The Tale Of Old Man Wilson

One day while Grampappy was at the bowling alley, Old Man Wilson came up to him
to try to fill his head with BS about bowling skillz that he didn't have.
SO grampappy decided he was going to shoot the paper off his straw at old 
man wilson. So he did. The paper flew off and hit old man wilson right in the eye.
"Ow Dammit!" cried old man wilson.
Grampappy was amused.
So old man wilson hit grampappy on the shoulder.
Grampappy was not amused.
So grampappy quickly bludgeoned old man wilson with a size 14 bowling shoe and cut his
head off with a spoon (because it hurts more) and bowled a 239 with it and won a plaque.

Moral: Bowling Is Fun! Touching grampappy is not.