It's 8/8/03 ... I'm in a thinking kinda mood I guess. Counting my blessings and thanking God for all he's given me! I've got a lot to be thankful for that's no doubt. My friend Tony and I went out to eat the other night and we were talking about friends, he'd asked me once before how many best friends I had, he went on to say REAL best friends, the kinda friend who would drop anything, ANYTHING and be here for you tomorrow if you said you needed them. That's a hard one to answer if you think about it. You'd like to name all the people you know that you'd drop anything for if they needed you but then you have to really think about it and you realize that you can't. If moving has done anything, its really put my friendships, and relationships into perspective. While I know its hard to keep in touch and I slip up myself quite often but I just think that when it comes down to it becomes quite obvious where you rate in someone's life.
For instance ... Cheryl, now there's a best friend, she'd drop her entire world for me and be here tonight if I needed her that I never doubt. It's funny how sometimes you'll find a best friend in someone when you least expect it. Cheryl and I were always friends but it really wasn't until the end of senior year that we really got close, I guess we both looked around and realized we were all that was left, we still kinda laugh about that but I know it worked out that way for a reason. How's that song go ... We are the champions, no time for losers cuz we are the champions of the world. Yeah so that should be our theme song! So anyway as the countdown till graduation day dwindled our friendship grew. I was there for her messy breakup with Chad, she was there for midnight chats till wee hours of the morning! A great friendship blossomed where no one really expected it and of course not to long after that I moved and still our friendship is strong. I talk to her at least once a week if not more, most of the time more! I miss her so much but its strange because despite the 600 miles between us we're still super close!
Angel on the other hand ... I'm sad to say that I think our friendship means more to me that it does to her. I know without a doubt I'd be there for her in a heartbeat if she truly needed me but I highly doubt she'd do the same. I guess our friendship has always been a little more of my giving but it wasn't quite so obvious until it had to stand the test of 600 miles in which case I hardly ever hear from her unless I contact her and even then she seems as if I mite be inconveniencing her. Of course I hold hope that it's just a stage she's going through (yet another bump in our friendship) and I'll continue to be her best friend because she's my girl and weather she really knows it or not she needs me, maybe more then I need her I guess cuz God does all he does for a reason. Maybe in time she'll value my friendship enough to put some effort into it.
Thomas, more times than once I've been at a lose for the perfect words to explain our very delicate situation. One thing I know for sure, there isn't anything in this world I could ask of him that he wouldn't kill himself doing if he knew I needed it. That's love I guess huh? Not to say the distance hasn't taken its toll on our bond, it has indeed, but with both of us determined to survive what ever comes our way we've done well I'd like to think. I've asked some pretty difficult things of him and he's done his best to honor my every wish. He's come so far to be the guy he is today, he's not the guy he was when I first met him for sure ... he's better, stronger and wiser. While I'd like to think I had a hand in that, I can't take credit for it. I didn't change him, love did, life did ... it was how he chose to handle love & life that changed him. So all appreciation and credit is his! He's someone I can't see my life without, but depending on the way the wind blows I just mite have to. I'm just thankful that's not something I'm forced to do right now.
Of course, Jamie. This I have to admit is an interesting friendship, it started way back in 8th grade we became fast friends. We were the best of friends for quite some time and then somewhere along the line in high school, I'm not even sure when or why we begun to drift apart. Before I knew it I felt like I didn't even know her, like we'd lost the bond we created. I've fought for many friendships in my day but for some reason I was willing to let that one go, tired of fighting for them I guess cuz to me it never made sense if a friendship didn't come naturally then what kind of friendship was it anyway. Jamie was determined to keep it alive and I'm glad she did. (Quick FYI: for those of you that don't Jamie has relocated to New York City to follow her dream, to be an actress and i really couldn't be more proud of her! I have to give her all of my respect for the step she's taking, I personally know how difficult it is to just pick up and move somewhere new but at least I had my family. It takes a hell of a lot of determination to do what she did but I know its cuz there's passion in her heart for her dream and I admire that!) Well, now Jamie and I talk every day, and its so nice to have her be a part of my life again cuz you really need the people in your life who knew you back when you didn't know yourself.
Then there is Michael, to say the least I'm disappointed in what our friendship has become. I seriously thought that Michael and I were in it for the long hall, I thought for sure he was one person who would always be by my side. I felt very blessed to have him in my life, and I was no doubt not many people get the chance to meet people like him. Despite the fact that our attempt at a relationship failed I believed our friendship never would. He was the kinda guy who would never let you down, the kinda guy who'd forgive when you let him down even when he shouldn't so I guess in the end I can't be too upset with him cuz I don't deserve his friendship in the first place but he choose to give it to me anyway and forgave me. I sacrificed quite a bit for him and our friendship without blinking and eye because I was sure had the shoe been on the other foot he'd do the same. Time proved me wrong and a fool you could say. You might say I valued his friendship more then most in my life for the very reason that I didn't deserve it, knowing what I'd done to him and the amount of love it must have taken to forgive me I put all I could into maintaining our friendship. It hurts mainly because he knows me, he knew what I did for him yet he says its too much for me to ask of him, I guess all I can do now is wish him well.
Too be continued ... (when the carpal tunnel goes away, lol)
Much <3
Halina
