Mood:
mischieviousI have finally accepted the idea of some of my friends (ex Jessica) to no longer use this blog. I had sort of though about it on the weekend, and created a blog at a different place, not sure wether or not I'd use it. I'm still not sure. I might rotate between the two, or just stop using a blog altogether.
Its cool thinking about how much I've learnt from and about you guys and myself from reading my entries and your comments here. Some people who I thought were supporting friends just turned out to be wishy-washy friends who only came around when the weather was nice. And some people hid themselves afraid of what people would say if they knew it was THEM who had written a particular thing.
Then again, some things shouldn't have been said. And definitely on my part. I tried to be honest with my postings, but as expected from any human, was either brutally so or left out pertinent details of the stories. Of course, it saddened me to know "what people truly think of me". And why does everyone say "deep down inside you're great girl" and stuff? I know I am. Everyone is (except for the guys of course, who are great guys.. :p) Its not like I tried to be a witch on purpose. I let everyone comment, I let them bring me down. I let them destroy me. Heaven only knows what would've happened if I had been in the same emotional state I was in last November-January. Your comments honestly would've killed me. (And no, I'm not joking about that, the people who really know me know I hate when people joke about suicide and stuff like that....) Would some of you have been glad at me dying from your vicious stabs? I hope not, considering all of you were really close to me at some point (and then who knows what happened after that...?).
[And this is an aside comment, it doesn't totally fit in with the rest of the entry, though w/e. I'm so happy to say that Rachel and I are friends again, after all we've been through with each other. Don't ask why, even if you wanted to- its not your place to know. And another thing? Sam and I are buddies again. It makes me so happy, you and I were so close and then something happens and it fizzles away... :p tophats! nvm...]
Back to those anonymous comments. I reminded people several times that I can trace their computer. But still they posted their name as "unknown" and stuff like that. Seriously, I can find out a lot of stuff from just checking "information" when it asks whether or not I want to let your comment post. And it is dumb of me to post your comments when they degrade me. Oh well... That's enough about that...
I'm slowly rebuilding my life from grade 8. Last year was such a transition period for me. I went through so many things. A lot of them sucked, but more of them were awesome. I had to recreate friendships that had fallen apart years ago, discover what it was like to have "the painters in" (lol Kelsey) understand the "joy" of puberty etc etc. One of the worse things was my depression and (please don't deny that this never happened, because you weren't there... except for that one time when todd told me that kevin looked like a maniac) the thingie with Nathan Mark and Kevin....
But let's not dwell on the past. I'm working hard on rebuilding myself, and the distance between us seems to work. Keep in touch please, cuz I miss you guys no matter what.
Anyway yeah, this is probably my last entry here, even though I wanted to get to the blog's 200th anniversary :p
*many hugs and kisses to you all*
--janessa
ps- good luck with life
