"The last thing I want to be known as is 'The Girl Who Got Raped'.
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Lads - Alive in Concert : Creator
Topic: healing/abuse/struggles
Dear Greg,

I am writing this because I have decided to forgive you for your actions just under 18 months ago , whilst I never want to see or speak to you again there is no point harbouring all this resentment and anger because its not healthy for me. I hate you there is no need to sugar coat that and I probably always will but I forgive you ... if god can forgive people for much greater crimes I can forgive you I'm not doing this to relieve your guilt but to release me from the burdens you've put on my heart.

That night changed my life forever in more ways than u could ever grapple with but thats my problem to deal with now, because I don't want you to be part of my life anymore and that includes my healing journey. So I'm cutting all ties emotionally and mentally that you have had on me and I'm going to get on with my life ... I really couldn't care less what you do with your life because just as I am no longer your problem you are no longer mine. No longer will I live in fear of seeing you or of being anywhere near a syringe full of insulin or have candles reduce me to a quivering mess but I have survived and 2004 will be known as the yr of healing for me.

I found the one person who saved me that night ... whilst he couldn't preserve my most important possession he knew that night would save my soul. so do what you want with ur life I don't care less because i'm sick of spending time worrying about you cos its over .. the mind games the manipulation the guilt trips the bad tape messages that have made me feel 2 inches tall ... you have nothing on me cos its over. I never got to call the shots but for once I'm doing so and its one of the best decisions I've ever made.

For months afterwards I used to think about revenge, what I would do to you if I got the chance but I'm over it .. Cos what the point wasting all this time and energy on someone who is really not worth it.

I have nothing more to say to you


Shaz no longer your victim but a survivor

A bottle of champagne on the rocks
Mood:  suave
Now Playing: Shout to the Lord - Hillsongs
Topic: the past couple of days

Things are finally starting to go right, I have a beautiful bf who loves me to bits and I spent last weekend at the beach and whilst getting mega sunburnt (damn not tanning)I had a gr8 time. i've got YG tonight and I think might actually go since I haven't been since I was diagnosed with CFS now at least 2 months ago. i'm starting to feel really good and for once in my life i'm happy I love the hot summer days that are coming up and the chance to wear some very cute lil outfits. I start rehersals nxt wk for my first mega concert so I'm a bit nervous but also so excited at the same time.