An Editorial On My Mental State - Joe Wilson

I don't do this often, but I thought, or maybe hoped that writing this 
down rather than typing it out would help me. (I wrote this on paper 
before putting on the computer) I'm on the brink of insanity and I don't
know how to come back. Recently thoughts of wrecking my car for fun, or 
killing pookie with fire seemed logical, if not downright pleasant. 
Suicide's never entered my mind, at least not purposely doing so. 
I don't know exactly what started this horrible thought process or when 
it may end, but I hope soon. I've wondered what people who crack and 
go crazy feel and now that I feel I'm closer to that than ever before, 
I'm kind of curious as to how it might be. One theory is that they think 
what they're doing is normal, and everyone else is nuts. That's almost 
frightening. Not quite though. When I told Adam about what I was 
feeling, he thought I was close to cracking yet I don't feel strange. 
Perhaps I'm there? I don't know. I don't want to know. I just wonder 
why in the past I've been known not to let things get to me yet lately 
the smallest things upset me and make me want to put my hand through 
a wall. Things like the way pookie looks at me, messing up at a 
video game, people wrongly judging me with no basis to do so, wanting 
certain girls so bad, but knowing I'll never get them, and even Adam's 
bitching about the same video game is starting to irritate me.
Adam and Chuck think I'm stupid by letting some of these things get 
to me, but I highly doubt they could understand my state of mind right 
now. I don't plan on carrying out any of my thoughts like wrecking 
the car, but if I do, you'll know god has won, I'm mentally unstable, 
and a threat to society.

end