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I have a new website chickenbait.bravejournal.com. Visit for better organization and actual JOURNAL entries, not just what I do day to day but that's included also. I'll keep this one for pictures. Send me some if you got them. 
to the journal site of Angela.
Today's date is:
I know this is quite dorky BUT hopefully, this site will make it easier for those of you who live forever away to keep up with my life and me to be able to keep in touch with you. Below are some journal type entries. I hope to organize them by month sooner or later. There's a guestbook and a windows media player at the bottom of this page. Please sign the book to let me know what's going on with you, and check out the music once in a while.
Click here to find out more About Me - i added poetry OR Click HERE to see my cyber photo album
11-06-04
A HELL of a good time. So Friday started out kinda weird cause Jess wasn't here but Brittani, Hillary, and I banded together and decided to have lunch together, a heart to heart to heart, and a movie night. Turns out John, Chase, Dicky, Robs, and Steve were feeling a littly loney and decided to join us. That was a hell of a night, especially Mario Cart (which i will win next time) and Chase's newest "moves." As for TODAY, I went to go look at trailers, forgot about work, got called by the boss, went in at 12, stood up all day, thought the afternoon was gonna suck trying to work on Brittani and my paper but... all in all, it wasn't so bad. We decided to accept Dicky's invitation and meet the guys at his house. I played poker, coulda won. Actually was winning for a long time in the final between Dicky (Bud's pot) and me. Brittani, Hillary, and John played Horse with Bud. Chase wore his red shoes with tan laces since they are the shoes he says make him a pimp... or playa'... I donno. Long night - it's 3am now and time for bed. Brittani already went to bed, I'm in a good mood, and Megan is no where to be found. G'night11-4-04
THANK GOD!!! BUSH WON!!! THANK GOD!!!
So it's been a while. I've been busy. I learned to play poker, and that's NOT why I've been busy. It has kept me up several nights. But besides that I've worked many days by myself this week and haven't had a day off for October. I'm looking for a manufactured home to move into, I'm really tired of renting. I have a huge Analytical Research Report due this Wednesday and have not done my interview or student poll... oopps. I also had two tests Wednesday, almost failed a SECOND geology test but I can still get a C in the class if I make a 64 on the last test. I can handle 3 C's in my College Career. My last tast is a deposition I have to give soon. The lady involved in Heather's accident is suing her for mental anguis or some bullshit like that. I'm hoping to help destroy her case. Please, please if you pray for nothing else pray for this, Heather, Jason, and Trenton. Thanks!
P.S. I'm SO excited it's almost Thanksgiving. I've been in a pretty good mood recently. I've decided to start a new journal. It's inspired by this, for ever not-so-good thing in your life, you should find 50 good memories or new good things in your life. Friends, family, and love.10-29-04
Well, Halloween is almost not here anymore. It's gonna be sad because I'll spend the time studying. Today was wonderful. A happy day. Full of random bull and lots of laughter. Tonight we are just chillin' at Jess' house playing cards and drinking. Good time :) Tomorrow Mom and I are continuing on the search for the Trailer cuz dude didn't answere so we could look at the one I wanted to tomorrow.
My recent theory on life is "say what you're gonna say, do what your gonna do. Don't hold back, don't regret a thing, and be completely honest." Good theory huh? Well I know a couple people that could follow this theory. Seems to do well for several of my friends. Anyway - Vote Bush!!!!
Tax plan -- Check
education plan -- check
national security -- check
good ol' southern boy, not a self-rightous yankee who's gonna mess shit up... DOUBLE CHECK!Post for 10-27-04
So I didn't go see Heather yesterday... Can't do it. Gonna go Saturday, Mom's going to help me. The dancing at Dart went well. Kristi's family was there to watch. None of our friends or family came. Kinda dissapointed me but it's ok, it was depressing and late anyway. We sat in chairs after we danced that were set aside for us that didn't have candles, but one of the ladies brought us some and we all almost choked and cried. I can't imagin being a victim of Dometic abuse or knowing someone who was a victim, eps the kids. UH - and this quarter it almost over. I can't wait to end Technical Writing and start my art classes again. Only problem is that I'll have to start missing some of dance again. I hate that. Anyway - I'm done now. Does anyone actually come here?? Not that it matters, I'm still gonna write. But thanks for coming, if you do... :) yeah, laterNewest Post 10-25-04 Well, we lost because apparently Jesus hates us. At SADM there were 3 judges... Hotel California Got a 96, 92, and a freakin' 84 giving us a Superior (the best category). THEN (and this tops it off) You're Still Here (choreographed by Heather last year) got a 94, 92, and a 70... a 70 isn't even good enough for Honorable Mention. This dropped us to Excelent, NOT what we were going for. The judges name was "Jesus" and I'm not a fan. Besides that I took an awesome hip-hop class and ate a pretty good dinner at Bennigans (not that Japanese place I WANTED to go to) UH and i wound up crying in front of some of the girls and parents. I was So insulted when we got a 70. Tonight I went to the Purple Parot after dance. Tomorrow I perform with Kristi, Megan, and Sheree at the D.A.R.T (domestic abuse resistance team) at the Civic Center. I'm excited, they won't feel the 70 I hope. Tomorrow is Heathers birthday, I really need to go see her. Maybe after the performance. I miss her so much, I can't even explain it. So, I'm going to bed now... To maybe dream of how my life used to be. The nice solid life with all my friend here... (not that i don't LOVE my life now...Jess, Brittani, I still love u guyes... i just miss back when sometimes) PS. If there is someone you love or admire... let them know incase something ever happens. The one thing I regret it not getting to tell Heather one more time how much I love her and appriciate everything she's done for me and with me. I'll never forget to remind someone how special they are to me again. You know who you are :)
New Post 10-22-04
Well, I forgot to mention that on the 21st one of my friends kinda got caught plagarising on her technical report proposal. She wound up not getting in trouble, thank God, becaues she wasn't actually aware of her complete plagarism... She and I almost BOTH had panic atacks when the teacher asked where she got the information from.
Ok so TONIGHT we went to a movie. The Grudge. It scared the ever living daylights out of me. I screamed twice and almost cried once. HA, I even almost swallowed my gum. The guys in front of us and with us made so much fun of me; I think I watched 80% of the movie through the holes between my fingers.
And another interesting piece of information, to me anyway, to kinda explain where the sudden lots of thinking about Heather came from... I got an e-mail from her... I don't know how. But it sent me to a free t-shirt site... A smilie face :) I love that girl. I don't know if there really is such a thing of ghosts or whatever, but I believe Heather has gotten in touch with me before... Keep prayers up if you don't mind. ThanksPost for 10-21-04 -
So I guess I lied, not gonna post stuff on the halloween page. I like happy stuff and fun stuff there. And I'm not so happy right now. We had our last dance competition practice today. SCARY, we actually compete Saturday at 7pm. I'm so nervous I could vomit. I really really want to win with "you're still here" for Heather. Speaking of which. I really miss her. I still haven't gone to see her. I just can't do it. Her birthday is this Tuesday. We are doing "You're Still Here" (which is the dance she set on us last) at the DART (domestic abuse resistance team) convention thingy at 6:30 at the Civic Center of Ruston (I think its there anyway) that day. I wish she could be there to see it. Besides that... one day at a time. Not like I can really take two days at a time, but I'm still trying. But it's so hard, and it's not like everyone understands where I'm coming from. Most people don't. And I'm not saying "wo is me, feel bad for me, nobody knows what pain is but me" But I am saying that it's hard to lose your best friend and not everyone has gone through it, and even if they have, neither situation is the same. And alot of people around me haven't lost two very important people to them. I'm starting to think of Ben like that. That's probably bad. He was my best friend, my love of my life. But now I can't talk to him... I can't force myself to call him or go see him... just like I can't just call Heather or force myself to visit her... but... hey on a happy note, I might be moving. No biggie, just into a trailer into a park on the outskirts of Ruston. Might be getting a welsh corgie... nameing it Montero (after Megans car, because I had a dog named Toyota) and calling him Monte :) That makes me smile :) KK - leaving on that note... :)Post for 10-17-04 -
SO I have two things to say.
1. My best friend was robbed last year, most of you know this. She doesn't live in a metropolise and it wasn't some guy stealing her purse. Everyone agree's she was simply a victem of circumstance... The wrong place at the opportune time for disaster to strike. And now, my best friend, a mother, daughter, wife, sister, a wonderful person is missing out on what could have been a wonderful life... Her son graduating or getting married, a second child or her 50th wedding anniversary, her parents retirement, her life and everyone that loves her was affected by one 5 second interval that involved a car accident and a nearly fatal brain stem injury that robbed a beautiful person of her life. Don't ask me to talk about this in person, don't ask me why I can't force myself to go visit her once a week... but I can't do it. And it's getting worse as I realize she's not going to get her life back. This is one of the worst pains that can possibly be endured... And I'd do anything to give her the life she deserves back. She didn't do anything wrong, no one else did anything wrong... and there is nothing right to do to fix it. How is a human supposed to handle this kind of pressure, this kind of pain...#2... I was asked the other day what I thouht about relationships. My first reaction was to say screw some relationships. But inside my heart, I'm dying to be in one. At the very least, I think about it once a day. Each day is different in the subject, but always the same in the pain that comes with thinking about relationships. What if I don't want to move on? What if I'm still in love, and deep down inside my heart I believe it was meant to be? Should I spend the rest of my life convincing myself that this kind of love doesn't really exist? Because I find if hard to believe that this love isn't "true love." If it wasn't true love this time, how can I believe my gut, my heart, if there is a next time? It's like crying wolf, but it's always a puppy dog. I thought this was the love God wanted for me, the love I'd waited for all my life. And what was there to prove to me that it wasn't? But I suppose if someone doesn't love you back... and this is hella hard to say, it can't be the infamous "true" love. Guess it's just my love.
I used to say that when you have love in your life, even driving home up your driveway feels different. And it's so true. Life just hasn't been the same since I lost the two loves of my life. And though the loves were very different, they were very much the same. Unselfish, mutual, "unending", and powerful. Hard to actually put words to the feeling. Putting words to a past life, a life I desparatly want back, please...
ALL OCTOBER POSTS WILL BE ON THE HALLOWEEN PAGE - CLICK THE DOOR ABOVE. I just gotta be difficult :P NEW POST 10-2-04, actually it's the 3rd now cuz it's 12:30.Anyway, Friday night I went to The Edge of Madness with Jessica, Hillary, Megan, John, Chase, and Robs... it was SO much fun. I was scared out of my freakin' mind, but it was fun fun. I was dateless but it's ok because I had a hell of a grip on Robs shirt and Jessica's hand. And Chase kept scaring Hillary and Jessica, better than the characters did. We played spades and drank and Chase fell out of the chair... you had to be there. John and Megan went behind our group, heard Chase scaring Hillary and Megan, I think they had a good time *wink wink*. I want to go to one of the other houses now... I think I'm adicted. I did very well because I felt like I had to take care of Hillary and Jessica, esp when one of the gouls tried to take Hillary away by picking her UP!!! Kinda like when Heather took care of me last time :). Anyway, YAY, it's lamost HALLOWEEN!! WOOT :P
Newest Post 9-30-04
#1. Talked to Travis this week, he was going to come up here this weekend but is actually NOT going to. Prolly won't get to see him anytime soon. Visit Travis and Ang and at the bottom of the page you will find information about our relationship. #2. Got sick and vomited all night Tuesday night, nice huh? Still sore in my belly from it. All my friends are making fun of me cuz apparently I think I'm going to die :PPPPPP #3. I GOT A HAIR CUT TODAY!! Yay, it's really short, spunky, and nothing I'd ever normally do. After competition I'm getting red streaks just cuz I think it'd look good in my hair and I've never done it permenently. #4. Heard a song today that is my exact feelings... --> edited for appropriateness... "what's (she) got that I don't have? "The only thing I thought I'd never lose [again], (she)'s got (him)." If you don't get it, you don't need to. #5. I am competing with 3 dances this October 23rd and 24th in Memphis with SADM. My last SADM competition. It's gonna be good :P Last but not least, I'm going to begin deleting past journal entries, unless someone tells me not to. PS. Does anyone actually come to this site? I love having a journal that I feel like cares cuz you read, but I want to make sure you are actually reading... I'm a fruit I know. Love always, Chicken Bait.New Post for 9-27-04
I put up pictures on my site today. Haven't told all the stories behind them. I gotta go to work tomorrow and it's actually 1 am already. I guess that makes right now 9-28-04. Oh well, I'm going to bed. Dance was rough today, Kristi was sick and Megan, Jamila, and Olivia had to help me out today. Gonna go get some "beauty" sleep now. Check out the pics, see ya later.Post for 9-25-04Things seem to be sorta settled right now. Megan started her job at Pie Works, I think she likes it. Jess, Hillary, and Brittani seem to have settled some differences. OH and some new news... and some randome information. TRAVIS called me today. My friends and I were going to go eat dinner at the hunting least tonight, but it got changed to lunch and we were all busy for lunch. BUT he talked to my dad, checked that he had the right number, and gave me a call. He's got a daughter that's 1 and a half who's mother is a little cooky but he is still a great guy. He's coming back up next weekend and we are planning fun times. I've missed BSing with him anyway! OH and he's a hottie. LOL. But tonight we are going to Westin to play spades with Hillary's cuz and Jess' practically family. Yay woo fun times. Only thing that's still not settled is that I'm still lingering. *sings* Every Light in the House is On." It's hard to keep "movin' on." PS i added pictures today.
It's a piss poor day... Yesterday was wonderful. Happiness most the day, went to work with no problems, went to dance with no problems, came to Jessica's tired and played cards with no problems... Today: Heather will be in the hospital for at LEAST another 7 to 10 days. That sucks... I've GOT to go see her tomorrow or Friday. Can't go to Baton Rouge to see Heath and Adam when I planned, but 's ok since I'm going to Memphis for Competition (Oct. 22-24) and Heath's got a seminar anyway. ALSO... heard Conway Twitty's, "Lying next her, with Linda on my mind." Never heard it? Well it sucks, and it reminded me of the not-so-much-fun-to-think-about stuff. ALMOST cried, had to change the station. Then Lia freaking put on "she think's she needs me." UH! Why doesn't she just stomp on my broken heart. But seriously... I do hurt, I'm gonna live, but I'm still in love... and sometimes that sucks... Anyway, besides that... I hope tomorrow's better. *LOL* Did I tell you that me and Jess got in trouble in Geology!!! Our teacher thought WE were talking... we honestly were NOT, I was typing on my lap top looking at her for a spelling correction... and we got called out in a HUGE lecture room. It was funny... mean teacher though.
When it rains, it !@#$%&* pours!9-17-04
Ok, so Last night hardly anyone showed up for dance and Kristi had somewhere else to be and didn't get to dance untill 30 min. after the SECOND class. I had a tift with some of my friends, stupid stuff, and sort of a misunderstanding, but still hurt feelings. Saw a picture of Ben and I at recital a mere 3 months ago and it made me miss him SO bad. Today would have been 2 years. I wish there was a way to fast forward the hurting and move on to being able to be friends with him. I also found out last night that Heather was put in the hospital at St. Francis for pneumonia. I'm so scared she's going to get sick and I won't have time to say goodbye. I'm going tomorrow. Nathan keeps getting stalkerish with Megan. Called her last night. Called her PARENTS today and was waiting outside her aunts house to talk to her. Creepy creepy. Going to see Chad Jackson tonight for Megan and Jess. That's not a bad thing, but it was kinda the beginning of the tift. BUT I'm over that... and now it's time to go. Gonna go not think about the not-so-much-fun-to-think-about stuff.Post for 9-13-04
Well, it's 11:05 and I've officially survived my first Monday of Technical Writing, Biology, Geology, and dance from 3:15 untill 8:30. I am SO tired I can't believe I can actually write this. I'm also staying alone tonight at the apt. Since I don't have classes tomorrow, and I'm working... and Megan and Jess both have classes they are staying at Jess' and I'm here. Weird to be alone. I don't like the quiet. It makes me think bunches. I know I'm not supposed to write about stuff like this, but I really miss Ben. I really miss knowing what he's up to everyday. I really miss his love. I know he still cares, but I can still miss all that we had. I do hope he's happy, and that's really hard to admit since I know what makes his happy right now makes me misurable. But aside not-so-happy thoughts, I'm on the right track losing weight, I LOVE my kids at dance and missed them SO much. I may complain sometimes but those kids are like my family. It's like having 100 little sisters to look up to me and for me to play with all the time. It's GREAT! OH - and my brother kicks rear, he got me the Law and Order SVU DVD 5th year collection... Jess, Megan, and I have been watching them and I'm not letting Joe have them :P. Plus, I'm mad at him and mom, they got to see Carin (my niece/goddaughter) this weekend. kk - "i frew" esesica...New Post for 9-09-04
So I have been to 3 days of dance and my first day of school for the quarter... Dance was wonderful, full of drama from parents about competition and who's child deserves to be in which class... Classes are O.K. Technical writing, biology, and geology on MWF. No art classes. I'm sad about it. But at least this gives me something to do and think about when I'm not IN class, at dance, at the Wearhouse, or with friends. I'm trying my best to not be alone. I spent about 5 hours alone and it about drove me nuts just thinking. Things still hurt... And I'm thinking more and more about Heather everyday since I started working with Ashley at the Wearhouse and since dance started back. I'm thinking of getting a journal to write any and every memory I can remember. I'm so afraid of losing her by forgetting memories. Well, I kinda got deeper today than ever, but Jess is calling for me and we are going to visit Megan.New Post on 9-06-07
Ok so I started work last week. Got quite nervous about forgetting stuff but I did a pretty good job NOT forgetting. I work again Saturday, scary part is it's without the manager or the other girl that knows what she's doing. Tomorrow class at the Academy starts back. I'm excited and nervous. Always nervous cuz there is always one kid that doens't like each teacher. But excited to learn more dances and start training for competition in October... WOOT! OH - Jess has a hottie, well, she staked her claim on the Hottie from Dawg House... HE'S SO HOT! lol - and Last night I drunk called him. Ya know, Vodka really hits ya hard when it finally hits ya. But no worries, I no no drive and had friends here to take care or me, and no no got sick this morning. But all this commotion has kept my mind off of the not-so-much-fun-to-think-about stuff, so that's good. Got to see Heath last night too, and I played chess for the first time ever... sorta. Anyway - TTFN (ta ta for now)NEWER Post - 9-01-04
Ya ever just sit and think... and think... and think... and then get pissed about thinking... then you just wind up thinking more? I do. I guess I'm thinking right now about a few guys, a few who hurt me, a few who I might have hurt. Kinda hurting worse and worse thinking about both. Also thinking about about Heather alot. SO then I start thinking about mortality, and death, and religion, and the list progresses untill I'm in tears. And then I realize I'm growing up, and it sucks. Cuz I'm tired of grown up stuff. *sings* I don't wanna grow up, I'm a toys-r-us kid...*sings*NEW POST - 8-31-04 -
Ok so I just got back from Gulf Shores with Brittani, Jess, and Megan. Can we say kick rear time!? It was my first time down there in Alabama. Playing on the beach and swimming in the gulf waters was wonderful. Didn't rain once! But school is about to start and my new job at the Dance Warehouse just started this weekend AND dance school is starting next week. Busy busy, Finally. Maybe it will keep my mind from wondering from the not-so-much-fun-to-think-about stuff. PS - My niece/goddaughter turned 1 year old YAY! - Need to get pics up and need to send her presents... OH and Ben and I have talked a couple times since the last message, and let's just say I'm not past that hurting stage anymore and I'm just trying to keep busy. Keeping with the not-so-happiness, it's been a tough few Heather days. Keeping her in my thoughts and prayers, I ask you to do the same please.
