spunky's
aventure
march 2003
journal
MARCH 9th.....Sunday
Well lot has happened since i last wrote in
my journal, just haven't felt like picking the keys one by one, so may
take me awhile to get caught up.
Surgery was the 25th of Feb..when Dr. said
would be a hr. surergy turned out to take longer.
Got home around 11:30pm that night.
Has been a long 12 days after surgery and
boring, not being able to do anything, or drive.
Sitting at home knowing you can't work is
worse then being sick and off work for a few days.
Haven't been doing anything but reading, watching
tv..dominoes, and playing sheephead at times .
Master, came on line played one game of dominoes..of
500 1-0..my favor
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MARCH 10th..MONDAY
Went to bed this morning around 2am...layed
in bed and read....got up and got Doug up for school, then went and layed
back in bed watched some tv and finished my book...around 9:30am decided
to get up made a pot of coffee and just did some searching on net.
Things tend to get boring around here, lot
i could be doing but with one hand i would be putting pressure on hand
and that would be a no..no.
Master said he had to be up early so He went
to bed early last night.
found a site when i was searching that had
some questions about yourself on BDSM thought would give me something to
think about so i have been sitting here answering them.
Master came inline for awhile talked, then
He went offline to feed.
1. Name:- Lori
2. Gender:- female
3. Status/Orientation:---
single/straight
4. Dom/sub/Switch:-
submissive
5. Nickname: online- spunky/halfpint/southerngirl
6. Number of candles on
your last birthday cake?:- 51
7. Astrological Sign and
what that means to you:---Virgo - hard to say what it means to me. so much
of it hits pretty accurately with me. I have gotten more into it the older
I get.
8. Pets:---cat, dog
9. Piercings: just ears
10. Tattoos: ---nope
11. Hobbies/Interests:
art, music, reading, writing of any kind, living, laughing and loving passionately
12. How long have you been
into BDSM?--since 1997.
13. Favorite BDSM activities:---
blindfolds...toys..flogging..spanking...role play..bondage..nipple clamps
14. Least Favorite BDSM
activities:....caning..public display of any kind..servere pain.
15. Favorite play toy: ---deamon...definity
floggers with mupital tails, blindfolds...nipple clamps.
16. Least Favorite play
toy: paddles, cane. switches..HORSE
17. Favorite type of dungeon
equipment would like to see:---course i think anything could be used as
a rack..bed...table..
18. Biggest Fantasy: hmm
well that would have to be being kidnapped..
19. Biggest Fear: biggest
fantasy is a fear too, surrender is a fear to me to but a want/need also.
20. Your strongest asset:--
strength & confidence - to be able to love.
21. Your weakest link:---
insecurities and doubt
22. Favorite BDSM-related
web site: www.bdsm-online.com
23. Favorite BDSM book:
Nonfiction:--- Different Loving was not that great but it keeps coming
to my mind because it was the first nonfiction bdsm book I read and it
was the first time that I thought i might have wanted to be in a 24/7 relationship,
after reading about the 24/7 relationship in it.
24. Favorite
music to scene to: Ravens Tale
25. Favorite BDSM related
scene in a vanilla movie:-- hmm not sure
26. Have you been in love?
yes
27. Favorite place to be
kissed?--lips.. neck
28. Favorite place to be
hit or hit:... bottom
29. Favorite type of aftercare
after a scene:.... cuddling and talking
30. Favorite Movie: Matrix
- Meet Joe Black - Dances with Wolves - Ghost..Miss Congeniality..too many
:)
31. Favorite type of food:---
Oriental
32. Favorite drink:---caffine
free pespi...coffee with cream and sugar.
33. The most surprising
thing about me:-- that i like the darkness, vampires, writing about things
of torture and the unknown.
34. Biggest dislike about
BDSMers:.... the intolerance of doing D/s differently
35. Worst thing about BDSM:
the lack of acceptance in the vanilla world as well as the bdsm
36. Looking for:--- acceptance,
surrender, love
37. Things would like to try in BDSM:--Orgasm
denial, Orgasm control,Clamps- different area's nipples, clit, outer lips..etc
38. Favorite Quote: "A
path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others,
in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you . . . Look at every
path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary.
Then ask yourself alone, one question . . . Does this path have a heart?
If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't it is of no use." -- Carlos
Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan
Sitting here is now 6:30pm another boring day
gone by and the long night still to go...doug ask if he could
go and play pool.made me a cup of hot
coco..
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MARCH 11th....TUESDAY
Alarm went off at 6am....Doug is riding with
Mary and Asley so i can take the car to DR...at least
it is a nice day...need to come back home
and get some things done around here...will be so glad to be able to open
the doors and windows and move furniture around and clean out from- under
things.
Need to take bed down in my room and clean
under it real good also..and turn mattress over...may do that when i get
home.
Well guess better leave a message and get
going...played some Pyramids in yahoo while waiting to see if Master was
coming back online was fun..got to level 4..at least am on the board with
score.
later...
Wasn't easy drivng today..started to turn around
and go back...but made it as a slow progress.thought hell while i was out
would go by resturant....wish i didn't...wendy has that damn kitchen in
mess, Lynn was in the kitchen helping her fry chicken...and gettign the
buffet out...it was 10:30am when i got there.
felt like a outsider really, they said hi...Faye
came and sit down beside me and we talked a little bit..dranked a cup of
coffee then left and came home...took pain pill and did some things around
here...washing and drying clothes and dusting...just boring stuff.
Haven't seem Master all day on line...left
messages on icq...but don't see no reason for doing it...when he doesn't
come on and know if home or not...
well think i am going to play Pyrimads...got
to level 7 this evening...
Daily Horoscope for Virgo - 03/11/03
Perfectionists rule right now. You always
thought you were one of them, but now you're not so sure. These people
are too extreme even for you. Everyone's standards have suddenly become
very high, and everything has to be just so, or it will be sent back to
the shop or the drawing board. Your slightest stammer or misplaced punctuation
mark could be held against you. A traditional approach would certainly
be best, but you're not sure you remember what that would be. You really
have been doing things your own way for too long, haven't you?
Master came online we played 2 500 games
of Dominoes...2 to 0..
MARCH..12th..THURSDAY
Today starts like any other day alarm going
off getting doug up, him leaving for school and the house is quiet..having
done anything but got what i could pay in the mail..
thunderstorms this morning sun has come out
off and own all day...is 62 degrees now and got up to
79 today..
Master was online when i came online...then
he went off before i could get a message to him he was using Lazer...and
never did leave a message for me...He ask me to leave a message for him..yet
doesn't care enough to even leave a simple hello...guess he is to busy.
Daily Horoscope for Virgo - 03/13/03
No one is an island, and that's good. You
couldn't handle that kind of isolation. You draw your most wholesome strength
and joy from the company of others. Those interpersonal sparks light the
only kind of fire worth setting. Visit with neighbors and catch up on their
life stories. It's amazing that you live only a few feet away and still
know so little about each other on a day-to-day basis. Even though you
may not be that old or plodding, young people are slowing down to spend
a moment with you and ask your advice.
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MARCH...14th..FRIDAY
Fri Mar. 14, 2003 by Astrocenter.com
Make sure that you are living your life consciously
at this time, dear Virgo. It could be that you are going through a great
deal of denial in which you simply refuse to see the truth of the situation.
Open your eyes up to the world around you so that you may invite in joy
and compassion. Don't let yourself be satisfied with superficial interactions
that don't really fill you up.
Haven't seem anyone online today..or tonight...If
i wrote what i truely have been feeling in the last 4 to 5 days it would
go like this..
MARCH..15th...SATURDAY
haven't seem him online all weekend
MARCH...16th....SUNDAY
Well is 1:30am and haven't seem or heard anything
from him at all..not even a phone call..
funny worked all week doing things around
there....not being online during the day at all like he
usually is...then comes the weekend and i
don't hear anything from him at all....what does he expect me to think,
when he has been on through the week and then nothing from him on the weekend....the
nights when he did come on he comes on tired at night...doesn;t really
talk about us, just about what he has done all day
and what he has to do tomorrow...and how tired
he is...which is fine...he has been that way... distance
since he left here day and half after my surgery,
i put off saying anything because he said he had a lot of worry about his
mother estate having to find a lawyer....and when i do say something i
am being a bitch,,or it is temper...its neither.
He ask for slack...and my feeling right now
is that he wants more then that..sitting here not hearing from him after
talking to him the short time i had talked to him at night this week, and
even then he cut it short saying he had to get up early in the mornings....i
feel like he has cut his time with me for a reason.
if i wrote what i really feel it would be that
he has tired of me trying to be a submissive or anything else.
i don't doubt he loves me...but i also know
that sometimes love isn't enough and he has been in this lifestlye
a long time...he use to leave clothes of his here, an other things but
for a long time he hasn't done that...
At one time he told me he didnt know what
to expect from me one minute to the next...now i don't know
and has been that way since my surgery...
I love him and right now i feel lost as a
woman and a ss.
all i can do is give him the space or slack
he wanted.
day has been like any other day..boring doing
the normal things i can do...doug has been gone most of the weekend again
so has been quiet here.
Tommorrow starts another week and not looking
forward to it...suppose to go to Nashville to therpist tuesday...which
will be a thrill.
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MARCH 30th...Sunday
Journal this will be the last entry here...spunky's
adventure will be no more.
After 2 years and 2 months he has cut off
our relationship and love..saying he has lost faith in me, and that to
he loves me but to much is happening..which i can't understand.
He made the choice, so there is nothing i
can do or say that will change it.
Its hurts...as i sit here think back to the
things we have been through...the hard ships of our relationship and we
still made it through them...now all of a sudden he ends it...saying he
gives up, i have changed....yet in another sentence he saids he loves me...but
to much is happening.
i finished spunky's adventure chapter nine...3
days ago as i was laying in bed...and got it typed on the computer, yet
didn't send it out...guess it was a good thing i didn't....
I took off the "ring" and "necklace" that he
has gave me of ownership, although he said they were gifts it would be
hard in wearing them knowing i no longer have him.
It was something that was very hard to do...knowing
that i no longer have him or his love.
this is it journal
bye
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