This website is dedicated to events that unfolded during Spring Break 2004 in the hell-hole known as Panama City Beach, Florida.
The events are in no particular order of importance - they are just simply random things that I remember. I will attempt to list who all from Franklin went to Panama, as well as where they stayed, but the majority of the stories will come from the inhabitants of the oh-so-lovely Chateau Motel.
Our group included: Myself (Ben Hunter), Jeff McGuiness, Drew McCall, Nick Kane, Mo Shipley, and Emily Bond (graduated with Jeff and Drew).
Fellow Chateauers included: Rachael Niehaus, Heather Watson, Katie Fledderman, and Nole.
Next door to them was Ben McKinney, Geoff Zentz, and Eric Shaw.
A group of random sigs also stayed in the hotel, causing a chant of "Sigs suck dick," to be screamed throughout the pool-side.
And so it started.
The six people in our group met up and decided we should probably leave at about 8 or so to head to Panama. The dorms at this lovely shit-hole of a college closed down at 5, but we thought we would be able to stay somewhere until 8 or so - We thought wrong.
We actually left Franklin at about 6, thinking we would just take our sweet ass time, and screw around until we had to check in at 12 the next day.
On our way down we noticed a porn shop (In Kentucky of course) and it's bright sign lured us into it.
After sniffing around for a while we stumbled upon the find of the century - a giant rubber fist. No, I am not kidding you (Who would use something like that? Seriously). Other finds included a realistic blow up doll, a fuck-swing, and the topper of them all, a "fuck-machine."
Once we finally got off of the highway to hell (a.k.a. 65) we had the scare of our life. A car decided it didn't like the right side of the road and decided to venture over into our lane head on. It is about 4 in the morning, and we are all tired as hell, and didn't see it coming, and nearly hit a car head on at about 70 miles an hour... needless to say we all about shit our pants (speaking of shitting your pants, you will read more about that later)
We rolled into Panama at about 6 in the morning, and decided we would grab a bite to eat at one of the classy Waffle-Houses we saw. While there we met Wendy. Wendy informed us that she hadn't slept in 50 hours, and then she proceded to forget that we were there. God bless Wendy.
After that endeavor we decided we would go kill some time by laying out on the beach... now there's a brilliant idea... 6 teenagers laying out on the beach on a blanket at 7 in the morning... we looked like a bunch of hobos.
After walking through countless shops, and noticing that only 2 hours had passed, we decided to take a nap in our cars. We put blankets over the windsheilds and broiled like hams in an oven.
We dicked around until 12:00 FINALLY rolled around and went to our hotel to check-in. They then so kindly informed us that 12 was the pre check-in time, but our room is guaranteed by 3:00.
We peridically checked in to see if our room was ready yet. Nay. 3:00 finally arrived and we went to get our room. They told us that it was not yet ready yet. Since some heffer told me that the room was GUARANTEED by 3, I was not too tickled. Jeff got a little rowdy as well, and I informed them to give me a maids outfit and I would clean the damned room myself.
Drew and Kane decided this would be a dandy time for them to take a nap in the girls room, and left the rest of us to fight for the room... After we all threatened to sleep on the office counter, they finally gave us a room... but not the one that we wanted. The room actually ended up not being too bad though.
----->> Noelle bonging a Mixed drink of Vodka and Hawaian Punch. Impressive if I do say so myself.
Drinking was the name of the game in Spring Break. Our fridge looked like a liquor store... (until Emily got caught with a beer outside and the police came in and made us pour it all out). How was that $250 Natty Light Emily? ;-)
The cops opened the freezer, picked up my water bottle that had a big "V" on it, and then sat it back down and closed the door... He also did not confiscate the half-gallon of vodka sitting on our dresser... Proving once again that I am apparently "unbreakable."
Case races were a popular endeavor during the week as well.
Jeff, Drew, and Mo got slutty on several occasions and led to many, many laughs.
These are the fucking seagulls that Noelle and Rachael decided to attract to our balcony by enticing them with Dorritos and Cheetohs.
They flocked to our balcony and made horrible, horrible noises. Rach decided to get the brilliant idea to let them eat a dorrito out of her hair.
Kane and I hated the birds most of all and he started throwing random things out there for them to eat.
Jeff and drew videotaping random things was a common occurance as well. One such example is some random moron throwing lawn chairs and other pool-side shit into the pool.
Jeff's camera broke, however, and he can't get the tape out of there. (Thank God I say, because there is plenty of footage on there of me making an ass out of myself.)
I am sure a lot of other humerous shit happened, but if it was on one of the nights that i was drinking, then I didn't see it. Perhaps because I was hiding underneath the filthy hotel mattress?
One funny thing that I do remember, however, was me dangling a towel in front of Jeff, and pulling it away as he leaned for it, and then watching him and the whole shower curtain come tumbling down. I then proceded to ask Jeff why he was mad at me? God bless vodka.
Ahhhhh Totinos pizzas.... the true college student food. Can't beat $0.98 for a whole meal.
Our whole freezer was stuffed full with these pizzas and one was almost always in the oven.
Katie, who somehow got dubbed "fledderfuck" said she only had two pizzas, which tickled Kane immensely.
I didn't buy any of the pizzas, but I did end up eating a totally frozen one when I was slutty one night. I don't reccomend that.
Ok Ok, I will actually put a retarded picture of myself on here...This is a picture of Kane and I singing *NSync's "This I promise you." (Once again.. God Bless Vodka...) Kane knew the words to all of the *NSync songs.... hmmmmmmm?
This was not the only Karaoke that went on during the trip. Mo and Jeff sang Margaritaville in some shitty Karaoke bar near our hotel. The only problem is that they were both so drunk that they didn't know any of the words at all...
Ahhh "Goofy Golf," the most ghetto putt-putt course on the face of the planet.
Heather, Veza, Rachael, Mo, and I all ventured to this shit-hole one night to play a game of what we thought was just normal putt-putt.
First off, the lights are out, and it is dark as hell back there. Hole number 2 was an old castle looking thing where you had to put your ball through it. Rachael hit her ball in, but it didn't come out. We looked everywhere for it, but the ball twas no where to be found. Veza then proceded to hit his ball underneath it, and it didn't come out either. A white ball, however, did pop out the other end. The odd thing was, none of us had white balls....
Oh the state of Alabama-The smartest folk alive.
We stopped just outside of Montgomery, Alabama on our drive back casue we were all starving. Seeing that it was a Friday during lent, most of us weren't eating meat...
Jeff went up to the counter and said "I would like a fish sandwhich please." The cashier then procedes to tell him "We don't have a fish sandwhich." He does tell him that he can order a # 9 combo though, which happened to be a fish sandwhich combo...Idiots....
Ohhh the classy Panama City Taco Bell, in a small strip-mall, mind you.
I went along with Veza to Taco Bell one night because he was starving. We get there and there are like 4 people ahead of us, so we got in line.
10 minutes pass, as the group of douche-bags behind the counter procede to come out and have a meeting and stare up at the menu sign. Yes... they litteraly looked up at the neon menu to try and determine the price of something.
After spending what seemed like 9 days in line, I decided I would actually order a taco. Veza orders his food and then I tell the lady that I want "A steak soft taco with no tomatos." The bitch then snobbily tells me "Those don't even have tomatos on them anyway." I bit my tongue and walked away.
I grabbed my sack and went over to sit down with Veza.
I opened the wrapper, opened up my taco, and take a wild fucking guess what I saw... TOMATOS...
I then walk up to the counter and tell them about it.
They then take the taco out of my hand, walk to the back of the building, scrape the tomatos off, wrap my taco back up, and hand it to me. I took the taco back, and promptly threw it in the trash and sat back down in disgust. Fuck Taco Bell.
Ahhh Poker... The best game on the planet.
In this picture you can see Drew, Mo and Jeff playing a game of cards one night in our hotel room... just like we do here in Franklin every fricken' night...
Well.. on this night Katie said that she wanted to play. Not being sexist or anything (ok, maybe it is) but I thought... okay, she can play... this should be easy money...
Well, I got into hand against Katie, and got a pair of Jacks on the flop. Katie has a queen in her hand and calls me for some unknown reason. I am like, wooo hooo, I am going to win this... They turn the last card over and it is a queen... Fledderfuck beat me in poker... I will never hear the end of that one...
One of the coolest things that I saw on break was emily getting her tongue pierced at some crazy tattoo parlor.
She got it done like a trooper, with everyone hovering around watching.
They then informed her that she can not perform oral sex for 6-8 weeks... shucks fellas... She then bought a new tongue ring the next day, even though she can;t change it for 4 months, haha.
More will be added to this site as I get more and more pictures.
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