spunky
updated 2003
I will think on Submission
and surrender..what i think of it...and what it has at one time been to
my life..and what it is now..
Life itself is a journey
on its on,
Though for those that know
me I seemed always to achieve my goals and have through out
my life been told many times that I always accomplish what I set out to
do...and ususally I never failed.....but in truth on a personal level I
often acquiesced to things I did not want to... to appease.. to keep peace..
to make a friend happy..or to keep a fight from starting...... for a million
reasons I am sure...but not because i wanted to at times....
Things changed, as I grew
up...my outlook begin to change...I married young at 16 and found all my
dreams and hopes I had at the time was on hold....Instead of a husband
that took control of the relationship I had to be the one that did all
things...inside and outside the marriage.
Sometimes I oftened wondered
even back then...what happened to the days when the man took responsbiltly
of things.
Then life dealt me another
hand...catching my husband with another woman...and that took me into full
control of me and my daughters life...Once again I had to be strong.
There was no longer a man
I had to worried about...I was 20 years old when that happened.
I learned from them lessons
in life...even at a early age, that life is not handed to you...it is what
you make it...so once again I set a goal for myself.
And that goal was to make
my life what i wanted it to be.
In examining one's life
digging deep a light begins to shine and the path to wisdom becomes a
bit more apparent... Surrender ... Submission, words that are used so often
in the BDSM community ...
What are they? What
do they mean? Can they be defined? Is my surrender
like someone else's? Why do I want to surrender? Why do I crave
having a person I can trust to surrender myself to?
I found there was so many
want to be's in the cyber world and i became cautious..reading and hearing
so many horror stories i didn't want to become one myself..
My heart became heavy, longing
for that Master that i could surrender my whole being too.
I also realized in my loneliness
that when He comes i will know it deep down in my soul.
Can we assume anything we do is selfless? I believe to assume that
a human being can be totally selfless means they have no ego, that they
behave with no concern for themselves, with out a thought for their needs
even the most basic like survival.... from what I have seen in my life
I do not believe that is possible for a human... so what drives me to surrender
to give up control to another human being to say Here I am... take me ...use
me....enjoy me... let me please you... These are questions I asked myself
.... I examined the value, the need, the appropriateness of my surrender.
Where does it have a positive effect on my life and where can my submission
be negative. I think it is important to look at ones submission
and
carefully decide with WHO and in what circumstances submission is appropriate.
No one can make you
submit... oh they can have you to endure...
but they can't force the surrender of your soul.... that is something precious
you give freely to your Master..