Come on Baby Boomers! Follow where I lead.
Read about the battle I 'happily' lost.
Let's have a Long Hair Renaissance while we still have enough of it left to flaunt.
ARTICLE CATEGORY: Passion's Playground/Humor, Wit, and Satire
Hair Wars
Helga's Heartlines
Saturday, April 7, 2001
Newmarket, Ontario
Richard, my mentor, is a trusted friend and confidant as well. We can talk about anything, and we tell each other everything. Our relationship is 'real': that is, we engage in direct and honest, no-holds-barred communication. This necessarily means, sometimes, we fight. Like this latest incident, which we call our Hair Wars. Here you have me, as I am, ladies and gentlemen - now try to imagine how he would envision me....
Gee...thanks, Richard! Of course, I know he likes my looks, he tells me I’m attractive. But, Dear Richard still seems to think I could be improved upon.... So, Dear Reader, what do you think...?
I think it’s a subject worth airing and debating with all of you. For love or money, should I really change my time-tested, sophisticated, self-satisfied self, based on one (significant) person’s biased opinion? By all means, please tell me yours. Who do you think should win? Perhaps you need some time to ponder? Well then, why not wait and see, while I let my hair grow? You be the judge of the real results, which I’ll produce and deliver for you in several months’ time. :)
Richard started it.
"By the way, Helga, why don't you let your hair grow long? How about letting it grow to the middle of your back?"
"Hair to the middle of my back! At my age! Richard, you can't be serious!" (He's serious). "Are you SURE about that?"
(I think to myself, I can’t believe he said that! Just so you have the full flavor, “my age” is leading edge Baby Boomer, otherwise known as “woman of a certain age”).
Richard has strong opinions on the subject, as you’re about to see:
"Long hair never looks bad, Never will ever look bad, On any woman of any age! Long hair would look good on you!"
Helga asks him how he can say that.
"Long straight hair is the Asian style of feminine woman, which is vastly superior to what American women, who dress for each other, prefer to wear. American women not only dress for other women, they also dress for so-called "fashion experts". In contrast American movie stars dress for men; that's why they have long hair; short hair is the style of the American ‘ball-breaker’, who likes to dress for other women, not for men who like women."
"Hold on, a minute, Richard! I have a few things to say about long hair, which I think are worthy of consideration...." ('Ball-breaker'! This can’t be how he sees me, can it?)
Automatically and suddenly self-conscious, I start playing with my hair as I proceed to bombard him with a catalogue of pithy comments:
"Long hair always looks good? You mean you’ve never seen thin, stringy, wispy, woolly, or bushy long hair? While long hair may generally be the fashion in Asia, do middle age and older oriental women really walk around wearing long straight hair?" (I’m having some difficulty with this picture....) ,br>"Oriental women have a different, heavier kind of hair that is luxuriant and thick and hangs smooth and straight." (I wish I had hair like that.)
"Long hair among Hollywood movie stars generally means shoulder length, not down to the middle of the back. I hate to remind you, my dear, a mature face has lines in it that a teenager’s doesn't. When the hair is too long and straight it drags the face down even longer."
Richard, attuned to me, knows when I’m being overly defensive:
"Never mind. You would look very sexy whatever you do with your hair, unless you shave it bald. While I would prefer you to have hair down to the middle of your back, not if it would embarrass you, or make you think you don’t look attractive to strangers. I want you to be comfortable and happy."
"Believe it or not, I don't care what other women think! But - I do care how I look. I like to look good! So...how about a reasonable compromise, Richard? How be, I wear my hair shoulder length? I believe I could still look quite nice with it, since it would frame my face."
"You can wear whatever you want because I like you and want you to stay happy. You have more experience with what looks good on you. Shoulder length is okay. On second thought, you are under too much stress now, so keep your hair the way it is."
"Richard, enough! I’m letting it grow to my shoulders, and that is that!"
Richard smiles, self-satisfied, and we say no more on the subject.
A few days later...Richard tantalizes me:
"By the way, Helga, I found a photo I’d like you to take a look at...."
There she is. Exhibit A. She’s wearing her hair in a long braid over one shoulder. Of course, she has always been considered one of the world’s great beauties, with perfect oval face, high cheekbones, glorious genes, all gifts of Mother Nature, which certainly helps....
"Jane Seymour is 50. ( She was born in Middlesex, England Feb. 15, 1951). She is a movie star whose hair goes down to the middle of her back, but she is not oriental. Although she is only 5’4”, she always had long hair without having her face pulled off by the weight of her hair. How can she violate Helga’s hair laws? Her face doesn’t look “pulled off” to me. How come her face is still on? Why didn't all that hair pull her face off?" :)
"The expression is "pull down" not "pull off", silly dear." (Says Helga with an affectionate, patronizing pat on “little” Richard's head). "The fact is that the facial smile lines become deeper and more obvious, and the face and jaw start to sag, in most women – though, obviously not Ms. Seymour - as they get older. Thus, adding long straight hair contributes to this downward impression. An upward or backward sweep of the hair counterbalances this effect. That's why older women usually wear short hair or wear it up. You, a math expert should know all about angles and balance and such," I bait him. "But, never fear, my dear Richard, your friend Helga will defy gravity, for you." :)
Richard, pouts.
"Some day I will show you the collection of middle aged women with long hair that I just started to make when you said “at my age – are you sure about that...?” Almost all men like long hair, unless brainwashed by a short hair wife or girlfriend who says "how do you like my new hairdo?” If the guy gives an honest opinion, no sex for him that night; he is toast because he has an upset woman who has just castrated her female side that naturally has long hair; an important difference between men and women."
Helga starts to open her mouth, to protest...
Richard barges ahead, uninterrupted.
"Hair is a symbol of sexuality. Women pay to have their sexuality castrated; "beauty" shops would love to transform all beautiful long female hair into short, clipped, and male crew-cut type hair, that requires frequent maintenance and repeat visits. This brings them bread aplenty.
Those who cut hair in so-called "beauty shops" want to cut off women's sexuality but fix the mutilation with hair spray so it will look OK to women for a few days. Each mutilated customer will have to come back in two weeks for another "fix', another cut off from her female sexuality and sexual attractiveness to men. Not to worry, women will like her.
Watch out for any "trip to the beauty salon!"
The men and women that do your hair get paid four times as much if you make four trips instead of one trip to the beauty salon.
If you have short hair, you need lots and lots of trips to the beauty salon, because short hair is ugly..."
Helga never realized the depth of Richard’s feelings in this regard. She is seeing a side of him that he had long buried and suppressed. She’s thinking perhaps she should take pity on him, and indulge him, by growing a head full of really long hair for him to want to run his hands through...?
Richard, misses not a beat...
"...Where as, if you have long straight hair, you just need to wash it and put on conditioner. Go get a trim once in a while. That’s about it.
I wish I were there when one of these so-called beauty salon "experts" (at lying with a straight face) says, "you would look so much better if you let me cut your hair, just a little here and there."
I would like to shave the heads of each of these "ugly-making" so-called beauty experts. Often on TV a woman with beautiful long hair is brought in for "free" treatment by one of these experts in ‘beauty’. The woman's beautiful long hair is cut off, and an ugly, standard, ‘ball-breaker’ hairstyle is given her. She has been transformed from uniquely beautiful to the standard, mass-produced, unappealing look so preferred by that group of American mostly middle age females who hate beautiful women and resent men."
Helga can't help herself. She grins widely and doesn't hide it.
"Okay! Okay - Richard. I’ll try it!"
"Why don't you do it up, or something, when you need to look proper - in a French Twist, a braid, tie it back with a scarf – and wear it long when you're just being your normal casual self?"
"Hello, Richard! Are you listening? Do you hear me? I’m letting it grow long, to the middle of my back!"
"What are the lines in TS Eliot’s poem? “Put on a face to meet the faces that you meet...” By all means, in a strange land, wear your hair and dress to fit in with the natives."
"I’ll be sure to look civilized when I want to and need to. Don’t worry, Dear Richard."
So, Dear Readers, that’s how it happened. That’s the story...so far. I’m on my way to becoming a middle-age teenager!
I believe my hair has grown several inches, already, just by talking and thinking about it. Richard’s anticipation has helped to energize the process and add impetus to my motivation. Hopefully it will help to make my hair thicker - more plentiful - too. Please stay tuned for Hair Wars: The Sequel
XXXXXXXXX
POSTSCRIPT: 11/30/01
Time for an update...
I've been letting my hair grow ever since I 'fought' and wrote about it.
Long-hair Helga is well on her way.
People are talking about and reacting to Helga's hair in real life.
I'm having fun.
I like the feeling.
Very liberating, feminine and attractive.
I honestly find it easier to manage.
I can do more with it.
A bonus: It’s economical.
Interestingly, the more feminine I feel, the more comfortable I am dressing masculine, if fact, prefer it. Like Katherine Hepburn I like wearing the pants.
~ Helga Marion Ross ~
Copyright 2001
Saturday, April 7, 2001
Newmarket, Ontario
Richard, my mentor, is a trusted friend and confidant as well. We can talk about anything, and we tell each other everything. Our relationship is 'real': that is, we engage in direct and honest, no-holds-barred communication. This necessarily means, sometimes, we fight. Like this latest incident, which we call our Hair Wars. Here you have me, as I am, ladies and gentlemen - now try to imagine how he would envision me....
Gee...thanks, Richard! Of course, I know he likes my looks, he tells me I’m attractive. But, Dear Richard still seems to think I could be improved upon.... So, Dear Reader, what do you think...?
I think it’s a subject worth airing and debating with all of you. For love or money, should I really change my time-tested, sophisticated, self-satisfied self, based on one (significant) person’s biased opinion? By all means, please tell me yours. Who do you think should win? Perhaps you need some time to ponder? Well then, why not wait and see, while I let my hair grow? You be the judge of the real results, which I’ll produce and deliver for you in several months’ time. :)
Richard started it.
"By the way, Helga, why don't you let your hair grow long? How about letting it grow to the middle of your back?"
"Hair to the middle of my back! At my age! Richard, you can't be serious!" (He's serious). "Are you SURE about that?"
(I think to myself, I can’t believe he said that! Just so you have the full flavor, “my age” is leading edge Baby Boomer, otherwise known as “woman of a certain age”).
Richard has strong opinions on the subject, as you’re about to see:
"Long hair never looks bad, Never will ever look bad, On any woman of any age! Long hair would look good on you!"
Helga asks him how he can say that.
"Long straight hair is the Asian style of feminine woman, which is vastly superior to what American women, who dress for each other, prefer to wear. American women not only dress for other women, they also dress for so-called "fashion experts". In contrast American movie stars dress for men; that's why they have long hair; short hair is the style of the American ‘ball-breaker’, who likes to dress for other women, not for men who like women."
"Hold on, a minute, Richard! I have a few things to say about long hair, which I think are worthy of consideration...." ('Ball-breaker'! This can’t be how he sees me, can it?)
Automatically and suddenly self-conscious, I start playing with my hair as I proceed to bombard him with a catalogue of pithy comments:
"Long hair always looks good? You mean you’ve never seen thin, stringy, wispy, woolly, or bushy long hair? While long hair may generally be the fashion in Asia, do middle age and older oriental women really walk around wearing long straight hair?" (I’m having some difficulty with this picture....) ,br>"Oriental women have a different, heavier kind of hair that is luxuriant and thick and hangs smooth and straight." (I wish I had hair like that.)
"Long hair among Hollywood movie stars generally means shoulder length, not down to the middle of the back. I hate to remind you, my dear, a mature face has lines in it that a teenager’s doesn't. When the hair is too long and straight it drags the face down even longer."
Richard, attuned to me, knows when I’m being overly defensive:
"Never mind. You would look very sexy whatever you do with your hair, unless you shave it bald. While I would prefer you to have hair down to the middle of your back, not if it would embarrass you, or make you think you don’t look attractive to strangers. I want you to be comfortable and happy."
"Believe it or not, I don't care what other women think! But - I do care how I look. I like to look good! So...how about a reasonable compromise, Richard? How be, I wear my hair shoulder length? I believe I could still look quite nice with it, since it would frame my face."
"You can wear whatever you want because I like you and want you to stay happy. You have more experience with what looks good on you. Shoulder length is okay. On second thought, you are under too much stress now, so keep your hair the way it is."
"Richard, enough! I’m letting it grow to my shoulders, and that is that!"
Richard smiles, self-satisfied, and we say no more on the subject.
A few days later...Richard tantalizes me:
"By the way, Helga, I found a photo I’d like you to take a look at...."
There she is. Exhibit A. She’s wearing her hair in a long braid over one shoulder. Of course, she has always been considered one of the world’s great beauties, with perfect oval face, high cheekbones, glorious genes, all gifts of Mother Nature, which certainly helps....
"Jane Seymour is 50. ( She was born in Middlesex, England Feb. 15, 1951). She is a movie star whose hair goes down to the middle of her back, but she is not oriental. Although she is only 5’4”, she always had long hair without having her face pulled off by the weight of her hair. How can she violate Helga’s hair laws? Her face doesn’t look “pulled off” to me. How come her face is still on? Why didn't all that hair pull her face off?" :)
"The expression is "pull down" not "pull off", silly dear." (Says Helga with an affectionate, patronizing pat on “little” Richard's head). "The fact is that the facial smile lines become deeper and more obvious, and the face and jaw start to sag, in most women – though, obviously not Ms. Seymour - as they get older. Thus, adding long straight hair contributes to this downward impression. An upward or backward sweep of the hair counterbalances this effect. That's why older women usually wear short hair or wear it up. You, a math expert should know all about angles and balance and such," I bait him. "But, never fear, my dear Richard, your friend Helga will defy gravity, for you." :)
Richard, pouts.
"Some day I will show you the collection of middle aged women with long hair that I just started to make when you said “at my age – are you sure about that...?” Almost all men like long hair, unless brainwashed by a short hair wife or girlfriend who says "how do you like my new hairdo?” If the guy gives an honest opinion, no sex for him that night; he is toast because he has an upset woman who has just castrated her female side that naturally has long hair; an important difference between men and women."
Helga starts to open her mouth, to protest...
Richard barges ahead, uninterrupted.
"Hair is a symbol of sexuality. Women pay to have their sexuality castrated; "beauty" shops would love to transform all beautiful long female hair into short, clipped, and male crew-cut type hair, that requires frequent maintenance and repeat visits. This brings them bread aplenty.
Those who cut hair in so-called "beauty shops" want to cut off women's sexuality but fix the mutilation with hair spray so it will look OK to women for a few days. Each mutilated customer will have to come back in two weeks for another "fix', another cut off from her female sexuality and sexual attractiveness to men. Not to worry, women will like her.
Watch out for any "trip to the beauty salon!"
The men and women that do your hair get paid four times as much if you make four trips instead of one trip to the beauty salon.
If you have short hair, you need lots and lots of trips to the beauty salon, because short hair is ugly..."
Helga never realized the depth of Richard’s feelings in this regard. She is seeing a side of him that he had long buried and suppressed. She’s thinking perhaps she should take pity on him, and indulge him, by growing a head full of really long hair for him to want to run his hands through...?
Richard, misses not a beat...
"...Where as, if you have long straight hair, you just need to wash it and put on conditioner. Go get a trim once in a while. That’s about it.
I wish I were there when one of these so-called beauty salon "experts" (at lying with a straight face) says, "you would look so much better if you let me cut your hair, just a little here and there."
I would like to shave the heads of each of these "ugly-making" so-called beauty experts. Often on TV a woman with beautiful long hair is brought in for "free" treatment by one of these experts in ‘beauty’. The woman's beautiful long hair is cut off, and an ugly, standard, ‘ball-breaker’ hairstyle is given her. She has been transformed from uniquely beautiful to the standard, mass-produced, unappealing look so preferred by that group of American mostly middle age females who hate beautiful women and resent men."
Helga can't help herself. She grins widely and doesn't hide it.
"Okay! Okay - Richard. I’ll try it!"
"Why don't you do it up, or something, when you need to look proper - in a French Twist, a braid, tie it back with a scarf – and wear it long when you're just being your normal casual self?"
"Hello, Richard! Are you listening? Do you hear me? I’m letting it grow long, to the middle of my back!"
"What are the lines in TS Eliot’s poem? “Put on a face to meet the faces that you meet...” By all means, in a strange land, wear your hair and dress to fit in with the natives."
"I’ll be sure to look civilized when I want to and need to. Don’t worry, Dear Richard."
So, Dear Readers, that’s how it happened. That’s the story...so far. I’m on my way to becoming a middle-age teenager!
I believe my hair has grown several inches, already, just by talking and thinking about it. Richard’s anticipation has helped to energize the process and add impetus to my motivation. Hopefully it will help to make my hair thicker - more plentiful - too. Please stay tuned for Hair Wars: The Sequel
XXXXXXXXX
POSTSCRIPT: 11/30/01
Time for an update...
I've been letting my hair grow ever since I 'fought' and wrote about it.
Long-hair Helga is well on her way.
People are talking about and reacting to Helga's hair in real life.
I'm having fun.
I like the feeling.
Very liberating, feminine and attractive.
I honestly find it easier to manage.
I can do more with it.
A bonus: It’s economical.
Interestingly, the more feminine I feel, the more comfortable I am dressing masculine, if fact, prefer it. Like Katherine Hepburn I like wearing the pants.
~ Helga Marion Ross ~
Copyright 2001
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