't have peace of mind knowing i'm not mins away from i wanted to stay the weekend at NJ next to her ... but my ass being sick as always didn't let that happend this weekend...... when cookie face call me i told her remember I'm only a phone call away baby..... she answer me I know titi I love see you Sunday I'll call you in the morning okay go to sleep titi....... God I miss her miss her being a pian in my butt lol... I hope her mom dont show up with her lies to the little girl getting her hopes up for the hell of it how can a mother do that to her kid?
Nov,13,sunday
Will it's safe to say my weekend sucked I was all alone sick half the weekend . Good thing it's sunday I feel better I did a little cleaning got some work done with my fill orders for private and wholesale video orders check all my back-up emails. When to see Derek "oh god I hate his fucking felt ass brazilian" . I will never get what he saw in her anyway I got to ask him if he knew the 411 on Kevin friend. of caue he made fun of me but he'll found out for me lets see where that goes. Anyway I feel so alone and sad in many way, sad cuz I have so much but no one share with. Will i'm happy I have cookie face for now I got her some cool goodies for the week. she should be home any min now. Oh yeah on my way to dereks this car cuts me off I honk and yell and swear the driver it mad me feel good LOL I let some hot air out ....... derek kelt asking me what's wrong bren i'm trying not let anyone know what happend with david I mean why they had enough of that shit i'm sure then again I asked about other man so he has an idea of what it's wrong with me. Oh well I really wish davidson the best out of life why hate him when I never knew him right?
Will it's safe to say my weekend sucked I was all alone sick half the weekend . Good thing it's sunday I feel better I did a little cleaning got some work done with my fill orders for private and wholesale video orders check all my back-up emails. When to see Derek "oh god I hate his fucking felt ass brazilian" . I will never get what he saw in her anyway I got to ask him if he knew the 411 on Kevin friend. of caue he made fun of me but he'll found out for me lets see where that goes. Anyway I feel so alone and sad in many way, sad cuz I have so much but no one share with. Will i'm happy I have cookie face for now I got her some cool goodies for the week. she should be home any min now. Oh yeah on my way to dereks this car cuts me off I honk and yell and swear the driver it mad me feel good LOL I let some hot air out ....... derek kelt asking me what's wrong bren i'm trying not let anyone know what happend with david I mean why they had enough of that shit i'm sure then again I asked about other man so he has an idea of what it's wrong with me. Oh well I really wish davidson the best out of life why hate him when I never knew him right?
Nov,14
Today I'm starting a New Chapter in my life it was hard to let go the past.
I'm feeling down and need someone this moring I could only think of one man
John he always told me the right things that picked me-up he's a good friend.
I just go out the phone with him he couldnt make out at frist what i was saying cuz I was crying.
I told him everything what has happend to me in the last six yrs.
all he kelt saying was wow it's unbelieveable.
Then he said hey this is what you are going to do put your back togther and take your ass to Church this min.
it will help me alot he said oh will tonight he is calling when he gets back home from work so we could talk more.
Okay okay I know sometimes i'm just a baby to afraid of everything of never to be loved again.
""Don`t be afraid to fail, its part of life. .
Don`t waste energy trying to cover up failure, .
Learn from your failures and go on to the next .
challenge. Its OK to fail. If you`re not failing, you`re not .
growing..........through failure we learn .
about ourselves and the true meaning of what is to be human.............
To Go Where You Wanna Go, You Got to Risk Going Over The Edge.""
Anyways as teh day went on I got myself back togther
let's make a couple things very clear, in black and
white and big letters, even, because this is serious.
Brenda you look way to hot to be crying over a fucking man like duh girl what is wrong with you LOL bless with beauty thank you my god
Anyway I have to many things to do this week I have to go back to chicago and back in the same day as soon as I'm done filming
It's good for me to get back to work I know everyone many be thinking I'm going to chicago to do xxx movies or something
but you know what who cares I never did care what my family thinks of me before why should I start now.
Wrestling I take pride in my work and my ChicagoFitness company.
will tonight went will me and cookie face had a good dinner omg it takes alot to have a kid lol.
after school ,homework,dancing class the kid does more working out then I do lol.
Today I'm starting a New Chapter in my life it was hard to let go the past.
I'm feeling down and need someone this moring I could only think of one man
John he always told me the right things that picked me-up he's a good friend.
I just go out the phone with him he couldnt make out at frist what i was saying cuz I was crying.
I told him everything what has happend to me in the last six yrs.
all he kelt saying was wow it's unbelieveable.
Then he said hey this is what you are going to do put your back togther and take your ass to Church this min.
it will help me alot he said oh will tonight he is calling when he gets back home from work so we could talk more.
Okay okay I know sometimes i'm just a baby to afraid of everything of never to be loved again.
""Don`t be afraid to fail, its part of life. .
Don`t waste energy trying to cover up failure, .
Learn from your failures and go on to the next .
challenge. Its OK to fail. If you`re not failing, you`re not .
growing..........through failure we learn .
about ourselves and the true meaning of what is to be human.............
To Go Where You Wanna Go, You Got to Risk Going Over The Edge.""
Anyways as teh day went on I got myself back togther
let's make a couple things very clear, in black and
white and big letters, even, because this is serious.
Brenda you look way to hot to be crying over a fucking man like duh girl what is wrong with you LOL bless with beauty thank you my god
Anyway I have to many things to do this week I have to go back to chicago and back in the same day as soon as I'm done filming
It's good for me to get back to work I know everyone many be thinking I'm going to chicago to do xxx movies or something
but you know what who cares I never did care what my family thinks of me before why should I start now.
Wrestling I take pride in my work and my ChicagoFitness company.
will tonight went will me and cookie face had a good dinner omg it takes alot to have a kid lol.
after school ,homework,dancing class the kid does more working out then I do lol.
Nov,18
today it's tony bday wow he is 20 . anyway everything lately has been going well. going well with cookie face and with work i'm good in takeing care of her and working .Traveling to chicago and back the same day isn't hard at all it's like i haven't done it before.... This weekend cookie face isn't going to stay with her family she'll be all weekend with me. Good cuz i really wasn't up to going up there this weekend. tonight me and cookie face will go downtown have dinner and see tony I have to give him his gif. I know he will love it cuz it's a new PC a cool one i may say. anyway I do have a few things in mind like for one i missing mom and dad so much i'll would do anything just to hear them again........... oh yeah one more thing I'm over David i can't believe it but yeah i'm over him hahahahah lol ....... it was not so hard to get over him cuz all I did to get over him was remember what he said to me what he thinks of me yes it hurted at the time and it always will a little cuz why he would ended so bad with me .......all I know is the little kid has hurt me more then any other man has thank god he hates me now so i dont have to worry about it any more...... OH yeah about ken friend he is so hot derek gave him my number he call late last nigh we talk for a few mins he nice but an azz at the same time.....Oh will we cant always get who and when we want someone LOL.
today it's tony bday wow he is 20 . anyway everything lately has been going well. going well with cookie face and with work i'm good in takeing care of her and working .Traveling to chicago and back the same day isn't hard at all it's like i haven't done it before.... This weekend cookie face isn't going to stay with her family she'll be all weekend with me. Good cuz i really wasn't up to going up there this weekend. tonight me and cookie face will go downtown have dinner and see tony I have to give him his gif. I know he will love it cuz it's a new PC a cool one i may say. anyway I do have a few things in mind like for one i missing mom and dad so much i'll would do anything just to hear them again........... oh yeah one more thing I'm over David i can't believe it but yeah i'm over him hahahahah lol ....... it was not so hard to get over him cuz all I did to get over him was remember what he said to me what he thinks of me yes it hurted at the time and it always will a little cuz why he would ended so bad with me .......all I know is the little kid has hurt me more then any other man has thank god he hates me now so i dont have to worry about it any more...... OH yeah about ken friend he is so hot derek gave him my number he call late last nigh we talk for a few mins he nice but an azz at the same time.....Oh will we cant always get who and when we want someone LOL.
Dec,4,05, Sunday
I haven't write in a few days here I been so busy with work and with cookie funny and with my online life my site. I also been healing from my broken heart that's going well I should better then before. I have found it to be easier now then I guess the reson for the is he was the one who kicked me aside he is the one who doesn't want me and the one who didn't hesitated to think bad about me like all teh others that has made it easy for me to let go. We got home from NJ a few mins agao cooking face is taking a bath so I'm taking the time to write.
Anyway!!!! I honest took a good look at myself and but my life back together I started working again at St,Vincent hospital Oh yeah baby it feels good LOL. There is a shortage of Registered Nurses when they call me I was happy and said yes with out thinking it through... I Only work 2 days a week but it's better then nothing I believe it takes a special person to be a nurse its not an easy job but one that offers deep rewards..... Becoming a nurse had been the best thing in my life...Oh will my MD give me some advice He said each day it is important to take time to take care of yourself - even when caring for others pushes you to the breaking point. Working under tremendous pressure and stress can take an emotional and physical toll.... Learn how to take it a little easy and not overworking yourself Take care of your well being and you will be able to to keep your dream job I'm taking his advice or try too... I really Don't mind taken care of my brother kid until he comes back. I don't know if i'll ever be a mom in life she it's fun playing the part for a while.. will I have to go cook dinner and get thinking ready for morning.Until the next time :) Dec,sunday Late Night
I can't believe I sign on to brendalittlegirl to chat with Juan ,And I get an IM from David for a min I was just looking at the IM cuz i didn't even knew he was on I been took him off my B/L cuz to me the man wanted me dead LOL. funny cuz i was thinking about him this weekend. will we had a nice chat it didnt hurt to chat with him you would think it would hurt cuz of the way i feel about him .But it was like nothing like if he were just another IM who hasn't IM in a while, will like i dont hate him I hope we get to chat again sometime if ever.........Actually what I find funny is the fact i know he thinks i still have him on my B/L and thats why he IM me.......
I haven't write in a few days here I been so busy with work and with cookie funny and with my online life my site. I also been healing from my broken heart that's going well I should better then before. I have found it to be easier now then I guess the reson for the is he was the one who kicked me aside he is the one who doesn't want me and the one who didn't hesitated to think bad about me like all teh others that has made it easy for me to let go. We got home from NJ a few mins agao cooking face is taking a bath so I'm taking the time to write.
Anyway!!!! I honest took a good look at myself and but my life back together I started working again at St,Vincent hospital Oh yeah baby it feels good LOL. There is a shortage of Registered Nurses when they call me I was happy and said yes with out thinking it through... I Only work 2 days a week but it's better then nothing I believe it takes a special person to be a nurse its not an easy job but one that offers deep rewards..... Becoming a nurse had been the best thing in my life...Oh will my MD give me some advice He said each day it is important to take time to take care of yourself - even when caring for others pushes you to the breaking point. Working under tremendous pressure and stress can take an emotional and physical toll.... Learn how to take it a little easy and not overworking yourself Take care of your well being and you will be able to to keep your dream job I'm taking his advice or try too... I really Don't mind taken care of my brother kid until he comes back. I don't know if i'll ever be a mom in life she it's fun playing the part for a while.. will I have to go cook dinner and get thinking ready for morning.Until the next time :) Dec,sunday Late Night
I can't believe I sign on to brendalittlegirl to chat with Juan ,And I get an IM from David for a min I was just looking at the IM cuz i didn't even knew he was on I been took him off my B/L cuz to me the man wanted me dead LOL. funny cuz i was thinking about him this weekend. will we had a nice chat it didnt hurt to chat with him you would think it would hurt cuz of the way i feel about him .But it was like nothing like if he were just another IM who hasn't IM in a while, will like i dont hate him I hope we get to chat again sometime if ever.........Actually what I find funny is the fact i know he thinks i still have him on my B/L and thats why he IM me.......
Dec,12 Monday
Okay you know what brenda keep a fucking online Schedule . I thought I had to work today duh no LOL sometimes anyway all good gives me time to myself now like I need it been all weekend alone.gives me time to work on chicagofitness stie. I had a long talk with Juan today I told him hey baby I know your heart is broken give it time to heal don't forgive your ex. Yeah I know who iam to tell anyone about forgiveing :) oh will .........
Oh yes last night david sent me an email with a link like I care lol the only thing I care about was not feel like a fool thinking about this man all weekend and him been with his new love. I IM him and he said he was thinking about that made me feel okay cuz i'm not the only fool here :)...... anyway he asked me to call him next weekend if i'm in NJ maybe I will not sure if this kid family are taking her for teh weekend.....
Okay you know what brenda keep a fucking online Schedule . I thought I had to work today duh no LOL sometimes anyway all good gives me time to myself now like I need it been all weekend alone.gives me time to work on chicagofitness stie. I had a long talk with Juan today I told him hey baby I know your heart is broken give it time to heal don't forgive your ex. Yeah I know who iam to tell anyone about forgiveing :) oh will .........
Oh yes last night david sent me an email with a link like I care lol the only thing I care about was not feel like a fool thinking about this man all weekend and him been with his new love. I IM him and he said he was thinking about that made me feel okay cuz i'm not the only fool here :)...... anyway he asked me to call him next weekend if i'm in NJ maybe I will not sure if this kid family are taking her for teh weekend.....
Dec,17,sat 11:22
What a stressful weekend wow I let cookie face have a sleepover wow how kind 6yr olds be so fucking mature. at age 6 i was only thinking about dolls .Now they are talking about whats on the news LOL. anyway long ass day all 3 girls are sleeping. I need to relax tomorrow all i'm doing is the laundry then watch TV from bed. ----------------------------------------------------- I wanted to meet up with david this weekend it just so happend NJ was out of the question for me this weekend I did told him "if" I get to NJ this weekend we'll hook up for something ,,,Now I'm thinking it wasn't a good idae cuz a Red Flag goes off that i know he still dont believe ANYTHING I SAYS" ....... Anyway i'mnot going to look for him if he doesn't get in contact me again no problem i'm doing good in my life now I dont need any shit.yeah i would love to keep him as a friend but hey he "if"doesnt even wanted then i'll be okay with it ----------------------------------------------------- This week i'm working 3 days and have 4 MD's visit i dont know how i'm going to do that and on top it all cookie face has anyother played this week.eh eh Oh yeah girl start hiting the work outs again 130 still hips are 39 1/2 not nice to look at eh HIT THE WORK OUT THIS WEEK
What a stressful weekend wow I let cookie face have a sleepover wow how kind 6yr olds be so fucking mature. at age 6 i was only thinking about dolls .Now they are talking about whats on the news LOL. anyway long ass day all 3 girls are sleeping. I need to relax tomorrow all i'm doing is the laundry then watch TV from bed. ----------------------------------------------------- I wanted to meet up with david this weekend it just so happend NJ was out of the question for me this weekend I did told him "if" I get to NJ this weekend we'll hook up for something ,,,Now I'm thinking it wasn't a good idae cuz a Red Flag goes off that i know he still dont believe ANYTHING I SAYS" ....... Anyway i'mnot going to look for him if he doesn't get in contact me again no problem i'm doing good in my life now I dont need any shit.yeah i would love to keep him as a friend but hey he "if"doesnt even wanted then i'll be okay with it ----------------------------------------------------- This week i'm working 3 days and have 4 MD's visit i dont know how i'm going to do that and on top it all cookie face has anyother played this week.eh eh Oh yeah girl start hiting the work outs again 130 still hips are 39 1/2 not nice to look at eh HIT THE WORK OUT THIS WEEK
Dec,18 sunday
I keep having strange dream I often wonder why I always dream of losing my purse or having it taken... And to dream of anything associated with these things is our subconscious trying to tell us we are feeling out of control or having our identities stripped from us just makes me wonder ........ I spent pretty much all day yesterday thinking about David on how he doesn't believe anything I say me like he still thinks I'm not whom I say iam remarkable How he still feels that way....Today my day been doing laundry and cleaning up around taking easy for the week busy week coming up.
I also started to page Juan at work he was happy to hear from me and my jokes he text back girl call me lol. I don't like to call him when he at work call me selfish but i only call people when it comes out of my ass not when they ask me too LOL yup that's me alright ........anyway At least I got to catch up with some old friends today...... Oh yeah I'm calling to rescheduled all my doctor's appointments for this up coming week to much to do with work it keeps me so busy.About David I check myway email today he didn't reply to any of my 2 email last night oh will like i siad before he doesn't look for it's his lost.Cuz i'm done kissing his ass and telling sorry when i haven't done anything worng yes i puted cookie face before him can't be sorry for that cuz right now i'm all she's got so I guess this is bom tchau to david life must go on. """"""""Darkness do you have the courage to stand in the light""""""""""""
Earlier this evening I decided to make an Emergency Room Nurse page cuz I've been getting to may emails on how it is to be a RN.
I keep having strange dream I often wonder why I always dream of losing my purse or having it taken... And to dream of anything associated with these things is our subconscious trying to tell us we are feeling out of control or having our identities stripped from us just makes me wonder ........ I spent pretty much all day yesterday thinking about David on how he doesn't believe anything I say me like he still thinks I'm not whom I say iam remarkable How he still feels that way....Today my day been doing laundry and cleaning up around taking easy for the week busy week coming up.
I also started to page Juan at work he was happy to hear from me and my jokes he text back girl call me lol. I don't like to call him when he at work call me selfish but i only call people when it comes out of my ass not when they ask me too LOL yup that's me alright ........anyway At least I got to catch up with some old friends today...... Oh yeah I'm calling to rescheduled all my doctor's appointments for this up coming week to much to do with work it keeps me so busy.About David I check myway email today he didn't reply to any of my 2 email last night oh will like i siad before he doesn't look for it's his lost.Cuz i'm done kissing his ass and telling sorry when i haven't done anything worng yes i puted cookie face before him can't be sorry for that cuz right now i'm all she's got so I guess this is bom tchau to david life must go on. """"""""Darkness do you have the courage to stand in the light""""""""""""
Earlier this evening I decided to make an Emergency Room Nurse page cuz I've been getting to may emails on how it is to be a RN.
Dec,20
Today I didn't go to work hoping I could make it in the morning..
When out to dinner with derek the food was good got
Back home help cookie face with her home gave her a bath.
I call david today it felt to good hearing his voice wow I must admit his voice still gets me.
My spirit will always be be weak to him cuz of the love I feel for him....
Oh yes he is teh only man in my as fantasys right after I got off the phone with him his voice has me so wet I got myself off in the shower it was a GOOD cum. all I could think of was having him inside of me.He gets me so fucking HORNY I need to taste him feel him feel his lip all over my sides my hips ,,Ohhh how he makes my mind spin with wanting to taste his dick... have him cum all over my mouth lustful pleasure.......Oh yes baby he keeps my from cutting all his voice gives me is pleasure
Today I didn't go to work hoping I could make it in the morning..
When out to dinner with derek the food was good got
Back home help cookie face with her home gave her a bath.
I call david today it felt to good hearing his voice wow I must admit his voice still gets me.
My spirit will always be be weak to him cuz of the love I feel for him....
Oh yes he is teh only man in my as fantasys right after I got off the phone with him his voice has me so wet I got myself off in the shower it was a GOOD cum. all I could think of was having him inside of me.He gets me so fucking HORNY I need to taste him feel him feel his lip all over my sides my hips ,,Ohhh how he makes my mind spin with wanting to taste his dick... have him cum all over my mouth lustful pleasure.......Oh yes baby he keeps my from cutting all his voice gives me is pleasure
Dec,28
The days are going by slow I haven't feel like cutting in 2 days now But I feel so beat.........
Today I took cookie face to see her MD the yearly checkup At the doc office I meet this guy who started talking to me out of the blues asking me if she was my daughter I LOL and said no she is not...
he started giving me the same lines I get from every other guy i meet ya know what i mean. lines wow you are very beautiful love your eyes they are sexy yeah yeah yeah whatever LOL ........But he did say something that got to me which was with all your Beauty your eyes still shows your saddens when guys ask me out or tell me how beautiful i am I always think it's nonsense I guess that is due to my past ......
I have begin to understand that not all guys just want me for sex some of them do want something more with me and I never have giving anyone the chance I think I will from now on........It will be escape from the loneliness
Anyway today I have a lot to do it's 20 mins to 2pm and i haven't started my work yet........I been calling David a lot I really don't think that's a good thing I'll hold my calls to him for a bit from now on,,,,,,I still love him in a way but part of me can't stop remembering he thinks I'm evil somehow that i would play him one way or other I just can't get that out of mind so that means it will not work ,,,,,,,,the love i have left for him i must kill it and start loving him as a friend........ I still want to have sex with him :) hey sex is always good and i have save myself for him for so long.....we could be like sex buddies I'll talk about it with him when i see him face to face. we'll have a good friendship and good sex what more can you ask for right .......you date other guy just don't have sex with them and have sex with David um I hope he's up for that....
I CAN'T WAIT until ken gets back really then I could go back to living my life. Stayin home cooking playing Mom eh getting sick of that one yr. left until I hit 30 I want to enjoy my life until then ............oh yeah started my works out this morning feels good and about 20 mins I will fight Tony :)....
The days are going by slow I haven't feel like cutting in 2 days now But I feel so beat.........
Today I took cookie face to see her MD the yearly checkup At the doc office I meet this guy who started talking to me out of the blues asking me if she was my daughter I LOL and said no she is not...
he started giving me the same lines I get from every other guy i meet ya know what i mean. lines wow you are very beautiful love your eyes they are sexy yeah yeah yeah whatever LOL ........But he did say something that got to me which was with all your Beauty your eyes still shows your saddens when guys ask me out or tell me how beautiful i am I always think it's nonsense I guess that is due to my past ......
I have begin to understand that not all guys just want me for sex some of them do want something more with me and I never have giving anyone the chance I think I will from now on........It will be escape from the loneliness
Anyway today I have a lot to do it's 20 mins to 2pm and i haven't started my work yet........I been calling David a lot I really don't think that's a good thing I'll hold my calls to him for a bit from now on,,,,,,I still love him in a way but part of me can't stop remembering he thinks I'm evil somehow that i would play him one way or other I just can't get that out of mind so that means it will not work ,,,,,,,,the love i have left for him i must kill it and start loving him as a friend........ I still want to have sex with him :) hey sex is always good and i have save myself for him for so long.....we could be like sex buddies I'll talk about it with him when i see him face to face. we'll have a good friendship and good sex what more can you ask for right .......you date other guy just don't have sex with them and have sex with David um I hope he's up for that....
I CAN'T WAIT until ken gets back really then I could go back to living my life. Stayin home cooking playing Mom eh getting sick of that one yr. left until I hit 30 I want to enjoy my life until then ............oh yeah started my works out this morning feels good and about 20 mins I will fight Tony :)....
Dec,30
It's 5 mins to 12am
Um what a long day today was I feel a little beat and a little down. cookie face and me will be staying home for new yrs eve I couldnt get a hotel room everything was book for this weekend So we are stay home I wanted to be with david give him my addess and pay for his ride over here BUT He didnt email me or sign on so I'll more on what the hell i have a lot of friends not going to die if i can't have his friendship.
Anyway I sent him an email saying happy N/Y's Juan just IM me cool I like chatting with him if he ask me i'll call him tonight. He started a conversation about girls who understand their guys aren't perfect LOL good one oh how know and understand man are not perfect when i still haven't found that persfect man for me Blah..Blah...Blah..Blah so he crying he hasn't found his better half yet like who has LOL... this man is so fucking hot if he wasn't so hot I wouldnt be here right now chatting with him lol he is way to pick when it comes to due with woman oh my gosh! what is david doing i should call him um
no way he seem like he didn't wanted to talk to me the other day ...........
I really don't understand my feeling when it comes to due with david he wants one thing and i want other .. I just know the love he had for if anything isn't there anymore...The love i had for him its still there but not the same way I don't see him as my everytthing I don't see him as the father of my kids any more.but i do want to have sex with him.....
It's 5 mins to 12am
Um what a long day today was I feel a little beat and a little down. cookie face and me will be staying home for new yrs eve I couldnt get a hotel room everything was book for this weekend So we are stay home I wanted to be with david give him my addess and pay for his ride over here BUT He didnt email me or sign on so I'll more on what the hell i have a lot of friends not going to die if i can't have his friendship.
Anyway I sent him an email saying happy N/Y's Juan just IM me cool I like chatting with him if he ask me i'll call him tonight. He started a conversation about girls who understand their guys aren't perfect LOL good one oh how know and understand man are not perfect when i still haven't found that persfect man for me Blah..Blah...Blah..Blah so he crying he hasn't found his better half yet like who has LOL... this man is so fucking hot if he wasn't so hot I wouldnt be here right now chatting with him lol he is way to pick when it comes to due with woman oh my gosh! what is david doing i should call him um
no way he seem like he didn't wanted to talk to me the other day ...........
I really don't understand my feeling when it comes to due with david he wants one thing and i want other .. I just know the love he had for if anything isn't there anymore...The love i had for him its still there but not the same way I don't see him as my everytthing I don't see him as the father of my kids any more.but i do want to have sex with him.....
Jan,1
what a way to start the new year didn't have any phone today wish i know why the phone started working again around 10 something ...... Last night when my sister when to sleep justin call we talked for about 3hrs cuz she was sleeping, we talk about their relationship it was important to me to know his side of the story. cuz I have this feeling she is that one who's cheating and the one who wanted it to be over. now taht he has told me his side I was right!!!!!!!! ....I'll have a talk with her this week i mean they have a baby what is wrong with people they take relationships family like if was all a joke.... Oh will thats life Anyways i have my own shit going on with me and david, oh man I will never learn will I the man IM here i let it happend all over again i'm a fool big time.why do I put myself in this situation..I know he not into me why i do this why I plan things with him all day i was planing for next weekend i sign on hoping he was thinking of me as will BUT no way not even one email from him just like last night, Will i'm not going to call him or sign on to aim any more forget him this is the last time the man has someone what been the fool brenda later with him...... Oh yeah working the night shift all week
what a way to start the new year didn't have any phone today wish i know why the phone started working again around 10 something ...... Last night when my sister when to sleep justin call we talked for about 3hrs cuz she was sleeping, we talk about their relationship it was important to me to know his side of the story. cuz I have this feeling she is that one who's cheating and the one who wanted it to be over. now taht he has told me his side I was right!!!!!!!! ....I'll have a talk with her this week i mean they have a baby what is wrong with people they take relationships family like if was all a joke.... Oh will thats life Anyways i have my own shit going on with me and david, oh man I will never learn will I the man IM here i let it happend all over again i'm a fool big time.why do I put myself in this situation..I know he not into me why i do this why I plan things with him all day i was planing for next weekend i sign on hoping he was thinking of me as will BUT no way not even one email from him just like last night, Will i'm not going to call him or sign on to aim any more forget him this is the last time the man has someone what been the fool brenda later with him...... Oh yeah working the night shift all week
Jan,2
I dont know where to put my face really I this man just sent me an email saying why i want emails from him when we are only friends OMG i will never again get upset or care about lol really what was I thinking I feel like a big fool omg .I made myself look like a fool for a man lol .Then read teh email feeling like a fool mind you I said yes to a date someone I dont know at all lol derek hip me up for this weekend like i'll be in NJ and his friends is from there oh will derek said he is cute my typ of man in looks my age lets see how that goes.LOL still can't believe it what just happend brenda let good lol ,,,,,,,,,anyway i will not write about david any more cuz there will not be anything to write cuz i'll keep away for good this time i'm not even going to check my way mail any more
I dont know where to put my face really I this man just sent me an email saying why i want emails from him when we are only friends OMG i will never again get upset or care about lol really what was I thinking I feel like a big fool omg .I made myself look like a fool for a man lol .Then read teh email feeling like a fool mind you I said yes to a date someone I dont know at all lol derek hip me up for this weekend like i'll be in NJ and his friends is from there oh will derek said he is cute my typ of man in looks my age lets see how that goes.LOL still can't believe it what just happend brenda let good lol ,,,,,,,,,anyway i will not write about david any more cuz there will not be anything to write cuz i'll keep away for good this time i'm not even going to check my way mail any more
Jan,4
um today was a slow day worked long hrs got home aound 9.I had to pick up cookie face from her family place which made me very upset working all not then having to go all the way to NJ ...It's not right I let her family know hey if you want her to visit you guys for every little thing you will have to bring her back .they were okay with it they better if they would want to see her again shit lol......
For a long time I haven't notices any man other then what I felt for David. But today and yesterday I found myself looking that this guy that works with me will work where I work at he an NYFD just liek justin.......will yesterday I got to work all wet(when i park my car i had to wait for the light and this car came out of nowhere all spiash me all over rrrrr) a other time that would had made it out to be a bad night but no it wasn't :) anyway I as when in to the er i heard this sexy man voice saying hey sweetie don't worry you still look nice as I look up I saw this sexy ass man looking at me tall like 6'1 a little tan with very dark eyes OMG :) more later cookie face is calling me
um today was a slow day worked long hrs got home aound 9.I had to pick up cookie face from her family place which made me very upset working all not then having to go all the way to NJ ...It's not right I let her family know hey if you want her to visit you guys for every little thing you will have to bring her back .they were okay with it they better if they would want to see her again shit lol......
For a long time I haven't notices any man other then what I felt for David. But today and yesterday I found myself looking that this guy that works with me will work where I work at he an NYFD just liek justin.......will yesterday I got to work all wet(when i park my car i had to wait for the light and this car came out of nowhere all spiash me all over rrrrr) a other time that would had made it out to be a bad night but no it wasn't :) anyway I as when in to the er i heard this sexy man voice saying hey sweetie don't worry you still look nice as I look up I saw this sexy ass man looking at me tall like 6'1 a little tan with very dark eyes OMG :) more later cookie face is calling me
Jan,9, 11pm
oh boy is this new shift killing me waking up so at 2am I'm not a morning person....... the good thing about is that i'm home when cookie face gets home from school sometime! planning on moving to FL next month getting things ready oh yeah have to be in chicago this weekend good thing my sis is taking care of cookie face for me.. I don't like taking her with me I don't like her seeing that part of my life not that i'm ashame of it or anything like.. Just that its not a seen for kids will in my book oh will have to get ready for work bye for now.
oh boy is this new shift killing me waking up so at 2am I'm not a morning person....... the good thing about is that i'm home when cookie face gets home from school sometime! planning on moving to FL next month getting things ready oh yeah have to be in chicago this weekend good thing my sis is taking care of cookie face for me.. I don't like taking her with me I don't like her seeing that part of my life not that i'm ashame of it or anything like.. Just that its not a seen for kids will in my book oh will have to get ready for work bye for now.
Jan,19, 12pm
like only an hour ago we got back out power been one day with lights suck big big time..... anywaysssss woke-up feeling sad today wihs i know hy I just do..... I'm sick of been a responsible person I guess in a way we all do from time to time. will everything looks okay with the move to FL.. Just that theres something I must do before I move once thats done after that i'm good to go .. Ken is back now I guess thats why I feel so sad I not playing mom any more :( ...................................................... I'm thinking of ending my other life meaning stop being ms jacky. It's becoming to be a little to much for now sometimes I don't know if i'm coming or going, I will miss her a lot :( I knew sometime It had to end right .Myabe now I'll find mr right I need someone in my life to love and for me to love .Right now I have all my friends beleveing i'm dating someone I guess part of me reallt wants to be in a relationship . Yann keeps telling about this guy she knows she keeps sayin how good he'll be for me funny how i have my family always tryin to fix me up with someone which i hate that..... ....................................................... I feel so fucking down shit how I hate this feeling It feels like I was blind and dumb...you know sometimes people come into our lives to open our eyes I hate that people LOL .No really there someone beyond my reach who I love and can't have letting this person it's upseting for me it had to be done see when i'm in this peson live everything starts going wrong for me and him. once i'm out the pic everything start going well for the both of as and it suck cuz he doesnt want me as a friend. IT hurts thats a little will like was saying LOL dumb dumb dumb anywaysss. I will meet this girl friend this week saw his pic he is a hottie ...... OH yeah last week some people from work came over for a visit and to say how sorry they are for me losing my job. Mr sexy dark eyes from work was one of them I know he has someone but it still was cool seeing him over my place ;p
like only an hour ago we got back out power been one day with lights suck big big time..... anywaysssss woke-up feeling sad today wihs i know hy I just do..... I'm sick of been a responsible person I guess in a way we all do from time to time. will everything looks okay with the move to FL.. Just that theres something I must do before I move once thats done after that i'm good to go .. Ken is back now I guess thats why I feel so sad I not playing mom any more :( ...................................................... I'm thinking of ending my other life meaning stop being ms jacky. It's becoming to be a little to much for now sometimes I don't know if i'm coming or going, I will miss her a lot :( I knew sometime It had to end right .Myabe now I'll find mr right I need someone in my life to love and for me to love .Right now I have all my friends beleveing i'm dating someone I guess part of me reallt wants to be in a relationship . Yann keeps telling about this guy she knows she keeps sayin how good he'll be for me funny how i have my family always tryin to fix me up with someone which i hate that..... ....................................................... I feel so fucking down shit how I hate this feeling It feels like I was blind and dumb...you know sometimes people come into our lives to open our eyes I hate that people LOL .No really there someone beyond my reach who I love and can't have letting this person it's upseting for me it had to be done see when i'm in this peson live everything starts going wrong for me and him. once i'm out the pic everything start going well for the both of as and it suck cuz he doesnt want me as a friend. IT hurts thats a little will like was saying LOL dumb dumb dumb anywaysss. I will meet this girl friend this week saw his pic he is a hottie ...... OH yeah last week some people from work came over for a visit and to say how sorry they are for me losing my job. Mr sexy dark eyes from work was one of them I know he has someone but it still was cool seeing him over my place ;p
Jan,19, 12pm
Just got home from a date :( K now I should be happy that I was hook-up with a cool guy and not bad looking I must say. We when out to diner "the food was great" then to the movies now " the movie sucked"then home overall the date went will I guess ."He said he would call me like if i care it he calls".A little about him his name is Pat he's from Stamford CT caucasian and self-employed 6.0 ft dark hair deark eyes sexy eyes i have to say. I don't know I wasn't there I just were else where and we all know where that was at..........
Just got home from a date :( K now I should be happy that I was hook-up with a cool guy and not bad looking I must say. We when out to diner "the food was great" then to the movies now " the movie sucked"then home overall the date went will I guess ."He said he would call me like if i care it he calls".A little about him his name is Pat he's from Stamford CT caucasian and self-employed 6.0 ft dark hair deark eyes sexy eyes i have to say. I don't know I wasn't there I just were else where and we all know where that was at..........
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