Thursday, May 6, 2004 - 6:27 PM

ahh the last episode of friends is tonight, and i shall tape it. its like two hours long. if ross and rachel dont actually get together i think NBC might like....die. SO many people will write angry letters and never watch the channel again and so on and so forth. eeee. gr i have to do homework the whole time though. shmeh. i have a couple new entries on xanga which i'll put in here now:


"Friday, April 30, 2004 9:06 AM


you know, apocolypse is supposed to be today. kinda creepy n'est pas? gosh, creepy like everything else that's been going on lately, or at least....for me anyway. well, creepy for other people too, whta am i talking about? oh im going to shut up now.

hehe not really, i keep on talking, yes i do! grr....this xanga thing is wierd. i still have my angelfire journal, it's just that im gonna keep this one too as a public one for all you people that are so shocked i have an online journal. hehe. ahhh xanga is os wierd for me though. the layout and stuff turns out nice though, so i wont complain. things are so wierd lately....just so weird. i guess i just never admitted that death was something you have to deal with even during life (sorry if you dont know what im talking about,eeeee) and that i cant like.... aviod it or anything. even so, it sjust os disturbing, i feel so blank, like i know too much of the world now, so why bother? but.... god i really don't know how to explain it but....yeah. well you know, now i'm just sounding stupid so i'll shut up. bye now.



Tuesday, May 04, 2004
6:58 PM


grr, i dont like how xanga puts the date for me, i like to do it! ah well, ill probably appreciate it later on or something. shmeh. i WOULD say something like "i am so bored!" right now but i shouldnt be bored, i should be working and not writing in this but at the same time i dont really feely like working and if im in a crappy mood while im working than it just sucks. meh. my work i mean, it isnt good when im in a bad mood and i dont care and such. although it sucks to be in a bad mood too....wow. im going to switch the subject now, lest i say anything more stupid.

ewww, i found one of those fanfics alice reads all the time because she left it on word and it popped up when i went to type my furniture poem. I was very confused but intrigued by the phrase that went something like "Now please, now Orlando. Oooooh yessss!" so i decided to read more and expected it to be nothing more than a joke....well...nope. i was SO wrong.... i read mroe and went one page up, then two, then three. Wow. It was all about this girl Adrianna and Orlando Bloom on their way to having sex. Wow. Wow. ........

Wow. so....yeah. it was really graphic and...eeee, i dunno, i can delfinetly accept the fact that alice is a teenager, and i know that she cusses way more than i do, and i can accept that she thinks guys are hot and such, and i can hear her say the word "sexy" without cringing, but im sorry, that was just gross. The fact that alice reads that stuff makes me sqirmy. Even my old SM fanfics weren't like that, they were really really sappy and 'romantic' and SOME of them went into detail, but...er....not like that. it was sooooooooo weird! meh. yeesh.

shmeh, gross perverted alice. eee. nut anyway... i really do have a bitchload of homework to do but i guess this is my break or something. eh. actaully im sort of doin my chemistry right now, but its hard to explain. eh. lalala....chem chem chem (!! MY FAVOURITE!!!!)..um, no. i really did like chemistry a while ago, and i DID think it was kinda interesting, but now it's jsut hard and superfluous, the equations suck. i like math too, but having a class right before algebra two that is basically just becoming ANOTHER maths class is just too much. eh. im trying to go for straight a's this quarter though, so i guess i jsut gotta pull through. i wouldnt even really be DOING chem if it weren't for the fact i have a test tomorrow that i know barely anything about. ahhh, i have other homework to do that i'd actually RATHER do anyway. shmeh, i heard that sophomore year is the hardest though, so...eh. then again, i heard that junior year is the hardest from some other people so i dunno, maybe next year will be harder [ 0.o !!!!! ] . eeee. ah well, all i know is that i cant wait to be a senior. i'll miss high school once it's over, but only because i cant see the people, NOT because of the work. i really should go now though and do some chem. au revoir mes amis!



Thursday, May 06, 2004
4:49 PM


ah hello again. shmeh, im still getting used to xanga, i havn't written in my other journal in a while. ah well. SHMEH! I am so tired, i went to bed really late just like the night b4 and then i stayed home from school today. grrr. i wish i was better! jeez.... i've been sick for a while now. and i have a lot of makeup work too. grr.

at least yesterday i actually got to hang out with jonny for a little bit! it actually was a few hours but it didnt really feel like it. shmeh, ah well. at least it was some time!! i have rehearsal every other day this week anyway, although i didnt go today. eee. i hope laura doesn't end up hating me or anything, i've already missed three rehearsals. grr. i guess i just wont miss anymore then. i cant really.

haha, i showed jonny the perverted orli story that alice reads and he was disgusted. yay!! (discusted? disgusted? oh i cant spell). hehe, we called her dirty and he said "step away" to her. although she really had no idea what we were talking about, hehe. gross dirty perverted porn-reading alice. shmeh. NO! i ahve changed my mind, she doesnt deserve a shmeh, she is too low for it. ha. so there alice. yes.

ah i am so wierd. i really shoudlnt write anymroe though, i have a tonne of work to do. grr. i have a lot of work and rehearsal and drivers ed and mother's day shopping and the theatre banquet to go to, so im busy all weekend too. GRR! ah well, its my fault i signed up for most of this schtuff anyway. shmeh. i must go now though, perhaps i shall write later."

shmeh, so that is sort of my life now. im just gonna put all the entries i put on xanga in here so you people who read this one dont have to go to both and wont have to miss anything i put on xanga and not here (you know, since there are SO MANY of you, =) ) also so i dont have to type things twice. eee. i slept so much today! and still im so tired, SHMEH to you sickness! i had all thses really wierd dreams, kinda nightmares but not as bad as before. i had a dream that this HUGE storm was coming and jonny and i were on a bus with his brother josh and this guy who was a combination of shawn from Boy Meets World and Francis from Malcom in the Middle. We were trying to drive to this church that had a good basement we could go in during the storm, but they had closed and so then we decided to go to this university that also apparently had a good basement to take shelter in.

by this time it was already night and the storm was causing multiple tornadoes, i cant really describe it online but it was SO nerveracking and scary. so we were on our way to the university but we all wated to get there faster and outdrive the storm but we jsut seemed to be aimlessly driving down the highway, waiting in what seemed like the calm before all hell broke loose (the tornadoes had already started forming, just not near us and only like level 2's WERE near us). jonny and i were sitting in the front seat (which was more like the front ROW, as if the front of a truck were on a bus or something) with the Shawn/Francis guy when we realized we really weren't going anywhere, esPECIALLY not towards the university. i started getting frantic and asked the shawn/francis guy where the hell we were going and he responded that he just didnt know. i said that well, this isnt the direction you go in to the university and he said that he DID know that. then i started losing it and asking him where we WERE going. by this time there were almost no cars on the highway except for tonnes of police cars tending to overturned cars that had been hit by a level 2 tornado a little while b4 we got there. the street lights seemed to be in excess and alll lit to extreme intensity and the road was very well lighted. you could see everything, which was basically the police cars. we could actually SEE tornadoes in the distance, and we KNEW we didnt want to go there. i freaked out and asked francis (by this time he was mostly francis rather than shawn, its hard to explain) where the hell we were going, the tornadoes were RIGHT THERE and we were basically heading into them. he said that he knew this was the wrong way to go and went on this mini rant about how he had decided to always go what was the WRONG way in life and do th WRONG thing to prove that you could survive always being in the wrong place at the wrong time and that so far it had worked for him. i told him that this was different and that OTHER people's lives were at stake and that he had to give up that philosophy because it just couldnt apply now. i was lamost crying and i saw the turn we could take to go the other way and BEGGED him to take it but he wouldnt. we drove a little past it and i said that if HE wouldnt take the turn, then i would.

at that point, since i was sitting right next to him, i grabbed the wheel and twisted it as far as it would go and slid over him as the bus turned in a u-turn, i tried to go back on this road that lead into the highway but just went across it and turned around. we were going the wrong way on the highway, but there were barely any people driving on it so it didnt matter anyway. i dont know how i knew but i went to this one place where another bus going to the university was located and everyone was loading onto it. by this time the francis guy was angry but there was nothing he could do, he didnt even get off the bus so that he could go on the other bus wih the rest of us. i pulled jonny off the bus and told everyone to follow me outside and get in line for the other bus but then when we got into the line we discovered the bus was almost full and there was no room for all of us. i looked back at the francis guy and he was jsut staring out the window, and i told everyone else in the line that wasnt from our bus that they could ride in ours (we only had like...10 other people on our bus anyway, and they had nowhere to go) because we were going to the university too. i thought that i would have to drive again but when i got back on the buss with the people behind me francis started up the engine as if he would drive us somewhere and i gues i just knew that he would drive us to the university. then they all piled on the bus and we started following the other bus to the university. it was knida implied that the university was our last hope, we really had no place else to go to survive the tornadoes and everything else that wouldnt be destroyed (like every other shelter) was filled with people outrunning the tornadoes who prepared b4 us. we were kinda the last people to like....vacate the county/state b4 the storm. it was so creepy though...i ahve SO many dreams about outrunning tornaodes. i hate them!!! shmeh, i gotta go do more chem now and tape friends soon though, so i shall go do that now. c u later!!! (sorry if my dream made no sense, hehe, its hard to explain. i really dont remember who was on the bus but i know it was all people from bcc, and i know c-line and maddie were on it but thats all i remember. shmeh.) bye now.

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"When I was going up the stairs,
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today,
I sure wish he'd go away."

Tuesday, May 11, 2004 7:06 PM

That's from Identity, which was a much better movie than it was advertised as. It looked like just another cliche slasher flick but it was actually a psycothriller and had a very well-woven plot. It was sooooooooooo good!

but anyway. john cusak, amanda peet, etc. grr. i lost 9 pounds. im actaully used to watching my weight fluctuate between 105 and 110 but recently it's been like 103 and 100 and now its 99 and i was sure i was like 108 the other day. ah well. shmer. not much to say today.... jonny is awesome and the bestest ever....i went to the theatre banquet saturday, which was a lot of fun. i hung out with brendan and sebastian which was cool. hehe they are fun most of the time, quite amusing. i have a feeling they both dont like me though. At least I know i annoy sebastian [even though i dont mean to] but brendan's usually a dick to me so i just gathered that they didnt like me too much. it's odd, sometimes brendan's really cool and fun and other times he's annoying and mean. shmeh. ah well. he seemed angry at me once when i was walking with jonny- he got mad at me for telling sebastian i thought he was high during peter pan (which other people assumed he was too, i know because i TALKED to them and they SAID so). Im no expert at spotting people when they're high but i HAVE seen people when they're high before, and drunk and drunk and high at the same time and even if i hadnt brendan still SEEMED high, and everyone knows he smokes anyway, especially sebastian, so i dont see why it would be such a big deal if i thoguht he was high during a performance.

*sigh* grr. he is so weird. i hate that him and sebastian smoke. i dunno, sebastian just honestly doesnt know it's bad. he's not stupid, he jsut wasn't brought up to believe it's bad. i guess it must be hard to have people yelling at you for something that you dont see any problem with. still, you'd think that you know, obeying the law would be SOMEWHAT of a priority. at least...well there are worse drugs, so at least sebastian isnt stupid enough to do those. grr, brendan got kathy into weed and it makes me angry. she's such a cool fun person without it!!! i dunno, people are funny when they're high but really later you jsut see that they're kind of stupid and you really lose respect for them when they do it. There are better things to spend your time and money on!!! grrrsnort.

shmeh. that's why i surround myself with people like caroline and grayson and lele and dan and charlie and of course, jonny. people who dont do weed and probably never will. What really bugs me is when people say things along the lines of "well you've never tried it so how would you know" uh, well, i dont need to try it to know that people get arrested for it and that it slows your reaction time and it's a real waste of money. I dotn need to get drunk and go out driving to know that a drunk driver can go out and kill someone pretty easily because of their poor judgement (caused by excessive amounts of alcohol). you know marijuana causes more than people say. I read somewhere that you have an increased risk of devloping schizophrenia when you do marijuana repeatedly. (its true! google "effects or marijuana" and go to the like...second or third one they give you and look up psycosis! i swear!). It even makes some people depressed and makes them have panic attacks and such. Even my psycologist says it's bad and she would know about the effects it can have on someone! hmm...im gonna google it. ..lalala....okay here we go.....history about it.......ha! here: "Like alcohol intoxication, marijuana intoxication impairs reading comprehension, memory, speech, problem-solving ability and reaction time." that's from http://allsands.com/Health/Alternative/effectsofmari_xho_gn.htm. *sigh* ah well. "marijuana really isnt bad for you..." some people. although cigarettes are way worse. grrr cigarettes suck. what makes me angry is that stephen smoked, and then thought it was retarded and stopped, and then he started again. But recently he stopped again and rhea/faye started giving him ciggarretes and is getting him started again. GRRRR! stupid rhea. shmher. ah well...i guess people will always be stupid! about one thing or another. i must go do homework now, as that is almost all i ever do or spend time on nowadays. I CANT WAIT TILL THE END OF THE SCHOOL YEAR!!!!!

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"That's the most un-chinese name I've ever heard!"

Friday, May 14th, 2004 9:34 AM

aloha all, im in chinese right now "researching". hehe no i really am finidng sites and all, just doing this as well. hehe. ahhh! i want jonny to get into jazz band! crossing fingers..... ir eally really hoipe he does! hehe. that'd be awesome! hmm..he said that his audition went well so....yeah. lalala. wow, i love how gray is complaining that her boyfriend ignores her when she never bothered to talk to HIM in the forst place...oh i dunno, maybe it's different than it seems, except that it isn't. ah well. people are stupid. shmeh. im bored, there's really not much to do and i dont feel like doing chemistry and chien lao shi might get angry if she sees me doing that anyway. ah well. SMHEH I AM SO BORED! hehe. i really wish there was more on the GGD site, there's rarely anything new but maybe there will be when they release their new CD. shmeh. hehe gray is going to the air force acadamy. she is so obsessed with school it's discusting. (discusting? disgusting? oh i'll never remember it if i actually found out anyway). oh i cant wait for the weekend! although...actually most of this weekend im just doing homework anyway. chem makeup, latin american project, chinese project, english reading [well that's not really homework but w/e] and..hmm... some maths stuff too. grr, creagar wasn't here this morning so i couldnt take my makeup maths test. she might make me take it after school or something and then i'll have to miss part of rehearsal and THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO WHY!?!?!? shmeh. grr i have to email like half my teachers. shmeh. i think i'll do that now. wow...this is probably the weirdest most un-structured entry EVER. hehe brb...although you wont be able to tell cause it's online and.....im gonna shut up now..... ah actually now it's 9:58 and i gotta go..im gonna see jonny in like two minutes! yay! lalalallala. bye now.

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