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Room Rules


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1.       how would a submissive feel about a Master taking on another submissive to train. 7/20/2002 6:07:58 PM
2.   How to you cope with and handle the transition from O/L to R/L? Are there tips you could suggest? What are some common struggles? 7/20/2002 6:08:13 PM
3.   How do you feel about BDSM checklists? Are they useful? 7/20/2002 6:10:42 PM
4.   How do you Define the difference of a Mentor, Trainer? Protector? 7/20/2002 6:12:55 PM
5.   How much is too much when talking about punishment or pushing of limits? 7/20/2002 6:14:54 PM
6.   What if after a Master/Mistress brings a third into the relationship, at first all is well, then later, things begin to fall apart, if the first girl is to blame what is proper way to shed light on the truth? What if it’s the new subs fault? 7/20/2002 6:17:55 PM
7.   Are safe calls important when first meeting someone new? What are other safety precautions? 7/20/2002 6:33:41 PM
8.   When meeting or playing with a new person what are some common ‘Red flags’ for trouble? 7/20/2002 6:37:03 PM
9.   What are peoples general opinions on”Switches”? 7/21/2002 11:54:37 AM
10.    What do Yyou do when Yyou begin to question and/or doubt the Lifestyle and Yyour place in it? How do Yyou regain reassurance? Any advice? 7/21/2002 11:59:14 AM
11.   What do you do if your SM play which you once considered ‘extreme’ becomes ‘not enough’ does that scare you? 7/21/2002 12:04:05 PM
12.   What do you think are some general guidelines before offering or accepting One's collar? 7/21/2002 7:08:33 PM
13.   What do the words Honor, Trust, and Caring mean to you? 7/21/2002 7:14:56 PM
14.   Can O/one have a successful M/s relationship & not be "in love" at all, or headed there? This refers to Tops and bottoms and Dominants and submissives. 7/21/2002 8:26:51 PM
15.   What do you think the difference is between a Dominant vs Master/Mistress? submissive vs slave? (referral: 7/30/2002 4:10:29 PM
16.   How do you feel about the Fantasy aspect of D/s (Gor) and the Reality aspect (those living it r/t)? 7/30/2002 4:11:28 PM
17.   How do you set your hard limits? What are ‘hard limits’? Can ‘hard limits’ change? 7/30/2002 4:13:42 PM
18.   What is Tantra & Mental Sex? 7/30/2002 4:15:23 PM
19.   How much management does One have to give to a sub? Should it be micromanage? 7/30/2002 4:16:57 PM
20.   What are your experiences with ‘sub-space’ or ‘Dom-space’? 7/30/2002 4:18:40 PM
21.   What does “edge-play” mean to you? 7/30/2002 4:20:52 PM
22.   Has anyone started as a submissive, only to realize later that you are Dominant? Or vice versa? 7/30/2002 4:29:17 PM
23.   What do you consider taboo in your SM play? Are there things you once considered taboo--be they watersports, heavy pain, ageplay, piercing, edgeplay, or anything else--that you now enjoy? How do you overcome your partner's taboos? And my personal favorite: If SM is about breaking taboos, why do we still have them? 8/3/2002 10:06:37 PM
24.     Why do so many of you need to test your Dominants? Why do you resist their authority even *after* you agree to be their sub or their slave? Is it that you really, underneath it all, don't trust them? Or is it that you are so overwhelmed by the top that you don't feel you can trust your own feelings? Or something entirely different? 8/10/2002 7:49:03 PM
25.   What are some common misconceptions that you can think of that the outside world (or the media) believe about this lifestyle? 8/10/2002 7:50:42 PM
26.   How does stress affect your sex and SM life? Do you lose interest in sex during times like these or feel less in touch with your sexual needs? Or are you the kind of person who seems to get even hornier during times of high-stress--or maybe you are an adrenalin junkie who gets a rush from rough sex when pressures from the world outside are intense? 8/10/2002 7:51:50 PM
27.   Some people want BDSM to gain acceptance in the mainstream. Others like the idea of BDSM being something that is wicked and counter to conventional society. So, which would you prefer: do you want BDSM to become a conventional part of everyday society, or do you PREFER to dwell in the shadows? 8/10/2002 7:53:16 PM
28.   Do you believe that it is a dominant's responsibility to FIND where a submissive's 'true' limits are? Or is it a submissive's responsibility to KNOW where his/her 'basic' limits are and communicate them clearly to the dominant prior to engaging in any activities? 8/10/2002 7:53:37 PM
29.   Is there really a differentiation between 'hard' (will NEVER do under any circumstances) and 'soft' (might do under certain circumstances) limits? In other words, is a 'soft' limit really a limit at all then (considering that you WOULD do it) or is it really just a preference (or non- preference)? 8/10/2002 7:54:02 PM
30.   Is it a core belief of yours that a dominant's focal role is to 'push' limits? If so, what do you think it does to the dominant's credibility in his/her role when they push past a limit, even if unintentionally? 8/10/2002 7:54:41 PM
31.   What happens if the Dominant rarely 'pushes enough'? Is there a possibility, in your opinion, that they might be holding back (by believing they might accidentally 'break' a limit)? If so, how should a submissive respond to such a perception? Should they focus on their own desires for 'more' or 'be happy' that the dominant is not breaking their limit(s)? 8/10/2002 7:55:06 PM
32.   Do dominants think they can get more out of the submissive by holding out or not using penetration? How do submissives feel about having (or not having) intercourse as part of their BDSM experience? 8/14/2002 3:22:01 PM
33.   Is my Dominance/submission hereditary? Or do others feel it's in the surroundings and maybe even a choice of who you become? 8/14/2002 6:34:57 PM
34.    Would like to know what everyone thinks of packing toys in a suitcase in these days, past September 11th. 8/14/2002 6:40:25 PM
35.   Ask yourself--are you aware of the risks of doing SM stuff in your community? Do you think that you are safe from legal prosection, no matter what you do in the bedroom, as long as your partner consents? Do you know if it is legal for you to attend SM clubs in your area? 8/14/2002 6:44:38 PM
36.   How do YOU personally draw the line between something that you feel you can consent to vs. something that you're not sure may be abusive and that you shouldn't consent to? Do you rely on your own instincts, for example? Comfort zone? Your Dominant's understanding of you (if you're a submissive)? Or, if you're a dominant, your understanding of the submissive? 8/14/2002 11:24:38 PM
37.   if a sub/slave is feeling their Dom/Domme is not being as dominating as the one needs....what are some of the ways in which she can change/overcome this? How should the Dom/Domme handle this situation? 8/15/2002 4:21:45 AM
38.   How do you make a distinction between ‘vanilla” sex and “BDSM” 8/15/2002 1:25:09 PM
39.   Can BDSM involve Romance? 8/15/2002 1:28:35 PM
40.   Why is pain so exciting to Sadists and masochists? What is it about the sensation that works for them? Is it the sensation itself...the ritual...the control... the anticipation? All of the above? 8/15/2002 1:34:04 PM
41.   We all know there's a popular theory out there in BDSM-Land that in order to be a good Dom, a person should start out on the bottom. The reasoning: someone who learns to top by bottoming will have a more sensitive and compassionate attitude towards subs (having walked a mile in their stilettoes), and will be a safer, saner top.My question: if this is true, then shouldn't the reverse also be true? Aren't there realities of dominance that would make a sub a *better* sub if only he or she walked a mile in *our* heavy leather boots? After all, if a dom is really improved by living on the subbie side, it stands to reason that submissives would be improved by living on the dominant side too. 8/15/2002 1:35:53 PM
42.   What kind of wording and ideas do you find interesting or attractive when you read personal announcements? What turns you off or makes you doubt the credibility of the writer? What are some of the best-worst-most outrageous examples you've seen? 8/15/2002 1:37:10 PM
43.   We banter the term around a lot, but what do we really mean when we say we're having a consensual BDSM relationship? In my experience, a lot of people have difficulty communicating their deepest feelings and innermost thoughts. It can be a slippery slope when you get involved with someone who isn't able to articulate their feelings: how can you be sure that when they're giving you consent, they mean the same things by it that you do? 8/15/2002 1:40:00 PM
44.   What are some tips for a sub/slave to keep your mind and heart busy while your Dominant is away? 8/17/2002 4:24:04 PM
45.   What is erotic discipline? 8/22/2002 5:32:06 AM
46.   Have you ever experienced ‘sub-drop’ or ‘Dom-drop’? What are some ways you get thru these sad feelings? 8/22/2002 5:46:03 AM
47.   What makes a strong submissive? Do you think such strength makes a sub more or less attractive to the average Dom? 8/26/2002 3:35:55 PM
48.   How do You deal with it when Your submissive/slave runs from You? And for the submissive, how do you deal with the running (escaping)? 8/29/2002 6:55:02 PM
49.   What do Y/you think the major difference is between you wants and needs? Do Y/you ever feel that S/some confuse the two? 10/27/2002 5:15:09 AM
50.   When a submissive behaves in a resisting or manipulative way, what are some suggestions for discouraging the behavior [or] attitudes that the Mistress/Master dislikes in order to keep Her/His control. All suggestions welcome. 10/27/2002 5:33:33 AM
51.   Punishment vs Discipline: We assume punishment is used to correct bad or unacceptable behavior. Is it effective? Are we truly looking to change future behavior by using this punishment? 10/27/2002 5:37:57 AM
52.   How submissive must your partner be? Must she qualify as a "natural" submissive? Is there such a thing as a "true" submissive? What is a sexual submissive and how is she different? Which is better? Does any of this matter if your relationship is only online? 10/27/2002 5:48:33 AM
53.   Bringing D/s out of the bedroom is difficult for couples with children. Deciding to make your relationship 24/7 is a daunting task, much more so than most realize, but it is even more difficult when there are children in the home, how can Y/you manage to do it without it having an impact on the children in a harmful way? 10/27/2002 5:53:29 AM
54.   Why do many seem to rush into a M/s relationship? Have we forgotten the ‘nilla’ concept of dating? 11/10/2002 10:25:41 AM
55.   What kind of rules and behaviors do Y/you have for Y/your relationship during the times that Y/you can't be together? Do Y/you feel that Y/you grow more or less during the times between visits, or is the waiting just something to be endured? 12/11/2002 5:53:04 PM
56.   Is the "BDSM Community" a comfortable place to be single? There are lots of happy pairs in our little world (and unhappy pairs, and single people). If you are or have ever been a single person in the community, how did it work for you? How did you feel about it? 7/14/2003 6:24:34 AM
57.   Scenes gone wrong. Do you revisit a scene gone wrong or do you move on? DO you communicate afterwards? DO you try again? what are your thoughts please 8/16/2003 1:24:08 PM
58.   How do you 'date' when you're a submissive? I mean what if you're not ready for 'A Relationship', but you'd still like to serve someone now and then? 8/16/2003 1:25:26 PM
59.   How do You all feel about a play concept of BDSM - mind f*cks? Not the bad Ones we all first think about (the players manipulating you) but the actual concept of mind f*cks in a scene for instance....pressing something cold and hard against the back of a sub and making her bleieve it is a knife etc.....Do mind f*cks destroy trust in play or enhance it? 8/16/2003 2:20:23 PM
60.   What is the best way to approch your Master when He is displeased with something you have done or not done? If a bad behavior is disciplined or punished..after the punishment what happens next? 8/18/2003 12:34:27 PM
61.   What still confuses Yyou (if anything) about the lifestyle, is there any area in particular that Yyou would like to learn more about or just don't "get"? 8/18/2003 6:59:49 PM
62.   How far should a Master ethically, use his authority on a sub/slave to have her prove her loyalty to Him? 8/31/2003 1:01:19 PM
63.   Should a sub/slave love her Master before starting the relationship? Or can two people start a Master/slave relationship without love and grow into loving one another as time goes by? 9/2/2003 6:18:28 PM
64.   What do you think about submissives rushing in and giving themselves too quickly to a Dom or Domme OR on the flip side a Dom/me rushing into collaring a submissive? 9/2/2003 6:49:02 PM
65.   To the D/s that have had “time and experience” what are Y/your greatest personal “discoveries”… what are Y/your worst personal “discoveries” . If you had to start all over again, what would Y/you change…or not change. Personal examples greatly appreciated. 9/18/2003 4:13:37 PM


Thank you syl for cleaning up the topic list and weeding out the duplicates.