bus trip with krystal to value village! hahaha.... bus trip --> bust rip? lol nvm
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: nuttin
Topic: just a regular update.
So we had so much fun! Omygosh, it was so awesome seeing my best enemy again! lol So we got to Fallowfield fine, and then we were supposed to get off at the Queensway station, but I could only read it once we got past and the bus driver didn't stop when i pulled the string, so we went down this looonnnng road, and were so freaked out. But eventually we found the right bus and got there all right! :) I bought two tops and some boots, and krys got 1 or 2 shirts, and part of her halloween costume! Then we went home. It was so much fun lol. We got on the wrong bus though at Fallowfield and had to go all the way around Barrhaven! Oh well. Jacob (krys' friend) got on the bus and then when I got off, I saw nathan who had biked Jacob to the bus. We got to talk for maybe 5-10 minutes. It was cool. To all of you people who haven't seen him in a while, he's a lot nicer. I mean it!

an email i recieved.... its kinda cool, so i thought i'd share it with you.
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: what you need to know
> >>>> AND WE SAID OKAY This one will make you think In light of the many
> >>>>perversions and jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a
> >>>>little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny,
> >>>>it's intended to get you thinking.
> >>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane
> >>>>Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?"
> >>>>(regarding the attacks on Sept. 11).
> >>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She
> >>>>said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but
>for
> >>>>years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out
> >>of our
> >>>>government and to get out of our lives.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How
> >>>>can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we
> >>>>demand He leave us alone?"
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.
>I
> >>>>think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her
> >>>>body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools,
> >>>>and we said OK.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school . the Bible
> >>>>says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor
> >>>>as yourself. And we said
> >>OK.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they
> >>>>misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we
> >>>>might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We
> >>>>said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why
>they
> >>>>don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill
> >>>>strangers, their classmates, and themselves.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it
> >>>>out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Funny
> >>how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the
> >>>>world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say,
>but
> >>>>question what the Bible says.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like
> >>>>wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord,
>people
> >>>>think twice about sharing.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through
> >>>>cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school
>and
> >>>>workplace.
> >>>>
> >>>>Are you laughing?
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many
>on
> >>>>your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what
> >>they
> >>>>WILL think of you for sending it. Funny how we can be more worried
>about
> >>>>what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it...
>no
> >>>>one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't
> >>>>sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in!!

what's been happening? erghness really, but i'm so happy for today!
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: nuttin
Topic: good wishes
So, um, i don't remember when my last update was (oh well)... My friend has been flirting non stop with the guy I like, and she knows I like him. But she's a flirt- still, that doesn't give her an excuse... There's this guy in geo who apparently likes me *haha* Julie gave him my email, and he's supposed to email me this weekend, but so far he hasnt... And Kawn (spelling?) always looks so happy whenever I say hi to him. And when I asked him why he never talks to me anymore, he said it was because he's too shy. Isn't that so cute?

Thursday after school, when I got to CMS, Dylan, Clayton, Zach, Sam, Caitie, Natasha and Martin were there. It was so cool! Too bad I had to rush off to voice lessons... I hate how whenever someone comes to meet me, its always on Wednesdays and Thursdays when I have to run off the bus, into the car and to some activity. Oh well....

Mom and I watched The Sisterhood of the travelling pants yesterday. It is a murder of the book, but such a tear-jerker! I'm so glad my eyeliner is smudgeproof, otherwise it would have been streaming down my face soooo much! Much as I hate to say it, I can't wait for the second movie!

OMygosh, I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED! Krystal and I are going to Value Village today haha Thrift shopping! Its going to be so awesome! I was going to have left about the time that I'm writing this, but Mom won't let me go on the bus alone with transfers (cuz i've never done it alone...) so I decided to invite a friend along. I just hope there'll be something good! We're leaving at 1:11, and then we get home at like 4:15. It's going to be so awesome! I can't wait... 'Cept of course, I'll have to... oh well

Dance has been pretty good lately! I'm doing so much better at remembering the excercises for Intermediate ballet! Now I can work on improving a lot more. And the EDGs aren't as evil anymore... Well, that excludes TH and SS, they've always been pretty mean. And for some reason the youngest girls are all mean too... Its strange. But Emily, Emma, Erika and Alisa (yay, one w/o an "e" in their name lol) are all getting pretty tight now. But bad news: the grade 7 class might cease to exist, because there are at most 4 of us who show up. So we might have to be put in the *gag* dreaded Brianna's class. No offense to her, she's just not the type of teacher I like to have for ballet. Plus the level of the class isn't desirable. And I do want to stay away from pointe for a while because of my ankles.

Speaking of pointe, Kaitie and I might do a duet for Fine Arts Evening at church in the spring. I want to do something kinda lyrical, but she wants to do something with pointe. That means I'll have to put those torture shoes back on every few days or so... But I can handle it if I let my achilles tendons heal.

Well, thats all for now, I keep coughing so I think I need to take my inhaler (*gasp* i haven't done that in a while) before I die or something worse... And have some lunch before I hop on the bus!
*hugs to all my lovely people*
--janessa
Why can't you realize you're not as perfect as you think you are? Get off that pedastol and help people realize they're worth it, too.

Caffeine pills... Good or bad?
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: christian popish stuff
Topic: random pointless stuff.
The fact that one of my aquaintances was selling caffeine pills at the end of science class on Friday stunned me. The teacher was there. She probably could've heard. $5 per pill. The guy who sits beside me bought one. So did the guy I like. And several others.
What is the attraction to this tiny pink pill? It's not like they needed the energy boost that the pills give. They had no university exam in a few hours that they needed to cram for.
I suppose they rather wanted the side effects. The okay ones? Tingles in your arms and legs, and a bit of a dizzy feeling in your head for a while. Nervousness, irritability and sleepyness. An attraction could be that you can lose a few pounds quickly- but most weight pills cause depression, anxiety and heart problems.
But the worse ones, that they don't want? The pills increase your heart rate- which means in the long run, you could have heart problems, insomnia, and chronic muscle tension. You can get seriously addicted to it as well. Overdose can kill you.
Here are the symptoms of caffeine intoxication or abuse- most of them fit into the pills:
Nervousness, headache, increased heart rate, anxiety, upset stomach, irregular heartbeat, irritability, GI irritation, elevated blood pressure, agitation, heartburn, increased cholesterol, tremors, diarrhea, nutritional deficiencies, insomnia, fatigue, poor concentration, depression, dizziness and bed wetting. That's a heck of a lot!
So I don't think that caffeine pills are that good. Maybe I'll do something about the "drug-dealer"...

--janessa
I still can't believe that you do that... It's a mistake, you should stop! I thought you were better than that- but you're not. Don't waste your life on that, it might never turn around. Be careful, please!

after all the hard goodbyes, i can see its for the best
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: broadway jazz
Topic: what you need to know
After some thinking, I've decided it's a good thing I don't go to JMSS with most of you guys. No, it's not that I don't like you. It's for my own good.

Not only do I get to be at CHS like I always dreamed of, I get a fresh start. There is so much emotional baggage with everyone I grew up with! When I start at a new school, it's in a totally different neighbourhood, with totally different people.

While I can still be in contact with some of my old friends, it's easier to forget about any fights with them. And anyone I didn't end up liking, it's not that bad anymore. I'm no longer at all annoyed with them. As the time passes without seeing them, the wrongs we commited against each other seem to slowly pass away... It's good to forgive and forget, as they say.

CHS means I get a clean slate. These people don't know my past, so they can't judge me on the mistakes I've made. It's great!

I'm sorry for the mean things I've done to any of you guys. I hope you can forgive me.
I miss every one of you guys, but I think the change is good for me. Keep in touch! :)

*luv and hugs*
--janessa

PETRA, dance, assembly and *sigh*
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: my favourite songs... ish
Topic: just a regular update.
Okay... So Wednesday was a sameoldsameold day until the evening. I went to intermediate ballet and then the PETRA CONCERT!!!!!!!! OMYGOSH!!!! IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! The first act, Black Talon, sucked. Seriously sucked. Then Breath of Fire or bread of fire, i can't remember which played. They were pretty good. The drummer was like 18 and SOOOOOOOOO hott! Next was Farewell June, which is now my new band that I love! (Don't worry Newsboys and TFK, I still lurve you guys! lol) At 9 Petra finally came on. 'Cept the lead guitarist couldn't fly in, so they were mostly "unplugged". John (the lead singer) gave his testimony to stall for time. One of the guys in the audience offered to play guitar, and at the end they let him, and he was awesome! I can't believe they didn't let him before! We all got free tickets to last nights concert in Kingston, but I couldn't skip school to go.

Yesterday was a bland day. Nothing happened. Voice lesson was boring, but I did some harder stuff that was almost impossible. And no, I don't mean I did it properly. I sucked at it. Well, not TOTALLY sucked. But pretty bad. Dance was awesome! I worked so much harder than usual and it felt so good afterward. I went to sleep an hour earlier because of the late night on Wednesday.

Today um.... During period three we had an assembly! And no, that's not the sort of thing where you go to the gym or auditorium and listen to someone talk. At CHS it's different musical/dance etc acts. There was this band that one of my gr12 friends John is in, the Bamboozles, and they were pretty good, except Sugar's (Adam- the lead singer/guitarist) mike didn't work, and they only gave him the MCs' mike in the last 30 seconds! There was one really good dance duet with two twins. Then Joel's band, Alibi played the last act. They were really good, except that their song was 12 minutes!
Science was okay. We took notes (as usual), corrected homework and got more homework. ["let the rain fall down and wake my dreams"] Elias is getting a bit flirty with me. It's creepy. He's my love/hate buddy- but don't let him know that, cuz he'd freak. I'll explain our relationship: we're friends, but because he's so pessimistic we always have to fight or something. Ryan (not my brother, one in my science class) gave the guys caffeine pills. For money. Isn't that drug dealing? Grace and I "got mad" at Damon (yes! I've been speaking to him finally! Yay!) for having one. After stealing my apple, she threw the pill at him, so he didn't have it anymore! Haha. I think she got through to him. But he's SOOOOOOOOOO hott! Omygosh! And Grace says he must like me! Yippee!
Aww, I was going to go to Saunders Farm with some friends tonight, but Mom said it might not be a good (safe) idea and then one of them had babysitting. Oh well. And it's going to rain the rest of the weekend apparently.

--janessa
Please be careful! I'm supposed to be watching you for her! And you're trustworthy but that girl IS flirting with you. Not good. Stay away from that sort of thing before your pattern repeats!

in the darkness it is easy to pretend that you're not there
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: favourites....
Topic: just a regular update.
Thanksgiving weekend was pretty good. Slept a lot, didn't stuff my face... Well, i didn't sleep THAT much. Monday I slept 12am-1pm and then last night i think there was some 3 odd hours randomly stretched throughought the night. I only know that because in one dream I got raped by a girl. Ugh.
Speaking of rape, I keep on getting this recurring nightmare! So it's grade 9 (this started in Jan.05) and December... 12th i think. I get invited to a birthday party, which at first I don't want to go to. In the end my friends convince me to go. At about 10pm the party is getting kinda bad- drunkenness, drugs, oral sex and everything else you can have in an R rated dream... So I call my mom, and since my friend lives half an hour away, she tells me she'll pick me up at 10:30. I sit on the front porch, waiting for her. This big man comes along with a map, and asks me for directions. I'm getting kinda worried, cuz he's staring at my body the whole time. Then I start to pull out my keychain (there's a whistle on it, even in real life). He notices, and slams me to the ground. I jump up and am almost away when he pulls my ankle. Then he rapes me. Fast forward a few months. I'm pregnant. Ugh. I go to schools talking about how to protect yourself from rape etc. Skip ahead a few more months. My belly is totally showing, and my first year of high school is totally screwed up. To make it worse, I get a misscariage. Such a lovely dream, isn't it?! Ergh... No one deserves to have that happen to them in real life- in a dream it's bad enough! At least I didn't have to SEE the goryness of the rape... And the idiot didn't even wear a condom! Auch... Maybe I'll write a story along those lines sometime.
I had an orthodontist appointment today at 1pm. Mom picked me up quarter after 12. It took forever to get there. Then he was like "yup, we'll take some xrays and then decide what to do". So after five minutes we had to take the 1/2 hour trip back. I got to school in time for a bit of science.
We did an experiment with combs and static etc... I got to talk to Damon! Yay! Well, not really. W/e. Don't laugh Stephi! Jamahl says he chickened out of something, but he wouldn't tell Nicole and I what...
Omygosh, Julie Sarah and I are going to be twins for Twin Day on Friday! We're gonna wear yellow shirts, jeans and do our hair the same way. Haha it's gonna be so awesome!

Personal Note: You say you like me, but you really can't! You've only seen how I look, but never had a conversation with me! So don't be so quick to judge me! Because you don't know me... And at this rate, you never will!
--janessa

"the orphan" newsboys
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Newsboys "devotion" CD
Topic: random pointless stuff.
maybe I push when I'm meant to be still
maybe I take it all to personal
Jesus, how to reconcile
the joyful noise
the ancient land
the tug from some invisible hand
the dying mother weaving bulrushes
along the Nile

Chorus
float her basket over the sea
here on a barren shore
we'll be waiting for
a tailwind to carry her (an) orphan's cry
don't you worry, child
I wrote a lullaby

I try to settle, but I just pass through
a rain dog, gypsy
a wandering Jew
all those homes were not ours
then I slept one night
in Abraham's field
and dreamt there was no moon
the night he died
counting stars
Selah

- Chorus -

Bridge
building you a home
building you a home
building you a home
we're building you a home
Selah

- Chorus -

float her basket over the sea
here on a barren shore
we'll be waiting for
a tailwind to bring us your sweet cry
don't you worry, child
I'm gonna sing you a lullaby

flirting 101 --- mainly for women/gals -- very long entry!
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: computer whirring
Topic: what you need to know
No, this is not "how to flirt" and that sort of "how-to" stuff. This is not even saying that flirting is okay. Actually, it's bad. Hah. Who could imagine me, Janessa, saying flirting is bad?! It's true though! Don't believe me? Fine. I'll explain it to you. WARNING: This may sound a little preachy-preachy stuff... I don't really like the writing myself, but it's all I could do in a pinch, and since us girls are in high school now, its a little important to have it out quickly.

You may think it's okay to flirt, but you then you probably don't understand what inappropriate flirting feels like to guys. "Letting a boy know that you are intersted in a more meaningful relationship with him is one thing, but inappropriate flirting, which can also be called 'teasing' or 'seduction,' is another." (Arterburn, 2004) If you have no intent in pursueing a relationship with this guy, is it good to emotionally and/or physically stir him up? Is it truly loving to tease him sexually just for your own purposes? You're tricking him into thinking you want more! He might think that you want to go further- sexually... Is that truly what you want?
Actions speak louder than words, but don't cast off the list the effects words alone can have on other people as well as your integrity. James 3:3-6 says, "When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Like wise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil aomong the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire."
"Many young women think that because they are 'only flirting,' they're not hurting anyone. But is it true? Is flirting always an innocent, fun game?" (Ethridge, 2004, pg97)
A lot of the gist in flirting is to look, but not touch. To use the mouth in speaking, but no handling. (Then again, it CAN involve groping, but that is SO not PG13! lol) That's not really nice for the guy! He's being teased and seduced, and eventually will EXPECT some reward!

If you do like him, yes, you can act friendly toward him to let him know you like him. Make sure first that he's appropriate for you, cuz it could get pretty ugly otherwise:
-an acceptable match for your age
-he's available (single)
-no significant character concerns
-those who are closest to you (friends and family) would approve of it- they know what's best for you... (apparently!)

Need a filter to make sure you're treating and talking to him properly? Ask yourself these questions (from Ethridge, 2004, p101)... They are a bit lengthy, but they DO summarize the whole "lesson"
-What do I hope to gain by saying or doing this? Will these words or actions ultimately be harmful to either of us or beneficial to both of us?
-Is this guy seeing someone? If so, would his girlfriend get upset with me if she knew I was speaking to her boyfriend in this way?
-Are these words going to tempt him into coming around me more often than he should? Am I arousing him sexually?
-Am I using words or actions to manipulate this person into meeting my emotional needs and making me feel better about myself?
-If I actually say what I am thinking about saying or do what I am thinking about doing, then turn around to find one of my parents, siblinbs or friends standing there, would I have some explaining to do?
-If I sense that a guy I'm not really interstied in is flirting with me, am I making it more fun for him by playing his game, or am I maintaining my own personal convictions about guarting my mouth and his heart?
Yeah, these guidlines are defintely difficult to follow. I've been trying hard since the beginning of August to follow them, and it is tough. But it's working out. The guys who people suspect like me don't like me for my flirting techniques that I have. They like me for me, and I don't show any more than need be. Flirting is bad, and it definitely isn't needed. I hope this helps protect you from comprimising situations (like sexual abuse or harassment).

--janessa
Can't you see I need your help? I try to connect with you, but you seem to still distance yourself from me! Only you can get me out of this rut, so save me please!

guys give love to get sex, girls give sex to get love
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: .... your sexuality isn't what you DO, its who you ARE
Topic: what you need to know
Let me explain a little bit of human sexuality...

Guys: God gave them an ability to be turned on just at the sight of a female. If all men wanted to do was hold hands with their partners, pick flowers and have deep heart-to-heart conversations, would anyone get around to having sex? Doubtful. "A man longs to reach out and touch, fondle, embrace and expel all his energies making love with the object of his affectioins." (Ethridge, 2004, p18) However, with God it is possible for him to control his sexual desires, so that he is not just a male animal, but a man.

Girls: If all women wanted to do was play sports, work strenouesly, chase guys to have sex with them, would they raise very healthy babies? Probably not. That is why God gave them the desire to be emotionally connected and involved in caring for and nurturing others. He gave them exactly what they needed- wanting to be emotionally intimate.



Guarding your eyes is an important step to sexual purity. How do you do it? "Bouncing" your eyes- immediately looking at something else. Still, a primary concern needs to be guarding your heart and "bouncing" your thoughts, especially if you are a female.

"Part of God's perfect plan is that we are so physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually drawn to the opposite sex that we long for closeness with each other- not just an "I want to sit beside you" closeness, but a deep desire to be intimately connected." (Ethridge, 004, p20)
God designed male nad female bodies so that we fit perfectly together during intercourse. But it was not intended to be only physical. God created it to be shared between two bodies, two minds, two hearts and two spirits to untie into one. If intercourse is done in a commited and loving marriage, it can be the most wonderful thing. God loves us so much that he made us in a way that every fibre iof us wants to fulfill his commandment to be frutful and multiply (Genesis 1:28). So if sex is so awesome, why do we have to wait? Because God wants us to enjoy sex exclusively in marriage. He KNOWS how much we may want to do it with each other. He also knows the horrible consequences of premarital sex- which he wants to protect us from.

Imagine for a minute, what it will be like if you and your future spouse have just gotten married, an it's that first special night. You are both virgins and seucally pure. He has guarded his heart and eyes, she's the only women he has seren naked. She is the most beautiful thing to him! She has never been held so closely or lovingly. SHe can compare his touch to no one else. They can have guilt-free sex as much as they want and however they want until they die. That is how sex should be. NO comparison. No disappointment. No guilt or shame.

--janessa