These poems are mostly based upon my actual experiences. However a few of them (Do You Hear?) are based on observed experiences. And in all these, I use the term love loosely, and do not claim to have been in love. Not all of them are dated, but they were all written over the past year (L.O.V.E. being the first one).
L.O.V.E. (9/27/00)
L is for living for you alone
L is for loving everything about you
L is for laughing moments by your side
O is for opening our hearts
O is for one shared forever
O is for one love, one lifetime
V is for Valentine’s Day together
V is for the value of every day we share
V is for very wonderful you
E is for every waking thought of you
E is for endless love
E is for ever after happily with you
Forever Love
Ever do I dream
Dreams awake
Dreams asleep
Happy dreams
We found each other as
Fate flung us madly together
Dream ends
Sad dream
The one is lost
I am alone
An impossible dream
I wanted it so.
Confusion
Confusion.
Constant Confusion.
Do I love him?
Do I love him?
Who do I love?
Who do I like?
Do I like?
Do I love?
What do I have to lose?
What do I have to gain?
Losing friendship,
Gaining romance
But what about when that ends?
No matter what happens,
Nothing can ever be the same again
I can’t choose
I can’t trust
I can only love
But I can’t tell who.
I can’t even tell if I do.
I’ve been hurt too many times
I’ve screwed up too many times
I can’t trust I’ve forgotten how.
Am I just lonely?
Am I just flattered?
Am I confused?
How do I love?
How do I love?
How do I live?
How do I trust?
How do I do?
I loved and I was hurt
I lived and I was killed
I trusted and it was broken
I did and was destroyed
How do I love again?
How do I live again?
How do I trust again?
How do I do again?
How do I love, when they never love me?
How do I live, when I’m alone?
How do I trust, when I can’t even trust myself?
How do I do, when I don’t know what to do?
Who do I love?
What life do I live?
Who do I trust?
What do I do?
Can I love?
Can I live?
Can I trust?
Can I do?
Love Is Scary (December 31st, 2000)
He says he loves me
Maybe he does
I think I love him
But that’s a scary word, love.
I’m scared
Terrified
Frightened
I’m even a bit in shock
I’ve never been treated like this
I feel special, really loved.
But at the same time,
That’s a scary word, love.
I’m scared
Terrified
Frightened
I don’t know what to do
I want to love him
I want to know who I like even,
I’d settle for that
But love is such a scary word
I think
Maybe
I’ve forgotten how to love
And I need to learn all over again.
I want to say I love you
And know I mean it with all my heart
But I need time
To learn how and who to say it to
Love is a scary word
We’ll See We said we'd see
You and me
And so I saw
What I should have seen before
Right now is not the time for us
Maybe someday, it could be
Who knows, wait and see
Maybe someday, you and me
But not today.
It wouldn't be fair.
I love you still
But not the same way
Or maybe I do
But I can't tell
I need more than that and time as well
I don't want to lose my dearest friend
On a whim that may well end
Maybe someday, you and me
But not today
Walking (January 16, 2001)
Walking, walking down the sandy beach of life
Walking, walking past couples
Walking, walking past families
Walking, walking past children
Walking, walking past happiness
Walking, walking towards the sunset
Walking, walking in loneliness
Walking, walking in happiness
Walking, walking hand in hand
Walking, walking arm in arm
Walking, walking, lips together
Walking, walking with soft whispers in each other’s ears
Walking past me, passing me, alone
Walking, walking down the sandy beach of life
Alone.
Choice (January 16, 2001)
Do I choose to be alone?
Or would I rather be an us?
Do I choose to walk in solitude?
Or do I long to share every moment?
Do I choose to save myself?
Or do I have anyone to save me for?
Do I choose to be with someone?
Or do I choose to be with anyone?
? (January 16, 2001)
Am I sad?
Am I alone?
Am I lonely?
Yes.
Am I desperate?
Am I willing for anyone?
Am I easy?
No.
Am I in love?
Am I crazy about someone?
Am I longing to be in love?
No.
Pain (January 16, 2001)
You love. He hurts.
You trust. He hurts.
You heal. He hurts.
You love again. He hurts.
You trust again. He hurts.
You heal again. He hurts.
Hurt, pain, anger, frustration.
Healing, love, trust. Hurt once more.
Less trust, less trust. Hurt more.
No more trust.
Trapped (January 16, 2001)
He loves, and I back away.
I love and I retreat
He gets close and I run
I love and retreat
I can’t be trapped
I have to be free
Not trapped, like a bird in a cage
But free as a dove wheeling high
No intimacy, no closeness
Solitude and aloof
That’s me, as free as a cat! Rather alone than trapped in a cage.
Restraints choke me.
Relationships aren’t for me.
When I Was Young
When I was young, I thought I was in love
Long, lazy, summer days with the boy
I thought I was in love with
Then I thought I was out of love
Then I thought I was in love with him again
Now I know I was wrong
When I was young, I thought I was in love
Long, lonely days without the boy
I thought I was in love with
Then I thought I should tell him
Then I thought he hated me
Now I know I was wrong
When I was young, I thought I was in love.
Long, thoughtful hours about the boy
I thought I was in love with.
Then I thought I chose wrong
Then I thought what else could I have done?
Now I know I was wrong
When I was young, I thought I was in love
Now I know I was wrong.
Chance
A chance to live, a chance to love
A chance to start over
A chance to forgive the past
A chance to re-live the past
Like going back, like meeting again
Like the first love the first kiss
Like getting a chance to live it all again
Like getting a chance to live it right
Confiding
I confide
Though I knew I shouldn’t
Deceive myself
Into believing he feels the same way
Running away in shame
The way he’ll remember me
Tell myself he’ll call
He’ll come back
When why would he
There’s no reason
I knew he didn’t want me
Told him anyway
Hoping against hope
False hopes
Dashed dreams
All the while
Knowing this would happen
Always does
Always will
Life
Hoping Against Hope
I always hope
I always dream
Lie to myself
Raise my hopes
Dream great dreams
The hopes burn
The dreams shattered
And I pick up the pieces
To hope and dream again
For another broken heart
Goodnight Sweetheart
Goodnight, sweetheart
It’s time to go
But I don’t want to leave
I’m afraid to be alone
We were together so long,
I don’t know what single is.
Goodnight, sweetheart
It’s time to go.
Faulty Memory
We had some great days
But now that's in a haze
As I wander, in a daze
And at nothing I gaze
As I try to fall asleep,
I forget you were a creep
As I begin to dream
I forget that you were mean
Do You Hear?
Do you hear what they say,
When you stand by my side?
Do you hear what they say,
When we walk down the street?
Do you hear what they say,
When you take my hand?
Do you hear what they say,
When they see you love me?
Do you hear what they say?
If you hear what they say,
Don't listen to them
If you hear what they say,
Don't give in
If you hear what they say,
Remember what we have
Don't throw it away
If you hear what they say
Know that I'll always love you.
One Thing Worth Living For
There's one thing worth livin' for,
And that's lovin' you, baby
Nothing else I could want
When I'm lovin' you,
Layin' in your arms
For You
Everything I do, I do it for you
Each word and song's for you
Every heartbeat, each and every breath
It's all for you
I sing for you
I dream of you
I live for you
I love just you
I couldn't sing without you, breathe without you
Couldn't dream without you, love without you
I couldn't live without your love in my life My Life's for you
I dreamed of you
My dreams came true
My prayer's been heard
A blessing was sent
My fairy tale came true
Here I am, I'm loving you
What is Love?
Love is where you feel warm and special in that one person’s company
Love is when you see him and your heart flutters and your day is made bright.
Love is where you just want to be together, more than anything else in the world.
Love is warm, filled with happiness and laughter
Love is always summer, the beginning of summer, when the trees are flowering, birds are singing and the weather is the most beautiful.
Love wants nothing more than to be together every moment of every day
Love trusts and is trustworthy
Love is heavenly, the emotion of angels
Love is as pure as white new-fallen snow, blanketing everything with bright happiness
Love makes everything warm, and the person’s arms shield you from all hurt
Love makes you see the world through rose-colored glasses.
Everyone craves love and searches for it everyday.
But love is where you lease expect it and never thought to look,
In an old friend, in a quiet stranger, in the person you said wasn’t your type
Love is the theme of life.
Love is realized by a bright light, shouting a name all of a sudden.
This light comes from anywhere, a song, a scene, and action or a word.
It blinds you, takes over your life
And you think of nothing else, until that light fades to a slight twinkle in your memory
Love is the greatest power and it seems not to know or care.
Love knows no motive, no social class, no distinctions between race or religion
All Love knows is that when two people are meant to be together, love must bind them for a lifetime.
Love knows no boundaries, it is pure and timeless, It is young and innocent, it is old and wise
Love engulfs everything, blocking out evil and letting in happiness
Love wants only one thing, love.
Love must be returned to thrive, but it will survive anything.
But once returned, it is eternal and everflowing
It gives of itself and has more to give.
Love is embraces and kisses, but is more as well.
It trembles, stirs and awakes need and want in us as well.
When you find out that your love is returned, you love your worst enemy and want them to be as happy as you are at that moment.
You would risk everything, including your life, to spare that person a moment’s sadness.
When you are away from the person, you feel empty and incomplete
The greater the distance, the greater the feeling.
If by chanced you are wrenched away forever, you never forget how you felt and you never stop loving them, no matter what happened or what they may have done.
You think there must have been something you could have done or said, no matter how hopeless the situation.
You feel like you never should have given up, as if you could never love someone quite the same way.
And even if you do love again, that other person is always close to your heart at the same time
Love is a highly addictive drug, it gives you a high, and when the high is gone, you want it back.
If you don’t get it, you go into withdrawal After you are cured, you are scared and you move slowly, scared of becoming addicted again. But it’s too late. Once you’re hooked, you’re hooked for life.
Love is sweet, the sweetest thing on earth and above.
Love is the one thing worth both living and dying for
After you experience love, you will never be the same again.
But
But love is also pain
Love is desolate winter, the wind howling, bare trees, so cold
Love is also darkness, so dark you forget that there is light
Love is jealousy, when he smiles at someone else
Love is betrayal, when he leaves you alone
Love is despair, at ever being loved in return
Love is lonelieness and waiting
Love is a search for the right person
Love is hopeless at times, or so it seems
Love is watching from behind a thick glass
Love is trying to do the right thing and failing
Love is destructive, of happiness, of friendship
Love is longing and wanting
Love is praying, begging, for a glimmer of hope
Love is a fit of weeping in the lonely dark
Longing for someone to hold you
Love is an emotional roller coaster
Love is agonizing
Love seems not to notice what it does to you
Love changes and is inconstant
Love is worth it, or is it?
Love will turn out alright.
Won’t it?
April 14th, 2002
its amazing how much we've shared
loving each other for so short a time
oh but how amazing that time has been
vanishing before our eyes
every moment passes too soon with you
you know i love you more and more
opening my heart to you so much
unbelievably in love with you
