A WORD OF THANKS BEFORE I BEGIN...
I know this sounds like the beginning of every single "teenage-trauma" story but...I never thought it could happen to me. I was a good kid. I had loving parents. I wasn't a slut. I was popular. I was on the tennis team. I didn't do drugs. I had a 4.0. Yes, I was a little unsure of what I wanted to do with my life...I was never one of those people who knew from the age of 2 that they wanted to be a doctor. I didn't know what to expect from life, or what it would throw at me, or what I would decide to do with my future. But to suddenly have your future decided for you...that was something I didn't expect. I never thought I'd become pregnent.
It was more shock, then bitterness or sadness. I was frightened...sure. Terrified, actually. But now that I've come the full circle, I think the thing I feel most of all is blessed. Blessed to have Ryan and Charlotte as older siblings, who helped me so much--especially at first when I had no idea what to do and was so filled with terrified emotion. "Uncle Ryan" and "Aunti Char", I love both of you to death.
I feel blessed to have such a tight-knit group of friends; who are more like my sisters than anything--who helped me, encouraged me, were excited for me when I felt the first kick...these were the people who would braid my hair and paint my toe nails, discussing possible baby names with me while I pigged out on a bowl of ice-cream to help calm my senses. These were the people who talked on the phone with me, hours on end, even if it was 2:00 in the morning...if I was feeling frightened or unsure, or just needed somebody to talk to. These were the people who all dropped their diets so I wouldn't feel bad about my newly huge appetite. These ARE the people who continue to show their endless love and support to both me and my child...my husband as well. These ARE the people who are godmothers to my baby girl...these ARE the people who I still see every day, who I still laugh with at the old, countless inside jokes, and who are still always there with a brush, some nail polish, and a bowl of Hagendaas when I need it. Liz, Sarah, and Amelia...I love each and every one of you so so much. I cannot even begin to say.
I feel blessed to have such loving, supportive parents, who took my shocking news as best they could and who helped me endlessly through my struggles--and still do today. Parents who are such loving, kind grandparents to my child...parents who stood by my side and never doubted my faith or willpower for a second. Mom and Dad, I love you both so much. And as I sit here writing these words, in attempt to make a little "memoir" of my experience, I think about the time when Dad took me out on that long, long drive...just after we had found out...just driving, with no destination and talking so much about so many things. Dad, I owe so much to your wisdom and knowledge that has made my whole pregnancy so much easier. I think about the time when Mom and I went shopping for maternity clothes...and she acted without embarassment; critiquing different colors and outfits--complimenting others--like my dearest shopping buddy she always was. I think about the tone of her voice when she called grandma from the hospital and how joyous--and not at all ashamed--her words sounded when she anounced: "You have a beautiful new grand daughter". But mostly, I think about the look on both of their faces, the first time they looked down on me holding my child. The love and joy in their eyes gave me such comfort. Mom and Dad, I was so frightened that this pregnancy would bring us apart, but it has only broughten us closer than ever before. I am so grateful for the relationship that I have with you and how I can always count on you for love and support, unconditionally.
I feel blessed to have the love of my boyfriend--now husband--Christian, and that he handled this situation so beautifully. In so many stories of teenage pregnancies, the boyfriend leaves the girl as soon as the words: "I'm pregnant" exit her mouth. For my darling Christian, this was not the case. He stayed with me--without any doubts or questions--from the momment I took my pregnancy test. And he is still with me. The love I recieve from his every day is unimaginable. And the love he gives to his child is so precious. Christian, your my light, your my day, you're my life...and I would not have been able to do this without you. I am so greatful to you for everything you have done, and everything you continue to do to make us so happy. I love you more than life itself, and you should always know that.
And I feel blessed to have such an amazing, beautiful child. Elizabeth! You have broughten so much happiness to so many people just by being here. No one has thought that you were a mistake for one momment, although you did come a little earlier than planned. You have made me a stronger, more individual person and I thank you endlessly for that. From the momment I saw you I knew I couldn't love anything more than simply holding you in my arms and knowing that God's plan for me is alive in yourself, and that we are going to be ok. More than ok. Your life will be so beautiful Elizabeth, just like your eyes, your face, your love, and your spirit. Please know that your father and I will always love you unconditionally and forever, and that you were NOT a mistake, but a blessing by God.