Lonely Friday
Hello everyone,
well today is going to be another boring friday that i just piss away b/c my mother won't let me do anything, which really sucks,oh let's see something real quick, HI JAMES i've been feeling really weird lately, i really wanted to go to homecoming this year, IM A FRINKING JUNIOR!!!! HELLO!!! but my mom says that i can't go unless my dad goes... what kind of BS is that, nobody has their parents go with them to a homecoming. that frustrates me like you would not believe. my best friend kamassa said that she has a code for me to use for this site to make it better, so this plain crap won't stay for very long. i really want to go to homecoming. sorry it's really been bothering me. i hope that i can at least go to something during this year, but b/c of my OVERPRTECTIVE MOTHER, i probably won't go to anything this year either, at times i can see why she does the things that she does, but i wish that she can at least let me venture out again and see that i have learned so much from that one choice, and i WILL NOT MAKE IT AGAIN!!!!! hope she belives that. i will make some mistakes in my life, but not giving me a life, just is wrong!, im really not too happy about her right now. i don't have much time left being under her strict rules. To tell you the truth, if it's going to be like this until i leave the house, i want out NOW. i really can't take this, for those of you who know me, you know that i really like people and i love being with people. This ENTIRE summer i was just with myself doing a bunch of "soul searching", and i wasn't alllowed to do anything else. im sick and tired of being in this god forsaken house! i just want to rip the walls off and climb up to the roof and scream for someone to rescue me. because all i feel is being trapped and hate it!!! i want to go out and make friends, and have a little bit of life, this bothers me so much to be alone for so long. i miss GERMANY I WANT TO GO BACK! i wish i never made that chioce!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IM SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what else do you want from me?, i've been working my butt of on my grades, yes, i know that i have been slipping lately, but i told you that i've changed, and it's taking a lot of time and effort to do so. i want to be trusted again, i don't like feeling theis hole in me, it's seems as though ever since i told you, you don't even want to talk to me anymore, and that i will be punished for the rest life!. i truely feel as though you don't love me. and the only one that does is Caleb, i miss him so much, i just want to be held by him because i know he loves me, i know you may think that what i just said was stupid, but how can what i feel be stupid? i have to pry the words out of you like you don't even want to speak them. i guess this blog is to you mom, what should i do guys, i feel like im trapped in this thing called life, it's used to be so wonderful, and i looked forward to everyday, but now i just pray that each day will end as soon as possible. my grades are coming up, i just need some time, mom, i love you, will you plz give me a chance. i want to know every day that you love me, not just the days were you just feel like saying it. i love you mom, guys sorry about this entry, i really needed to get that off my mind b4 i went crazy, i have to ".exit." now bye,
Jackie
