PAIN AND SORROW
lSleepless
lPrejudiced
lDeath
wish
lBetrayal
lHuman
Sacrifice
lFeelings
of a Murderer
lLife's
Beautiful Sometimes
lGates
of Paradise
lTeen
Angst
lWhat
About Me?
lWhen
a Child Dies...
lYou Never Really Cared
lUntitled
I lost Paradise, when I came to this earth
I lost the eternal place, even as I took birth
In this world I have lived, but for earthly gain
I have only thought of God, in times of pain
I have committed sins, wasted time in leisure
abandoned God's word,
just for my pleasure
I have been petty, selfish and unjust
I have broken promises, hearts and trust
My heart has been so full of hatred and vice,
that for me God has closed the gates of Paradise
I know God is merciful, the ever forgiving
will he forgive me of the way I've been living?
They say when u dream, u never really lose it
the right path is there, we just have to choose it
And my dream of dreams has always been
to be true to God, ever peaceful & serene
I wonder if I were to change my ways
And in God's shadow pass all of my days
If I should ever really try my best
Praying, preaching & never taking rest
then, after my death, when I am to rise...
will my soul walk into, the gates of Paradise?
Sleepless
Does it matter that I can't sleep at night?
That my pillow is wet with tears I've shed?
of course you do not know of my plight
how my time is spent lying awake in bed
Does it matter that at night I'm cold-
because the fire in my heart has died?
and though you caused it, you'll not be told
the flame was doused when I cried inside
Does it matter to you at all my dear-
that you have broken, my heart in two?
Can't close my eyes at night for fear-
that I will dream- still dream of you
Does it matter to you that I keep awake?
there's no peace for me, no respite
a certain dull and agonizing ache
stays in my heart all thru the night
You may sleep in your cozy bed tonight
and in deep slumber you may fall
you may dream your dreams and be all right
because, no...it does not matter at all.
Since you've already planned to hate me
how can I make you change your mind
so go ahead, judge me and rate me
go at your pace, please take your time
Maybe I truly deserve to be hated
maybe I really am so small and low
that in this way, i should be subjugated
but for what reasons, I'll never know
I try to please you, I try so hard
why can't you see? it's in plain view
your unkind actions catch me off guard
and I'm at a loss for what to do
If it makes any difference, if it matters
in my eyes, you can never fall
though you leave my soul in tatters
no- I have nothing against you at all
I have no anger for you; just hurt
It hurts so much, it cuts and stings
when you make me feel like dirt
and remain oblivious, to the pain it brings
Give me a chance and then you will see
Give me the benefit of the doubt
I'm not as bad as you make me out to be
you never tried to understand what I'm all about
Maybe someday my efforts will be enough
Someday soon when it's not too late
you will realize that you were harsh and rough
that the time to love, was wasted in hate
Death Wish
I cannot take this life anymore
So I cry till my eyes are sore
and to the lord I do implore
to take my wretched life away
as on this earth I cannot stay
and thus I weep and I do pray
for the Lord to take my hand
and lead me to that magical land
where everyone will understand
where there will be eternal peace
where all this hurt and pain will cease
where everyone will have God's grace
where there exists no time nor space
and I will be away from this place
Alas God doesn't answer
maybe doesn't even care
But I have faith that he is there
Yet I cannot comprehend why he put me here
and why he does not answer my prayer
It's hard when a friend says "Goodbye"
& you don't even know the reason why
It's hard when a friend says "So long"
and you don't even know what you did wrong
It's hard when a friend says "It's over-
I've got new friends now so move over"
It's hard when a friend shows you the door
and you know you're not wanted anymore
It's hard when friendship comes to a halt
and you are sure that it isn't your fault
It's hard when friendship begins to fade
and you know that you have been betrayed.
Human Sacrifice
The village was doomed because there was no grain
The fields were barren due to lack of rain
There was no rice, there was no bread
and while some starved, others were dead
The high priests observed this dreadful state
They said they knew how to change their fate
"If from this curse you wish to be released
the Almighty gods, they must be appeased-
the only way to banish this unholy vice-
calls not for prayer but for sacrifice-
No goats, no sheep, no cows will do-
It must be a maiden pure and true"
The townsfolk were stricken but what could they
do?
The high priests command must be followed through
A girl named Hana was chosen for the deed
her father cried, for her life he did plead
But he was told to fetch his daughter
or else his family, the priests would slaughter
The poor father bid his daughter goodbye
He said "you must go", did not
look her in the eye
"It's a great honour" he said with
false pride
But she could see the fear his tone belied
At long last the day finally arrived
when the innocent girl was to be sacrificed
The high priests laid her on the great stone
altar
When she saw the knife, her breath began to falter
"Please" she begged "I do not wish to die"
and a single tear rolled out of her eye
They ignored her plea, ignored her tear
and began their chant loud and clear
"For your mercy this girl is slain-
We hope her death will not be in vain"
and saying that, the priest plunged his knife
Into her beating heart, taking her life
The girl saw red, saw the spreading stain
and the world dissolved, till there was no pain
The towns-people waited, for the joy, the sacrifice
would bring
But it seemed there was no end to their suffering
The village grew barren, became more desolate
& the high priests knew, they could not change
it's fate.
What About Me?
What about me?
I stand alone
Like an unwanted pebble
or a stone
Like a small speck of dirt
unnoticed
I am so hurt
I feel as though I'm losing
most of the time
I feel as though
I'm not worth a time
I've given in
to the worlds cruel whims
The light in my eyes dims
no longer bright as it used to be
I ask the world
what about me?
I lost the battle and the war
now my end can't be far
still they show no sadness
no sympathy
so I locked my heart
and threw away the key
yet everyone is happy
I can see
Just one small question
"What about me?"
Feelings of a Murderer...
I look at my hands,
I see blood
Clotted and brown,
like dark mud
I look at my eyes,
I see guilt
Two deep wells,
full of filth
I look at my heart,
It's made of stone
I am shocked,
But I should have known
I look at my soul,
It can't be seen
There is only a void,
where it should have been
Teen Angst
Perhaps the most significant aspects of my teenage
years
Were my manic depression and overwhelming fears
The diorama that was played when I came of age
consisted of unrelenting mood swings, grief and
rage
During that eventful period, what I did surmise
was that ataraxis and felicity were nothing but
lies
My psychological state was unbalanced, somewhat
tilted
I came close to tears; whenever ridiculed or
jilted
My paranoia was intense, for days I would sulk
and brood
Always, I took pranks and jests as something
quite mean and crude
The drab dismal cloud of pain never seemed to
lift
I thought of life as a sordid curse, not a wondrous
gift
I felt that I had been condemned, by the Great
Judge and his jury
I was luckless and loveless, this ignited my
fury
I was forever on the outside, trying to look
in
My hopes and aspirations were cracked and paper
thin
There was an odd feeling I had, that I vividly
remember
that of this human race, I was no longer a member
Yes this was perhaps, the key aspect of my teenage
years
Everything else had gotten blurred, due to the
film of tears
When a Child Dies
His eyes; bright, innocent and carefree
Guileless, so perfect in their entirety
Smile; pure, sweet, untarnished
certainly, it was cherished
Mother, father- forever doting
precious like a diamond
he was beautiful as a lily floating,
on crystal clear waters
But his life, taken away so suddenly
cut short, 'tis such a tragedy
why must things be so?
The mother, she does not believe her eyes
on the cold stone floor he lies
but no she says; he is sleeping
wake up dear one, wake up
she cries again and again
he does not, will not, rise
still she calls his name, in vain
I cannot feel what she feels
I only taste a portion, a mere
shadow of her pain
She curses God- can I blame her?
should I?
How hard it is to say goodbye
to someone who was, in fact, a part of you
Nine months of discomfort
and the pain of birth
were all forgotten, as he came to earth
and as she, fondly, gazed into his face
seemed to be glowing, emitting rays
of happiness, love and warmth
and then the tiny fingers; around hers
they curled
heaven nor earth could separate them
but now it was done, her fury unfurled
and she shrieks as her husband, the father
watches on, jaw grimly set
pain etched on his face, the tears
they have not dried yet
Dear God why didn't you take me?
the mother calls out
Not him! oh no not him!
the world, it seems bleak and dim
she is but a phantom
the laughter gone from her very soul
the depression, a bottomless black hole
It will suck me in too, So I turn away
I cannot bear to watch; cannot stay
it is indeed a gruesome scene
in all truth, it seems obscene
that a child so young should deserve to die
Never again do I wish to see
the wretched face of a mother,
or the madness in her eyes
the sense of utter hopelessness;
when a child dies.
Life's Beautiful Sometimes...
Life's beautiful sometimes
and everything glows
the sun shines brightly
the fragrant breeze blows
but sometimes that salty river
so freely it flows
some days the head aches
and eyes turn cold
some nights the heart burns
with stories untold
Life's beautiful sometimes
roses are in full bloom
skies clear and blue
but then comes the gloom
some days dark clouds gather
ensuring grey stormy skies
sometimes the truth hurts
and there's comfort in lies
Life's beautiful sometimes
yes, that much I know
but sometimes there's no way out
there's no place to go
the fact is- the plain truth
beauty is only an illusion
and sadly when it shatters
what's left is pain & confusion
You Never Really Cared
What you said, it was never true
I wasn't ever truly special to you
For you, it was my soul that I bared
But you never noticed, you never cared
Why did you say that I meant a lot?
Oh was there ever any gain to be got-
by feeding me with all of your lies?
then pushing me away with sad goodbyes
Did you, so badly, want to see me cry?
Did you want a part of me to die?
Was it ever so hard for you to be fair?
couldn't u have told me that you didn't really
care?
You made me dream, you gave me false hope
didn't you know that I couldn't cope?
All I can ask is why? what did I ever do?
to deserve the treatment I have got from you
Untitled
My sorrow, my pain;
is immense
Laughter weeps
at my ordeal
Sorrow laughs
at my expense