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Amy's Blog
Tuesday, 30 August 2005
robert frost's birches
Mood:  hungry
BIRCHES ....robert frost....
When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy's been swinging them.
But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay.
Ice-storms do that. Often you must have seen them
Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselves
As the breeze rises, and turn many-coloured
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel.
Soon the sun's warmth makes them shed crystal shells
Shattering and avalanching on the snow-crust
Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away
You'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.
They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,
And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed
So low for long, they never right themselves:
You may see their trunks arching in the woods
Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground,
Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair
Before them over their heads to dry in the sun.
But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm,
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows--
Some boy too far from town to learn baseball,
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father's trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground.
So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate wilfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree~
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

Posted by journal2/mttssxyktn at 7:58 PM EDT
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Wednesday, 24 August 2005
god damn.. what the fuck next?
Mood:  don't ask
son of a bitch,
yea well to day's highlight was seeing matt when he picked me up from school,
other then that school is fucking lame, had to go to the doctors, she found a fucking sist on me... down there... she fucking cut SUM of it off, ... now it fucking hurts like a bitch! i gotta wait till after my baby's born to get rid of the rest of it...
now my 'land lord' wants to star shit about me having my 2 cats here..
FUCK him! u knw why? b/c i put down ONE OR TWO cats on my app and hes been here since they been here.. n he didn't say shit b-4!!!!!!!... now i know why they never gave me a copy of my lease or anything that i signed.. so they could fuck me over!!!!! fucking spics! but if they really wanna fucking put me out b/c i can't split up my cats.. thats fine.. more money for me fuckers .. n itll be outta yalls.. nasty wet back's pockets!
he wan'ts to throw me out.. ill leave him a fun mess to clean up!
fuckin go back over the barb wire fence bitch! ya arn't wanted here!

but yea..
shit sux... life goes on... n shit still keeps sucking!

Posted by journal2/mttssxyktn at 8:35 PM EDT
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Tuesday, 23 August 2005
Matt...
Mood:  blue




WHOO HOO... my first entry, of course its gonna be about matt....:D
he left for wrk already.... :( but he promised he is gonna stop over after work since im starting mackinaw accadamy in the morning... im hardly gonna be able to see him at all till i finish, or weekends.. n holidays! i cant wait... i miss him so fucking much! this is insaine! for the fact i have no clue on what to do or anything when im not with him... im so lost when im away from him...
hes the main point in my life.. untill Nov... lol then it will ne my baby n him...
i hope it doesn't flip him out that hes gonna be dating a mommy.... i just i need to know if hes going to stick around, b/c i have been thinking of an open adoption... but i just i dont want someone else enjoying MY child... n calling her theirs!!!
i have known mattas an aquantince for a while, but im just really starting to learn him,,, n get to actually know him... i mean REALLY know him... i just hope he will open up to me more... i want to be the one he confides everything in... i want to know all his fault, n all his dreams... i want to be included in his dreams...
i want to be there when he needs me. i need him to know i am NOT leaving, n that i DO want to be only his.. after what he told me today... i just want ot hug him, n tell him i am here.. n i never will let go ... my love for him is so much more then i ever knew love could be,
i love him, n if i could..
i would spend very minute with him,
n if he reads this,
i need him to also know if he ever needs or wants to live with me, i would NEVER turn him down...
b/c im going to be his everything im going to be his dreams... because he is my love and my future!

Posted by journal2/mttssxyktn at 3:35 PM EDT
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