Remember the Outlaws

My life. Well, it's had it's ups and downs, and right now, it's really have it's downs. In the course of one month, I've lost my grandfather, my great uncle, and yesterday, my great aunt. All in the course of one month. I don't know how much more death I can take. I wish things were just like they were 3 years ago, when I was with my online clan, the Outlaws. Those were the best days of my life. Along with the endless nights of fun and humor, came life time friends, people from around the world. That's how I met my best friend, Josh. We'd stay up at all hours of the night just chatting about stupid stuff and about important matters. Then there was my elite clan, with people from all around the globe. From the US to Britian to Japan, people were in the clan I had originated. I talked to Josh the other day. He's leaving to go to Japan next summer, so this is the last summer for me to get online with him. I'll do my best. I'm so glad Julie and I are still talking. I'm also very glad I got the chance to see her last weekend. I hope to see her again soon. I was wanting to kiss her so bad, but I didn't know how she'd react. I'm about to just drive up there and do it. I'm still in love with her, just like I was the last time I said that. Oneday, I hope to show her that I love her...

12 O'Clock High!

Uncle Dave's wedding went well Friday evening. I was in class B uniform with the service cap. I have a pic of that. Friday night was a good night to just hang out and chill, which is what I did. I drank 7 glasses of champaigne though. Not good. I danced quite a bit that night... Interesting. Saturday was quite fun. It started out with us loading stuff up on the U-Haul at my grandfathers old house. There were spiders, so I didn't load up too much stuff. Then at about 2:00 the party started again. I played volleyball and pool for a bit. Then Julie and her niece came. We played volleyball and just hung out. It was really cool seeing Julie again. I didn't know if she was still angry with me or what. Her and Bryson broke up, but now I have a g/f. It seems as if when one person is single, the other person isn't and vice versa. It really sucks. I was wanting to kiss Julie so bad, but I have a girlfriend, and it just wouldn't be right. I had a good time though, and I think she did too. And that's all that matters. Yesterday's car ride home was LONG. It sucked, but I got home in one piece. I rented Midtown Madness 3 for the Xbox. It's pretty fun. I dunno which email address I should write to Julie, so I'll ask her next time I see her online. L8er

God's Promise

God didn't promise
days without pain,
laughter without sorrow
or sun without rain

But God did promise
strength for the day,
comfort for the tears
and a light for the way

And for all who believe
in His kingdom above,
He answers their faith
with everlasting love

June 6, 1944- Operation Overlord: The D-Day invasion of France

And when he gets to Heaven
To Saint Peter he will tell
One more soldier reporting sir
I've served my time in Hell

The End

Well, today was the LAST day of chemistry!! I guessed on pretty much the entire exam. lol. It was hard. I haven't talked to Julie since the other day. I hope we can resolve this. I think we can. Oh yeah! I got my service cap insignia today!! Hoorah! It's nice and shiny:). I'm going to wear my uniform for Uncle Dave's wedding. Gotta look nice. It's one of the nicest things I have to wear. I won't be wearing the jacket part of the uniform, but I will be wearing the light blue shirt, the dark blue pants, white gloves, the service cap, and all of my ribbons. Gotta shine the shoes up:). I'm talking to this girl named Sarah now. She was in my 8th grade class, and we're talking again. I really like her, and I think we're going to go see a movie Saturday night. I really need to get out of the house. Argh, I accidently cut myself this morning while shaving. Now I have a giant gash above my upper lip. Grr.

Final Impact

I don't know what to do. Last night, Julie and I talked about how much we loved eachother, and that her and Bryson are just good friends. Today, she was all I thought about. I bragged to all of the people I call good friends about how I've found a girl who can accept me for who I am and I know won't do anything behind me. I told them I'm in love, and they all seemed pretty happy for me I guess. I just found out that Julie and Bryson are going to date again. It was like a boulder smashing on top of me. I know we don't go out or are married or anything. But if we're in love, then we're in love right? If not, then what is love? I totally blew up, and now I'm hating myself. How could I be so stupid. I fucked up, and now I have to face the consequences. Julie, if you read this, I love you, and I swear to God I mean it.

Maybe this will be me oneday...

U.S. AIR FORCE ACADEMY, Colo. -- Cadets of the Air Force Academy Class of 2003 celebrate at graduation ceremonies here May 28 as the Air Force Thunderbirds fly overhead. The 974 students marked the academy's 45th graduating class. (U.S. Air Force photo by Danny Myers)

You are not forgotten

Today is Memorial Day. The day America cries, yet is thankful for the service of veterans and militants of today and yesterday. Also remembered is the Prisoners of War/ Missing in Action ones. These are the ones we hold our silence in and salute with our hearts. Today is a day of memory and thankfulness. Everytime I see a veteran or service member, I thank them for what they are doing. Because if it weren't for them, we wouldn't be here right now. We might, but our way of life would not be the way it is now. So today, thank a veteran or service member, or just sit in silence and remember those who have died for you, and for me. They are the real heroes. I talked to Julie last night! Hoorah! She is sick:(. That sucks. I hope she feels better though! lol, I told her I'd bring the Little Mermaid up to her house. lol. Now I HAVE to bring it! Nuts! lol. I hope she feels better, and I'll see her in June!

Rain

It happened again, but this time with my great uncle Norm. He pretty much smoked himself to death. That's why I'm so much against smoking. I just can't win. I talked to Julie yesterday, but at the time, I was talking with Guy about the banquet and what he needs, and I told Julie I'd be right back, and she was mad when she got off. I really wanted to talk to her. I called her yesterday, but nobody answered. I'm sorta trying to keep my distance from Julie mainly because she has a boyfriend, and I just want her happy. I don't want to get in the way of that. I don't want her to have strong feelings for me, and dump Bryson for no reason at all. She's a good girl who deserves opportunity. I wish everyday she'd be mine. Maybe I'm asking for too much. I dunno. Sometimes I just wish things would just work out. My feelings are still strong for Julie, and I still think about her 24/7. I guess we will meet again at the wedding. I'm talking to this one girl at school. She's really nice and her name is Leigh. When I really started liking her, I found out she has a boyfriend, and I was immediately shot down. Crashed and burned. That's two times in a row. Each time I find a girl I really like, they always have boyfriends! First Julie, now Leigh. Well, I can't give up on them, so I'll stick around. And plus, Julie and I are like best friends, so hopefully I'll be chatting with her for the rest of my life. Leigh and I just met like last week, so I have to give something like that time. Eh, this week has sucked.

Heal the pain

I can't believe it. Yesterday when I came home from Color Guard practice, I found out PapPap died... Jesus... I loved him so much. I looked up to him. Him and I had so many plans for the summer... We were going to go up to the Air Force Museum at Wright-Patterson AFB. I loved him so much. I've come to the conclusion that it's the best people in the world who die before the worst. Why? Well, I'll have God tell me that when I die. It's weird. I saw Jennifer a few days before she died, and I ate breakfast with her. I saw PapPap a few days before he died, and I had lunch with him. I'm so glad I didn't go on that Langley AFB trip that same weekend. I would have kicked myself. I seriously believe that something kept me from not going to WV. I'm so glad I did... A friend told me that everything would be okay and that he just moved to a much better place. I believe that. I'll be there to see you on Monday Pap, I love ya. You'll be in my heart forever, Amen.

Shattered Skies

I thought that breaking up with Leticia(which was the right thing to do in the first place) would enable me to finally date Julie. I was utterly wrong. She's going to go with Bryson, and I'm goinging it alone. She says she wants to wait until we meet to make the decision, which is understandable, because I think it's what we need before we even have a relationship. ::sigh:: Life sucks. The painful lesson is life is: Shit happens.

Escape A Nightmare

Julie! Guess what?! It happened today! I told you it would happen soon! We broke up! I did it myself face to face. She really screwed me over again(like you said), and I told her I didn't believe a word she said and told her that I had enough of the bullshit. She asked me if I wanted to break up, and I said yeah, and she said whatever and walked away. I feel so much better now. Julie, I have something REALLY important to tell you when I talk to you on the phone again. I mean IMPORTANT. I dunno if I can wait that long! Argh!!! Julie, baby, I love you. You asked me a few days ago to show it, are you convinced? Man, when I talk to her, I hope her answer is yes... Ever since we talked Sunday night, I haven't looked at another girl the same. Actually, I DON'T look at other girls anymore. I am 100% loyal to you Julie. Right here, I will make my creed to you: I will not lie to you, cheat on you, or steal from you. I will always be here for you. Furthermore, I resolve to ensure the safety of you and all of your interests. Never will I let anything that has to do with the Leticia ordeal happen again. I will not go behind your back, I swear it on my grave, and to God Himself. Julie, I'm in love with you. I just want you to know that... Well, I'll get to the point when I talk to you on the phone.. I love you.

Last Hot Flight

Man. I'm lucky. That's all I really have to say here. Last night, I talked to Julie until like... 2:30 AM!!! Man... lol. She is AMAZING. I really love her. I can no longer hide, nor deny such a fact. She really is a great person. And when I meet her, it's going to be the best time of my entire life. I'm starting to write another song... she asked about it last night. I really didn't have much of an answer on how it was coming, but it's getting there. lol. It should be quite a good song... I hope. I've been reading my Bible alot. Not the literal Bible! Skunk Works! That's the book I worship. ::drools::. That's where my hero, the man I look up to comes from. Well, he worked there. Argh, it's such a long story, but it's my favorite book. Julie, you HAVE to read this! It's about the amazing feats of building the U-2, SR-71, and the F-117A Nighthawk. Some of America's greatest warplanes ever built. It's my baby. Moving on, I'm going to get a phone card tomorrow. Hoorah! We've got a drill meet this Saturday against Garinger HS and Olympic HS. Blah. We're going up against another Air Force unit and one Army unit. Piece of cake? I doubt it, but we're going to fight for the top. There are no points for second best. I can't wait to talk to Julie for a long time again... I hope she had as good of a time as I had last night on the phone. Wow. It was breath taking. We talked about EVERYTHING. It was so cool. I can tell her anything, she's like... well, she's the one I love! Booya! I can't wait till we meet, I just want to see her with my own eyes. ::sigh::. I'm in love.

Argh, I can't stop thinking about her!!

I'm constantly thinking about her, as if she lives next door. I can't get my mind off of her! But is that a bad thing? I don't think it is. If only things were different... I know I'm a confusing person, and I even confuse myself... but please... give me a chance. Put your cards on the table and chance it all. I'm only asking for this one chance. I know I'm not the best person in the world, or may not treat Julie the way she ought to be treated, but at least I'm trying. And trying is the best thing a person can do. I'm not asking for much. I'm not asking for something that's worth money. I'm just asking for one chance. Just give me a chance. We can start out slowly, as best friends. Then in the future, move further. I'd be foolish to rush into things, so maybe this is the wisest thing to do. I'm only asking for a chance... Julie I love you. I have ever since that first night we talked. Don't you remember? Remember those days when you'd get those gut feelings I'd be online and I was? Remember those nights we talked for hours on end about nothingness and some times we talked about us. Actually all the time. Julie, you and I get along so well, and have so much in common, and can resolve things so easily and move on. I know you're angry right now, but please... Please try to work with me on this. I don't know if you have much to say, but if you want me to prove my love to you, I will. If you want me to push myself above and beyond, I will. I'm always here for you, and I'll be your guardian, I promise. Just give me a chance to... I love you...

Majestic Wing

Last night Julie and I were into it again. She sounded very upset with me. But why? What did I do? Why so snappy all of the sudden? I want to know what happened between her and Kevin to make her act like this. This isn't like her. I love her, and if she wants me to show it, maybe this is the only way. If looking out for her isn't a way to show how much I love her, then I don't know any way else. I'm going to call her ASAP, but I really care about her. ::sigh:: I just wish things were the way they were not too long ago... It seems as if she doesn't care about me anymore. Like I'm out of the picture. I know I shouldn't be thinking this, but it's how I feel. I just want things to go back to normal. I want Julie and I to be close again, like we were before all of this happened. I feel as if I'm going to lose another best friend... Julie, there's no other way to say this, I love you.

Shattered Skies

::sigh:: Well, I talked to Julie... Right now I don't know what's going on. Her and Kevin got into it and now she's taking it out on me. Some of the things she said really hurt me. I don't think she realized it. Usually she'd be so happy to talk to me. But today, she just blew up on me. This whole ordeal is causing me alot of uneasiness. I'm really scared for us... I want to go out with her, and she wants to go out with me, but I'm too pussy to dump my g/f right now without an obvious reason. Maybe I'm the stupid one here. I try to be so nice to Julie, but I don't think she accepts it. She doesn't really act like it... I love her, and I know she loves me back, but I have a knot in my throat right now. I feel as if I'm going to cry. Cry. That's something I haven't done since Jennifer died. God please help me. I need your support in this. If I were to die tomorrow, I'd want to see Julie, just to tell her that I'm sorry, and that I love her, and I will always be with her. I just wish it were that easy. Maybe I'm just a fuck-up. I wish I knew the answers... I love you Julie

Crazy Gadget

Guess what? Awards ceremony is THIS Thursday!!!!! Hoorah!!! I can't wait! That's when we get cool awards for JROTC. Last year, I won a medal and a few outstanding ribbons. That's what really kicked off my JROTC career. And after completely changing and remodifying the color guard, AND getting 3rd and 1st place trophies, I better get SOMETHING good! This weekend I hope we get to sell cookbooks to help raise Color Guard money for new equipment. Should be cool if we raise enough. I hope to go to the National Drill Competition next year. That's my primary goal. Should be great if we succeed:). I know we will. I have faith in my boys. Well do great. Julie is back! HOORAH!!! I LOVE YOU JULIE!

The Nearest Place To Heaven

When one problem or issue comes about, it brings another along for the ride. But every ride must come to an end, resulting in the other problem occuring. And the process of infinity occurs. But when a person loves, it's a matter of meaning and trust. When you're reading this, exit your body. Look at the world around you. Look at the people around you. Your friends and family. Look at the ones you say you trust. Can you trust them? Can you look them in the eye and ask them a question, with the matter of honesty? But it's not just others who count. It's also yourself. Look at yourself. Can you even trust yourself? Do you lie to yourself? Or are you honest? In order to be a person of good character, one must first know ones self. I know one person who is. I know one person I love. That is Julianne Marie Winston. She told me some things, I didn't want to hear, but I deserved to hear them. I love that girl. And whoever gets the chance to date her is the luckiest person in the universe. Julie, I love you, and just want you to see that. I know it's hard to work something like this. But I love you.

COME ON!!!!

I'm sick. Blah. But hey, so far, this week has been amazing! I talked to Julie on the phone TWICE!!!! Booya! God I really love her. How ironic! I don't even know her in person, but I still love her! That just proves that love can find it's way around corners and between cracks. Simply amazing. And I know she loves me back, which makes it even better! I had such a great time talking to her on the phone. We talked and talked and talked. She did alot of the talking. I didn't talk too much, I guess because I was a tad nervous at first. But I know I can trust Julie, and she accepts me for who I am, and that's all that counts, ya know? She's my type! The only draw back is the distance, but hey, I'll let time settle that. All in all, she's an amazing gal. Saturday was our drill meet. We placed 5th. It was the closest color guard event in the history of the drill meet. The highest score possible was a 200. 19 schools were there, and 15 of them got over 190. We got 197. Although we didn't place, we still beat our rivals, North Meck. That was the school that was suppose to go to Nationals. We beat them, and proved that we are more worthy to be the best than they are, and that's all I wanted to do at the drill meet. North Meck has been running their mouths for a while, so I decided I'd dedicate myself to shut them up. I could care less about a trophy. We've already won a 3rd and a 1st place trophy. What more could we ask for? Well, I must leave now. I love you Julie.

Victory Day

Today was the West Montgomery Drill Competition. It started out with a 90 minute bus ride to bumfuck nowhere. We were in the middle of the woods. There was no civilization for a radius of 10 miles. Crap. Anyways, to make matters worse, it rained, which slowed down the bus ride even more. But when we arrived, the rain stopped and we got off the bus and went to work. Unfortunately, I didn't know when and were my CG event was going to be because they made a mistake in the schedule and forgot to put my CG on it. But it turned out, we were dead last to go. Cool with me. So we practiced, then I watched a few color guards. They did good. All in all, 17 schools were at the competition. Most of which were best in the state. So I felt a little tense and intimidated. But I kept my head high, along with my spirits. I watched the Flight Armed sequence, then the element and individuals. Before I knew it, 12:32 rolled around. It was our turn. You see, I found out last week from my friend, who is the North Meck (Our rivals) CG commander, that West Montgomery had cheated and got first place at the N. Meck meet(the one we got 3rd in). I told her we'd get revenge. So we did our sequence, and I didn't see anything that we messed up on. It was smooth and precise. I felt sorta down because the Drill Team commander, my so called best friend, didn't even watch us. What kind of shit is that? I watched ALL of his events, which was like 6 and he didn't even bother to watch mine. What a dick. That pissed me off. After about 30 minutes, we had a big game of knockout, then we had to go down to the auditorium for the awards ceremony. I was sorta tense, but bumed out. I had a feeling we weren't going to place. They started out by calling up individual awards, then flight armed and unarmed. Then they announced Color Guard. 3rd Place: Central Cabarrus. That was one target we had to beat. 2nd Place: West Montgomery. 1st Place: Independence. I nearly shit a brick. If you only saw my face. Everybody from Independence grew quiet. I just looked around and said "Oh shit". One of the instructors heard me and laughed. I walked to the front, rendered a salute, and got the trophy. I came back nearly crying. What a sight, what a day. Mission accomplished. Today was a fine victory. We only got one trophy today. That was a 1st place Color Guard trophy.

Knowing Ones Heart

Damn this computer!!! I just typed a REALLY long entry, but my computer froze!!! Argh!!! Fuck it. Anyways. lol. School pretty much sucked. Gym was cool, we did archery. I hit 4 out of 6 targets with my arrows, so it was sorta fun. In spanish, I was moved away from the people I normally talk to. So that sucked. In ROTC, we dd inspection, then the 30 command drill sequence. Cool I guess. It was so hot outside today. Thank God I didn't have to wear my uniform! I hope we do well at this next drill meet. I really want to. Man I really want to meet Julie. If I saw her right now, I'd run up to her and give her the biggest hug and kiss. I just really want to be with her. I've been having all of these thoughts, that maybe in the future we'll be together, maybe even forever. Never know. I hope that happens though. She's a great person. And when I meet her, maybe I'll start loving her even MORE. Is that possible? I dunno. God I just wish she was here right now.

Waterfall Tears

Somebody help me please. I don't care who it is. I just need somebody, a true friend, to come to the rescue. I'm hurt, broken, and in pain. All I need is a place where I can belong without conflict or worry. I need a place filled with love, and only love. Unfortunately, that's too much to ask for... 90% of the ones I call my friends have turned their backs and ducked away in sheer chaotic silence. What must one do to gain peace? I have tried my hardest through trial and error, yet each time I try to do the right thing, opposites result from it. I want to be with Julie. For some reason, when we talk, we don't fight, we don't argue, we just talk like people should. Although we're only friends, actually really good friends, I hope we'll take that a step farther. My mom said she was unsure about me going up there now, since my uncle is getting married. I at least want to go for that. I don't care if I have to stay for one day, I want to go up there for my family, and Julie. I'm starting to really love her, and I think I've already fallen for her. I don't know how she'll react though... Maybe I should have waited until we met...

Empty Space Out Of Control

Well, it happened. Remember how I said something bad was going to happen? Well it did. Ryan totally backstabbed me. Somebody told him I was going to boot him off of Color Guard because he kept skipping practices. Now he won't return his cord, gloves, or his officer cap. What a dick. If I don't get those returned, I'm going straight to Colonel about it. He wrote Leticia a letter about how worthless I am and that I'll have no future, and blah blah blah. It sorta hurt, hense it was coming from one of my "good friends". I should shoot that son of a bitch, just because he wants to be a royal dick. Now he's trying to turn all of my best friends against me. I am about ready to snap. And to top it all off, I found out yesterday that my Uncle Norm is running off of an oxygen tank his emphazema is so bad. My mom said he talked about dying and that he doesn't want any of his friends to see him. I'm suppose to go visit him this summer for a week, when I go up to see the Naval Academy with my aunt. I hope I won't be too late....

Codes of Silence

I've been playing alot of Phantasy Star Online lately. But unfortunately, I haven't been online since my dad cancelled my ISP. I can't wait until the Xbox version comes out. Speaking of Xbox, I rented Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell. Oh my God! That's a great game. You're pretty much a government spy who goes around sniping, killing, assassinating, and commiting espionage. You can sneak and peer around corners. Hide in the dark. Stalk your victims. Use your victims as human shields. It's a great game that tests your stealth capabilities. I got a replacement for Color Guard. Yay. Our drill meet is THIS saturday! Crap! I still have to memorize my sequence:(. It sucks. Anywho, I talked to Julie. I'm worried. The last email she sent me was one saying that she was going to have sex with this guy that just came back in town. That really disappointed me. I made the mistake of breaking my virginity, and now I regret it. Especially since it was with somebody I now dispise. Julie please be smart and think that kind of thing through. I'm starting to fall more and more in love with her. I don't know, but I think when I go up there this summer I'll be totally in love with her. I'll shut up now.

Guidon Through the Door!

In ROTC class today, we're starting to use the guidon! I'm going to be the one using it! Hoorah!!! Oh yeah!!! The Outlaw Clan is back!!! HUZZAHH!!!!!! :-D. This is so great!!! Josh and I talked the other night, and we've decided to revive the clan. But oh yeah, like I was saying, since I'm the highest rank in my class(As well as highest rank of ALL 2nd year Cadets), I'm going to be the one using it. I'll put up a link sometime in the future which will show what a guidon is and what it does. It's quite neat. The Drill Meet is next Saturday:(. Massey, my rifle man, bailed out, saying he has to work. Bastard. So now I have to train up a new person in 3 practices, where as it took over 1 1/2 years to train Massey. Damnit!!! I hate this. We're going to look like shit. :(. I wish Julie was here. I've been saying that alot. Today, my "best friend" wouldn't even look at me in gym. She's been doing that ALOT lately. It's pissing me off. She's been cheating on her boyfriend, Guy, who is suppose to be my best male friend. He's been ignoring me too. It's pissing me off. They roll their eyes at me after I say something to them. Then they look at eachother as if they're signaling that they want me to be gone. Well maybe I will be gone ne of these days. Careful what you wish for, it just might come true. I want Julie... She's one of the only people who can actually understand me. And unlike Chelsea and Guy, she's actually here. I hope this summer I'll be able to at least hold her hand and kiss her... Enough of me bitching and whining. I have an Algebra 2 test tomorrow on Logarithms and "E" and Natural Logs. Gotta study for that! Yay. I love Algebra. I did pass a Chemistry test!!!!!! With a 73:)! You proud of me? The first one I passed this whole year. After this year, I'm just going to say "Screw Chemistry" and I'm going to Physics. Then in my senior year, I'm going to take some dumbass science like physical science that I've already taken. Nothing too hard, but easy to pass. I WANT TO TALK TO JULIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

::YAWN::

I slept through my alarm AGAIN! I'm still really tired. Guy picked me up today after school and we went cruisin in his car. He just got his license so we went up to Taco Bell and got some tacos. He's a vegetarian so he got something else, forgot what it was. It was cool though. Me and Guy are really close friends, he's the best guy friend I have.. and his name is Guy! lol. How ironic. He's cool though. He plays the drums, but his band broke apart, so now he freelances. Yup, I put up a new pic on the top of my journal for Julie. I thought the other one was sorta bad, so I put up this one. Then Sunday, I'll put up a more recent one:). LYL JULIE!!! GET ONLINE SOON!!!!!!!!

COLOR GUARD ATTENTION!

I did Color Guard today at the University Hilton. It was pretty cool. I haven't done Color Guard in a while, so it was a GREAT refresher. I love doing Color Guard. If I enlist in the Air Force, I'm definately going to do CG there. I love it. It's just that feeling when you shout the command "Present Colors". It's just a great feeling. We had a Chemistry test today, which I BOMBED. Speaking of bombing, this whole world conflict is starting to worry me. Bush is getting too arrogant with our military. He's proposing a 2 front war. Not gonna happen. If it does, you can kiss the US goodbye. And if we win, you can still kiss us goodbye because terrorists will tear this country apart. What we need to start thinking about is the future. Our military needs to keep updated, so companies should start working on the next generation of weapons. Only problem is bureaucracy. It's so bad. Now days, companies can't build anything without Air Force brass peering over their shoulders and getting in the way. If I'm president oneday, that'll all change. I got an email from Julie!! HO HAH!! She's awesome. Hopefully I'll be able to go up there this summer. My parents already said yes, now I just have to talk to Davey:). I have Leadership School at the Citadel from June 16-22. Should be fun I guess. I just can't wait to see Julie though!!!!!!!!! Argh!! But all in all, things are going steady. I hope Julie gets off punishment soon...

Run Forest! Run!!

Julie is STILL grounded. This sucks. I haven't talked to her in days and I'm starting to get worried! But hey, if I know Julie, I know she's doing just fine. I asked Alicia today what they did, but she just said "brb" and never came back! Argh! Man, yesterday we had the PFT (Physical Fitness Test) in Civil Air Patrol. It could have been better. It was 38 degrees, 20 degree windchill, rainy, and we were all in combat fatigues and boots. Okay, there are the factors, then we had to do push ups and all these other exercises in those conditions on cement, which hurt our hands even more after they were numb. Then we went inside and did sit ups. I was lazy, so I did 60. Usually I do about 120 before I max out, but last night, that coldness really got to me. Then we had to run the mile. Now last week, my mile time was 7:00. Last night, it was 8:16. I couldn't believe it. Damn weather, damn combat boots. Then we had to march back to the main building through about a 1/2 foot of mud. Fun stuff. lol. I miss telling stories like these to Julie:(. lyl jules.

Wish for peace

Wish for dreams

Wish for love

You are gone

Without saying goodbye

Starry sky

I can still see the light

You're saved

And I think of you tonight

Soon the dawn will come again

What have I got ?

What has it cost me ?

I can feel you are near

Within me, outer space

Here and there

Tell me please

How much we have to bleed

When we'll get the land of dream

After lonely bitter days

Now I can still see the light

You're saved

And I think of you tonight

Soon the dawn will come again

But What have I got ?

What has it cost me ?

Why can I still see the light

You're saved

Though you are now out of sight

Soon the dawn will come again

But what have I got ?

What has it cost me ?

-"Can Still See The Light"; Phantasy Star Online soundtrack

Mondays...

::Yawn:: Mondays. Blah. Mondays SUCK! I hate Mondays!They really bite. Have you ever noticed that everything bad happens on Mondays? I'm ALWAYS grounded starting on Mondays. Why? Because that's when grades go out! Blah. I failed Chemistry! Proud of me? Didn't think so. I only got a 66. Ryan got a 4.1%! I was like DAMN SON! lol. Funny stuff. How HE'LL be a pilot, I'll never know! He's die hard pilot like I am. Tomorrow are promotions! YAY! Call me Captain Reith now! BOOYA GRANDMA! haha! ::does a little dance:: Cha cha! hehe. I want to talk to Julie. I couldn't get on last night because my sister was doing a project. Julie and I have been thinking of eachother NONSTOP! I thought about her all day today too! Weird!!!!!!!! hehe. Man, I'm hungry. L8er m8ers!

A challenge has been made....
I can't believe what I'm seeing! Julie challenged me to a Volleyball game! HAHAHA!! Peasants! Bah! I'm gonna show her what fighter jocks are all about! Especially Air Force fighter jockies! Hmph! I really can't wait to see her. We're going to have so much fun. She's a great person. I'm glad we're cool again. I was thinking alot today about her. I mean ALOT! She's STILL out of school! How lucky is that? If I were her, I'd be wanting to go back to school too. It sorta gets boring at home for a while. Man, this summer should be GREAT! First I have to go to the Citadel for Leadership School, which should be awesome. Then I get to see Julie! BOOYA! Who's your daddy? You don't know because it's ME! bwhahaha!!! I'm chatting with Julie right now. I like her little frog smilies. They're cool. I asked my Color Guard guys for money today to replace our missing gloves and belts, and John Cincioni donated 4 bucks and April donated 15! I was like holy #%@^! lol. I wasn't expecting to get 19 bucks the first day of the campaign! Well, I'm gonna go, I wanna talk to Julie before she gets off. L8er!!

Kill me now
I want to die right now. I did something terribly wrong without even thinking. I hate myself. I deserve everything I get now. How could I be so stupid and ignorant? Damnit. I wish somebody would just shoot me in the head right now. I really fucked up this time. Damn me. Damn me to hell. I hope I die tomorrow. Or maybe even now. I'd die just to let her know how sorry I am. I'll do anything, anything. God I feel so bad and hateful towards myself. I can't live like this. I dug the hole and now I'm burying myself in it. Julie if you're reading this, I'm so sorry, you have no idea. Please give me another chance, i'll do anything. Please...

New feelings, New Home
Julie and I talked a lot last night. Her and I got into a little argument, but in the end, we made up and we're back to our original ways! I had so much fun talking to her last night. We talked about some interesting things ;). lol. I'm starting to feel more and more for her. It's weird, but cool at the same time. I would say something, but I just can't because of the constant fear I have of hurting her. Julie, you're a great person.lyl! Today I'm going with my mom to look at a house, our is put up for sale and now on the market. I hope nobody buys it yet. I don't want to move into an apartment while our house is being built. Blah. In a way I don't want to move, simply because I'm a lazy person and don't feel like packing up all my crap. lol. I hope Julie and I can talk today. I really like talking her. She's awesome. lyl.

The World At War
This whole issue with Iraq is starting to bother me. I've been in the AOL chat room talking about it and people are getting ignorant. But the sad part is, these are American citizens, and they want war. How stupid can they be? Very stupid. When I first entered the room, all people were saying was "Nuke Iraq". Idiots! I hate them! Hate is a strong word, but that's how I feel towards those people, nothing but hate and anger. They don't know what a nuclear weapon actually does. They don't know why we dropped 2 nuclear bombs on Japan in WW2, nor do they know the consequences and the aftershocks. We dropped the atomic bombs on Japan for 1 reason: Because if we were to invade Japan, we would have suffered more casualties than were suffered on Normandy during Operation Overlord or D-Day. It was a gamble. When the atomic bomb explodes, time almost stops for a split second, and everything becomes deafening. All that a person can see is a bright light, and that's all they will ever see again. The other after effect is radiation poisoning, which will give you a slow, painful death, the death no innocents deserve. In my opinion, we should have wiped out all knowledge and equipment of nuclear weapons right after the war, but we didn't for one reason, the USSR. But that's off subject. In my opinion, Saddam Hussein should be taken out of power, but look what would happen. One thing that would happen is the country would ultimately collapse after a war. With no supply lines, and all key transportation systems down, the Iraqi people would starve. Another thing would be a global reign of chaos. If we attack Iraq, they will most likely dump and burn their oil and their facilities, cutting off world supplies. Another thing to consider is the dictator himself. Look at him. He's an old man and a lunatic, not afraid to kill or chemical bomb his own people, like he showed in 1990. This man has nothing to lose. Lets do some role playing. Lets say you're a maniac psycho killer and the police are chasing you. They chase you into an alley where you have nowhere to go or hide. What do you do? Well any psycho lunatic would probably do a last ditch maneuver and cause as much damage to his enemy as he can before dying, even if it means taking his own life. I think that's what Saddam is going to do. If he does have chemical, biological, or even nuclear weapons, he won't hesitate to use them. If we were to attack Iraq from Kuwait, like we're planning on doing now, I think Saddam would use something to cut us off and block our ground forces from storming the country. Rather than letting us in, he'll block us off and do an all out assault on any neighboring country, primarily Saudi Arabia or Iran. And what could we do other than send in airstrikes? Nothing. The last Gulf War, we used F-117 stealth fighters that first night to strike Baghdad and take out key targets, isolating the city from the world. Not one F-117 was lost throughout the whole war, and those guys went up against more Anti-Aircraft Artillery and SAM's than they care to remember. Iraq had more defenses around Baghdad than the Soviets had protecting Moscow. Incredible. But I believe that Saddam will be prepared this time. Now we had airplanes like the B-2, stealth bomber, which costs 2.2 BILLION dollars per airplane, the most expensive airplane in history. If one of those goes down, think about how hard it would be to replace it. And there's only 21 of them in existence. Call me crazy about it, but I believe everything I stated above is likely to happen. Back in World War 2, before the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, a general named Billy Mitchell predicted that Pearl Harbor would be bombed. Not only did he know where the bombing would occur, but he also knew who would do it, and how it would be done. And the sad part is, nobody listened to him. Everyone just called him stupid and crazy. Man, he must have really shut those bastards up after it really did happen. Call me stupid, call me crazy, but it's likely to happen. Bush, if you ask me, is just as crazy as Saddam is. I thought he'd be a good president, but I was wrong. Bush wants to fight North Korea and Iraq at once. Sad part is, we're not acting in defense, only offense, triggering another World War. Didn't he learn anything from Hitler or Napoleon? Doesn't he know to NEVER fight a war on 2 fronts? Didn't we learn anything in Vietnam? We thought the Vietnamese were inferior, and they beat a superpower. Incredible. It just goes to show, anything can happen, and history DOES repeat itself...

I finally got to talk to Julie today! YAY!!!! Hoohah! Julie's off punishment! ::does a dance::. :). I didn't get to talk to her too long though:(. Hopefully she'll be online tonight:). Hehe! I just want to chat with her. I love talking to her. She sent me a picture of her a few days ago, and OH MAN! But, the reason I like her so much isn't her looks, it's her personality. She's a great person. She's nice, funny, has a sense of humor, honest, and is one of my best friends. She's not afraid to speak her mind either, and that's a cool trait. I went over to Leticia's house today. It was cool I guess. We watched Top Gun and I had dinner over there. We had a ham and corn. It was good. Hehe. Man, there's 3 ft. of snow up at Julies, Alicias, and my grandma's house! That's alot of snow! All that's down here is ice! Well, no school tomorrow! HOORAH!!!

Good times
Today was boring. I miss talking to Julie. Alicia said she was grounded. Argh. I talked to Leticia today. I suddenly feel like I don't want to talk to her. I dunno why. I talked to Kristina today too. It's been a while since we've talked. I cleaned my room today! Yay! NOT! It took forever! How boring. lol. I cleaned out my closet. Blah. I got rid of some stuff though. I looked through some books my grandfather gave me from WW2, when he was training to be a B-29 tailgunner. One of his schedules was from June 7, 1944. I was like holy crap! The day after D-Day! Wow. He also gave me all of these old flight books. Very cool. Well, my room likes much nicer. I miss Julie!!!