|| how would a submissive feel about a Master taking on another submissive to
|| 7/20/2002 6:07:58 PM
|| How to you cope with
and handle the transition from O/L to R/L? Are there tips you could
suggest? What are some common struggles?
|| 7/20/2002 6:08:13 PM
|| How do you feel about BDSM checklists? Are they useful?
|| 7/20/2002 6:10:42 PM|
|| How do you Define the difference of a Mentor, Trainer? Protector?
|| 7/20/2002 6:12:55 PM|
|| How much is too much when talking about punishment or pushing of limits?
|| 7/20/2002 6:14:54 PM|
||What if after a Master/Mistress brings a third into the relationship, at first all
is well, then later, things begin to fall apart, if the first girl
is to blame what is proper way to shed light on the truth? What if
it’s the new subs fault?
|| 7/20/2002 6:17:55 PM|
|| Are safe calls important when first meeting someone new? What are other safety
|| 7/20/2002 6:33:41 PM|
|| When meeting or playing with a new person what are some common ‘Red flags’ for
|| 7/20/2002 6:37:03 PM|
|| What are peoples general opinions on”Switches”?
|| 7/21/2002 11:54:37 AM|
|| What do Yyou do when Yyou begin to question and/or doubt the Lifestyle and Yyour place in
it? How do Yyou regain reassurance? Any advice?
|| 7/21/2002 11:59:14 AM|
|| What do you do if your SM play which you once considered ‘extreme’ becomes ‘not
enough’ does that scare you?
|| 7/21/2002 12:04:05 PM|
|| What do you think are some general guidelines before offering or accepting One's
|| 7/21/2002 7:08:33 PM|
|| What do the words Honor, Trust, and Caring mean to you?
|| 7/21/2002 7:14:56 PM|
|| Can O/one have a successful M/s relationship & not be "in love" at all, or headed
there? This refers to Tops and bottoms and Dominants and submissives.
|| 7/21/2002 8:26:51 PM|
|| What do you think the difference is between a Dominant vs Master/Mistress? submissive
vs slave? (referral:http://www.steel-door.com/Dominant_vs_Master.html)
|| 7/30/2002 4:10:29 PM|
|| How do you feel about the Fantasy aspect of D/s (Gor) and the Reality aspect (those
living it r/t)?
|| 7/30/2002 4:11:28 PM|
|| How do you set your hard limits? What are ‘hard limits’? Can ‘hard limits’
|| 7/30/2002 4:13:42 PM|
|| What is Tantra & Mental Sex?
|| 7/30/2002 4:15:23 PM|
|| How much management does One have to give to a sub? Should it be micromanage?
|| 7/30/2002 4:16:57 PM|
|| What are your experiences with ‘sub-space’ or ‘Dom-space’?
|| 7/30/2002 4:18:40 PM|
|| What does “edge-play” mean to you?
|| 7/30/2002 4:20:52 PM|
|| Has anyone started as a submissive, only to realize later that you are Dominant? Or
|| 7/30/2002 4:29:17 PM|
|| What do you consider taboo in your SM play? Are there things you once considered
taboo--be they watersports, heavy pain, ageplay, piercing, edgeplay,
or anything else--that you now enjoy? How do you overcome your
partner's taboos? And my personal favorite: If SM is about breaking
taboos, why do we still have them?
|| 8/3/2002 10:06:37 PM|
||Why do so many of you need to test your Dominants? Why do you resist their authority
even *after* you agree to be their sub or their slave? Is it that
you really, underneath it all, don't trust them? Or is it that you
are so overwhelmed by the top that you don't feel you can trust your
own feelings? Or something entirely different?
|| 8/10/2002 7:49:03 PM|
||What are some common misconceptions that you can think of that the outside world (or the
media) believe about this lifestyle?
|| 8/10/2002 7:50:42 PM|
||How does stress affect your sex and SM life? Do you lose interest in sex during
times like these or feel less in touch with your sexual needs? Or
are you the kind of person who seems to get even hornier during
times of high-stress--or maybe you are an adrenalin junkie who gets
a rush from rough sex when pressures from the world outside are
|| 8/10/2002 7:51:50 PM|
||Some people want BDSM to gain acceptance in the mainstream. Others like the idea of
BDSM being something that is wicked and counter to conventional
society. So, which would you prefer: do you want BDSM to become a
conventional part of everyday society, or do you PREFER to dwell in
|| 8/10/2002 7:53:16 PM|
|| Do you believe that it is a dominant's responsibility to FIND where a submissive's
'true' limits are? Or is it a submissive's responsibility to KNOW
where his/her 'basic' limits are and communicate them clearly to the
dominant prior to engaging in any activities?
|| 8/10/2002 7:53:37 PM|
||Is there really a
differentiation between 'hard' (will NEVER do under any
circumstances) and 'soft' (might do under certain circumstances)
limits? In other words, is a 'soft' limit really a limit at all then
(considering that you WOULD do it) or is it really just a preference
(or non- preference)?
|| 8/10/2002 7:54:02
||Is it a core belief of yours that a dominant's focal
role is to 'push' limits? If so, what do you think it does to the
dominant's credibility in his/her role when they push past a limit,
even if unintentionally?
|| 8/10/2002 7:54:41
||What happens if the
Dominant rarely 'pushes enough'? Is there a possibility, in your
opinion, that they might be holding back (by believing they might
accidentally 'break' a limit)? If so, how should a submissive
respond to such a perception? Should they focus on their own desires
for 'more' or 'be happy' that the dominant is not breaking their
|| 8/10/2002 7:55:06
||Do dominants think
they can get more out of the submissive by holding out or not using
penetration? How do submissives feel about having (or not having)
intercourse as part of their BDSM experience?
|| 8/14/2002 3:22:01
Dominance/submission hereditary? Or do others feel it's in the
surroundings and maybe even a choice of who you become?
|| 8/14/2002 6:34:57
||Would like to know
what everyone thinks of packing toys in a suitcase in these days,
past September 11th.
|| 8/14/2002 6:40:25
you aware of the risks of doing SM stuff in your community? Do you
think that you are safe from legal prosection, no matter what you do
in the bedroom, as long as your partner consents? Do you know if it
is legal for you to attend SM clubs in your area?
|| 8/14/2002 6:44:38
||How do YOU
personally draw the line between something that you feel you can
consent to vs. something that you're not sure may be abusive and
that you shouldn't consent to? Do you rely on your own instincts,
for example? Comfort zone? Your Dominant's understanding of you (if
you're a submissive)? Or, if you're a dominant, your understanding
of the submissive?
|| 8/14/2002 11:24:38
||if a sub/slave is
feeling their Dom/Domme is not being as dominating as the one
needs....what are some of the ways in which she can change/overcome
this? How should the Dom/Domme handle this situation?
|| 8/15/2002 4:21:45
|| How do you make a
distinction between ‘vanilla” sex and “BDSM”
|| 8/15/2002 1:25:09
|| Can BDSM involve
|| 8/15/2002 1:28:35
|| Why is pain so
exciting to Sadists and masochists? What is it about the sensation
that works for them? Is it the sensation itself...the ritual...the
control... the anticipation? All of the above?
|| 8/15/2002 1:34:04
||We all know there's
a popular theory out there in BDSM-Land that in order to be a good
Dom, a person should start out on the bottom. The reasoning: someone
who learns to top by bottoming will have a more sensitive and
compassionate attitude towards subs (having walked a mile in their
stilettoes), and will be a safer, saner top.My question: if this is
true, then shouldn't the reverse also be true? Aren't there
realities of dominance that would make a sub a *better* sub if only
he or she walked a mile in *our* heavy leather boots? After all, if
a dom is really improved by living on the subbie side, it stands to
reason that submissives would be improved by living on the dominant
|| 8/15/2002 1:35:53
||What kind of wording
and ideas do you find interesting or attractive when you read
personal announcements? What turns you off or makes you doubt the
credibility of the writer? What are some of the best-worst-most
outrageous examples you've seen?
|| 8/15/2002 1:37:10
||We banter the term
around a lot, but what do we really mean when we say we're having a
consensual BDSM relationship? In my experience, a lot of people have
difficulty communicating their deepest feelings and innermost
thoughts. It can be a slippery slope when you get involved with
someone who isn't able to articulate their feelings: how can you be
sure that when they're giving you consent, they mean the same things
by it that you do?
|| 8/15/2002 1:40:00
|| What are some tips
for a sub/slave to keep your mind and heart busy while your Dominant
|| 8/17/2002 4:24:04
|| What is erotic
|| 8/22/2002 5:32:06
|| Have you ever
experienced ‘sub-drop’ or ‘Dom-drop’? What are some ways you get
thru these sad feelings?
|| 8/22/2002 5:46:03
|| What makes a strong
submissive? Do you think such strength makes a sub more or less
attractive to the average Dom?
|| 8/26/2002 3:35:55
|| How do You deal with
it when Your submissive/slave runs from You? And for the submissive,
how do you deal with the running (escaping)?
|| 8/29/2002 6:55:02
||What do Y/you think
the major difference is between you wants and needs? Do Y/you ever
feel that S/some confuse the two?
|| 10/27/2002 5:15:09
||When a submissive
behaves in a resisting or manipulative way, what are some
suggestions for discouraging the behavior [or] attitudes that the
Mistress/Master dislikes in order to keep Her/His control. All
|| 10/27/2002 5:33:33
Discipline: We assume punishment is used to correct bad or
unacceptable behavior. Is it effective? Are we truly looking to
change future behavior by using this punishment?
|| 10/27/2002 5:37:57
||How submissive must
your partner be? Must she qualify as a "natural" submissive? Is
there such a thing as a "true" submissive? What is a sexual
submissive and how is she different? Which is better? Does any of
this matter if your relationship is only online?
|| 10/27/2002 5:48:33
||Bringing D/s out of
the bedroom is difficult for couples with children. Deciding to make
your relationship 24/7 is a daunting task, much more so than most
realize, but it is even more difficult when there are children in
the home, how can Y/you manage to do it without it having an impact
on the children in a harmful way?
|| 10/27/2002 5:53:29
|| Why do many seem to
rush into a M/s relationship? Have we forgotten the ‘nilla’ concept
|| 11/10/2002 10:25:41
|| What kind of rules
and behaviors do Y/you have for Y/your relationship during the times
that Y/you can't be together? Do Y/you feel that Y/you grow more or
less during the times between visits, or is the waiting just
something to be endured?
|| 12/11/2002 5:53:04
||Is the "BDSM
Community" a comfortable place to be single? There are lots of happy
pairs in our little world (and unhappy pairs, and single people). If
you are or have ever been a single person in the community, how did
it work for you? How did you feel about it?
|| 7/14/2003 6:24:34
||Scenes gone wrong.
Do you revisit a scene gone wrong or do you move on? DO you
communicate afterwards? DO you try again? what are your thoughts
|| 8/16/2003 1:24:08
||How do you 'date'
when you're a submissive? I mean what if you're not ready for 'A
Relationship', but you'd still like to serve someone now and
|| 8/16/2003 1:25:26
||How do You all feel
about a play concept of BDSM - mind f*cks? Not the bad Ones we all
first think about (the players manipulating you) but the actual
concept of mind f*cks in a scene for instance....pressing something
cold and hard against the back of a sub and making her bleieve it is
a knife etc.....Do mind f*cks destroy trust in play or enhance
|| 8/16/2003 2:20:23
||What is the best way
to approch your Master when He is displeased with something you have
done or not done? If a bad behavior is disciplined or
punished..after the punishment what happens next?
|| 8/18/2003 12:34:27
||What still confuses
Yyou (if anything) about the lifestyle, is there any area in
particular that Yyou would like to learn more about or just don't
|| 8/18/2003 6:59:49
|| How far should a
Master ethically, use his authority on a sub/slave to have her prove
her loyalty to Him?
|| 8/31/2003 1:01:19
|| Should a sub/slave
love her Master before starting the relationship? Or can two people
start a Master/slave relationship without love and grow into loving
one another as time goes by?
|| 9/2/2003 6:18:28
||What do you think
about submissives rushing in and giving themselves too quickly to a
Dom or Domme OR on the flip side a Dom/me rushing into collaring a
|| 9/2/2003 6:49:02
||To the D/s that have
had “time and experience” what are Y/your greatest personal
“discoveries”… what are Y/your worst personal “discoveries” . If you
had to start all over again, what would Y/you change…or not change.
Personal examples greatly appreciated.
|| 9/18/2003 4:13:37
Thank you syl for cleaning up the topic
list and weeding out the duplicates.