personal noteswith a bit of thoughfulness on the side....
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: TFK!!!!
Topic: random pointless stuff.
Don't even give me the chance to say yes. Keep your idea. Don't let me come. Something bad could happen. And I don't want to risk that happening. Too much would be at stake. Even if I want to come, I know something bad will happen. But I miss you so much, I want to see you again. Too bad it'd screw everything up.
No one should understand that. Or maybe SHE should. I know something bad will happen if I go to that party, no matter how much I want to see those friends again.

I saw you again today. It reminded me of how you said sorry. I'm so glad you did. I'll bet you didn't know I forgave you long before you apologized. I just hoped you would understand that what you had done was wrong. And I suppose you did. Don't go around doing that sort of thing! Much as I'd hate to admit it to other people, I've missed you. And I'm glad we're friends again. Don't drift off again.
Yes, I forgave him for what he did. And he said sorry to me at grad. And that was one of the best feelings in the world. I'm so happy he did that. Him and his friends can't go around doing what they did...

You called me a scumbag? Get a life. I thought you were my friend. But the whole time you seemed distant and backstabbing. The thing about your boyfriend and not trusting me with him? Hello, I dumped that guy for a reason! I'm not the kind of girl who tries to steal someone's boyfriend! But if you didn't know that, I suppose you don't know me very well. I liked you better in grade five when we were really close. But last year you threw yourself at guys, spesh when they weren't yours... A word of advice- don't do that.
The "scumbag" part obviously shows which girl this is about. Sorry hun. But that was something you needed to know.

You ruined me for a while. Why? Ignoring me then expecting me to stay on with you. Not for a second! And then the harrasment? Grow up. You can't go around treating girls like that. Its not like most of them enjoy it. You should've gotten the picture from my saying "please stop". But you didn't. And then when I told someone, you hated me. Joined in on all the insulting me. I thought we had become friends by then! I don't hate you. I never have. You messed me up, but I can thank you for it. Somehow you brought me closer to what I had been searching for in the beginning.
Which guy am I talking to? Duh... Its obvious i'd say...

Last year was so weird. I was totally discovering myself. I'm not proud to say this- I almost died a few times that year. By my own hands. Ever wondered why I get quiet when someone starts talking about suicide? I think about how I almost wasn't alive to hear someone say that. My last attempt was January, a week after I turned 14. That was the time I seriously could have died. Huge overdose of pills. Anya, thanks for being there for me to heal then- I seriously don't know what I'd have done without you. But I don't know why I'm writing this on my blog. I don't know why I'm thinking about it at all. I don't want to. And I don't know why I'm not going to erase it all and pretend it never happened. Because it definitely did. And don't think I'm bragging or ashamed. I'm not. This is the pure truth. It shaped part of me today. While I still may get crazy hyper usually, there's the serious part of me that is crying from all the mistakes I made last year. I had a lot of firsts, and some of them wrecked friendships (you know who you are and what I mean). I don't regret them, I just wish I hadn't done them for those reasons and so quickly without thinking. But what's past is past. All I can do now is help people not fall into those ruts like I did.

--janessa

Caffeine pills... Good or bad?
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: christian popish stuff
Topic: random pointless stuff.
The fact that one of my aquaintances was selling caffeine pills at the end of science class on Friday stunned me. The teacher was there. She probably could've heard. $5 per pill. The guy who sits beside me bought one. So did the guy I like. And several others.
What is the attraction to this tiny pink pill? It's not like they needed the energy boost that the pills give. They had no university exam in a few hours that they needed to cram for.
I suppose they rather wanted the side effects. The okay ones? Tingles in your arms and legs, and a bit of a dizzy feeling in your head for a while. Nervousness, irritability and sleepyness. An attraction could be that you can lose a few pounds quickly- but most weight pills cause depression, anxiety and heart problems.
But the worse ones, that they don't want? The pills increase your heart rate- which means in the long run, you could have heart problems, insomnia, and chronic muscle tension. You can get seriously addicted to it as well. Overdose can kill you.
Here are the symptoms of caffeine intoxication or abuse- most of them fit into the pills:
Nervousness, headache, increased heart rate, anxiety, upset stomach, irregular heartbeat, irritability, GI irritation, elevated blood pressure, agitation, heartburn, increased cholesterol, tremors, diarrhea, nutritional deficiencies, insomnia, fatigue, poor concentration, depression, dizziness and bed wetting. That's a heck of a lot!
So I don't think that caffeine pills are that good. Maybe I'll do something about the "drug-dealer"...

--janessa
I still can't believe that you do that... It's a mistake, you should stop! I thought you were better than that- but you're not. Don't waste your life on that, it might never turn around. Be careful, please!

"the orphan" newsboys
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Newsboys "devotion" CD
Topic: random pointless stuff.
maybe I push when I'm meant to be still
maybe I take it all to personal
Jesus, how to reconcile
the joyful noise
the ancient land
the tug from some invisible hand
the dying mother weaving bulrushes
along the Nile

Chorus
float her basket over the sea
here on a barren shore
we'll be waiting for
a tailwind to carry her (an) orphan's cry
don't you worry, child
I wrote a lullaby

I try to settle, but I just pass through
a rain dog, gypsy
a wandering Jew
all those homes were not ours
then I slept one night
in Abraham's field
and dreamt there was no moon
the night he died
counting stars
Selah

- Chorus -

Bridge
building you a home
building you a home
building you a home
we're building you a home
Selah

- Chorus -

float her basket over the sea
here on a barren shore
we'll be waiting for
a tailwind to bring us your sweet cry
don't you worry, child
I'm gonna sing you a lullaby

CELEBRATING 100 ENTRIES!!!!
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: christian music
Topic: random pointless stuff.
Happy 100^th Blog Entry!
No, I'm not going to have an actually entry, I've already put one for today. Oh well, still good to know I've reached 100!
Janessa

sometimes i like to sit and think....
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: FM Static
Topic: random pointless stuff.
High SChool. Wow. Am I really going in a bit more than a month? IT seems too good to be true! Like, what am I supposed to expect? Tons of new kids, teachers, activities: and a new school.
Away from most of my friends. I know about 30 people at Canterbury, whereas if I went to JMSS it'd be WAY more than that...
I never knew but I'm getting kind of nervous- but in a good way. At an arts school I can totally be myself without people freaking out (no i dont mean as in sexual orientation!)
Wow. This is crazy. I can't wait! Oh yay this is gonna be sooooo assem!
Friends, dont forget about me- we have to still get together omygosh... I'm crying now... wow... And I never thought I was even 1% worried! *laughs shyly*

I've already started collages for my locker (quotes, cute pictures) and most important of all, my friends! I'll post the one that is grad and grad trip... If you're not there, please send me a picture so I can add you! (I dont wnat to forget you! lol)

And then once my pictures from camp are devellopped i'm gonna put some of them up too.
Wow. High school. Dude.

*hugs*
janessa

oh well. what the heck is my friend's lives coming to?
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: nuttin. cept some NEOPETS games!!! heheh im good at a few of them lol
Topic: random pointless stuff.
yay neopets is fun. that was random.

i wont really fill you guys in on my... week, that'd take too long.
Quebec City Grad Trip Tomorrow!
I am so excited! Yay! Almost done my packing.

Ergh. I've discovered that when it's hot at night and im asleep, i scratch my legs. So since Saturday I've woken up with one layer of skin gone in some places. Ohmygosh it grosses me out so much, and the cream isn't helping yet! Oh well.

For some reason, there is some dumb love triangle between Sam Caitie and Julian.
Caitie --> Julian : she likes him. he broke her heart and is now going out with Sam.
Julian --> Sam: they are going out.
Sam --> Caitie: best friends who fight a lot
Caitie --> Sam: annoyed that Sam would betray her this way
Sam --> Julian: they are going out.
Julian --> Caitie: was she just a toy to flirt wiht? well he's a flirt so the answer is probably yes. stupid!

That's all i have time for now, sorry!
*hugs and kisses*
janessa

oh crap oh crap oh crap- cms olympics today!
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: the whirring of my computer
Topic: random pointless stuff.
Ergh. Woke up at 7:45am, .... got ready. And now i wait and wait. I'll leave in maybe five minutes to walk with Caitie.

Ohmygosh I am SOOO nervous now! Why on earth am i nervous?
-dont want to get a bad placement
-the adrenaline is already pumping.
What if I dont do well? IN shotput that'd be acceptable cuz i've only done it with imaginary balls and softballs. But 800m, I know that i'm pretty good. But I'm definitely not the best. All I know is that Milana probably wont be able to run *tear*tear* very well, so i'll have someone to be my opponent. Cuz in all the other classes (cept maybe S7/8 who they dont have much to choose from!) they have like the amazingly quick runners! Oh well, i want to make it at least 15th *cough* or --- get a ribbon! that would be sSOOOOOOOOOOOO sweet!

well, i'll be late now if i dont leave
ciao
janessa

this is fun!
Mood:  flirty
Now Playing: math circus ... people in computer lab
Topic: random pointless stuff.
Hey! I'm in art right now. But I'm not doing art, because there's really nothing left to do. We're like in pod c, and i worked more on my song! lol
Milana got in trouble from Ms McKenna for her shorts. Oh dear. They ARE a little ....... short!
I'm still not talking to sam bl. or caitie or anya.
This'll be a really short entry. More to come soon. I think. Anyways...
ttyl
*hugs*
janessa

um... randomness
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: Superchic[k], Kelly Clarkson, Kutlass, Relient K
Topic: random pointless stuff.
Ok, nvm, the perfume is really prettyful on me now (The Clinique Be Happy stuff). Yay! Its really nice now. *sniff* ahh! The problem is that it gives me headaches at first... *tear*tear*

But um... My parents are going to some special communion service at church today.
Communion a religious or spiritual fellowship, the act or instance or sharing. Ie, Christians sharing the Cup (Jesus' "blood") and the Bread (Jesus' "body")in remembrance of Him.
Anyways, yeah, so tomorrow is Good Friday when Christ was crucified on the cross to save us from our sins (if he hadn't we'd all go to Hell even if we DID accept the Lord). *tear*tear* Yeah so it's a special day for me. As is Easter, and Christmas.

Today i have to go to krystals birthday party. oh dear. not! I got her present. Well, more like my mom did. I dont like it. Well, its hard to explain. w/e. I also got kelsey's present. Both of them got too littel. ONE PAIR OF EARRINGS!?!?!?! WHAT IS MOM THINKING!?!?!? THEY NEED MORE THAN THAT!!!!!!! ERGH!! so yeah, now i have to make a card.

which means i have to leave....
oh, i found out who "the clock" *sigh* likes. no one. ugh. milana asked him, and he said no one. then she asked who he thought was hot. and he was like, oh who? and she answered "me, janessa, river.."etc. and he was lie "no offence, but nope." so yeah. ill try to get over him now. sadly. but i like him a lot still. ergh. i dont like liking a guy that i shouldnt like. but anyways

~huggs to you, huggs to me~
nessa