"When life deals you lemons, break out the tequilla." -Unknown

"We're all gonna be like three little Fonzies." -Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction

"You have to ask me nicely. You see, Danny, I can deal with the bullets and the bombs and the blood. I can deal with the heat and the stress and the fear. I don't want money and I don't want medals. What I want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform, and with your Harvard mouth, extend me some fuckin' courtesy. You gotta ask me nicely." -Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men

"Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." -Robin Williams

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." -Robin Williams

"What drunken, German gynecologist invented this sport (the luge)? What guy went, 'I want to dress like a sperm, shove an ice skate up my ass, and ride balls first down an ice chute. Ya. That would be fun.'?" -Robin Williams

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours; if they don't, they never were." -Unknown

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." -Jerry Seinfeld

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." -Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally

"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time." -George Carlin

"Love is like war; easy to begin but very hard to stop." -H. L. Mencken

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron." -George Carlin

"I was so poor growing up, if I wasn't born a boy I'd have nothing to play with." -Rodney Dangerfield

"We'll always have Paris." -Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca

"When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both." -Al Franken

"I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less." -Eddie Izzard

"Life is a riddle with no answer, and yet we spend our lives seeking that which doesn't exist." -Unknown

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot." -Groucho Marx

"And if I asked you about love you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes. Feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you...who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it’s like to be her angel and to have that love for her to be there forever. You don't know about real loss, because that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much." -Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting

"Happiness is a decision you make when you free your mind and your heart." -Unknown

"Some people say that I must be a terrible person, but it’s not true. I have the heart of a young boy in a jar on my desk." -Stephen King

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." -Dean Martin

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." -Mark Twain

"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche

"Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost $5,000. Because if a bullet cost $5,000, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders." -Chris Rock

"Life is a riddle. The solution is written on the backside." -Unknown