First Entry! Yay! :) - 2/10/2002

I got this thing after reading a friend of mine's...I can only pray that I keep up this thing..and I dont put something in it that I dont regret. I guess I'll start off with how Im feeling...and thats insightful. I had a wonderfully beautiful and deep thought that I shall call "Rachel's Theory on Human Existence." I may put it in here tommrow. Today is the day after the Valentines Day Dance at LHS. I loved every minute of it. I was there with my current boyfriend Ryan and a few of his friends. Im not going into extravagant detail simply cause I dont feel like typing it all. I got to see some people that I rarly ever see...and it makes me sad to go back to my school (Which is located in another county) and be around the same people I have forever been around. Ahh...to forever stay in that world of difference and unfamiliarity! But I guess thats why they invented college..and parties. Tommrow I know I'll have track practice...which I can love or loath, depending on my day and mood. Thursday is Valentine's Day...I need to fiqure out something to give Ryan..Oh well. I dont think I'll give too many of my friends the location of this...There is only certian people that I want to know the true depths of my being.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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We can relate. Come read mine. Thanx [amazingleesexy]

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Oh lookie! Another one already?!! - 2/10/2002

I think Im addicted to this already...Im on a emotional roller coaster today....and what a ride its taking me on. My emotions are ranging from hyper..to a light phase of depression. Im even ignoring my half crush kinda sorta not really thing (Whom we shall call "Greg" for all discussion purposes) who I never get to talk to...to type this. I want to work on my Theory..and maybe even submit it into the Prisim (My school's bi annual lit magazine) but I feel the insightfulness of that moment leaving me :( Oh well..I got it off of Zach's entry and saved it on a wordpad to go back an alter it...I just only hope I can! Ryan is currently online and we're chatting to and fro. We're discussing Valentine Day plans..my mom said I could go out with him that night. Hmm...hey Zach...I think Im gonna get me one of those Imood things that you got too...its nifty looking..This entry dosnt even have a real purpose does it? Hmm...Ryan seems edgier with his comments tonight...I think I totally underestimate that boy.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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"Greg" & Ryan - 2/10/2002

Yup...Im totally addicted to this thing. Well I finished my last entry...and I talked to Ryan and a Adelian (Adel...thats the town in which I live) friend of mine, Sara. I went to type something to him, but couldnt fiqure out what to say. No doubtly he was talking to his new crush anyways. Dont get me wrong, I love Ryan to death...its just..I think Im not completly and utterly happy and this causes my to subconious to reach out and try to find something that will. It needs to stop! Its driving me nuts. I am growing more comfortable in the relationship though...I was excited when I felt this, because before hand I was a little shy to annouce it or show it around anyone. I dont usually talk this much about guys..its just Im kinda bored tonight and its on my mind. Seems to be the topic of discussion in my two MSN conversations too...

Telle est vie, Rachel

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i am "greg". hahahahahahahahaha. :P [Sneezy]

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School & Track - 2/11/2002

Well I knew it was gonna be a good day...and it was. School went as normal..and I finally met Sara's new boyfriend. I got out of it with no homework..and in 4th block all we did today was a career survey. It didnt tell me anything that I didnt already know..and that is that Im best in the arts and sciences. After school I had track practice..and that went well...till my freaking sister was on the phone and I couldnt call home....coach was having problems getting a ride home as well..So I finally bummed a ride off of a dude that I barely know. It was all I could do to stop myself from bitch slapping her. Anyways...as for "Greg"..I came to realize that I dont like him anymore than a friend...well that feeling went as fast as it came! But no...that dosnt mean his identity shall be revealed. Im looking back over the year so far...I think I was a rabbit in one of my past lives.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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a rabbit huh. strange. ill give you one guess what i was;) [Sneezy]

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New Years Resolution? - 2/11/2002

I took a quiz that I sent to Zach...


Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

Hmm.....Interesting...I took it again and got this:


Take the What Should Your New Year's Resolution Be? Quiz

What does this say? I should seduce as many people as possiable...and if they're in a relationship?...I should break it up! Thats so...like me :P ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last thoughts for the night - 2/11/2002

Isnt it amazing how we spend most of our times living and waiting for the few moments of pleasure? As soon as we wake up in the morning and leave for school...all we're waiting for is the moment in which we'll return. And this means that Im spending from 6:15am to 5:30pm waiting for the time between 5:30pm and 10:00 pm. After which I repeat the cycle all over again. Now school is nice and all...I get to socialize..and some times it can even be fun...but for the most part Im just ready to get back home! All durning the week...all we're waiting for is the weekend....which barely ranges from Friday night to Sunday. This means we spend 5 days waiting on two. I feel like Im wishing my life away...but I cant really help but to...Another reason why college was invented....

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Revelation on myself and my relationship w/ other - 2/11/2002

I think I want to make one last late night entry...its about 10:15...and how I wish it was summer...I miss the late night group chats I had till 3 in the morning over Christmas break...I miss the warm weather...and the beaches...I want to go outside and fall asleep in my hammock..maybe even get some serious extension cords and drag a stero out there with Incubus on repeat all night long. I hope I get some more sleep tonight...lsat night I toss and turned all night long. It seems like such a long time before I'll be sitting in this chair again...New things I will have learned...New emotions I will have encountered in the upcomming day...more miles that I will have traveled. Me and Ryan are calmly chatting...Im about to say bye to him for the night (A process that takes about 5 minutes). He wants some "us" time on Thrusday...but I dont know about all that. Sara is "going to the bathroom" tommrow durning P.E. I wish her the best of luck. I found out something about...I guess I can call her a friend..Hope is in my circle of friends but we dont talk much...today. It dosnt suprise me much...Its just the guy she did it with and her timming does. Sometimes I feel close to the people around me....but sometimes..I feel like Im standing on one side of a canyon and there on the other...I can see them..and talk to them...but I can truly reach inside of them and mean something to them. Its kinda why I altered my MSN name last Thursday...I put (worthless) in it cause thats what I feel sometimes to certian people...and its not Hope that Im taking about here...There is some people that I crave to know what they are thinking..and what makes them tick...why do they feel the things that they do...I dont think some of these questions will ever be answered...but that dosnt stop me from trying...

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Is it only Tuesday? - 2/12/2002

Well...today was alright. It wasnt the best thing in the world..but I cant complain either. Today in Drivers Education it was my group's day to drive and I got to drive out to Reed Benghum...(Or however you spell it) It was so pretty too. The fog was lightly covering the bridge...and the lake was perfectly still...and the sun shone off of it like it was glass. I could have stayed there all day. I have a math test tommrow...which meant no homework tonight...yay! Im gonna power study tommrow in Drivers Ed. We had our second day of that survey...it had me thinking...If I want to presure the carrer I want..that means almost 8 years of college!! I may also have to stay in VSU and get my bacholors before transfering up to UGA...Oh well...Im trying not to worry about it right now....I'll divulge further into it later...cause I just may go into zoology instead...and I think that means I'll be going to GT instead? Not sure...Anyways track practice today was pretty trying...but I survived. Liz ran the last lap with me...I think she should really start running track with me. My computer was all crazy and mixed up beyond belief when I got home today....Strange...I think someone may have been up here working on it and my mom just hasnt told me yet. I downloaded a new song yesterday..and I can totally relate to it...Its called "All You Wanted" and its by Michelle Branch. Here are the lyrics...

I wanted to be like you I wanted everything So I tried to be like you And I got swept away

I didn't know that it was so cold And you needed someone to show you the way So I took your hand and we figured out That when the tide comes I'd take you away

If you want to I can save you I can take you away from here So lonely inside So busy out there And all you wanted was somebody who cares

I'm sinking slowly So hurry hold me Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on Please can you tell me So I can finally see Where you go when you're gone

If you want to I can save you I can take you away from here So lonely inside So busy out there And all you wanted was somebody who cares

All you wanted was somebody who cares If you need me you know I'll be there Oh, yeah

If you want to I can save you I can take you away from here So lonely inside So busy out there And all you wanted was somebody who cares

Please can you tell me So I can finally see Where you go when you're gone

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Crying Wolf - 2/12/2002

Hmm...a new terrorist warning? Its getting kinda old...like the boy who cried wolf. The government keeps crying and crying...but I see no wolf. Of course there is gonna be a small bombing incident at the Olympics this year...there always is..its like tradition. Naturally there is going to be a big ruckus about it..with the government trying to calm the people saying it wasnt terrorist...and yet at the same time still saying they're out there waiting to get you! They've bombed that country to Hell already....Osama is probally in Paris sipping coffee thinking about how sucessfuly he's struck fear into the people...and we're waiting around for the other shoe to drop. Bah...Let them come...I like excitment.

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Of Cabbages and Kings... - 2/12/2002

Well...Tommrow should be interesting. I got matgirl pics at 3:30...and I think Liz is gonna be running track...Im excited..but worried that she may not be able to carry through with it. I'll guess we'll see...Sara's mom found out about her and Ced liking each other...she hasnt found out about the relationship yet..Sara said she would tell me about it tommrow morning. Everyone droped like flies tonight! First my internet buddy that I was talking to...then Zach..then Pat. I havent gotten to talk to him in a long time! I was scared that Ryan was getting jealous from a comment he made to Zach today....but I asked Ryan bout it and he said he was totally kidding. I was seriously afriad of the Brandon saga all over again..That was terriable..and he often reduced me to tears with some of his accusations. Ryan is talking a little bout his past relationships..mainly why a couple of them broke up with him...woulda never guessed...but as I said...I totally underestimate that boy. I just hate it that he still thinks of it as a depressing topic...and I wonder if he still even talks to them. I have no idea why I wonder this...just curosity I guess...but I dont want to ask him. I hate it that I know..one day Im gonna end up hurting him too...I wish I didnt mean so much to him...

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Hump Day! - 2/13/2002

Ooo...Track practice was slightly difficult today...But not near so as he wanted it....he left off cause it was kinda cool today. I must remeber to thank God for that. Today was another pretty good day...The annoucements this morning kinda confuse me though....the band is doing this basket giveaway thing..and it annouced the band as the "Marching Hornets"..Now thats what we are...in the fall. Its spring..and do you see us marching anywhere? I didnt think so. Oh well. I had a math today..and I know Im gonna have to retake that one...it was HARD. I got away with no homework execpt a little revision on an essay...so I guess it wasnt all that bad. Tommrow Im taking Ryan out for dinner for Valentines Day..Thats something different..but I didnt know what I could get him...so I suggested that. We're going to Red Lobster, I cant wait...they have really good strawberry daquris. You know what? I think Im crazy...

Telle est vie, Rachel

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i know your crazy, but thats alright. being crazy is so much more fun that being normal:P [Sneezy]

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Sacredness and Ambitions - 2/13/2002

Liz was certianly excited about practice today. Im glad she is...but it willalso be kinda strange. Track was kinda where I branched off from the rest of the group. There is also a certian time, the time in which I change, that I consider almost sacred. Its where its just me and total quiet..and I collect my thoughts and prepare for practice. But since its me and liz..we'll probally change and all that together...Unless I can find some way around it. But on to ambitions! I have two at the moment....the first one is to letter in track. and the second is kinda my life ambition..and its to learn to surf. I still dont want to think about college...Im so confused in that area, but i think Im changing carrer plans over to zoology...theres much less sugery (not to mention schooling) required...I'll research it more later..and just not think about it now. Im really cold...but Im comfortable in my pjs..and maybe I'll warm up soon....they have kitties, stars, and moons on them :)

Telle est vie, Rachel

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We've got cabin fever! - 2/13/2002

Im bored tonight...so this probally wont be the last entry. I think Im gonna talk a little bout band...since Im about to dl the song Im most likely gonna do my Color Guard routine that I have to make up for tryouts to. Im going with a Disney song again, this time from Beauty and the Beast, Be Our Guest. You can tell whoes in the aux in band...cause whenever someone walks by with a flag we all kinda shift in our seats and wonder if they're getting an unfair headstart on the tryouts and when we can run after our flags again. They want tryouts earlier this year cause they want to get a head start on uniforms...we kinda had some problems this year with them comming in late. I was looking at the faded hornet symbol on the center of the football field today...I miss those Friday nights...but next year it wont be the same without some of the seniors...buy my senior year is deffiently will be different...no ben and jake..no jay...no becky..no one cept our class and a bunch of underclassmen that we hardly know...Oh well...we talked some more about the Gatlinburg trip today. It will be my first overnight trip with the band..Troy use to be..but my freshman year they decided to just go there and go back...I was up for almost an entire 24 hours...It was fun :)..and I have suddenly lost my train of thought...crap. Telle est vie, Rachel

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Cat thoughts.. - 2/13/2002

I wish I was a cat. Cats dont do anything but lay in the sun and sleep all day...no worries...no cares. At night I would get to nose around the neighbours yards and drive their penned up dogs crazy. I would get to prowl around in the forest and along side the pond...I would be able to climb trees and terrorize small animals..I would always have people waiting on me and wanting to pet me..No wonder my two are so spoilt....

Telle est vie, Rachel

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aww, that sounds nice-I want to be a cat now too! [Silent Tear Drops]

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Cats are the best. I have three. My cat's name is Phoebe, and she is a reject. Literally. She was born with a disease called feline destempor and she walks around like she's drunk; her nervous system is out of whack. She is the coolest cat ever. Toodles. [Dal�]

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Valentines day! - 2/14/2002

Today was a good day...I didnt do a whole lot...cept a vocab test in lit..and I know I probally bombed that...didnt study. Practice was canceled..but me and Liz didnt have a way to call anyone...so we just hung out till someone showed up to get her. We carved our name on top the the press box with the plugs for the loud speakers...it was fun..then we swinged a little on the swings and played on the monkey bars. My dad just gave me a rose..I must remeber to go downstairs and hug him when I get done typing this. I need to finish my homework and get ready to go out...but I can procrastinate :) Mmm..I cant wait..Im starving!

Telle est vie, Rachel

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i hope you have lots of fun where ever your going. again, happy valentines day. love the rachel... [Sneezy]

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My Night Out... - 2/14/2002

We ended up eatting at Longhorn's cause the wait at Red Lobster was a hour and 20 mins wait....we still had to wait 50 mins before sitting down. It was good...but we didnt eat a whole lot...by the time they got our food to us we were full on chilie fries :) Anyways Ryan bought me a half of dozen roses...a pair of earrings..and two charms to go on my bracelet...he says hes got a necklace comming...How sweet :) Drama has come to town..Sara's parents found out about her relationship and forbidded her to see or even speak to him. Just cause hes black and she isnt....I guess thats what happenes when you live in south ga. Sarah found out that jason likes her....her strict parents said she could go to prom with him...but she dosnt want to. Jarod asked her to prom today...and she finally relized that she liked him. Her parents wouldnt let her go with just cause they dont know his parents. They are WAY too strict on that child...Newflash..Sara's parents made Sara and Ced break up...Ouch :(

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Friday!!! - 2/15/2002

FINALLY!!! Now to sit back and enjoy the long weekend ahead of me...too bad I got quite a bit of homework to do..:( Everyone seemed stressed out today...Sara and Liz went to Rome today with the wrestlers...I wanted to go but she only had room for two matgirls. We had a pep rally for the basketball team and the wrestling team today...which was kinda out of the ordinary. I lost my yearbook earlier..I suspected Rebecca took it...so I bought a new one today....and as soon as I got home...I found it. She took it and shoved it in some remote corner of my bookshelf where no one could see it. Bah! The next two weeks are exrtremenly busy and fun filled. Whee! Ryan comes over Monday...I wonder what were gonna do...I dont really like it when he comes over cause I can never think of anything to do. Oh well.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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One Act Plays - 2/15/2002

I decided to go with Mary to the highschool to see The Zoo Story and A Midnight Summers Dream. They were both really good. A Midnight Summers Dream was a modern one act interpretation of the play. It was TOO funny...Both the Josh's were in it...and they looked really hot :) I forgot to get the director to sign my program for extra credit in American Lit. Oh well...I'll survive. I think Im gonna put off the rest of my homework tonight...I have all of tommrow without any plans thus far.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Just cause I have a car dosnt mean anything...:( - 2/15/2002

I went to eat at Dairy Queen tonight...and whenever I pull up I feel like people glare at me and I.D me as "That spoilt rich kid" and then spit in my food...I know Im being paranoid...but still! I bet they dont make false accuations at those preppy people with the 30,000+ trucks that are jacked up with really nice steros...Actually...I dont know that they think that about me...but there is probally some just cause my dad is a docter...

Telle est vie, Rachel

P.S For all the people wondering..its a 2001 Celica

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diary queen is so yummy. well hope u have a great night! tata =) [Beautiful Tears]

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Just got here on a random entry, neat diary, what type of car? [IndecisiveLogic]

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Random Observations that I blame on Spring... - 2/15/2002

It seems like everyone is getting hooked up or is dealing with some type of love relationship now...It moves in circles...everyone is either getting hooked up or broke up...and then there is some of us who its either we're in a relationship....or were experencing a LONG dry spell...which comes everytime I break up with someone..Bah!! I dislike love...relationship or not! It just dosnt like me....

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Life is like that, hey? [MidnightPanther]

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Lazy Days.... - 2/16/2002

There isnt anything better than a Saturday in which I dont have to do anything! I got woke up this morning by Hannah, my littest sister who said there was a dog outside....well its almost 3pm and it still hasnt left! I ran to Valdosta today cause I needed to get some more blank Cds, some hooks, and some fish. When I got home one of my fish were stuck in a log..and I had to get my dad to help to get it unstuck...I had to put it in a glass and run some air into it cause it is badly injured. Poor fish. I got my homework done for the weekend...so I dont have to do anything else cept study Monday night for a 6 weeks exam in math and a charecter test in Lit. :( On days like these I wish I could drive so tonight I could go drive around Valdosta, see whos out, maybe to something, and just get out of the house! Bah! I think the count down is....a little over two months...Drat :(

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sounds like a more interesting saturday than mines been lol. btw- awsome name hehe, note me back ~rach
[.rachie.baybee.]

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mine's been more boring!!~

~ [proud to be green]

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Tweaks... - 2/16/2002

Im still bored..:( I tried to amuse myself with online quizes...but couldnt find any. I added one of those Imood thingys to my front page....I couldnt resist..I love playing with that thing...The influence certian people *coughcoughZachcoughcough* can have on me..sad isnt it? :)

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Online quizes dont like me - 2/16/2002

Well...found some...its just the badges wont work for me for some reason...even though I totally make sure the picture HTML is right...it still shows up broken! It just dosnt like me today...

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Sad Realizations - 2/16/2002

Some people...no matter how much you care about them..and how badly you want to know their inner most thoughts and desires...and how much you wish to share your dreams with them...just couldnt care less about you.

Also..I think someday there is gonna be some laser sugery you can get that can change your eye color to whatever you want it to be...It's probally not that far off either

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My Theory on Human Existance - 2/16/2002

Well I said I would out it up..and I did. Im SO bored tonight :( I hope this makes sense...it did the night it jumped out of me...but tonight Im not so sure... I belive humans have one purporse in life and thats to love....to love God and others...right now Im gonna focus on the others part.....were born..and we grow older....and we instantly start searching for this one person to complete us and make us happy....when were little..its our parents...but as we grow older...we search for someone else...someone like us...and we spend our entire lives looking for this person that can make us totally and completly happy...and we dont stop till we find this person....and the you marry them or whatever....and grow old..and have this perfect love of you loving them and they loving you..and then you die...with your purpose fulfilled... and if you dont find this person..you have problems....because you try to make another person...into the image of this person....or you think you've found this person...but it isnt totally them.... because if this person is actually the one that could make you totally happy...you wouldnt have to divorce them...or cheat on them.....

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Deadly Boredom... - 2/17/2002

Well...I think I've reached rock bottom now. I want to go out to go somewhere...but I cant think of any place to go...so I try calling a few friends that I havent done anything with in a while..and they are either working or not home. Crap!! If I can conjure up someone to go do something with...I think Im gonna fall over dead. Atleast Ryan is comming over tommrow..but Im not so sure that Im as excited about that as he is...I hate thinking up stuff for us to do.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Im having a girl party!! you could come if i knew ya! [Song]

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How my Sunday finally ended up - 2/17/2002

Well I took my sister to go see about getting her a dress and then we went out to eat at a Jap. steak house. It was really good. My throat HURTS for some reason...I think it may be from lunch when I burned the back of it with some soup...I certianly hope so...I dont need to be getting sick. I wish some people were online for me to talk to though....no one is on tonight :(

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Men.... - 2/17/2002

I have no faith in the male species anymore...cause a male is a male...always has been a male..and will always be a male! No matter who they are...or what they look like...or how you think they act...cause deep down..they are all the same with the same desires and thoughts. But what was I expecting? I dunno...I think my expectations are way to high of people :(

Hmm...My sister just came to my door and stuck my cats head in it...nothing weird...but I'll bet I will have a dream where my cat peeps its head in my door..and then walks through it....about 5'5 feet tall..on its hind legs like a human....Crazyness...

Telle est vie, Rachel

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what brought on this anti-male feelings? [Sneezy]

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Serious Revelations - 2/18/2002

Well Ryan came over and we just hung out and watched a movie on tv. Then we went over to his house and ate and hung out some more. We had a heart to heart about some stuff that we needed to talk about..I think we should have some more of them..I feel closer to him now. I cant really decide wheither Im happy in the relationship though...right now I know that I am..but I guess at times I just get nervous about it..but I know I am safe. Me and Ryan were talking and Brandon's name came up. I knew he had a big mouth...but I didnt know how big till tonight. Apparently the people who dont know me but know Brandon (And sadly...it may be some of the people who know me and him) think I am a really big slut. That kinda hurts...cause I know me and Brandon did not do all the crap he said we did. I know I should ignore him...but whenever Im at a party with Ryan or something like that...I have a hard time holding my head up high. I cant bring myself to wish the relatonship never happened though...so many good things have come out of it...I would have never met Ryan if I never went out with Brandon...But I wish there was some way I could go back and change alot of things...Why was I so blind? and why must it still hurt and cause me never ending anguish? It makes me want to run off and join a convent in some small village in the middle of Italy...I wish Sam was on...or still came on..I could use a talk with her...Man I miss those late night chats! :(

Oh yeah..that fish that got stuck and I put in a seperate container to see if it would get better? Well when I came home it was dead...bah!

Telle est vie, Rachel

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i know the entry i am writing a note about is extremely old. what can i say, i gots bored. i just wanted to tell ya that none of us ever considered you a slut cuz of the brandon thing. no one could trust him as far as a throw. And i still hope you can talk to me if ya need to. take it easy girl. *smooches* [insomniacDaydreamer]

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Lord have mercy.... - 2/19/2002

Well...I woke up in a bad mood...and it went to a really good mood....then it swung back down. I got my braces off today...YAY! :) The 6 week exam in math wasnt that hard...and Lit was pretty easy. Track wasnt really hard...just LONG. It was almost 6 before he let us go. I think Liz might be spending a week with me while her mom goes to Vietnam...which will be cool...but there isnt a whole lot to do over here...and often after practice I just chill infront of my computer..but that is kind of a 1 person type thing...and I couldnt make her sit around while I do that. Not to mention how she would feel if me and Ryan go to the Jagged Edge concert this Saturday. I still feel kinda bad about everything...but Im getting over it. Man..I not sure about anything anymore :(

Telle est vie, Rachel

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welcome to my world angel... [FLProject99]

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Life...Sucks - 2/19/2002

Everything seems to be going in a downward sprial while everyone else seems to be going up. Everyone is falling in love...and yet I cant find any emotion for it execpt to loathe it. I swear..I hate love...and I have no idea why. I cant bring myself to love anything...I feel like something has eaten my heart...and all thats left is nothingness. I wish it was the summer...some solitude might do me some good...I might actually get a summer job..(Gasp gasp gasp)..but it will only be because I will be doing a little career shadowing...I cant make up my mind..and maybe working with....oh I forget his name...will help me to decide. Brandon started talking to me on MSN today...and it was really werid. First off cause he was talking to me at all...and second of off..it sounded like he might want to get back together down the road. Im sorry...I always burned that bridge down..and I dont want to rebuild it. Im disorrented...cause I cant even consentrate long enough to do a math problem!! I dont even have a word to describe my mood...Im depressed..and confused..and just plain out unhappy.

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it is very easy to hate love...and it is a little harder to like it...but i am sure that at some point you will like love and you will be happy...so in the mean time just work through everything...check out my od sometime [prettycrazy]

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My Rollercoaster.... - 2/19/2002

Well..Im a little better...and looking back on my last entry...I cant really remeber what made me so upset..Im so tired. I think Brandon is trying to come inbetween me and Ryan...and thats really weird. Tommrow Im missing track practice cause I have a ortho appotinment...but I'll bet I'll feel guilty about it...especially since practice wasnt canceled Thursday....it was just at the weight room. Dosnt matter...we wouldnt have bad a way to get back there anyways. I hate this feeling that if I miss some little thing...I feel guilty and like I have to catch up..I didnt use to feel this way. I cant belive that is was only last night that I was with Ryan..it feels so much longer than that. We're not sure about Saturday...Dana and her boyfriend cant join us...and we're not too stoked about it...but its a way to get away from parents and siblings..and we can get free tickets...I unno...I wish I could drive..then we'd go spend the day in some mall talking and enjoying each other's company..and window shopping...

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Just another rainy...Wenesday - 2/20/2002

Well..today was pretty easy. Im pulling out of Algebra with a 97. Its raining so practice was canceled...not that I was going anyways...I had an ortho. appointment to get these evil things they call retainers fitted. Im ready for the weekend..

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Ryan - 2/20/2002

Well I couldnt just write one for the day...Anyways Im talking to Ryan so I decided to write on him. Im not sure if I totally love him yet....but I may be getting there...Im not sure. I found out today that Brandon has some kind of greviance aganist the relationship...he dosnt want me in it...I think John said he thinks he knows of someone better for me. Screw him...he isnt in control of my life. John wouldnt tell me excatly whats Brandon's problem...but Im sure it will come out eventually. I find this funny...Ryan says that John seems to not talk to him as much anymore...and John said that he felt like Ryan was drifting away from him. I think some people need a serious pow-wow together...Oh yeah! Sara and Ced didnt break up...she just thought they did....but now their relationship is TOTALLY secret...and she makes sure she isnt seen alone with him. Well...its like someone said.."The course of true love never did run smooth." I think that was Shakespeare. This short week is great....its all flying by so quickly...but I wish all weeks were like this...I was to run off somewhere...travel a bit..but I know that wont happen anytime soon....my mom wont let me. I already tried to get her to let me leave the country for Spring Break (And my 16th b-day). Not hardly...though I knew that was gonna be her answer. A week from friday Hope is having a party...GASP! Yes! You heard correctly! A actual party! Its been so long since I been to one of those...especially of the Adelian type. Ryan wants to know if he wants to come...but I dont think he'd be comfortable with a room full of girls....Wait..what am I saying!? Hes a guy isnt he? Oh well...Im not so sure that Im ready to introduce him to all of my friends...at once. Man these retainers SUCK!!! I will never be able to go to sleep in these :( But Im not really that tired...I wish I was though. Zach seemed preoccupied today....he didnt say hardly anything to me at all...and didnt submit an entry in his OD either. Must be rushing to finish some schoolwork or something. Ryan is really wanting to come to this party...and I dont know why I kinda dont want him to come...its gonna be a mostly girl affair (As all of our parties are) cept for the people who do bring their boyfriends along. I can fathom why I feel like this either...its one of the many things that I cant fiqure out in our relationship..and its why Im still not so sure about it...though I know Ryan isnt uncertian about anything in our relationship. I was jumping from diary to diary today...looking for some good reads...and I have found one..I also located Sam's..I havent talked to her in the longest time...though she use to come on just about as much as Zach. Come to think of it...I havent seen Amanda on lately either...Pat still comes on every now and then...and I do see John more frequently than I have been seeing him on. Carmen comes on somewhat too. I told Ryan maybe that night of the party he should plan a night out with his friends too....Hes currently telling me why this is impossible...Mostly its cause one half dosnt like the other half.....I didnt mean ALL of them! I think Im starting to ramble...so Im calling it a night.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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2/21/02 - 2/21/2002

Well...another day another dollar...too bad Im not getting paid for any of it. This morning I got to skip 2nd block to play in the Vietnam program the band, choir, history, and art department put on. Today after school I was sitting on a bench and eatting some popcorn and a coke cause Liz got checked out to go to a funeral...and Jacop came and sat down beside me. For all of you that dont know hes the long haired guy that likes me and I thought I shook off. Apparently not...I just looked at my popcorn like it was the most interesting thing in the world...ate it quickly..and told him I had to go. Track practice was fairly easy....coach can talk ALL day. He said next week was gonna be hard though....

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Some Quotes... - 2/21/2002

Im kinda bored...so I was looking through my (VERY) huge list of quotes and decided to post a few.

Here today, up and off somewhere else tomorrow! Travel, change, interest, excitement! Mr. Toad in The Wind in the Willows (1908) by Kenneth Grahame

(How I wish I could live like that)

How sweet the moonlight sleeps upon this bank! Here will we sit, and let the sounds of music Creep in our ears: soft stillness and the night Become the touches of sweet harmony. -- -Shakespeare, _Merchant of Venice_, Act 5, Scene 1

I saw Eternity the other night, Like a great ring of pure and endless light, All calm, as it was bright; And round beneath it, Time, in hours, days, years, Driv'n by the spheres Like a vast shadow moved, in which the world And all her train were hurled. --Henry Vaughan

Wild moonlight fills the whole courtyard; Drop by drop falls the crystal dew. One by one the moving stars appear. The fleeting glowworms sparkle in dark corners. The waterfowl on the riverbank call to one another... -- Tu Fu (713-770), "Summer Night"

I take a bottle of wine and I go to drink it among the flowers. We are always three - counting my shadow and my friend the shimmering moon. Happily the moon knows nothing of my drinking, and my shadow is never thirsty. When I sing, the moon listens to me in silence. When I dance, my shadow dances too. After all festivities the guests must depart; This sadness I do not know. When I go home, the moon goes with me and my shadow follows me. -- Li Po

That's love?!? --Calvin Medically speaking. --Hobbes Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!! -- Calvin in "Calvin and Hobbes" by Bill Waterson

Love doesn't make the world go round. Love just makes the ride worthwhile --Franklin P. Adams

It is impossible to love and to be wise. -- Francis Bacon

Any coward can sit in his home and criticize a pilot for flying into a mountain in a fog. But I would rather, by far, die on a mountainside than in bed. What kind of man would live where there is no daring? And is life so dear that we should blame men for dying in adventure? Is there a better way to die?-- Charles Lindbergh Jr.

(AMEN!!!)

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Hey those are really great quotes I'll select a few and jtry to put that in my marquee for like next week or the week after that okay? What do you think? You'll get to see it all week! In fact I'll tell you okay. [teddylver]

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My Perfect Guy - 2/21/2002

Well...to start off...he'd be hot...but not full of him self. A real nice body too....Not to meantion beautiful eyes...hmm..green I think. He'd be from a well to do family too...but thats just surface stuff like icing on a cake...and dosnt really matter. He'd be my best friend...one who I could totally trust and confide in. He'd be a romantic too...with a sense of humor to top it off. I would want something talented in him...maybe musical or artistic. He'd would have to be smart..I cant marry an idiot. He'd would have good taste too. He would love to have fun and travel...He would know how to have a good time. We would have to have generally the same reglious beliefs...the whole difference in them dosnt work too well. He'd be extremelly well in bed...and would know how to treat a woman. He would be the type of guy that would make a really great father too. He'd be forever faithful to me and I to him. He would know how to keep romance in a marriage too. He wouldnt be the kind that would have a temper...and he would be able to control himself when he got mad. But most important of all...he would love me.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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that's sweet =) i'm sure you'll find a guy who will be perfect for you that you wouldn't have expected to be at all. [pearlity]

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Considering there is'nt a "perfect" that would fit multiple people I'll go with this: The perfect guy/girl needs love, compassion, intellegence, humor, and if you want to be vein (which most people including myself do), good looks. [Prose and Khans]

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Yeah I know...Im not expecting ALL that...Im just dreaming :) [Rachel...]

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Hey is this..the Rachel i know from the neighboring village of "adel"? :P Nice to see ya hon. And its alright to dream hon, cuz dreaming will lead to wishing, wishing to shooting stars, and hopefully wishes coming true. We all would like to think there is a "perfect" someone out there...but sometimes it feels so far away. Good luck in your search. Nice talking to you again. I miss ya'll! Bye! [Serengeti Soul]

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Its Friday! - 2/22/2002

Even though it dosnt feel like it. Its been a really good day though. I NEED to get out of the house...My mom has some major PMS and is bitching at everything that moves. I hope me and Ryan can do something tonight. He got the dance pictures back today...I cant wait to see them. Tommrow we're going to the Jagged Edge concert with Heather and her boyfriend...that should be fun. Mr. Draz laid on the math homework today...I dont want to do it :( Not to mention that I have to finish reading The Scarlet Letter this weekend...Oh well. Man I need to get out of the house!! My mom is convinced its cold outside...and its like 70...Im burning up.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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My Interesting Weekend So Far.... - 2/23/2002

Well Friday night I went over to Ryans..ate pizza and rented a movie which I only half watched cause we started it kinda late and I was falling asleep halfway through it. Saturday we went to the Jagged Edge concert with Heather, Jo, and Brooks. Well we didnt watch any of the concert...it was cold as all get out. Brooks left us at about 12 or so and dissapeared...I guess he felt like the 5th wheel. Well we decided that we couldny take the cold and decided to go to the movies...so we went to go see A Beautiful Mind....but we had to walk out in the middle of it cause it was longer than we thought and we had to get Heather home....we stopped by Chick fla and ate and then started to take her home...she started having a spaz fit and freaking out and talking to Jo like he was trash and all this mess...something about a decision and her getting all confused...I was getting scared....then Jo deicded he couldnt take it so he opened the door and almost jumped out. On the way to my house me and Ryan had some pretty good conversations...about his life and such. My dad is sick so I cant go anywhere tommrow...Oh well...I got homework I need to do anyways.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Sunday....Lazy Sunday... - 2/24/2002

Well Im just hanging around the house today I guess. I finally finished all my school work..including that book that was forced upon me by my Lit. teacher. Track practice is gonna be hell this week...Good thing I get to leave a little early Monday and Tuesday so I can get ready7 to go to that ADAP class. I hate government and the stupid things it forces us to do. Im not gonna get home till 8:30 those two days :( I tried to burn some Cd's earlier but my Cd burner program was being a buttcrack. It is a pretty day though...maybe I'll go do something outside.

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=D( [Wolfie]

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strange how the weather can pivot a mood between good and bad. gotta love it. hehehe...
andrew
[fami.liar. stranger]

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Pictures - 2/24/2002

Well I got my half of the pictures Friday...they are pretty good..its just Ryan thinks he is leaning over too far and I think Im funny looking. Ryan said people commented on how good I looked...I think they were smoking weed at the time. I've never liked a picture of me...but thats beside the point..and the point is that Im funny looking :(

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Another entry out of boredom - 2/24/2002

I havent done squat all day today...Ryan was suppose to call me a hour ago..I hope anything hasnt happened to him. No one is online...and if they are they are not talking. I am SO ready to get this week over and done with...I need Spring Break...which is over a month away :(

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Impending Doom - 2/25/2002

Well today was long..hard...and it sucked. Today though I actally ran a full lap...without stopping. I was proud of myself :)I went to that ADAP class today...it was alright..Im tired and it seems like I have a million things to do in a short amount of time. Oh well :(

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Tuesday Tuesday.... - 2/26/2002

Well another long day. My group went driving today in driver's ed. Track was wet but short. I went to the last day of that ADAP class and got that card thing. Finally. I got home and I had computer trouble. But tommrow I get to miss school to go to some plays with my lit. class and I get to go to church with Ryan. fun fun.

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i got to hang out the band hoochies today:P i bet you are green with envy. hehehehehe. your not online:( oh well. ill talk to you later [Sneezy]

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Stuff - 2/26/2002

Well we signed up for buses for festivle thursday. I dont see why it much matters...its just an hour and a half away. My dad is back home...he was in the hospital really sick. I'll bet Mr. Draz will go over completly new and hard stuff in math tommrow and thursday...and when I come back I'll be all confused. Im getting better at the 400 thing...but Im praying that he dosnt make me a runner in it. Im kinda sore...I hope its REALLY cold tommrow...really cold means no practice...and since we're probally not having practice thursday..its all good :) I like the cold...sometimes. I like cuddling up by the fire..and hot tea/chocolate..fuzzy bedroom slippers and long pj's. But I also like flip flops and tank tops and shorts...not to mention the beach...and my best friend, Summer Vacation. I like the fall too....football season :D

Telle est vie, Rachel

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My day away from school - 2/27/2002

Well we went to Valdosta to see those plays..it was pretty good. Of course Berrian and Cook boo'ed each other out of the place....we're so south georgian that it isnt funny. I got to eat a good lunch away from school too but we had to be back early cause the band director spazed because half her band class was missing...that meant we had to miss 4th block to go to band...more work that I'll have to make up Saturday. I got a party Friday and we're all spending the night..well not the boys of course. Practice was canceled cause of the cold...yay! :) Tommrow I got to be at school at 7:30. Wow. We got more information on the BETA trip the 16th. Its gonna be fun..I wish it was more than 1 day though.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Im running out of titles... - 2/27/2002

Well Ryan was sick today so we didnt go to his church. Oh well. I just got done packing a change of clothes for tommrow...not to mention my Cd player...your Cd player is your friend on band trips...we dont have hormonal rages that causes us to participate in mating rituals with each other like in certian bands that will remain unnamed. Well..most of us dont anyways. Of COURSE we learned something COMPLETLY new in math today....there goes my 97 average :(

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Festival - 2/28/2002

Well we made straight ones. Yay :) They decided to cram us on one of those large buses....well those large buses have NO leg room whatsoever....I think the seats were made for kindergardeners...and whos crazy idea was it to only go on ONE bus? It was freezing today...but we got to eat at Zaxby's :) No one seemed excited that we made ones this year...it was weird. Im glad I home though...and tommrow is Friday! :) But between Hope's party and Ryan...all Im gonna be doing is make up work :(

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Im bored... - 2/28/2002

Nothing to do today...I almost wished I did...I could use a head start on that work. Well tommrow is the first day of March...wow this year is flying by! March will DRAG though...Only two and a half months left of school...then only two years before I fly the nest..have the people that are near and dear to me scattered in the 15 directions...and forced to start a completly new life. Its gonna be like dying...cept you dont die.

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college is scary at first, but it's awesome once you're adjusted to it. look forward to it! don't view it as a death sentence!

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Im not looking it as death as in a bad way...its like dying cause once you die..you go to another place...one completly different than the last...no? [Rachel...]

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Hey Rachel! Long time, no read..:( I hope your doing good, it seems like it from reading your entries. Overloaded...Eat one green apple, drink a tall glass of hot tea, and call me in the morning ;P My cure for everything!? Well, i hope you have a wonderful weekend. I will talk to you soon...hopefully. Good night! ~~Serengeti Soul~~

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PARTY!!! - 3/2/2002

Finally :) We all went over to Hope's house and ate and hung out for awhile..and then we spent the night at the gym/ tanning bed where she works. That was a lot of fun. We worked out and tanned till we got bored...then we just sat around and talked...and danced a little bit. About 12:30 we got into a blanket fight...but you know :P There wasnt any guys there...it turned into an all girl affair..which the guys wouldnt have spent the night anyways but still. We had to get up at 7:30 to leave cause the gym was opening soon so I just decided to go home and get a shower...I cant go back to sleep once Im up though...this is the earliest Ive been up on a Saturday in awhile. Its almost refreshing...

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you didnt tell me about any party:( i stayed home all bored while you were chilling with the females;) [Sneezy]

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What the rest of my weekend will be like... - 3/2/2002

Well I just finished all that evil math homework I missed...luckly it wasnt THAT much to do. My dad's birthday is Monday so they are having a little party for him tonight at Shortey's and me and Ryan are gonna go. I got my class ring ordering packet yesterday...Im excited :) Its raining...on a perfectly good Saturday too...why cant it rain on a day like Monday so I wont have practice? Speaking of which...the first track meet of the season is March 12th. Ooh boy...

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Sunday Bloody Sunday... - 3/3/2002

That song was stuck in my head on the way to church with Ryan this morning. He has a friendly church...there was a guest preacher since revival started today...he preached for an hour..we didnt get out of there till 12:50. We went to eat at his house afterwards..it was good. We didnt get to spend much time with each other cause he had to go to work. Maybe we'll get to spend some more time with wach other this week...I think so cause Im seeing him Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. Tommrow is Monday....Blah :(

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Brr... - 3/4/2002

Its COLD today...but we still had practice in the gym. I need to go ahead and fill out the class ring order form....but I cant decide weither I want to put track on it or color guard...bleh :P You know..we watched this broadway thing in band...and they played and twriled stuff much like marching band..execpt it was like dancing kinda..I unno...but if I could twirl a flag and make a ton of money for the rest of my life I'd do it. Today is my dad's birthday too...I need to remeber and tell him happy birthday. I had a math test today...it was kinda hard...Bah! :(

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Hello. [Shaking Alice]

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I wonder... - 3/4/2002

I wonder where I'll be in 6 months. I found a note to my self in my tracker (Those things that the school gives you that you write down your assignments and stuff in) telling my self hello. I wrote it back in October or so...wondering how my life would be different when I read it again. I think I would have been pleased to know how everything has turned out. Im still on a quest to find out the inner thoughts, desires, and traits that make up a few special people in my life..but thats a never ending task. People amaze me sometimes...some are deep beyond belief..and others just have a different way of looking at things that can keep you thinking for hours. I know where I'd like to be in 6 months...but if I get there or not isnt entirely in my hands. Im so tired today...I need sleep.

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Whats happening? - 3/4/2002

Well Im talking to Ryan...not really knew except hes acting kinda different tonight. I told him this and it scared him cause he suddenly got afriad of losing me. That isnt out of the norm...but he seems...not himself tonight. Ryan said he was depressed and tired though. Poor boy...I dont know how he manages between his family situations and his friend situations. Im trying to supress the feeling that Im restless and there's so much more that I could make of my life...I've been looking through other people's diary entires...some of them are completly complex and thought provoking. Mine must look boring by comparasion. Oh well...I wonder whats happened to my poetic edge...and my artistic edge for that matter. I havent had any inspriation this year. I cant belive that my dad is another year older...I get sad just thinking about it. Im thinking about changing the color scheme to my diary..I'll play around with it later...but I'll probally stick to black in some form or another...it suggests endless depth and the unknown.

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Its only Tuesday...:( - 3/5/2002

Nothing really new or interesting happened today durning school. Practice was easy...he didnt get around to me for running. After that me and Mary went to a band concert at VSU. We ate at Chick-fil-a and ran to Target for some candy...that means I'll be carrying around a half of pound of candy in my purse for the next week :) Im too tired to write anything else...too bad I gotta stay up and wait for Ryan to come on...Im ready to hit the sack.

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Bada Bing... - 3/6/2002

Well I dont know how but I totally bombed that math test I took Monday...I think Im the only one retaking it...even the dumbasses made good on that one. I ordered my ring today so I was late to practice. We had to leave early cause the soccer team had practice. Me and Liz chased soccer balls more than we ran...we're deprived :) Me and Ryan went to church but had to leave early cause I had to be home. The sermon was interesting. Ryan is comming over to watch a movie Friday...but I dont know what movie we're gonna rent yet. I cant wait till the weekend...Im feeling burnt out...

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Where has everyone gone? - 3/6/2002

Im starting to miss everyone that I dont see on a daily basis...The evils of spring semister...Were all busy with tests and homework...But I just want to tell everyone that I miss them :(

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Sick :( - 3/7/2002

I woke up at about 2 in the morning puking all over the place...It wasnt pretty..My dad finally had to give me a shot cause I couldnt keep nothing in me. Im just praying that I didnt miss TOO much at school....Its terrible to get behind in my 3rd and 4th block classes. Track practice was important today too...he was gonna start placing people in the races...Bah! :(

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I shall never ride in the same car as my friends. - 3/9/2002

Well Ryan came over Friday and we started watching a movie and eatting pizza...that didnt last long because Mary and Sara (Who had nothing better to do) busted into my room. Well they only came to bug us and was gonna leave..but me and Ryan wasnt really interested in the movie so we went riding with them. Next we busted in on Sarah and Jarrod who was also watching a movie and eatting pizza. We chatted with them a bit and then left. We rode around going here and going there. Sara was upset cause her make-out plans for the night got ruined Im not sure what Ryan was thinking of all this..but I can only imagine by the expressions on his face as we were flying up and down the roads. We were headed back in the direction of my house..Mary..who was doing 70 on a dirt road..landed us in a ditch....luckly it wasnt that big of a deal..but I think Ryan is permently tramatized. Im going over to his house tonight to play Scrabble..we'll probally argue over who has the most interesting friends...

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no wonder he has been acting funny for the past few days. play strip scrabble:P hehe haha hoho (dont ask, its an inside thing.) ahhhhhhhh.......i only havve one eye .) hehe.......im gonna leave now. bye bye [Sneezy]

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Hanging out with Ryan and family - 3/10/2002

Saturday night I went over to Ryans to play Scrabble...I hadnt played it before so he offered to teach me. It was fun..Im a good letter drawer :) Today I went to church with him. The sermon was good but it didnt get over till 12:45. We ate at his house but we were rushed because his mom wanted him in Homerville at 2:30. I spent almost the entire weekend with him. I went on a little Sunday drive with my dad after that. I went to Target and got some more candy and the Linkin Park cd...We also got smoothies. I recognized John Griggs dad in the Target parking lot and ran into the other lane waving at him. I dont think he knew who I was thought...Tuesday is the first track meet of the season...Im no where near ready...in fact..I dont even know what Im running yet. Saturday is the BETA trip to Universal. Im excited :) Brooks Garret got drum-major for the Lowndes band. Am I the only one that finds that slightly humorous? Im not ready for another week of school....Why isnt it Spring Break yet? :(

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i Y scrabble [Rain Dancer]

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oops, sorry about that. i meant to say that:

I Y Scrabble
[Rain Dancer]

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i find it funny, more because of catfish whilly than brooks.......brooks will do a good job. [Sneezy]

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Sunday's Sunset.... - 3/10/2002

Is this the begining of a new week or the end of another? I think Sunday is the 7th day so its the end of the week...Or maybe its both the end of one and the begining of another? Im in a mood to go run and hide somewhere...Not excatly sure why. I want to stare into the sunset and forget all my problems...not that I have that many. Tommrow I think I shall do something differently...like talk to someone I usually dont. I know who..but since its Monday I'm going to be busy in all of my classes...maybe I will on Wednesday when I dont have such a huge work load. Ever wonder where you'll be a week or month or even a year from now? I know where I'll be a month from now...at a track meet. A week from now? Probally the same place as today. Ahh..a year? Thats a truly scary thought. How will I be feeling...and who will I love? Who will love me? I'll be halfway through the last semister of my junior year...with my last year of public education as I know it staring me in my face. Then'll I'll be off to college. But thats a year away...so close...but so far. I wish someone would come online...I want someone to talk to. When my computer was worked on all my games were lost and Im too lazy to reinstall them and start over. Ever notice how the trees turn black when the sun sets? Maybe its their way of saying they cant compare to the day's fading glory. Or maybe its just the shadows....I think thats why we have sun rises and sun sets..its not because of scientific reasons..but its the days way of celebrating itself..because there will never be another day like that one...and you cant go back to it...so the sun rises bright and shining...making itself anew aganist the young day. Then it sets...its last glory for the day. Celebrating all that was the day...joyfully telling of all the good...and taking all the bad with it into eternity...then we're left with the night..which is another spectacular all its own. I think Im starting to ramble...its probally because Im getting depressed. Whenever I get depressed over nothing I have a bad tendency to talk of nothingness..and yet at the same time everything. A good night's sleep is what I need...that is a cure-all for things like this..

Telle est vie, Rachel

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The long road ahead.... - 3/11/2002

Im gonna be running the 4 by 4 tommrow. Thats a relay race where four people run four laps....each person runs a lap. If I dont do anything else the whole season but that I wont complain...For me its a hard race..but I'll survive. We probally wont even run it...Brooks Co. dosnt have lights for the track so once it gets dark we gotta leave. Im gonna go eat some Milk Duds..Mmm...I love Milk Duds :)

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I AM QUEEN! :) - 3/11/2002

Glory Praise! King Mswati III of Swaziland died and left you Queen! Long live Queen Rachel of Swaziland! Yay! :)

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hehe.......only you:P [Sneezy]

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People... - 3/11/2002

Im hyper tonight...Dont know why though. Ever notice how people can change from one year to the next...so much that they arnt the same person you befriended? There is a bunch of people I know like that...I miss them :( I remeber in my freshman year I use to always sit with a senior on band trips...that meant I was always in the back of the bus with my friends (Who also signed up with seniors) That was always fun...cause we usually ended up singing before the night was over. We still do on the long trips...but it isnt the same without some of them. Oh well. Im bouncing around my room like crazy...Thats what a secret stash of candy under your bed will do to you :)

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I know how you feel
people SUCK
[MuchEmotion]

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Let it rain.... - 3/12/2002

Track meet was canceled cause they didnt want us to go over there and then it start raining. I dont know about Brooks Co...but in Cook the sun is shining...I wanted it to rain too :( Track meet was rescheduled to Thursday...I kinda wanted to get it over with today though...oh well.

My group went driving today in Drivers Ed....we worked on parking. We paralled parked in the same spot though...and a man kept looking at us. I bet he thought we were goofs cause we would come...park...pull away...and come park again in 5 mins.

Im watching the clouds get thinner and thinner....It could have atleast rained cats and dogs OR be bright and sunny so we could have ran..but nooo...its gotta be complex!

I have a math test tommrow...I hope I dont bomb this one...I'll be in big trouble if I do. In Lit today we had the big test over the entire play The Crucible. Im praying that I didnt screw that one up too...

Heh..I like the saying that my little goth person is saying today..."How can I take you seriously when you suck?" It sounds so....me :)

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Then the rain came.... - 3/12/2002

Wow its pouring outside...me Mary and Celee had to find this out when we walked out of the mall. I was scared I was never gonna make it home again with Mary at the wheel...she scares me. We went to Walk-mart to look for a cd Mary need for tryouts which arnt any time soon but you know her...anyways it wasnt there...but I did get an anklet and some more toe rings...I need some for the summer :) Anyways the cd wasnt there so we went to the mall...Mary's friend Mitch met us there...Its kinda pathetic to see Mary flirting with him and all...but I dont say anything..shes like that around every guy she meets. I had to walk around with a big chocolate stain on my pants cause I sat in chocolate at lunch and I forgot to change my jeans before I left :( I wish Ryan didnt have to work so much...I would enjoy talking to him before 10 every night....

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Everyone and my momma... - 3/12/2002

Im being stalked. When we went to Valdosta first me was our math teacher....who blew the horn at us...then Celee saw her ex boyfriends dad...then I saw my mom..crusing down the road on her cell phone as usual..Hi Mom :P. Next we saw Crissy White...who we ran from...then I saw Ryan's step mom...then we saw C.J Walker in the mall...Then we saw Crissy White again in the mall and some people who were making out at Wal-mart in the mall....Bah!

I like my track shoes....especially the spikes. I want to slap people with them and watch them bleed :P

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Stressed! - 3/13/2002

I had to wear my glasses to school becuase I couldnt get my contacts in this morning....it felt like my eye was scratched or something...

Anyways we had that Asset test durning 1st and 2nd block today...not only was it easy...it was boring. Today kinda sucked...

They had a soccer game while we were practcing....I think I should have played soccer...I probally would be better at it..and I would get to bump into all those cute guys :P

Speaking of which..I have a track meet tommrow. Coach not only wants me to run that relay....but the 400 and the long jump too...both of which I've never done. Im nervous that Im gonna make a fool of myself :(

Me and Ryan went to chuch tonight. Ryan was having a bad day too...his mom and dad were both fussing at him...He was really upset all night long.

Im ready to get tommrow over with....Im scared...and all that mess....besides...as soon as its over with..my weekend begins....the price I pay for freedom :(

Hee hee...I like todays quote too..."I dont care which Star Wars charecter you are."

Telle est vie, Rachel

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One purple eye.... - 3/13/2002

As I said earlier I had eye trouble this morning..well I opened a new pair of contact lenses to see if that was gonna help...it didnt. I put my contact case in my purse because I had to start off school with my left one in so I could see (my glasses broke and had to be brought to me) When I got home my right contact was folded over itself and it ripped when I tried to pull it apart. Instead of opening a new green lense and having a different number of left than I did right...I used my purple trial lense they gave me. Luckly it was in my right eye strenght...I think Im gonna leave them like that for awhile...you cant really tell it because my eyes are naturally green...so the purple looks kinda green from a distance...but I still think its cool :)

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Track Meet... - 3/14/2002

Well...we placed 2nd overall. I long jumped and my best jump was 10 feet 11 inches....you gotta jump 10 feet just to get to the sand pit so yes...I need some practice. I got 6th in the girls 400 and my team placed 4th in the 4 by 4. Not too bad. I met a girl from Clinch named Rachel Morgan also...she was in the races I was and the coaches couldnt belive that we had the same name. Hee Hee :) Im SOOO glad to be home...Im dead tired.

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You Know What? - 3/14/2002

I dont have practice or any track obligations tommrow....Im so happy that I could cry...I have a research paper comming up in Lit.....Ick :(

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Blessed Friday.... - 3/15/2002

FINALLY!!! Not that I get a break or anything...I have 3 responses...a whole anlaysis...and math work to do this weekend...Most of it is going to be done Sunday since Im gona all day tommrow...YAY! :D I dont get to see Ryan this weekend...but as things turned out I wouldnt have time to see him anyways...I hope next weekend is better. Two more weeks till Spring Break....

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Beta Trip - 3/17/2002

I had fun :) I ended up walking around with Mary, Liz, Jay, Chase, and Kendal around Islands of Adventure. What a group...Sara actually rode a roller coaster for the first time...and she didnt puke either. Anyways I now have a tan..Woohoo :) I kinda wished Josh would have gone..He droped Beta because he was new...and no one would talk to him. We would have...but he didnt know us very well back then. I cant belive the preps are so wraped up in themselves not to notice anyone else. Oh well..their loss. Mary was in one of her moods yesterday where she tries to make me look bad. Im gonna smack her one of these days...She totaled her car Friday night....Me and Ryan both knew she would eventually. She wants to get a 1990 Celica...Pssh...she wants to be like me is all :P I dont want to do that website thing...I want out of the county...I need a break from everyone and everything. Too bad I dont get to see Ryan till Wednesday :(

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Fast Car - 3/17/2002

"You got a fast car I want a ticket to anywhere Maybe we make a deal Maybe together we can get somewhere"

"Anyplace is better Starting from zero got nothing to lose Maybe we'll make something But me myself I got nothing to prove"

"I remember we were driving driving in your car The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk City lights lay out before us And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder And I had a feeling that I belonged And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone"

"You got a fast car But is it fast enough so you can fly away You gotta make a decision You leave tonight or live and die this way"

All that just about sums up how I feel right about now...A deep longing to...escape..to go some place where no one knows me..and I can create my life anew..

I think I have what Im starting to call "Sunday Syndrome"

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Extreme Sports Generator... - 3/17/2002

All right! Take it to the limit with Nighttime Nude Korfball! ...Sounds like something Zach would suggest...And the scary part is...I can almost see me and Zach naked and covered in whip cream..running around some yard throwing a ball...

Hot damn! Live or die in Nighttime Tandem Surfing!...Thats what Im talking about :)

Whoo-hoo! Take it to the limit with Whitewater Nude Bowling! ...Another naked sport...execpt I wouldnt know how to play this...now sure that I want to know though...

Whoa mama! It's time for Ocean Ice Surfing! ....Right...

All right! It's time for Alpine Camel Hiking!...RIDE THE CAMELS! :D

Man oh man! It's time for Antarctic Street Surfing!..Does Antartica have streets? In fact...does it even have anything? I dont think its a country...So you know what? Im now going to instill a government so that means I am..Pharoah of Antarctia! All hail me! :)

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Hey I like your diary! Come check out mine sometime! hugs and kisses TINK [*~*~Tinkerbell~*~*]

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Urgg.... - 3/18/2002

Middle School had a track meet today...so I didnt do anything....Tommrow I have a track meet....he wants me to run the same thing I did last time...Oh joy. I just got done writing down all the band dates from now till Graduation...Im going to miss both Gatlinburg practices to track meets....Ms. Bradley isnt gonna like that. The pollen...or whatever it is..is about to kill me. My nose gets all runny and I sneeze alot when I stay outside. I wanna run far far away...

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My greatest fault.... - 3/18/2002

"I'm never going to care again"...Thats another one of my quotes. I often feel like I care too much. I care too much about people who'll never give a flip about what I do. I really should learn to stop. Here's another quote though.."Some people care too much, I think its called love." -Winnie the Pooh. Therefore...I love too much.

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Here is a nice fun quote..."Wise man once said 'know thy self' and that man's name...was Tater-Nuts." [Hyde]

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Track Meet #2 - 3/19/2002

This one didnt go so well...we came in last. I only did the long jump cause I told coach that I didnt feel like I could do the 400 as well as other people...then I started having an allergic reaction to the pollen that coated every surface...so I couldnt run the mile relay. Oh well...Im still tired. These are one of the nights where the world seems ganged up aganist me... My dad ordered the cell phone I wanted today...its my birthday presant...but he says if it comes in early he'll give it to me before my birthday so I can start learning how to operate it. He says the guy told him it has a ton of features on it. Tonight I think I'll go to bed and cry myself to sleep...not for any piticular reason though...just cause my soul needs a good cry.

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Going the distance.... - 3/20/2002

Color Guard and Drill Team got to get out the flags and go over basics today in band :) It was fun. My Bears partner has a crush on Ian's Bear partner...but he likes someone else....Thats sad! Thats heart-shattering for 3rd graders. Anyways I practiced jumping today....what I could anyways...my hip and leg were about to KILL me....Ryan cooked me and his grandfather dinner tonight. It was pretty good. Tommrow is ANOTHER track meet...but atleast I know I'll be home by 6. Thats a first this week....Im always comming in after 9 or so. Coach told us today that he was gonna have two captians for the girls team and two captians for the boys. One will be one he picks and the other will be the one that the team picks. I want to be captian :) But dont we all?

Telle est vie, Rachel

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First Day of Spring!! - 3/20/2002

Woo hoo :) I may not have to go to that track meet Saturday...so that means I'll join Ryan and Brooks if they go. John wont be there...he is heading down to Orlando and telling everyone that he's going to get laid. I thought he was better than that...Even if he does hang around Brandon. I guess I was wrong.

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aawh, i am so happy that spring is finally here, lol. I live in Ohio, and winter sucks. I can't wait for it to get warm, and stay that way!! LoL, well KTOPA! Hannah [.:Summer*Sunset:.]

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Follow the Leader - 3/21/2002

What a day....The meet was canceled..and so was practice..woo hoo! Im not going to the meet Saturday...so that means I'll probally get to play pool with Ryan :) Well...more than a year ago...I met this guy in a club..and we started going out....for about a day. I broke up with him and started going with Brandon the next day and I didnt see him since..But apparently he has moved to Adel from Valdosta. Luckly he dosnt remember me....my oh so wonderful friend Mary apparently asked him about it and he said he dosnt remember. Today me and Mary went back into the flag room to count what we do and dont have. We found 20 chain flags...some of them brand new. We were excited. Our black and gold flags we use are lent out to Lowendes cause they didnt have enough for all the people trying out. Oh the irony :P I got my math test back today...I made an 81...so Im going to retake it. I need to keep my grades up as high as possible...There is a little over two weeks till my birthday :D But a month till I can drive :(

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Fridayness - 3/22/2002

I had subs in math and lit..so it was a really easy day for me. We listened to the radio for half of the class in Lit...and then we busted out the Vegie Tales video Sarah had...Half the class was singing along :) I had to retake a math test...but since I now know how to use the caculator with the million and one functions to do matrices...I think I did pretty well on it. Ryan is comming to pick me up at 5:45...I cant wait...We're going out to eat and then watch movies back at his house.

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Movie Night - 3/23/2002

Ryan's parents didnt feel like going out to eat and we were low on cash...so we just went to Wendy's instead. We rented A.I. It was really good. Today I woke up before 8 o' clock...which was really weird. Im not use to being up this early on weekends. My cell phone came in yesterday so my Dad gave it to me. I was excited :) I wish I had Spring Break with Ryan instead of mine being the week after his...

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The Wooden Nickle... - 3/23/2002

It ended up me Ryan and Brooks....Pat somehow didnt show up. Ryan taught me how to play pool...and Im fairly decent. Tonight was deffintly interesting....But I enjoyed it all :) I saw a couple of preps from my school in there....they were no doubt wondering who in the world I was with. Let them wonder! Cause I'll never tell....They are not worthy of that information. Im feeling poetic tonight...so I'll probally go offline and start working on an idea I have for a poem. My sister has somehow convinced my dad to take us all to the beach. I swear...I am not babysitting them this time. I cant wait till I can go with no parents...just friends. Tommrow Im going with Ryan to church...as what is becomming usual. Then I need to go get some new swimsuits....This turned out to be a pretty good weekend....one that deserves to be remebered.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Church - 3/24/2002

I got up at 8:15 cause his dad wants us to go to Sunday school...after church we stoped by his brother's grave. We went over to his step-mom's mother's house (His step-grandmother?) to eat. She has chickens too...I want one :P

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That same old feeling.... - 3/24/2002

I cant fiqure out what college I want to go to and what I actually want to do! I dont know why this is bothering me now...but it is. I want to go to FSU but they dont offer the vet degree...just the zoology one...I may do that. I dunno yet....I guess I'll fiqure it out eventually...or just live at home for the rest of my live being a bum :P

There is alot of stuff that I need to fiqure out....and I guess the answers will come in their own time. Why is everyone so...unhappy? I cant see a thing to be unhappy about. But I'm usually like that (On good days...we're not going to discuss the bad)....happy, loving, caring, trusting. Today I am in a care-free mood. No deep underlying truths which havent been discovered about the universe shall trip me up in the fact that I enjoy being alive. I enjoy being 15...and acting just like a teenager should....teenagers can act like teenagers....60 year olds cant...and Im gonna be 60 and older a whole lot longer than Im gonna be a teenager...so I might as well have fun while I can...instead of sitting in my rocking chair one day thinking about the days that could have been. This is of course assuming that I dont die in the meantime.....Such an easy assumption that is. So I guess what Im saying is this...Be happy simply because you can be :)

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Recap of thoughts..... - 3/24/2002

Ryans grandparents have a fat dog..and he likes to sniff me......Brooks reminded my of a pengiun Saturday night...he's the only person that I've seen in a tux thats reminded my of a pengiun....The church graveyard is peaceful...atleast today it was...it has a view of a pond across the road. Pretty. I wish I knew Ryan's bro when he was alive...Im curious about what kind of person he was....I'll just save the shopping for the beach...no one wanted to go out today anyways....tommrow practice starts back...oh joy.

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The sky is crying.... - 3/26/2002

We tried to have a track meet...unfortantly the weather had other ideas...I kinda hope we get to run againt them though....they will be an easy team. Some guys kept hitting on me and Liz...atleast I think thats what they were doing...either that or they were just trying to make us think they were hitting on us and were actually making fun of us. Anyways..Im all dressed out and no where to run (Not that I wanted to mind you...) Me and Liz tried to cook some hog dogs for the meet...but we lit the charcoals and threw them right on...so they burnt. We forgot the coals were suppose to burn down a little....a classic Rachel-Liz moment. Tommrow is Wednesday....YAY! :D That means the week will be half over. I cant see Ryan tommrow..he has to work. oh well. I lost my purple contact at the field...it fell out....no more two-toned eyes for me :(

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come to my diary if you want a makeover [Simply beautiful]

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Hey sweetie, I now have a diary here you can read it if you want to. :P I Love You Ryan [Ryan...]

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Two more days.... - 3/27/2002

Till Spring Break! :D School was school today...execpt in Drivers Ed..My group whent driving....that means I got breakfast :D Practice was pretty easy too...tommrow Im going to run the 4 by 4...and coach said I might run the 800...I told him I would end up walking the last lap...cause I can barely do one lap...let alone two. Anyways..maybe he'll let me and Liz near the grill tommrow. It'll give me something to do besides look at my watch. Ryan got a diary...and of course he had to go off and steal my three little dots...:P I'll get him to change it later. That boy is seriouly emotionally attached to me. Something I wanted to avoid..cause I aint sticking 'round forever....It'll do for now. Im getting edgy just cause I dont like to be emotionally held down...a feeling of being almost traped. Oh well. I think the moral of this entry is this..: Avoid all purple aliens from Saturn. :)

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The Juinor Miss CHS pagent... - 3/27/2002

Sam got 2nd runner up. I was excited...that may be the first person ever to win that wasnt a shallow clone. Haley got 4th runner up cause she froze on her question and then busted out crying. The pansy. The people clapped for her...while they laughed. But they did clap which is more than what I would have done. If you cant take the pressure of something like a high school beauty pagent (*Rolls eyes*) then you need some help or something. If I can make up half-assed answers off the top of my head in class...then I could do it infront of people while being judged...AND make it sound good. But Im just an insensitive brute...to people that I dont like ;)

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What happened to track meet #3 - 3/28/2002

Well...everything was going just fine...me and Liz were allowed to cook the hot dogs. It wasnt that bad out there....even though we really didnt start running till 6. It started getting really cold...and me and Liz really didnt want to run. Some fight started or something or another....some police had to be called...and everyone got to go home. We got chewed by Coach...and with a warning that were gonna get ran to death Monday. It'll be alllll ok though...cause tommrow is my last day before Spring Break :)

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Ha-ha. POWER TO THE GIRLS! heehee, can't believe he changed it. Darn those three dots. :P Neways, have good luck on spring break 2002. And Monday when you get back for track. All i can say is..ouch. Bu-bye! [Serengeti Soul]

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My Spring Break (Whats to come) - 3/28/2002

Well..Saturaday we're leaving to go to Daytona. Im going to put in to drive..it'll give me something to do besides deal with my sisters. Since its just my dad and my oh so wonderful siblings..its gonna be a long trip. I come back Tuesday...and then Wednesday I get to see Ryan for the first time in a week and a half. Thursday he leaves for Washington D.C so that means I will go another 4 days without talking to him. So I have a big blank towards the end of the break...oh well. I'll find something to do. After spring break everything is kinda anti-climatic...The seniors start wrapping their high school carrers up...track season will wrap up towards the middle of April...everything amd everyone gets ready for graduation. After that...is this giant ocean of time that we call "Summer." Only two more of those before I have to spend that time possibly moving....finding colleges...and other..wonderful stuff that will determine the rest of my life.

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The beach.... - 3/29/2002

Well...Im spending tonight getting ready. I went shopping and got a new swim suit and two pairs of flip flops. :) Poor ol' Ryan....he has to go back to school Monday...:P Im going to put in to drive..I wonder if Dad will let me...

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Surf, Sand, and Sisters - 4/1/2002

We had to come back a day early cause Rebecca got a bladder infection. My dad and I were kinda ready to come back anyways...all my sisters did was fight. Oh well..I did get some sun...and some serious shopping done as well ;)

Telle est vie, Rachel

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yucks! poor Rebecca! And that's too bad that it cut your vaca short... PEACE! [pjsprinkles]

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Sizzlin' Salsa - 4/2/2002

Hey you Sizzlin' Salsa Se�orita, your goddess groove is hot, saucy, and very well scripted. You've certainly got flair � you're the one turning heads with the spiciest dress and most outlandish moves! You love nothing more than keeping the energy high and filling the dance floor with your close circle of friends, but we just hope none of them get in your way in case any dance contests start. There's nothing in the world that can stop you from winning! And after you grab the trophy, you'll probably want the lead role in a movie and while you're at it, the Oscar.

Your eyes are locked on one thing and one thing only: success. Luckily, you know to take it in small steps: The key to your goddess groove is a knack for knowing when to follow and when to lead.

Like recognizing a good Salsa partner, it's great to appreciate the mentors in your life, just don't underestimate your own leadership qualities. Ultimately it is your ability to read people, and their rhythms, that will take you far in life. Arriba!

Eat your heart out ;)

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The need for comfort - 4/2/2002

I had appointments out the butt today. First I went to get my hair rehighlighted. Then my dad had to take my car to get a tune up cause I had a dentist appointment. I have to go back Friday to get a filling. BAH!!! My day sorta went downhill from here though I dont know what excatly caused it. I went over to Ryans house and we hung out for a little while...His dad yelled at him (again) for being to close to me...so that didnt help my mood any. Im feeling better now though...so oh well :P

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Hump Day - 4/3/2002

Nothing special...I just bascially hung around all day. I went to church with Ryan and that was pretty fun. He backed into someone's car though. Nothing too serious. Mary just canceled our video game date to run off to the beach. Yeah ok whatever.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Geez... - 4/3/2002

I was talking to Ryan...but hes getting chewed up one side and down the other by everyone tonight. Atleast he leaves tommrow...I watched something on ABC about the Catholic Church Crisis....This would be cool if it turned into something like the McCarthysim era...but thats probally just me :P

Telle est vie, Rachel

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100th Entry! - 4/4/2002

I feel a sense of acomplishment :) I went to Valdosta with Billie and my littlest pain in the butt. Which she was all the way up there and all the way back. Before that I had an eye appointment...it was weird cause they numbed my eye. If you have never had your eye numbed...go try it. Billie is going to Mexico this summer..and if Mom will let me...she might let me go to. Woo hoo :)

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Up and Down - 4/4/2002

I went outside and skated up and down the road for awhile. I havent done that in a long time...its been too cold. I perfer the dark and the solitude, it gives me time to think. Im bored out of my mind, why does it seem like the whole world is empty, when its just Ryan and the rest of his crew thats gone? It almost makes Monday look like something to look forward to.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Mwaha....mwah...mwahahah....MWAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAH!

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Yet another Friday... - 4/5/2002

I went over to Mary's house today and we played video games. It was fun :) I think Ryan tried to call...not sure...all the caller I.D said was "Out of Area" I wonder what hes doing right now....

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The Pre-teen years - 4/6/2002

I think my sister is getting there. She held up a picture she printed off the internet of the lead singer of Lifehouse. She then proceeded to jump up and down and tell me how cute he was in such a fashion that made me belive she thought he was the only cute guy on the planet. While they are a rare species...there is more than one of them. Shes still in there mummbling about how cute he is, never mind the fact that he is 20 and she is only 9. She has also announced that Lifehouse is now her favorite band. Once again ignoring the fact that those songs are probally way over her head. I think she has Sick Cycle Carousal on repeat, playing constantly for 5 hours a day. God help us all, my sister is becomming a tennie-bopper

Telle est vie, Rachel

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hey, you have been selected to read my diary...your diary is fly enough to be invited to mine...thankyou, the diary god. [TomMeagher]

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Riding Around Town - 4/6/2002

I got asked to accompany Mary with Sara when she went off to make out with Ced. Mitch was driving so it wasnt that life-threating. I only went out to eat though, I didnt feel like sticking around while Mary hung all over Mitch and Sara was going to hang all over Ced. I liked riding around with Mitch though, he has cool music. I wonder what Ryan is doing, He's on a dinner cruise/dance right now...I would rather be with him than here. But I would rather be here than be a 5th wheel.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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My last day of being 15 - 4/7/2002

Well...tommrow is Monday, which will be my birthday...yay :) Practice is going to suck major butt tommrow, but I'll get through it somehow. Im kind of sad to see Spring Break already over. Oh well. This comming up week is going to suck pretty badly too, but atleast I get the rewards at the end of it. Only 6 more weeks till the summer.

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Happy early birthday [misguided]

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4/8/2002 - 4/8/2002

I think I got attacked more times today than I have been in my entire life. That goes for the "Happy birthdays" too. Oh well. Practice wasnt that hard, but I think I need to eat a little more cause after the half mile warm up I could barely do anything else. Tommrow's track meet got canceled but you dont see me complaining. We have a 6 weeks exam tommrow in math. Nasty. Atleast Ryan comes home today :)

Telle est vie, Rachel

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well good luck on everything when was it your birthday well hapy birthday its my b'day in 2days [Me, myself, and ?]

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Is it summer yet? - 4/9/2002

We just got handed a big research project to do in Lit today. Oh joy. Luckly we get to do it in groups, but because of the Gatlingburg band trip, We need it mostly finished by next Wednesday...which means I have to kick it into overdrive. Oh well. Hope got in a wreck yesterday and broke her back in 3-4 places. Ouch. I hope she ends up ok.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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:D! - 4/10/2002

I made it into the top ten of my class again this year :) I also made a 106 on the six weeks exam, so Im going to make an A in Algebra this 6 weeks. We got out our black and gold flags today, and it looks like someone tapped danced on them in heels in the mud. They're ruined and we dont have time to get new ones before Gatlinburg. Oh well. We had to take some stupid end of course test in Lit. They are going to start doing those instead of the GHSGT. We still have to take the GHSGT though, we're their little lab rats. It rained so no track meet or practice. Woo hoo! :)

Telle est vie, Rachel

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You sound like a very smart girl. :-) -L [endless thoughts]

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Afternoon Conversations - 4/10/2002

Me and Mary went to Lynn's today after school and we talked with Jarrod till 4:10. We talked about everything from Sara's controversial relationship with Ced to Sarah's and Jarrods little spat at lunch. We're scared that Sara might get herself knocked up or do something that shes gonna regret. Maybe she'll come around to her senses before all that though. Travis is flirting with Sarah and thats what Jarrod got mad about. He probally likes her. Everyone does. Jarrod told us that he has liked Sarah since 8th grade, even though he has gone with other people. I guess that makes admiring someone while you're going with someone else normal, cause Josh told me pretty much the same thing. Isnt it crazy how relationships can change people?

Tommrow we start on that evil reasearch project. Urg.

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Ranting - 4/10/2002

I was talking to Ryan on the phone and we got back on to the subject of Brandon. Apparently people in fucking Arizona know about our business. Grrr. Until recently practially all of his friends (most of which didnt even know me) thought I was some kind of slut puppy. I only wish I knew this sooner...cause I would have strangled a few people who decided to stretch the truth beyond what is really was anyways. I AM NOT SOME KIND OF FUCKING WHORE PEOPLE!!!!!!!

*Deep breath* Thats ok...there is college in two years...and I shall start my life anew there. Im reluctant to call that a relationship a total mistake though, because I wouldnt be with the guy that I am now if I never dated Brandon. My mistake was in going with him for so long. LIKE SOME KIND OF UNAWARE DITZ!!! ARRGGG!!!!!! Really, someone should have walked up to me and slapped me upside the head...but no wait! They might have cought some disease from the fucking slut puppy!!!! Besides...why she must be enjoying the extravagant lies that the whole fucking county knew about right?! Why! They must havent been lies! But the whole fucking truth!!!! WRONG!!!! ARGGG!!!

*Another deep breath* Now I am done...and I feel tons better :)

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Honor's Picnic - 4/11/2002

I got to miss school till 4th block today to go to the Honor's Picnic at Reed Bingham today. It was fun. I've been going ever since 2nd grade.

Mr Draz has gone on a homework binge and has given us a TON of it. Nevermind the fact that its prom weekend and everything. (Not that Im going) He has changed his way of grading..and somehow I have a 94% in his class without my lowest test grade dropped. Sweet. It says my daily grades are %103 and that has to me a misprint, because when averaged, they only are 86%, but Im not going to tell him.

*Looks at last night's entry* Ohh..moody arnt I? I would delete it...but I'll leave it there as a warning of how I can get when Im mad. I dont know who is the most to blame for it though, Brandon for telling John, or John for telling the world and it somehow getting all stretched out. I'll just kill them both :P

Its raining. I got excused out of a now canceled track meet to go to band practice, but I dont know if we'll still have that or not. We need to. I dont know the full routine, and the entire band (Though we're taking a pathetically small amount of people) needs practice.

There is one side of the light pole that isnt wet outside, while the other side is drenched. That strikes me as cool somehow.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Friday already? - 4/12/2002

This week flew. We tried to work some more on the research project...but we didnt get a whole lot done. We're all really tired. We'll just have to make up for lost time on Sunday. I have band practice tommrow....:( Im going to leave early cause me and Ryan are going out...so there! :P

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Whenever, Wherever - 4/12/2002

Go fiqure...its on the radio.

Change of plans. Im going over to Ryan's house in Homerville and watching a movie. I think I like that way better than going to the movies. Especially since we get the house to ourselves :)

Hmm...You can run...you can hide...but you cannot escape me love! Lol...Its on the radio now :P

Im not tired anymore....strange.

My toenails are a chrome purple....:)

I think Im bored now...

Telle est vie, Rachel

K-Pax - 4/13/2002

Thats the movie me and Ryan rented. It was good, but it took me longer than him to fiqure out the not so obvious ending....there is a bunch of different ways you can interpret it though. I smell like Polo now....oh well. Tommrow is Sunday....time to get to work on that report.

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Have fun doing the report [i luv my jericho]

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I watched that movie yesterday, it was alright, i still don't know what to think aobut the ending though. [�INCOGNITO�]

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I was wondering if that was any good... watched the trailer and it was pretty appealing... so not so subtle plot, eh? hehe... males... =) NSI: midnightpanther

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Smell like Polo? I'll have to get some details [BrooksGarrett]

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Name - 4/13/2002

And even though the moment passed me by I still can't turn away I saw the dreams you never thought you'd lose tossed along the way Letters that you never meant to send lost or thrown away And now we're grown up orphans that never knew their names Don't belong to no one that's a shame You could hide beside me maybe for a while and I won't tell no one your name I won't tell em' your name Scars are souvenirs you never lose , the past is never far Did you lose yourself somewhere out there , did you get to be a star Don't it make you sad to know that life is more that who we are You grew up way too fast and now there's nothing to believe And reruns all become our history A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio and I won't tell no one your name I won't tell em' your name I think about you all the time But I don't need the same It's lonely where you are come back down, and I won't tell em your name

I love that song. Its deep.

Im hyper...so I decided to write another entry...

Ryan called..Im going to talk to him now....

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Who's it by? It's a very cool song =)

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uhh.. that was me by the way.. ~Shaz. (midnightpanther) Still can't be bothered to sign in!

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Hi ya chicklet...I just wanted to say thanks for all the notes. Your the only one who bothers to leave one **sniff, sniff** :P Newho, i like your diary...! Well, i gotta skid-daddle. You have a wonderful..life. heehee...night! [Serengeti Soul]

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Oh my bad! Its by the Goo Goo Dolls :) [Rachel...]

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Rough Draftin' the Afternoon Away - 4/14/2002

Whew!! We finally got that bad boy down on paper. It took two tries to get a decent version, and we still didnt fully finish the last paragraph, were too lazy. We took a "study break" and we went to the store. We had to take her grandma's really old jalopy because the car was gone. We rode around town, with the windows down mind you....it dosnt have A/C, to the store to get some soda's for her little siblings and then to the BP station to get this special kind of soda that can only be gotten there. It was too funny, we laughed the entire time, especially when Sam Howell was looking as us and I fell over sideways because Mary turned the corner too sharply. I bet if Bunky (Lindesy..same person who we call by 15 different names :P) would have been there she would have rode with her head out the window.

I hope Sarah and Liz had a good time at prom last night...I want details. Mainly about how they all fit into Mathis City Auditorium. I mean...where did they have it at? The lobby is kind of small for a prom...and I know they didnt dance inbetween the seats.

The sun is shining for the first time in a week...Im excited even if it does mean practice tommrow.

I need to burn a ton of Cd's today....my computer is hell bent on a path of self-destruction...and it will take my 100 or so songs with it.

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Break Me, Shake Me - 4/14/2002

I never thought I�d change my opinion again But you moved me in a way that I�ve never known You moved me in a way that I�ve never known

But straight away you just moved into position again You abused me in a way that I�ve never known You abused me in a way that I�ve never known

So break me shake me hate me take me over When the madness stops then you will be alone Just break me shake me hate me take me over When the madness stops then you will be alone

So you�re the kind that deals with the games in the mind Well you confuse me in a way that I�ve never known You confuse me in a way that I�ve never known

So break me shake me hate me take me over When the madness stops then you will be alone So won�t you break me shake me hate me take me over When the madness stops then you will be alone

She says, " I can help you, but what do you say?" 'Cause it's not free baby, you'll have to pay You just keep me contemplating, that your soul is slowly fading

God, don't you know that I live with a ton of regret? 'Cause I used to move you in a way that you've never known But then I accused you in a way that you've never known But you've hurt me in a way that I've never known...

Break me shake me hate me take me over When the madness stops then you will be alone So won't you break me shake me hate me take me over When the madness stops then you will be alone

Listen, baby You'll be, you'll be alone

Break me shake me hate me take me make me Fake me break me shake me hate me take me Break me

What can I say? Its catchy....Its by Savage Garden....To bad they broke up. I needed some change...I think I like this color scheme...but it will take some getting use to.

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Defeat - 4/15/2002

Today sucked. We got a ton of math homework and found out that we totally have to rewrite the rough draft. But then, Coach put me to run the mile and 2 mile along with the 400 at region next Monday. BULL SHIT!!! I've never ran more than the 400 in my life! All he says is that Ive got to start and finish the races...but he wants to me jog them. Watch me as I redefine the word "jog"...its going to be a synonym for "slowly walking"

God help me, Rachel

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Potty mouth!

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Well that was embarassing.... - 4/15/2002

Urg. Family -.- All we got done was the interview...it was pointless to try and write that rouigh draft with my mom fighting with my sister and then my friends and family suddenly getting on to the subject of my love life. That pisses me off every time they do that to me...and God knows Im going to get more embarassment tommrow at school. Oh well...maybe Wednesday will be more sucessful. It has to be for us to ever finish this before its due.

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good luck! [JenniMJP]

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It just dosnt stop comming.... - 4/15/2002

Well...Ryan had a hell of a day too. He got another speeding ticket...so his parents chewed him out and then tells him he cant drive over here for 2 weeks. Well by next week I can drive over there....but he dosnt know if his parents will allow that. So much for Ryan making my day better....

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yo, nice diary, check mine out...its pretty fly as well. [TomMeagher]

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=( That's no good. Stupid speed limits... Oh, hang on, I spose they do have a purpose... Hope you get to see him! [MidnightPanther]

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Hey Rach, Everyone is outta town here so if you guys wanna link up here then you can..;-) Just a suggestion..But tell Ryan to leave the Polo at home... [BrooksGarrett]

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Nudism is kind of fun once you get use to it.... - 4/16/2002

We took track pictures today....it was HOT. Luckly the practice wasnt that bad....but Im still all nappy and sweaty. I took off everything execpt a pair of underwear cause I dont really have that much time to get a shower before the banquet. Today was a better day...I tried to call Ryan after school...but he didnt anwser his cell. I hope he had a better day too.

Bow to my greatness ;) Rachel

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Son of the Wolf - 4/16/2002

Well the banquent went like always...Nicholus Chammon was the Star student...and since his last name starts with a C he was front row...dead middle. With the light shining on him...and his hair pulled back...and especially with a wolf on his tie...he reminded me of a wolf. But that isnt a bad thing. Im excited that I pack my stuff tommrow night :) Me and Mary are working all afternoon on that evil project....I get to miss practice which is good....I dont feel like being ran to death just cause Im suddenly a long distance runner. Ha ha ha....I have Pass the Courvoisier stuck in my head......darn that rap music! :p

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Under the Whip - 4/17/2002

Do this. Do that. Go here. Go there. Whats a poor girl to do? We got the paper fully rough drafted today....though it SUCKED to do it. The math teacher gave us a ton of homework that Im not going to do till tommrow morning. Oh well. My friends still feel the need to comment on my current love situation on a regular need. They really need to stop before I go off on them...if I wanted their input...I would find some Cook county prick to date. But I guess that is to be expected of them.

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Wound up - 4/18/2002

I've been bouncing all over the place today. I guess its because Im leaving tonight and not comming back till Sunday. I cant wait till next week though...:)

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Storm Clouds - 4/18/2002

There is a strip of storm clouds above the house...its kinda cool. Its thundering and everything...and my mom is telling me to get off the computer...but as I see it, if I get shocked, it will be my own fault.

Im still bouncing off the walls...so much that I think Im giving myself indgestion...

Liz told me that Coach said he might put me as an alternate for the 4 by 4 relay. That dosnt hurt my feelings any...cause Im already running the mile and two mile...I would be tired and therefore useless to the team...but oh well if the 4 by 4 wins...I win too cause Im an alternate :)

We watched Driven today in driver's ed (No pun intended there)...it almost made me want to drive one of those things around.....almost.

Im listening to this song from the Bladerunner soundtrack...its called Rachel's song.. :) Its really pretty

Its raining now....

Im bored...someone come online and talk to me! :(

Its almost summer....I cant wait..I think I will be pretty busy if the plans go like I hope they will...but they never usually do...so God only knows what Im going to get myself into this summer.

I got my band pictures today....I actually like these...this may be the first picture of me that I actually do like...wonders will never cease.

I think thats all I have to talk about now....oh well :(

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Hey sweetie I want a pic. Have fun in Gatlinburg I Love You. ryan [*~Ryan~*]

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:-* [BrooksGarrett]

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Gatlinburg - 4/21/2002

Well Im back :)

The buses didnt arrive till 1:30 Thursday night (Well....technically it was Friday morning) and they were suppose to arrive at midnight.

When we got there (At 11:00 am) they wouldnt have the rooms ready till 4. There we were in our pj's looking like hell....walking around Gatlinburg. It was better that night after we got a shower.

The next day was the parade. We got 2nd place in small class....though if it wasnt divided into classes we would have gotten 2nd anyways.

We got the best aux. trophey...and since those wernt divided into classes...that means the best out of everyone there. Large class bands eat your heart out :)

I somehow spent most of my time with Jay...and pretty much all day Saturday it was just me and him by ourselves....but thats another (private) entry.

On the way back the air conditioning went out....it was HOT on that bus...but Im home alive.

I bonded with some people...and some of them were seniors...and they are gone in 20 or so days.

Im ready to do it again...I just need some serious sleep...and a shower.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Jay - 4/21/2002

Urg...how is it that Im so easily distracted? I think Im having some kind of hormonal surge or something...or a temporary sanity loss...

Maybe it was because we spent so much time together....but that was the best part.

It couldnt ever happen...we're just friends....of course.

And Ryan...I couldnt just hurt him like that...

But I did notice Jay is cute in his own way....his smile...his eyes...

I think my friends probally said something about us together alot...but that wasnt on purpose. The bitches....

Im slightly confused :/

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Gatlinburg (Cont.) - 4/21/2002

I always remember stuff afterwards :p

There was a car show going on up in Pigeon Forge....there was some BAD ASS cars there.... There was also huge traffic jams. It took us an hour to get home from the show we went to in Pigeon Forge. Not that anyone cared...we were having WAY too much fun waving out the windows at people. Some guy blew me a kiss :) We even got a couple of guys to pull up their shirts too.

The haunted house was fun....I scraped my elbow on the wall in it...and Im sure Jay still has the hand prints of where I was hanging onto him.

I got a squrriel charm for my bracelet....Lindsey is going to be jealous :)

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Who is JAY??? [BrooksGarrett]

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Region Track Meet - 4/22/2002

Well....I ran and I placed :D Im so proud of myself...I didnt come in last either. I placed 5th in the 2 mile and 6th in the mile.

After I ran the 2 mile I needed some water.....the concession stand didnt sell any..the stadium was locked...so I had to go over all the freaking way to the lunchroom...with all the people in it....how embarassing.

The boys in Lowendes....for the most part....are F-I-N-E!!!!! Im tempted to transfer over there just for all the eye candy.

I walked on their new lunchroom floor with my spikes....whoops :P

Mary and Lindsey are comming over....stupid project -.-

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HOW DARE YOU WALK ON OUR NEW FLOOR WITH YOUR SPIKES???? Evil...lol..Me and ryan talked about you today..Good to see you didn't fall to hard [BrooksGarrett]

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John - 4/22/2002

I saw him practicing soccer today. I yelled at him and waved but Im not sure if he knew who it was. God that boy is fine....He is so next on my list.

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Feelin' Hot Hot Hot.... - 4/22/2002

I think Im surburt....or just really tanned. I dont know...my skin feels all hot and stuff....but dosn't hurt.

Mom really needs to turn on the air....I've been sweltering in an enviroment of heat for the past couple of days...I cant take this crap much longer.

School needs to get out...Im getting to the point where I dont care about anything anymore. Color Guard try-outs are comming up soon and I have a really good shot at co-captin....but I just dont feel like making up a good enough routine to get it.

I need to tell Ryan about one of my encounter with a teacher today....I just dont feel like typing it all though.

Im so overjoyed that I dont have practice that I cant stand it....I think Coach was proud that I placed in those events....I just pray to God that he dosnt think I want to do that again....

All my make-up work will include is one math assignment....I was lucky on that one.

I am kind of sad that I didnt see anyone at the meet today execpt John...who I waved at while he was at soccer practice...and Ryan who blew the horn as he drove by. I wanted someone to get me some water..and a hug...I needed one after that two mile run.

Im sad I have nothing better to talk about...

The project is almost done...thank God!!!

Im bored...

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wow..That is alot of stuff..um..yeah... [BrooksGarrett]

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The biggest idiot on the face of the earth - 4/23/2002

I cant belive I failed my friving test. I didnt see that car around that curve evern though I looked. I feel so incredably stupid. I would go ahead and go to bed right now if I didnt have to work on that report. Someone shoot me....quick.

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you actually failed?Like as in a driving test...wow...Oh well, you can always just run where you need to go..Or have Rebecca drive you as she may have her license before you..lol, J/k [BrooksGarrett]

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Depression's cold grip..... - 4/23/2002

My ego has taken a serious hit....but thats ok....It will either be better tommrow....or I'll just jump off the roof of my house.

I have a ton of homework I have to do.....urg.

Atleast we got that project done. The skit was too funnt to do....I dont like looking or hearing myself on Tv though.

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how did ur ego take a hit? [hcrotsanniroc]

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Another Entry... - 4/23/2002

Mandy and Josh broke up. That somehow makes me feel better...but Im not sure why. I guess because misery loves company.

*Sighs* Is it tommrow yet? A new day...a new set of emotions.

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Thanks for the b-day note...:P And smile, i know things aren't going to well right now, but thats life. Its a giant rollercoaster..this is just another loop... Take care, i hope yas have a better day sweets! [Serengeti Soul]

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Is mandy hot? Cause I'm single and Hot and SIngle could make a great pair. [BrooksGarrett]

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Whoo! - 4/24/2002

I passed this time :P

School wasnt all that great today. Josh didnt come to school...me and Mary have different theories as to why.

I get to go to church with Ryan tonight...nevermind the fact that Im suppose to go to my church for Superwow dealings....oh well.

And no Brooks...I dont even know Mandy....she's an 8th grader.

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Aww...It was worth a shot... [BrooksGarrett]

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Sister's Computer - 4/25/2002

Well..my computer had to be taken to theshop because it was doing the death dance. I'm having to use Hannah's computer...which is just about as slow as my dead grandma.

Oh well...atleast today I get to work on other stuff...like math homework and that color guard routine *Groans*

Josh was at school today....all he did was check out. Him and Mandy got back together..I couldnt be less thrilled.

Well my stupid sister is kicking me off her computer...evil little brat!

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*Sigh* - 4/26/2002

Well..my computer wont be bck til Monday...and it had to be fully erased...AGAIN. I'll learn not to download ICQ wont I?

I went to valdosta with Mary today. We ran by Mitch's dorm on the way home. I want a dorm room like that....

Im going out with Ryan tommrow night. I rarly get to go out with him. I cant wait.

Im so happy that it's Friday....

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Relay for Life - 4/26/2002

I got bored so i went out there to see who I could I see. I took Mary with me since my mom wouldn't let me go by myself.

It was fun...a ton of people were out there...once the luminary service started though we left to go get some Jones soda....I love that stuff.

I learned that Mary got laid by some 23 year old that I've only heard of once...and she doesnt even go out with. I have no other comment on that subject....I've been sworn to secrecy...but as long as she never reads this diary...she'll never know that I put it on here.

I want my computer back....:(

telle est vie, Rachel

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Such is life Je parle francais Au revoir [.Bangtastic.]

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Saturday NIght Fever...(Well almost) - 4/27/2002

Ryan and I went out to see the Scorpian King and then out to dinner. The movie was pretty good...I think Ryan like the costume design a lot. We split a steak at Longhorns...lol.

After that we didnt want to go back so we called up John and we all went to the Wooden Nickel Pub to play pool. I had my windows down and my stereo turned up..so I got some pretty dirty looks. They're just jealous.

Im getting better at pool...I need to play with Ryan and his friends more often.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Why? So I can KICK YOUR @$$???? [BrooksGarrett]

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John #2 - 4/27/2002

As stated in my previous entry that sexy devil of a fox called John went with us to play pool. Damn!!! Hes looking for a girl to go out with...and Im pretty sure he ould go out with me if I was single. If I was single. I dont want to break up with Ryan for one of his friends...so Im hoping the relationship might terminate under its own eventually. I really want to go put with John....but Ryan is a really wonderful guy. Why cant I have my cake and eat it too?

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If this day gets any worse...Im going homocidal - 4/29/2002

Grr...I hate Mondays. I was a total ass to Ryan yesterday...so I woke up feeling kind of bad about that. My classes today pretty much sucked too. My purse got stolen at lunch today....but they found it in the girl's bathroom in the trash durning my 3rd block. Whoever stole it took my money (a whoppin' $4 at most) my gel pens (Only 5 had ink in them) and my scientific caculator (It cost me a whole $10) Luckly they didnt take the school's graphing caculator...I wouldnt want to replace that multi-hundred dollar thing. And they didnt take anything else...probally because it only had importace to me.

I got my computer back...its being a total asshole. I cant find my Cd that I put all my stuff on....the sound refuses to work..no matter how many time I check the cords in the back. My button on my keyboard that let me control sound and all that good stuff dont work anymore either.

I had to stay after school for color guard practice t start working on the routine and stuff. That was boring.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Wanting what I cant have, having what I cant want - 4/29/2002

Its 8:19. I wish Ryan would hurry up and get off of work...I need to complain to him about my sucky day.

No one is online for me to talk to...John was on..but he had to go off and do homework. Oh well.

I think Im writing this out of sheer boredom...I seem to have a bad habit of doing that.

Tommrow is the last day of April. So ends my month of redemption.

Tommrow we also have the final BEARS meeting. We only met with them like 4 times, and I actually liked my partner this year...oh well. Maybe next year we'll go more often.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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13 days and counting - 4/30/2002

Only 13 more days of school till summer vacation!!

Good thing to..Im feeling burnt out. Im beyond the point of caring about anything...which is kind of bad...but Im going to kill myself if Mary gets co-captian...I CANNOT listen to her cheesy ass all season long.

I wish it would hurry up and rain instead of being cloudly.

This week is going so slow....tommrow is only Wednesday :(

Telle est vie, Rachel

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OK and the prize ISSSS!!!! I'm gonna follow you on your night out!! OhhhOhh!! J/k.. [BrooksGarrett]

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Wednesday...Umm....yeah - 5/1/2002

It feels like it should be Thursday. I dont have practice this afternoon and Im happy. Unfortantly I have to get my butt out there and start working on finishing that routine of mine. Darn.

Im ready for this week to be over with...me and Lidnsey are both ready for CLC. Its just us (All the preps have stoped going) and Rebecca Fussel. This should be fun....especially since we're being a boom box and tennis rackets/balls to play with in the halls. (Dont ask)

I just went swimming...Im refreshed :)

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Screaming Infidelities - 5/1/2002

I'm missing your bed I never sleep Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak, And this bottle of beast Is taking me home

I'm cuddling close To blankets and sheets But you're not alone, and you're not discreet Make sure I know who's taking you home.

I'm reading your note over again There's not a word that I comprehend, Except when you signed it "I will love you always and forever."

Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs And sit alone and wonder How you're making out But as for me, I wish that I were anywhere with anyone Making out.

I'm missing your laugh How did it break? And when did your eyes begin to look fake? I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending.

I am alone In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home

I'm missing your bed I never sleep Avoiding the spots where we'd have speak, and This bottle of beast is taking me home.

Your hair, it's everywhere. Screaming infidelities And taking its wear.

Its just a cool song that I have downloaded. Its by Dashboard Confessional :P

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I love that song! It's awesome <3 [~*~Britney~*~]

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The Maddening Disease - 5/2/2002

I thought about going to Ryan's concert..but I decided that I didnt want to go.

He said that they told the girls to wear prom dresses. Now I dont know about the rest of you...but Im not taking my $200 dress to any band concert. I can see Ms. Bradley telling us to wear prom dresses....I can also see us telling her to kiss our asses.

Today was the final day of practice....YAY :)

Tonight I pack...and tommrow Im off! Im ready :)

I dont get to see Ryan this weekend...or next weekend....grrr.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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hey Rach...We are peed offf now...You AVOIDED our concert! J/k..hope you have a great time at CLC [BrooksGarrett]

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Mine must have got hit by a bus.... - 5/2/2002

My prince that is. I have this desktop theme that is a painting of a fairy tale..I think its set in Russia. A sun is in one corner...and Father Wind is in the other. On the bottom is a village with people...and int he middle riding off in the sky is a white horse...and on the horse is a prince and his girl.

Now why cant I have one of those? Yeah...right...*Snort*

I think I shall name the guy...I shall call him "Greg"...and he'll symbolize as what I perceive to be my dream guy (At the moment anyways)..and the girl will be me.

I think I just need to shut up and start packing before I offend someone (Mainly Ryan -.-)

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Hunter - 5/2/2002

By: Dido

With one light on in one room I know you're up when I get home With one small step upon the stair I know your look when I get there If you were a king up there on your throne would you be wise enough to let me go for this queen you think you own Wants to be a hunter again wants to see the world alone again to take a chance on life again so let me go

The unread book and painful look the tv's on, the sound is down One long pause then you begin oh look what the cat's brought in If you were a king up there on your throne would you be wise enough to let me go for this queen you think you own Wants to be a hunter again wants to see the world alone again to take a chance on life again so let me go let me leave

For the crown you've placed upon my head feels too heavy now and I don't know what to say to you but I'll smile anyhow and all the time I'm thinking, thinking

I want to be a hunter again want to see the world alone again to take a chance on life again so let me go.

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Umm...Ryan said you said Congrats...umm...congrats for what? :) Have a great weekend!? Bye! [Serengeti Soul]

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CLC - 5/5/2002

I just got back...and I had a total blast :) Rebecca Fussel's cutie was there...but he left the second day to go to prom (No names will be given). No one ran for the district council spot for Secetary...so Im going to see about getting appointed :) It kinda feels good to be back in the county...but it wont tommrow when I have to go back to school.

I turned down a chance to go to Ryan's house (only for an hour and a half or so) to unpack and eat and other crap I gotta do. I think hes pissed about it, and he makes me feel like a total ass everytime I have to turn him down for something...but that may just be my stomach telling me to ge my butt off the computer and feed it.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Love Sucks...Among Other Things - 5/5/2002

Im tired...but when I try to sleep I cant because Im frustrated. I cant say why out in the open or it'll open up some flood gates that shouldn't even be there. I'm unhappy and restless...and Im not sure who will be the victim of that. In the end it'll probally be myself...it always is. I'll end up pissing people off that I dont even know...making mortal enemies...and ruining what reputation I have...but Im getting to the point where I dont care anymore. Why? Because it all sucks.

Moving on. The reason I titled this is because I got to thinking this weekend of all the people I use to know...but I dont anymore because they found "the love of their lives" (Yeah, right) and didnt have any more time for me. Not to talk to me...not to say hi...they barely had the time to brush me off.

But anyways, Im getting some award at Honor's Day on Wednesday...I wonder what for...They didnt tell me.

Bah.

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Another case of depression - 5/5/2002

and with every scream that I hear from downstairs only makes it worse. I really do wish they'd shut up.

I only know of one cure for this depression....and Im not getting it any time soon.

Maybe Im feeling like this beause I'm just exausted. Hopefully tommrow I'll be really happy because I need to write that letter and work on my routine and I cant do anything in this kind of mood.

It'd be nice if I could talk to someone...but I cant..so I guess thats a no.

I've been trying to download tobyMac - Whats Goin Down all day today...but Im having no sucess.

*Sigh*

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I hope you feel better, depression sucks but it's easily treated. :) [Stupid Geek]

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Insecurities - 5/5/2002

Another mood swing. Im not really depressed anymore...its just a kind of boredom.

Im wondering if I can handel being the distrci sec. and doing everything else I do...marching band...matgirls...track...not to mention keeping my grades up in school. I'm in a weird mood tonight so its just going to have to wait and see till tommrow about how I'm feeling. Im scared that I wont have time for a boyfriend...

I want a hug...

*Holds out a jar* If you want to donate to the "Give Rachel a Hug" fund feel free...I accept all hugs.

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*hugs* [leslie]

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~* Hug *~ Girl, i know i don't know ya all that well, but if ya ever need to talk, just gimme a ring. heehee, i'm open 24-7...:) I really do hope ya feel better, and just take things easy. It usually works out for the best in the end...no matter what the result. Take care of yourself! [Serengeti Soul]

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The bruises that the world has caused - 5/6/2002

I cant remember the last time I've felt so depressed before. Its almost down right sucidial. Or it was earlier...Im a little better now that Im home and I have my cream soda in hand.

I havent had alot of good days in the past week...and thats really odd because Im generally a happy person...but aside from this weekend...I cant really think when is the last time that I've been happy. I really shouldnt complain...a large part of my problems is the thing that I have put upon myself :(

Sara is having a really rough time right now too. They found two brain and one lung tumor. They have already cut out a part of her other lung so Im not sure if they can do anything with that tumor. Sara also said that her mom dosn't have the will to live because she's already had so much therpy from before.

I guess I need to work on that routine now....wonderful.

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Rock Bottom (Private) - 5/6/2002

John goes with Lidnesy Shiely. He thinks shes the best looking thing in the world to. I feel like dying...and that happens to be all I want to do. Am I that ugly John? Why dont you ever notice me? Why cant I be her? Am I not good enough for you? She's not suppose to be your girlfriend.....I am.

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Peter Gabriel - Passion - 5/6/2002

I love this Cd. I use to have it a long time ago...but I forgot what happened to it. I use to go to sleep listening to it...and I forgot totally about it till today. My mom had a copy so we burned a copy....I cant wait till summer when I can open my windows, let the breeze in...and fall asleep to it once more.

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Hey sweetie cheer up! Hope you have a good day. I Love You. Ryann @-)--- [*~Ryan~*]

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Its offical....my life sucks - 5/7/2002

Today was actually better than they have been lately....but I think my life stiff sucks....which is a shame...I use to have a happy life.

Anyways we went driving in driver's ed today...probally for the last time too. I was extremely hyper in band today....I said it was because I was so depressed that I was happy. That wore off around 3rd block.

School is kicking my butt...why does it always have to suck really bad the last two weeks?

Maybe tommrow will be better...Honor's Day is BORING but me getting something will break the ennui (Oh! vocabulary word ;) ) of the program.

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Running Away - 5/7/2002

don't want you To give it all up And leave your own life Collecting dust And I don't want you To feel sorry for me You never gave us A chance to be And I don't need you To be by my side To tell me that Everything's all right I just wanted you to Tell me the truth You know I'd do that for you Why are you running away? Why are you running away? 'Cause I did enough To show you that I Was willing to give and sacrifice And I was the one Who was lifting you up When you thought Your life had had enough And when I get close You turn away There's nothing that I can do or say So now I need you to Tell me the truth You know I'd do that for you So why are you running away? Why are you running away? Is it me, is it you Nothing that I can do To make you Change your mind Is it me, is it you Nothing that I can do Is it a waste of time? Is it me, is it you Nothing that I can do To make you Change your mind So why are you running away? Why are you running away? What is it I've got to say So why are you running away? To make you admit you're afraid Why are you running away?

I love it :)

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LI\/\KI\/\ PARK-Track 6, Runaway..Possibly the greatest song written..Right after Adema-Drowning or Blink182-Adam's Song [BrooksGarrett]

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Oh my bad! I forgot the artist again...you're wrong...its by Hoobastank :) [Rachel...]

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The Endless Days of Summer - 5/7/2002

Its almost here :)

Im ready to set out for something new, exciting, and unpredctiable.

I still have the image of summer that I've had ever since I was little. Celee, who was my best friend at the time lived on 32 acres of land. This included a big front yard...a extensive back yard...a pond...and some woods. I use to be over there a WHOLE lot...and I still see us trying to fish...swimming in her pool...and just bacially roaming all over the place...inside the house and out.

She moved a couple of years ago...and I dont ever go over there anymore...but I still see those care-free days whenever I think of summer.

In other news...I have decided not to go for district secretary....Im afriad I will end up over burdening myself and doing everything I do crappy.

I have also written a bunch of entries in the past couple of days...I think its because what I have to deal with.

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The Charm Bracelet - 5/7/2002

Last entry for tonight...I swear!!

I feel like telling what the charms (that I have so far) on my charm bracelet mean (to me anyways).

Sun - I got it from Mckenzie for Christmas

Moon - Ditto

Angel - Ryan gave this to me...for some occasion...I forgot which one

Butterfly - Ditto. Apparently someone lied to him when he got these...cause Im not really neither :)

Sweet 16 - Hey...Im 16 dangit :)

elephant - symbol of good luck or something...not excatly sure

two bells - I got those from Vietnam. They were on another bracelet..but I took them off and had them put on this one

flip flop - Got it at the beach (along with the elephant) when I went to Daytona. That would be me...Miss Fun Sun and Limbo Beach Parties

squrriel - A huge inside joke between me and Lindsey that I dont think will ever die....we just keep adding to it. I got this one in Gatlinburg...I was too excited when I found it.

Thats all of them :) Feel free to contribute to my collection :P

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First of all I gave you the charms for valentines day. Second of all you are an angel to me and more beautiful than a butterfly which is why I got you those certain charms. Just remember that I Love You no matter what. love, ryan [*~Ryan~*]

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But as for me... - 5/8/2002

Honors Day was the usual thing....boring. They lied to me...they didnt give me an award...just reconginiton for having one of the top ten GPA's of my class.

I am not depressed anymore...I have returned to my little sphere of happiness...but I now have a bad case of Summer Fever and Im not sure if I'll get through it with my boyfriend intact or not.

Speaking of which...Im going to church with him tonight.

I just went and got me a bottle of Jones soda...Blue Bubble Gum flavored....yummy :) My fortune on the lid says "The full moon sees all increase in status or income" but I just like that first part..."The full moon sees all"

Indeed it does

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Gummy worms - 5/9/2002

Are the best :) Im eatting some right now. Yummy

School today was school...nothing out of the ordinary. I have three tests tommrow...yuck :(

Try-outs are in a week so I guess I need to go outside and practice...

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Going crazy crazy crazy.... - 5/10/2002

FINALLY!!! The weekend! I thought this week would never end.

Well...I cant say Im in the best of moods at the moment..but I'll get over it. Me, Mary and Liz are going to Valdosta...so this should be interesting.

I had to take 3 tests today...two of them were long, hard, and boring. My hand still hurts.

Everyone is getting ready for try-outs next week....me and everyone else HATES tryouts and it dosnt help that 16+ girls are trying out for captian for whatever squad they happen to be on. Thats going to be a long day.

No one can sit still anymore...summer is so close they can smell it...it calls their names....and they hear it...loud, ringing, and clear.

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Amazing..2 days ago you were deppressed and I was all smiles..Now you get happy and I get burned.. [BrooksGarrett]

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Shit - 5/10/2002

Thats what I said when I backed up into someone today in the Dairy Queen parking lot. We went to some palce in Hariah...and the poped out the dent...it wasnt that big and they'll repaint and sand down my bumper later in the week.

The other car didnt even get touched...so the police or insurance companies didnt get involed....Thank God!!!

I went shopping today...I ran out of money...but I did get a couple of cute shirts and a pair of sandels. I cant wait to wear that halter top I got.

"Blessed are we who can laugh at ourselves, for we shall never cease to be amused"

How true that is

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Sleepy sleepy sleep seep..uhh...yeah whatever - 5/11/2002

Its really weird how on the weekend I sleep late...and then after lunch Im right back sleepy again....and I remain this way for awhile....

Anyways I gave into temptation today and had a nice little 2 hour nap...if nothing intesting happens soon...Im going back to sleep. If anyone needs me...they'll know my phone number...and if they dont...they're not important enough to call me and shouldnt bug me in the first place.

Smoke from that burning forest which I cannot spell to save my life is all around...I guess because the wind is blowing tonight. Its cool...it looks like sunlight because of the way the sun goes through it and it smells good...

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Texas Roadhouse - 5/12/2002

We went out to eat at Texas Roadhouse for Mother's Day. The waitress forgot about us so it took them awhile to get our drink orders...the guy that did get them though was cute! :) His name was Matt.

I think today is going to be another one of those sit around the house and do nothing kind of days. I'll work on my routine a little bit...might go swimming...and that'll be about it.

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5 days left... - 5/12/2002

And then Im out for the summer :) Thank God...Im not sure where the time went...but I feel its effects. I cant belive that I only have a week and two years before I graduate....it was just yesterday that I was standing outside the high school for the first time....

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i know how u feel. but i have a little longer til the end of school. 3 weeks i think. the last bit of this year seems to be draggin by. but as for the rest of it? i have no idea where it went. same with freshmen year. and next year i'll be an upper classmen. cool cool. o- and i have the same song on my dairy front page as u. good song. -outtie- ~random noter [ecoastgurl]

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John #3 - 5/12/2002

Ugg...Im getting disgusted with him. The more I hear about him and that whore, the less I think I like him. I swear...if they sleep together...I'll never touch him as long as I live.

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Caught in the Sun - 5/12/2002

You're my distanced destination of choice I'd give anything just to hear your voice I couldn't pass you on the street Without saying a word Most times I missed the voice That goes unheard

What if I missed you You got caught in the sun What if I did something Never to be enough

People everywhere how could I be sure Is it you that I have been looking for What would it take for me to be comfortable With you, with me you're the chosen one

What if I missed you You got caught in the sun What if I did something Never to be enough

You are there for me this I hope and pray You will wait for me, I wont be to late
What if I missed you You got caught in the sun What if I did something Never to be enough

Will you wait for me Or will I be to late this time You are there for me this I hope and pray

Ohh...newest song I have downloaded. Its by Course of Nature...

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Just another Monday - 5/13/2002

Thank God is was my last :)

We had an interesting conversation in Lit today...we wernt doing anything execpt working on our reading logs.

I wacked myself in the head with a flag today....I was tossing it around and the wind caught it and it stuck me on my temple...and of course it didnt have a proper stopper so it cut me...urg.

Mom and I are going to Valdosta...nothing like a little bit of shopping to wash away those Monday Blues :)

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Winter's Dying Day - 5/14/2002

We have some kind of freak cold front going on today. It feels like the middle of October...not May. Winter's last stand before the summer roars in I guess.

I have the band banquent tonight...the wrestling one is also tonight...but we're going to the band thingambober.

Sara is going to rent a hotel room with Ced Saturday night...nevermind the fact that they dont even go together anymore. I dont even know whats going on with that.

Sarah is freaking out because shes grounded because a teacher gave her 2 days ISS because they thought she was hugging Jarrod (She wasnt)

3 days left

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Revelation! - 5/14/2002

Im going to try out for captian...even if Im going to hold up the works even more. I just cant sit back and let Mary have it...I'll shoot myself in the upcomming year. If I dont get it I wont be dissapointed...Im just doing it to give it some compition.

I just ran outside in my pj's to close the mailbox door...the man walking by gave me a funny look....Lol

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Warning - 5/14/2002

By: Incubus

Bat your eyes girl Be otherworldly Count your blessings Seduce a stranger What's so wrong With being happy? Kudos to those who See through sickness Yeah Over and over And over and over

She woke in the morning She knew that her life Had passed her by She called out a warning Don't ever let life pass you by

I suggest we Learn to love ourselves Before it's made illegal When will we learn When will we change Just in time to see it All come down

Those left standing Will make millions Writing books on ways It should have been

She woke in the morning She knew that her life Had passed her by She called out a warning Don't ever let life pass you by

Floating in this cosmic Jacuzzi We are like frogs oblivious To the water starting to boil Now I flinch and We all float face down

She woke in the morning She knew that her life Had passed her by She called out a warning Don't ever let life pass you by Pass you by

Oh wow...I love this song and the video...the video is AWESOME!!! Im going to download it as soon as I can get my hands on it.

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YOU FUKKING MUPPET KUNT [me and IT]

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Incubus rocks. Peace. [Pretty For Purple]

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to mr. POTTY MOUTH...(me and it) whoever the hell that is...why don't you crawl back under the rock that obviously got away from you! you pathetic weinnies have nothing better to do then go around insulting peoples entries..you could be doing better things, like be lonely and WRITING COUNTRY MUSIC...right rach...:P

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Umm...who are you mysterious noter? :) [Rachel...]

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And then it hit me - 5/15/2002

I think I feel into a time warp somewhere between the first football game and now. Wow it all flew.

Anyways...Im stilling going to try out for captian...but I think I will feel worse if I do get it than if I dont. Mary seems to be having a rough time with life...weither or not she shows it..and I'll just contribute by taking her beloved co-captian position. Oh well.

me and Trey had an ahem...interesting coversation via note passing today in math. I've got to show it to Ryan..hes gonna flip :)

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Excuse me but I did not flip. I turst you enough that if you think it needs handling you can handle it. :P you are always saying i never leave you any notes so.... love you Ryan [*~Ryan~*]

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Tryouts - 5/16/2002

Well I made it (Like I knew I would) but I didnt make co-captian. I think it was because Mary gave longer answers than me...and I screwed up by telling them I have only been in band for 2 years instead of counting middle school and saying 5. Oh well...Im pretty sure I'll have it next year :)

I feel so much better that my nerves are not being racked anymore. I am kinda dissapointed...but I didnt think I would get it anyways.

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Free at last.... - 5/17/2002

Woo hoo! It was sad...cause the seniors wernt suppose to be on campus unless they were taking their exam...and after that they had to leave...and the seniors didnt want to leave just yet.

The lady is going to make me a new football flag...she'll make a pillow out of the flag that she mispelt my name on. She said the guy that liked me was Johnathan Dennler. Hes a freshman on the football team. He is also shorter than me so that'd be a "no". Sara is gonna trip when she finds out...cause shes friends with his brother.

I wont have to take any finals as long as I didnt totally screw up that test in Lit...if I did I will have to go back Monday and Tuesday for 4th block :(

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The only reson its a no is caud he is shorter than oyu? oh welll love you

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sorry wasnt signed in Love ryan [*~Ryan~*]

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Spiderman - 5/17/2002

Sara and I had another night out tonight. We enjoyed the movie...and we know there is a Spiderman 2 comming....the ending just screams it out.

We also ran into Ced at Wal-mart and I thought she was going to fall in the floor and die because her sister was there.

Ryan called me a TON when I was gone...just because he couldnt remember that I went out tonight. *Sigh* the "joys" of being taken.

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Yeah, i saw that 2nite 2. it was pretty good. i was sooo sleepy in the movie tho, but i fought to stay awake n see what was gonna happen. lol. yeah, n i kno a part 2 HAS to be comin fa real. gonna see "Unfaithful" on sunday. [LovelyLici]

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Ryan's House - 5/18/2002

I went over there and we did the usual...watch a movie...eat dinner...ect. It rained most of the way home...which is good, my car was covered in dust and pollen :) The rain clouds were awesome...you could see them swriled together for miles away.

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Rain - 5/19/2002

Its been raining all weekend....right now its raining and windy. Its 52 freaking degrees outside. What happened to summer? :(

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I know... It's been raining constantly here too. All I want is the beautiful summer weather! [eitak375]

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It's crazy weather. Hopefully summer will come soonish and brighten your days ;) [AbstractGirl]

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I think I need a job... - 5/20/2002

Seriously...but Im way too picky to find anything in Adel...Oh well.

I went to Impire to get some breakfast this morning. I like that name...it makes me think. I wonder what it means.

My car goes to the shop today...Im going to go crazy without it the next couple of days. Its gonna suck having to get my parents to take me everywhere again.

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and then....Hell breaks lose - 5/21/2002

I went to DQ today at noon with Sara and Mary. Jarrod showed up not too long after that. Ced showed up after that because Sara called and asked him too. Then she rode off with him and left Mary and I to fiqure out what to do for an hour while she went off and did whatever. We went to my house but then my parents started having a big fight. I started to go off with her to someplace else but I decided to just stay home. Ced has a change of plans...hes leaving for the Air Force tonight instead of August...I dont think he's told Sara yet...Jarrod said he was going to tell her after graduation, but he may have told her when they left just so he can get laid. Im not sure...but I bet I'll find out tonight. Mary was freaking out because she thinks that Sara might get laid...like she isnt messing around with some 23 year old.

A door slam. silence....

I envy those that are graduating and going off on some exotic vacation tonight. Maybe I can bribe them to take me too.

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The phone call.... - 5/21/2002

Well 15 mins after I wrote that...Sara called me. She was upset...Mary ran her car into someone elses while leaving the Dq. She busted her headlight and cracked the other guy's hubcap. Sara was late getting up to Dq because she was out doing the nasty with Ced...Mary was pissed because she was late...and now is even more pissed because she had to take Sara back to DQ because she called Lindsey to come and get her after Mary just left...and thats when she hit the other car. Mary had to be somewhere but she waited on Sara...and now Mary is afriad her grandma will never let her drive again. Im glad Im not going to be there when she finds out why Sara was late.

I wonder if Sara knows Ced is leaving tonight and probally isnt going to come back...

Where's Ryan when I need him? At school taking finals.

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Graduation - 5/21/2002

Well...I wasnt sad until after the cermony was over and I hugged Jarrod. Then I about cried.

The cermony went faster than I expected...and that was good because is was COLD.

Well...with that behind me...I have the open summer ahead of me.

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A kiss blown is a kiss wasted. The only kiss is a kiss tasted. Kisses have germs and germs are hated, so kiss me baby, im vaccinated!" This is a chainletter through diaries. U must send this to 15 people within the hour. If you do, you will get kissed by your crush in the next 24 hours! If not, you will have bad luck with kissing forever. Just simply copy and paste this to other diary entries

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I know Im going to get kissed within 24 hours...Im going out with my boyfriend tommrow night. I dont need to send any stupid chain letter! [Rachel...]

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Until further notice - 5/22/2002

Well today I had to get up early to go to the dentist's office and subject myself to pain. Cavities suck. Anyways I finally got over the effects of the medicine.

I got my car back today...Yay! :D

I was going out with Ryan and some of his friends tonight...but he got caught for speeding and the cop wrote him up as reckless driving. If Im not mistaken thats one of those 4 pt. offense....so Ryan's probally going to lose his license.

Oh wondeful.

His dad probally wont let him go out tonight...so here I am...all dress up...and not a place in the world to go.

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Rach, i heard about Ryan's speeding ticket. I wish i could go tonight, but there is no way i could stay in the same vicinity with out getting into a fight...i am really sorry. Neways, i hope you have fun, he should be there..but you are probably driving him..:P neways...cya later hon. [Serengeti Soul]

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aww im sorry about what happen, i hope u can find something to do! thanxs for leaving me a note, ur diary is kewl! well i'm outta here, later!! ~*britt*~ [~*DiStUrBeD*MiNd*~]

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In the moonlight - 5/22/2002

Well I got to go after all...and I had alot of fun. We were in the Wooden Nickel being a bunch of rowdy teenagers among all the old people...but thats ok.

Ryan had to go home early and her was pissed about that...but it'll be ok.

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John #4 (Private) - 5/22/2002

I think Im over him....but Im not sure. He can make me laugh...and he seems like a really sweet guy...its just Im dissapointed in him. Lindsey said they broke up...but hes saying they arnt really. I hope he gets his heart ripped out and stomped upon. I cant fiqure out whats going on between him and Sam...and this is producing mixed feelings in me along with everything else. Oh well

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Life's a blur - 5/23/2002

I went over to Ryans house today...watched a movie and sat around a little while. Now Im back home and Im not doing much...I think I might go swimming. Its FINALLY warming up.

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UUURRRGGG!!!! - 5/24/2002

Im so bored....there is NOTHING to do around here. Someone help me please!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------- Some people.... - 5/24/2002

This guy came over to talk to Rebecca today. I think he likes her... Anyways Rebecca ran inside and wouldnt come out. The boy was here for a few hours, but she wouldnt even talk to him. He even went swimming with me and Hannah.

I dont get it...the boy is cute, built, and nice...so why run and hide? My sister...the mental case -.-

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It's cause she's holding out for me..Yup yup..I'm even hotter and better built..Yup yup..Call me..I have a really evil plan for you [BrooksGarrett]

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Another Summer Day - 5/25/2002

Well...I decided that I wanted to go to the mall today...so I called Liz up and away we went. I got three more pair of shorts...Thats only 6 in total I have...so I still new a few more pairs. I also bought two summer dresses...you know...those little halter type dresses with the colorful material. My wardrobe is becomming more daring :)

Liz came over and we hung around till 8 or so...We went through old middle school yearbooks. Eek! I had saved the motes passed between me and my friends and I put them in back of the yearbooks...You wouldnt belive how many crushes you and your friends forgot you had!

There is a party going on next door...I wonder if any of those older people brought along any of their nice looking grandsons.....

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3 Songs - 5/25/2002

Unsent - Alanis Morissette

Dear Matthew, I like you a lot I realize you're in a relationship with someone right now And I respect that I would like you to know that if you're ever single in the future and you want to Come visit me in california I would be Open to spending time with you and finding out how old you were when you wrote your first song

Dear Jonathan, I liked you too much I used to be attracted to boys who would lie to me And think solely about themselves and you were Plenty self-destructive for my taste at the time I used to say the more tragic the better The truth is, whenever I think of the early 90's your face comes up with a vengeance like it was yesterday

Dear Terrance, I love you muchly You've been nothing but open hearted and emotionally available and supportive And nurturing and consumately there for me I kept drawing you in And pushing you away I remember how beautiful it was to Fall asleep on your couch and cry in front of you for the first time you were the Best platform from which to jump beyond myself What was wrong with me

Dear Marcus, You rocked my world You had a charismatic way about you with the women And you got me seriously thinking about spirituality And you wouldn't let me get away with kicking my own ass But I could never really feel relaxed and looked out for around you though And that stopped us from going any further than we did And it's kind of too bad 'cause we could've had much more fun

Dear Lou, We learned so much I realize we won't be able to talk for some time And I understand that as I do you The long distance thing was the hardest and we did as well as we could We were together during a very tumultuous time in our lives I will always have your back and be curious about you about your career, your whereabouts

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Hands Clean - Alanis Morissette

If it weren't for your maturity none of this would have happened If you weren't so wise beyond your years I would've been able to control myself If it weren't for my attention you wouldn't have been successful and If it weren't for me you would never have amounted to very much

Ooh this could be messy But you don't seem to mind Ooh don't go telling everybody And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later And no one knows except the both of us And I have honored your request for silence And you've washed your hands clean of this

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on me You're kind of my prot�g� and one day you'll say you learned all you know from me I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian I know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it

Ooh this could get messy But you don't seem to mind Ooh don't go telling everybody And overlook this supposed crime

We'll fast forward to a few years later And no one knows except the both of us And I have honored your request for silence And you've washed your hands clean of this

what part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept? what part of your memory is selective and tends to forget? what with this distance it seems so obvious?

Just make sure you don't tell on me especially to members of your family We best keep this to ourselves and not tell any members of our inner posse I wish I could tell the world cuz you're such a pretty thing when you're done up properly I might want to marry you one day if you'd watch that weight and keep your firm body

Ooh this could be messy and Ooh I don't seem to mind Ooh don't go telling everybody And overlook this supposed crime

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Soak Up The Sun - Sheryl Crow

My friend the communist Holds meetings in his RV I can't afford his gas So I'm stuck here watching TV I don't have digital I don't have diddly squat It's not having what you want It's wanting what you've got

I'm gonna soak up the sun Gonna tell everyone To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that) I've got no one to blame For every time I feel lame I'm looking up I'm gonna soak up the sun I'm gonna soak up the sun

I've got a crummy job It don't pay near enough To buy the things it takes To win me some of your love Every time I turn around I'm looking up, you're looking down Maybe something's wrong with you That makes you act the way you do

I'm gonna soak up the sun While it's still free I'm gonna soak up the sun Before it goes out on me

Don't have no master suite I'm still the king of me You have a fancy ride, but baby I'm the one who has the key Every time I turn around I'm looking up, you're looking down Maybe something's wrong with you That makes you act the way you do Maybe I am crazy too

I'm gonna soak up the sun Got my 45 on So I can rock on.

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3 awesome songs that I can relate to...

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Sping...err..Summer cleaning! - 5/26/2002

Well...I found something today that kept me entertained for about 3 hours...I cleaned out all the stuff that I didnt want anymore. I started with the closet...I organized the clothes that I wanted....and piled up the clothes that I didnt want in the floor. Then I moved over to the clothes in my drawers and other compartments...I have enough junk on my floor to clothe an army. I still have some more stuff to clean out...but I'll do that another day...when I can see carpet again.

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Memorial Day - 5/27/2002

Nothing out of what is slowly becomming the norm. Ryan may not be able to come over tommrow...if he cant I might finish cleaning out my drawers...or the fish tank. Im not really sure yet.

Telle est l'�t� vie, Rachel

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Smellin' Fishy - 5/28/2002

Ryan came over and we *finally* rented 13 ghosts. It was a cool movie.

After he left I started cleaning out the fishtank....it needed it bad! I totally took it apart...and worked on it from 2 till 5:45... including an trip to Valdosta to get a new filter and plants. I smell like fish and I feel really really NASTY.

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Stolen Survey - 5/29/2002

Have you ever smelled the rain? Yes and I love it.

Have you ever had someone from your past suddenly appear? All too often.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was right?Yeah

Have you ever seen true beauty? Yes...everytime I look in the mirror. j/k :P

Have you ever felt that someone was more beautiful because of their flaws? Yes. I often feel that way about myself.

Have you ever cried because you felt good? Nope!

Have you ever walked alone when it's cold outside and you have a fever? Uhh...no?

Have you ever wondered if the universe was sitting on someone's fingernail? No...but it is an interesting though...

Have you ever seen the sky at night when the clouds look like flowers? Yah! Its awesome :)

Have you ever had somebody care? Yup! I have lotsa people to care about me.

Have you ever wanted something but then when you got it found out it wasn't what you needed? I am female arnt I?

Have you ever tried to make things right, only to realize they work out if you let them be? I dont think so...

Have you ever seen a grown man cry? Umm...I think so.

Have you ever seen an amazing lightning and thunder storm like they have in the Midwest? Yeah, atleast I think I have.

Have you ever needed to be held? Oh yeah.

Have you ever needed to cuddle? Yes

Have you ever made something you thought was great but no one else liked? Yuh huh :(

Have you ever made something that you thought was terrible that everyone else loved? Yes...

Have you ever been alone? Yup

Have you ever splashed in puddles? Yup

Have you ever been really sick? Define "really"...I mean I get these 24 hour bugs that keep me in bed and puking so regularly that you can set your watch by it....

Have you ever made a snowman in your front yard? It dosnt snow in Georgia :(

Have you ever known what it was like to love and be loved in return? Yupper!

Have you ever had a crush? Too many to count

Have you ever had a kiss? Naturally

Have you ever known how good something was? Yeah

Have you ever not know how good it was until it's gone? Yup :(

Have you ever held the power? I AM the power! :)

Have you ever felt like you knew something was right? Once again....yes

Have you ever seen something terribly sad happen right before your eyes? Umm...not that I remember...but its like midnight so my memory isnt all that great :P

Have you ever experienced true happiness? Yes

Have you ever given a love letter? Yes...once.

Have you ever tried to make someone feel better, just because you saw they were down? Yeah, I like to do that :)

Have you ever wanted a kiss? Who dosn't from time to time? :)

Have you ever needed a hug? YES!!!! :(

Have you ever wanted to just do things on impulse? Yeah....Im just like that though

Have you ever wanted to paint a picture? Yeah! Actually...I have before. But I want to paint more

Have you ever wanted to just run? Thats why Im on track...though usually durning track season I never want to run. Strange person I am :P

Have you ever needed to get away? OHHHH YEAH

Have you ever tried? Not really...

Have you ever wanted to be a kid again? I am a kid at heart.

Have you ever blew big bubbles with pink gum? Kinda...

Have you ever lost a love? Yes :(

Have you ever experienced puppy love? Uh huh :)

Have you ever experienced love at first sight? Not fully...

Have you ever tried to tell someone something but the words wouldn't come out? Yes...

Have you ever wanted to die? Uh huh...happens to me a lot.

Have you ever tried? *Gasp!* No! Too much to live for :)

Have you ever written a letter to someone you lost touch with? Not really

Have you ever walked down a country road with your friend? Yeah! We jumped on hay bales! :)

Have you ever gotten ice cream on a hot day? Hot days...cold days...

Have you ever had a really good time with your best friends? Yeah!

Have you ever told them how much they mean to you? Yup...like...once. Lol.

Have you ever shown then that you love them? Hee hee ;)

Have you ever told your parents you love them? Yeah...and they love me too :)

Have you ever told someone else you love them? Mmmm...yes.

Have you ever played with your old toys? Yup yup! Its that inner child seeping out.

Have you ever gone back in your mind and remembered? Yeah....

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5/29/02 - 5/29/2002

I almost forgot why the date seemed important today somehow :P I have been going with Ryan for umm..5 months now :)

I went to Valdosta...I needed a few strapless bras...but I came back with only one...it costed me $40 too!!!! Bah!! I almost got some fishies! :D

We have a required meeting tonight at church if we are going to SuperWow...so I guess that means I have to get off my butt and go to church.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Ryan (Private) - 5/29/2002

Ryan's stepdad got ahold of him for that speeding ticket. There goes Friday's plans. Ryan is miserable...and he was in tears over the phone...though he didnt let me onto that fact. It upset me a lot too...but Im not going to make him feel any worse by showing just how much it did upset me. I feel so bad for him...

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Adventures in Nowhereville - 5/30/2002

Well I went over to Ryan's house today...it was the usual...We watched From Hell...and learned that it isnt a movie you watch while trying to eat.

Tommrow Im going to a lockin with Lindsey...and since its at a Pentcostal church...Its going to be interesting. I must remember that...no matter how scary it gets...they probally wouldnt like it if I ran screaming out of the church.

Well Im about to go to the gym with my mom...Whoo :)

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Copper colored toenails - 5/31/2002

I went to work at my dad's office this morning...I enjoyed it. Especially the part where I get paid. :P Unfortantly most of that money is going towards paying off my class ring.

I have a change to Europe next April with the school. Im going to sign up as soon as possible...I cant wait :)

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Random Quizes - 5/31/2002

Have You Ever Been Mellow?: Dreamy, artistic and imaginitive! You find youself constantly wanting to create. You're good with your hands and have a way with the written word. Your ideal partner would know how to appreciate both you and your art. What's your DDR theme song?

Sunny Day: On the outside, you seem thoughtful, serious and pensive, but most of the time (if not all of the time!) you're dancing on the inside. You're a sweet person with a loyal nature, but there's no way anyone can push you around! ADVICE: You may seem boring and difficult at times, so be sure to let others get to know the lighter side of you that doesn't mind partying! What's your CoCo theme song?

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Lock-in - 6/1/2002

Whew! Im tired :P I didnt go to bed till 3 o' clock....I have no idea about what those people thought of me...especially when I was staring at them like they were bloody nuts. But thats ok...they knew I wasn't use to all that. Well...some did. Others might thought that I was the evil spawn of Satan. I had fun though :)

Moving on...

I dont know if I can last till tonight with only 4 hours of sleep...Even though Im kinda bouncy at the moment..I still feel draggy.

There is a giant zit festering on the side of my nose. I swear...if I lived 2 centuries earler...I'd be outcasted from society for leprosy.

Ryan left me today! And he's not comming back till next Saturday! :( Wah!!

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I decided - 6/1/2002

I'm not going to go to John's party tonight. I'm not well rested enough...and not to mention that I'm in a terrible mood. I rented "O" tonight and shall divulge in all sorts of junk foods while watching it. I feel sorry for the poor fool who interupts me...because they wont live to tell about it. After that I shall call Ryan...(I bought a phone card) and talk to him a little while. I should feel better after all of that...

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"O" - 6/1/2002

Heh, my mom didnt like that movie too much. It was alright...nothing great or anything. It reminded me a TON of Sara and Ced. But thats typical.

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In search of the cube - 6/2/2002

Well we got a Game Cube today. Sold the N64. Wow, I feel old. I remember when a N64 was the shit. I overslept this morning, I was going to church, but I turned off my alarm and slept till noon. Oh well.

I miss Ryan :(

Mary says Christine, Brandon, Ben, Jake and all them are going on the Europe trip, and she might be going too. Thats great! That means I wont have to pal around with the uber-preppy cheerleaders and people like that.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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u r UBER COOL !!! HUGS [Big Stinking Cuntbag]

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Dreamin' Dreams - 6/3/2002

I had a dream last night about a guy. I saw his face clearly, which is something I almost never do. I don't know who he was, but I wish I did :( He was cute, funny, and completly awesome. The details of the dream don't make any sense though. I was dissapointed when I woke up and relized that it was just another dream. So here I am, half love-stuck by some guy that is just a figment of my imagination. Typical.

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I hate those type of dreams...I'm still waiting for my dream man to come along! Ciao! ~��tar�~ a.k.a ~*�ana*~ [*FallenStar*]

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Shadow - 6/3/2002

I went to the vet's office today and hung around for a couple of hours. I watched and asked him a few questions, to see if I wanted to go into the vet. field. I think I do.

Im about to die for a night out on the town...I want one really really bad...unfortantly...no one is around.

*Sighs*

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I'm a Celtic Goddess! - 6/3/2002


I Am
Cyhiraeth
Evil Faerie Spirit.
I like maiming small animals and shooting things. I also like shrieking to warn people of their impending doom.

That is my dark side :)...the shrieking part sounds just like Incubu's video for Warning. I love that video...I like screaming at people to tell them they are about to die! :D

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Heat Wave - 6/4/2002

Everyone is complaining that its really hot. I barely notice when its 98 degrees outside....but its suppose to cool down over the weekend.

I rode my bike today...which I havent rode in about a year or more... I think I need to ride more often.

This is my 200th entry! :D Not including my 7 private entries...I think Im addicted.

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Highlights - 6/5/2002

I got my hair highlighted today. Instead of the way I normaly did it though, She made it a light shade of red and chunkier. I love it :) Its bold, new, and sexy. I want to hear Ryan's opinion on it, but I know he'll love it. He loves everything about me :P

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Youth Revival - 6/5/2002

I forgot that it was tonight, so naturally I wasnt dress for it. *Sigh* I would go to a church function in shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top.

Anyways, at first I didnt want to go. But once the guy started preaching I enjoyed it. He preached on how people "play church"..which people REALLY need to preach on more often. Mary didn't enjoy it as much as I did, but then again, she was getting her toes stomped on a little more than I was.

A guy from my neighbouhood was there, and he kept staring at me. I hope he wasnt window shopping, cause I'm not for sale.

I couldnt call Ryan tonight, it was too late by the time I got back in and shaved my legs and stuff. Oh well :(

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ryn: do you really like OLP or you just like that song because it appears on the radio..? Sorry, but a lot of people only like OLP's Life song because it was on the radio and when they hear there old sh!t they think its not them and agrue with me. well, I must be going. ta-ta [Inchoate]

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ryn: sweet =) a true OLP fan =) awesome! =) -Inchoate- (nsi)

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Taking the world by storm, one Thurday at a time - 6/7/2002

I went out and about with Brooks last night. What can I say, we were bored. We sat around the Wooden Nickel for awhile and then went to see Ep.II. The coolest part of that entire movie was where Yoda starts kicking butt. Other than that it was alright. The acting was monotoned....But it kept me entertained for an two hours and a half so Im not going to complain. After I finally drug in at 1:30, I didnt sleep at all. I tossed, I turned, and then I tossed somemore. I was asleep by 2, but I woke up at 5 and didnt go back to sleep. I feel like I've been drug through the mud and back.

It was fun, I need to do it more often.

I'm going to go to work at Dad's office some this morning, and hope that I dont fall asleep. Urg, I have the hangover without the drinks.

I would go shopping tommrow, if I had any money. Since I dont, I probally wont do anything except wait for Ryan to get home to discuss plans for Sunday. Yayness. Oh yeah! I almost forgot I have to pack sometime this weekend, not to mention go on a much needed food run.

Telle est la vie d'�t�, Rachel

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Ceeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [BrooksGarrett]

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The blurred line. - 6/8/2002

I live in my own world. It exists between the line of reality and fantasy. That line is blurred, and I live in the middle of it. Its pretty nice most of the time. Everything changes while everything stays the same. Its utter chaos, and total order.

Ryan came home today. He called me but halfway into my story of why I didnt call him last night, he had to go. Snarl.

Its going to rain....again...today.

Here is my roller coaster of emotions, watch me ride it. Whee.

I finally got some sleep last night, (Around 12 hours of it) but had some truly disturbing dreams. The only part that made sense was where I was thinking about how Jarrod wont be at anymore football games, and how this will be Jay's last year. The rest was totally irrelevant to anything.

I'm not hyper today, like I have been being. Infact, Im not even my happy go lucky self.

Something's wrong with me.....I need a sugar high o.O

I have strange rash on my leg...I wonder if this has something to do with it....

I dont feel like doing anything today, and of course this would be a day when I get the most offers to go out and do something. My friends wanted to know if I wanted to get out of the house, My mom wanted to know if I wanted to go see a movie, and Ryan want me to go to some kind of church thing with him. But, I'm just not in the mood to do anything. Its really strange, and I dont know why.

"I'm not myself today, Maybe I'm you?"

Telle est vie, Rachel

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The Confusion Within (Private) - 6/8/2002

I feel like I want to break up with Ryan. But the only reasons I have for wanting this, is the reasons I refuse to admit, even to myself.

But I dont know, Im so confused. Because I do like Ryan, there just isnt any fire in the relationship for me.

Maybe he's just been gone too long, I dont know.

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Just an Example - 6/8/2002

Its 2:53 p.m. Im somewhat hyper and happy. A 180 degree change from this morning. I confuse myself o.O....

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LOL! [The*True*Me]

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yay for happiness!! ..ooh, and hyperness. this is a good thing, WEE! [The Gnome]

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Another update spawned from boredom - 6/8/2002

Well Im going to go see The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood tonight with most of my family. Yay.

I ripped some songs I have burnt on CD's to compile on one Cd, but STUPID ASS ME, overwrote most of them at one point or another along in the ripping process, so I have to delete them all and re-rip them again. Oh go me.

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SuperWow - 6/9/2002

Well I'm leving tommrow for a church camp. I have a load of junk food to take with me.

Ryan is comming over today. Yay.

"What if I missed you You got caught in the sun What if I did something Never to be undone"

I love that song.

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I like that quote..Cebu, what if YOU got caught in the sun? Would you have to run? Or just have Fun? This can't be undone, this union to one, and it won't be fun, this thing that is done, I'll lose it all, and take the fall, for just one moment, caught in the sun [BrooksGarrett]

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Im back! :D - 6/14/2002

Well I'm back and I had a BLAST!!!

The speaker was really good, and as always, its always a good thing when you grow closer to God.

Im too excited to be back home though, so much do to, so much to say, so you'll have to excuse me if Im slighty airheaded for awhile.

Im getting baptized Sunday....:)

The whole youth group grew closer, and me and Kyle bonded though a game of Mount, Knight, Chariot.

I think Im evil, Im so good at getting stuff out of people....eh Ryan? ;) Mwah.

Im going on a diet!!! I gained 4 pounds when I was gone! No!!! :(

I cant think of anything else at the moment....*Sigh* :P

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Hey girlie! Glad to see ya back, WE MISSED YA **sniffle** Heehee..well i'm talkin' to ya now on da net, so..umm...guess thats it! Talk soon, or NOW..heehe..Bye! [Serengeti Soul]

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Sweet November - 6/15/2002

How can two people who look so alike be so different?

Me and my mother act totally different. So of course I liked the movie, and my mom sat there, complained about how stupid the girl was, and point out all the flaws.

*Sigh* She takes all the fun out of renting DVD's. I would rent a VHS, but you cant play with them :)

"And my mind�s gone half crazy cause I can�t leave you alone (oh can�t get you out of my system) And I�m wondering if it�s worth me holding on (holding on)"

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Im so evil...(Private) - 6/16/2002

I broke up with Ryan today. I have my reasons, but none of them justify me feeling like a total ass for breaking his heart.

Im going to truly, and sincerly miss that relationship. I loved it. I loved going to church with him, and watching movies with him, and going out to eat with him. Im going to miss it all.

Im going to miss our conversations, and how we had only certian things between us. I pray to God that he dosnt tell anyone those either.

I'm going to miss him, and all the things we did, and I can only hope that this was for the better and not the worse.

I think if I remain single for awhile, I might go back to him. But I dont know, Im still confused. :(

He never got to see me in a swimsuit like he wanted to, Everytime he sees a box of Milkduds he'll think of me, Everything that was ever special between us will haunt him, and me.

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A whole new path - 6/17/2002

Well me and Ryan broke up. It's no one's fault but mine, and me not being able to fiqure out what I want.

I dont really know what to do now though.

I even forgot what I was about to say...Oh well...maybe it'll come back to me later.

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The early light - 6/18/2002

We dropped Hannah off at a friend's house today since it was her last day home for four weeks (WHOO HOO!!!) They had the sweetest doberman I thin I've ever seen! I wanted one just like her :)

After that we went to get my mom's lience renewed. I now have a phobia of those places, I hate them.

I got a new swimsuit....yay :)

I skiped VBS to go out to eat for my mom's birthday. Naturally Rebecca tried to make it as miserable as possible, but what else is new?

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They were gone - 6/19/2002

And I was home alone from 8am - 9pm. It was NICE....too bad they didnt all stay down there with Hannah.

Oh well.

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....and you were gone. - 6/22/2002

*Sighs* Im beyond bored. I wish for once, it would warm back up and wouldnt rain, like it has been doing all week.

I'm going to guess that everything has settled back down, or so it seems that way. You can never be too sure.

I'm not going to sit around and wait forever for something to happen. But for now, I'll sit here calmly waiting. But not for long...

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"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want." :) [keen.bean.]

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The setting sun - 6/23/2002

I had to replace the hammock today with another one. Inbetween the weather and my sisters, it was about to fall apart. I floped in it, grabed a book, and read for awhile. It was nice.

Boy, Im glad that Im not doing anything next week. Finally, a break. We had the graduation program today at church for VBS.

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I actually went out today... - 6/25/2002

Me, Mary, and John went out and saw Lilo and Stitch today. It was going to be just me and Mary but John said he wanted to see that movie so I said I'd pick him up too.

It was a cute movie! :)

After that it was STORMING, so we all went and ate at Zaxby's. After that we got bored, so we went to Wal-mart.

We were piddling around the video store when Mary's mother called and told her to come home.

It was much better than sitting around at home all day :)

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I can't wait to see that movie...my boyfriends suppose to take me to see it along with about 5 other movies too..hehe.. Is it worth seeing though and would he like it??? I don't want him to take me if its like girly or whatever. [Baby_Girl]

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Its offical (Private) - 6/27/2002

I go out with John. Too amazing. There are no words to describe how awesome the past two days have been.

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Working at the carwash - 6/29/2002

We made about $250 towards the trip to Europe, so thats about $12 each person gets. Mary and Lindsey decided they wernt going, so the last person there that isnt a prep is Christine. Thank God shes going. Shiny Boots was there too, but he didnt have a lot to say to me.

I got to talk to Jay a little bit while I was there. I havent talked to him since school got out. He works ALL the time.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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End of June - 6/30/2002

Noooo, I think June is my favorite summer month. Its a shame its almost over. I have to start on my summer reading soon. Only one month left till school starts back. NOO! :(

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For lack of a better title - 7/1/2002

My dental appointment got moved to Wednesday, which was fine by me. I met Brooks and Jonathan at the Wooden Nickle for lunch, and then hung over at Jon's house for the rest of the afternoon. (Without Brooks, hehehe)

My sister and my Dad went to Tenessee today. They are going to be gone until Friday, which means the only people left in the house is me and my mom. Woohoo! Peace and quiet!

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Round Here - 7/1/2002

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white. And in between the moon and you the angels get a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right. I walk in the air between the rain through myself and back again Where? I don't know Maria says she's dying through the door I hear her crying Why? I don't know

Round here we always stand up straight Round here something radiates Maria came from Nashville with a suitcase in her hand she said she'd like to meet a boy who looks like Elvis she walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land just like she's walking on a wire in the circus she parks her car outside of my house takes her clothes off says she's close to understanding Jesus she knows she's just a little misunderstood she has trouble acting normal when she's nervous

Round here we're carving out our names Round here we all look the same Round here we talk just like lions But we sacrifice like lambs Round here she's slipping through my hands Sleeping children better run like the wind out of the lightning dream Mama's little baby better get herself in out of the lightning She says It's only in my head She says Shhh I know it's only in my head But the girl in car in the parking lot says "Man you should try to take a shot can't you see my walls are crumbling?" Then she looks up at the building and says she's thinking of jumping She says she's tired of life she must be tired of something Round here she's always on my mind Round here hey man got lots of time Round here we're never sent to bed early And nobody makes us wait Round here we stay up very, very, very, very late

I love that song. I cant belive I didnt put it in here earlier. The lyrics are awesome....

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rach, its sam. was wondering, who are these lyrics by!? i like'em...newho, sweet dreams and talk soon...night! [~*Vanilla Bean*~]

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Oh! I knew I forgot something! Its by Counting Crows [Rachel...]

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Minority Report - 7/2/2002

Me and Jonathan went to see that today. Its a pretty awesome movie. I want the little red car he drives around. :)

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was it good?

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4th and 5th of July - 7/5/2002

On the 4th I hung out with Jonathan all day. We went to a party with his sister after awhile. It was fun, we launched so many fireworks that I got a headache from all the smoke.

Today I went shopping in Talahassee for school clothes. Its amazing how SLOW my mom is! She took forever and a day to get out of the mall.

I got bitten by something yesterday, and it hurts like a mug! Its swollen and Im (once again) walking with a limp. Evil insect! :(

Telle est vie, Rachel

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Mr. Jones - 7/6/2002

Mr. Jones - Counting Crows

I was down at the New Amsterdam staring at this yellow-haired girl Mr. Jones srikes up a coversation with this black-haired flamenco dancer She dances while his father plays guitar She's suddenly beautiful We all want something beautiful I wish I was beautiful So come dance this silence down through the morning Cut up, Maria! Show me some of them Spanish dances Pass me a bottle, Mr. Jones Believe in me Help me believe in anything Cause I want to be someone who believes Mr. Jones and me tell each other fairy tales Stare at the beautiful women "She's looking at you. Ah no, no, she's looking at me." Smiling in the bright lights Coming through in stereo When everybody loves you, you can never be lonely I will paint my picture Paint myself in blue and red and black and gray All of the beautiful colors are very, very meaningful Gray is my favorite color I felt so symbolic, yesterday If I knew Picasso I would buy myself a gray guitar and play Mr. Jones and me look into the future Stare at the beautiful women "She's looking at you. Uh, I don't think so. She's looking at me." Standing in the spotlight I bought myself a gray guitar When everybody loves me I will never be lonely I will never be lonely Said I never gonna be..lonely I wanna to be a lion Everybody wants to pass as cats We all want to be big, big stars, but we got different reasons for that Believe in me, because I don't believe in anything And I want to be someone to believe, to believe Mr. Jones and me stumbling through the barrio Yeah we stare at the beautiful women "She's perfect for you, man, there's got to be somebody for me." I want to be Bob Dylan Mr. Jones wishes he was someone just a little more funky When everybody loves you, son, that's just about as funky as you can be Mr. Jones and me staring at the video When I look at the televison I want to see me staring right back at me We all want to be big stars, but we don't know why and we don't know how But when everybody loves me I'm going to be just about as happy as I can be Mr. Jones and me: we're gonna be big stars...

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Shopping Trip - 7/8/2002

I drug Jon with me to Macon today to finish off most of my school shopping. He's actually pretty good to shop with....

I've got about 3 weeks of summer left. Where did it all go?! :(

I love July. You can walk outside at 9:30 at night, and still see a glow in the western sky...

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A song with a really long title :P - 7/8/2002

Standing Outside A Broken Telephone Booth With Money In My Hand - Primitive Radio Gods

Jan lays down and wrestles in her sleep Moonlight spills on comic books And superstars in magazines An old friend calls and tells us where to meet Her plane takes off from Baltimore And touches down on Bourbon street

We sit outside and argue all night long About a god we've never seen But never fails to side with me Sunday comes and all the papers say Ma Teresa's joined the mob And happy with her full time job

Am I alive or thoughts that drift away? Does summer come for everyone? Can humans do what prophets say? If I die before I learn to speak Can money pay for all the days I lived awake But half asleep?

A life is time, they teach you growing up The seconds ticking killed us all A million years before the fall You ride the waves and don't ask where they go You swim like lions through the crest And bathe yourself in zebra flesh

I've been downhearted baby Ever since the day we met

I've forgotten all about that song until I heard it on the radio late tonight. Wow.

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i have never heard that song before..but i can only imagine the music...

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A day worthy of an entry - 7/10/2002

I got my band schedule in the mail today. I have two open games, both in September. We also now have a Fall break (WHOO HOO!) and I think that'll be an open friday as well. We have early competition too (A couple of weeks earlier than usual) so that should prove interesting.

I went over to Jonathan's at 2, and spent the day with him. At 6 Brooks and Ryan came over to go bowling and we met Alisha and Michelle there as well. Then we went to eat at the usual place and ran into Amanda.

"You know what's the most terrifying thing about admitting that you're in love? You're just naked. You put yourself in harm's way and you lay down all your defences. No clothes, no weapons. Nowhere to hide, completely vulnerable. The only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe the other person loves you back and you can trust him not to hurt you." I dont think a truer statement has ever been said.

Telle est vie, Rachel

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An entry born from boredom and fueled by paranoia - 7/11/2002

In a roundabout way anyways.

I wonder where everyone is tonight...nothing on Tv, not a single soul to talk to. I think it's a campaign to drive me crazy...but anyone who knows me knows that I'm already crazy. Since the opposite of crazy is sane, maybe they want to drive me sane.

Yeah, that makes sense.

I wonder where my little tricuspid is tonight...

You know, all those little details you leave out because you dont want to offend anyone? Maybe it's about time to start telling people what I really think about things, and let them deal with it! But of course, I'm not that mean.

But of course, I'm not ranting about anything in pitacular, I'm just ranting for the sake of ranting.

What do people think they are trying to prove by acting like something they arn't? If you're not happy with yourself, do the world a favor and go drown yourself in some river.

No, Im not serious...I cant afford the lawsuits. But it felt good to say that, anyways.

I'm just jabbering because Im bored. And you know what? None of this makes sense to me anymore, but I'm going to leave it here, because it felt good to say it. Wahahahah!

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Yay, good for you, I always go tell people to go kill themselves when they're sad, just cuz I'm brutally blunt and honest like that. But not rude. I only tell people they look fat if they ask me, etc. Only tell people the truth if they ask. :) Your entry was funny :) [ShibbyKemma]

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Missing the night life - 7/13/2002

Sarah called me up and we had lunch at Lynn's with Jarrod. I havent talked to her since school got out, so it was good to finally catch up with her.

I tried calling some of my other friends, but they're all busy with something or another, oh well. I'll just go swimming then.

It's saturday and I have an itch to go out somewhere and have some fun...

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you're not SUPPOSED to feel one way...for some people, they don't put limits on who they can like...and the "norm" today is a mix of straights, bis, & gays [ShibbyKemma]

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Out and About - 7/15/2002

I worked a little up at the office today. Whoo.

I went to eat with Mary and Jay at the Huddle House...and after that we decided to go to Valdosta and terrorize Wal-mart. We went to the mall from there, to find out it closed, and bounced over to Books-a-million. It was fun, its been a LONG time since I've done anything with friends.

I'm tired now, and have nothing more to say.

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Ordinary Day - 7/16/2002

Ordinary Dar - Vanessa Carlton

Just a day, Just an ordinary day. Just tryin to get by. Just a boy, Just an ordinary boy. But he was looking towards the sky. And as he asked if I would come along I started to realize- That everyday you find Just what he's looking for, Like a shooting star he shines.

He said take my hand, Live while you can Don't you see your dreams are right in the palm of your hand

And as he spoke, he spoke ordinary words Although they did not feel For I felt what I had not felt before You'd swear those words could heal. And I as looked up into those eyes His vision borrows mine. And to know he's no stranger, For I feel I've held him for all of time.

And he said take my hand, Live while you can And if we walk now we will divide and conquer this land. Don't you see your dreams are right in the palm of your hand Right in the palm of your hand

Please come with me, See what I see. Touch the stars for time will not flee. Time will not flee. Can you be

Just a dream, just an ordinary dream. As I wake in bed And the boy, that boy, that ordinary boy. Or was it all in my head? Did he asked if I would come along It all seemed so real. But as I looked to the door, I saw that boy standing there with a deal. And he said he my take my hand, Live while you can, Don't you see your dreams are right in the palm of your hand Right in the palm of your hand Right in the palm of your hand

Just a day, just an ordinary day Jus tryin to get by.

Just a boy, Just an ordinary boy. But he was looking to the sky.

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This is going to sound really pathetic.... - 7/18/2002

I went over to Jon's today to go out to eat with him and ect... He's leaving tommrow for Orlando with Brandon (Grr...) for a week. I find myself at a sudden loss of activities....

This'll probally open up some kind of mindless paranoia as well(The kind that hits you at 3 am but you forget all about it by the next morning) that I'll pour out to some poor unsuspecting person (you know who you are...) untill I get strangled and thrown into some closet. Sad thing is, I can already hear my pathetic whines.

*Sigh* :(

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Another day in the life - 7/19/2002

I went to Wild Adventures today with Brooks. We wernt there for very long, it was VERY hot, and even though we were suppose to meet up with a couple of people, we didnt.

I went swimming after that...and I think the pool chemicals give me a headache, because I've had one for awhile now.

Maybe tommrow Jon will call me...

I've finished up my book that I was reading, I think I got through it in 4 or 5 days. Anyways, Im going to rent the movie soon.

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I Miss You - 7/20/2002

By: Incubus

To see you when I wake up, is a gift I didn't think could be real To know that you feel the same, as I do, is a Three-fold utopian dream You do something to me That I can't explain So would I be out of line, If I said I miss you. I see your picture, I smell your skin on, the empty pillow next to mine You have only been gone ten days, but already I am wasting away I know I'll see you again Whether far or soon But I need you to know, that I care And I miss you

Whee. Anyways, Sam deleted her diary, and since no one else updates theirs anymore, I'm pretty much left alone. I dont mind being alone though, infact, I almost perfer it when it comes to things of this nature.

Pardon me while I burst,and rise above the flame....

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hey chickadee...i missed you guys and i agree no one does update anymore. but i'm still here and there and everywhere...talk soon? i hope...well, take it easy! like the entry by the way ;) [~*Shaydes*~]

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It begins again - 7/22/2002

*SIGH!* I almost forgot how exausting band camp is.

I dont really have anything to say about the first day of it. Hunger, tiredness (Is that even a word?), and anticipation has clouded my mind.

I'm ready for Jon to come back home...I havent talked to him since Wednesday, and its driven me nearly crazy.

Only 3 more days of band camp, and for that, I'm grateful

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Random diary selection. Band camp! I remember when I was in band! I loved band. I was a band nerd, I guess you could say..lol What instrument do you play? Or are you guard? I played the flute/piccalo. I went to school in Belton, Tx--Belton High's Marching 100! We won the state championship for 4A in the 95-96 school yr. We were awesome! lol..yeah..I'll brag. Well, have fun w/ band! Take care. [ArmyWifesLife]

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Summer Romance - 7/22/2002

By: Incubus

I'm home alone tonight Full moon illuminates my room, and sends my mind alight I think I was dreaming up some thoughts that were seemingly possible...with you So I call you on the tin can phone We rendezvous at a quater-two, and make sure we're alone I may have found a way for you and I to finally fly free When we get there, we're gonna go far away Making sure to laugh; while we experience anit-gravity For years, I kept to myself Now potentialities are bound, and sleeping under my shelf Simply choose your destination from the diamond canopy, and we'll be there So I call you on the tin can phone We rendezvous at a quater-two, and make sure we're alone I may have found the way for you and I to finally be free

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Excellent song by an excellent group...I just got tickets to one of their concerts. Yay! This song has to be one of my favs. C ya [studentdriver]

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i saw your note on ArmyWifesLife regarding you being in guard. I was in marching all throughout high school. fun stuff =) [chowder]

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Downfall - 7/24/2002

TrustCompany - Downfall

Fear in me so deep it gets the best of me, In the fear I fall, here it comes face to face with me, Here I stand hold back so no one can see, I feel these wounds, step down, step down, step down.

(am I) Breaking Down Can I break away Push me away, make me fall, Just to see, another side of me, Push me away, you can see, what I see, the other side of me.

Fall back on me, and I�ll be the strength I need, to save me now, just come face to face with me, stay in place you'll be the first to see, me heal these wounds, step down, step down, step down, down

I�m not breaking, down can I break away push me away, make me fall, just to see another side of me, push me away you can see, what I see, the other side of me

Go!

Fall, can I break away push me away, make me fall, just to see another side of me, push me away you can see, what I see, the other side of me

No one can see anything on the other side of me I walk, I crawl, loosing everything and waiting for the downfall No one can see everything on the other side of me I walk, I crawl loosing everything on the downfall. Downfall, Fall.

Good song. Only one more day of band camp left! Thank God! Not only is it tiring, it can be annoying, boring, and emotionally draining. I'm so not ready to go back to school :(

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Last week of freedom - 7/25/2002

Yep, band camp is finally over. I dont have to march on that or any other field until next Thursday. The day before school starts back :(

I keep thinking toay is Friday for some reason, not sure why.

Bored....oh...so...bored.

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dude, today does feel like a friday, lol. band camp...reminds me of American Pie, lol. if u're bored IM me at Luckygirlie721 (aim) or just nmb =) [MYHI]

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The fortune under the bottle cap - 7/25/2002

"Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure"

Perhaps.

Nothing cures your worries like a good talk and some sugar loaded candy/soda.

And for those out there with the really big problems, go ahead, spike that soda for all that its worth! I wont tell anyone :)

All the soda is gone, and I'm left with nothing but an empty bottle. A shell of its former self...with no use to anyone execpt the nickle that someone would recive if they recycled the bottle.

And why shouldnt it be recycled? To be melted back down, remolded, and filled back up with the sweet liquid it once held.

But no, I throw it away, thus ending its cycle of use...but maybe, someone will come along, find it, and have a purpose for it.

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Disney Princess - 7/26/2002

You're Esmeralda!

You are an exotic beauty who enchants everyone you meet. You have a special love for music and dance. You are very kind to strangers, regardless of appearances, but you don't always see beyond good looks when romance is involved. You have a strong attachment to your community, whether that be made up of family, friends, or both, and you never forget your heritage. Your beauty might attract the wrong sort, so take care that you're not taken advantage of. Luckily you don't die at the end of the Disney movie, although in the book you're hanged.

Yeah, that sounds like me...heehee :)

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Are you that somebody? - 7/27/2002

Dirty South, can y'all really feel me East coast feel me West coast feel me

Boy, I've been watching you like a hawk in the sky that flies, and you were my prey (my prey) Boy, I promise you if we keep bumpin heads I know that one of these days (days) We gon hook it up while we talk on the phone But see, I don't know if that's good I've been holding back this secret from you I probably shouldn't tell it but

If I, if I let you know You can't tell nobody, I'm talkin bout nobody Are you responsible? Boy I gotta watch my back, cause I'm not just anybody Is it my go? Is it your go? Sometimes I'm goody-goody, right now naughty-naughty Say yes or say no Cause I really need somebody, tell me are you that somebody?

Boy, won't you pick me up at the park right now Up the block, while everyone's sleep (sleeps, sleeps) I'll be waiting there with my trucks, my locs, my hat Just so I'm low key If you tell the world (Don't speak, you know that would be weak) Oh boy, see I'm trusting you with my heart, my soul I probably shouldn't let you but if I

If I, if I let this go You can't tell nobody, I'm talkin bout nobody Are you responsible? Boy I gotta watch my back, cause I'm not just anybody Is it my go? Is it your go? Sometimes I'm goody-goody, right now naughty-naughty Say yes or say no Cause I really need somebody, tell me are you that somebody?

Baby girl I'm the man from the big VA Won't you come play round my way And listen to what I gotta say Timbaland Don't you know I am the man Rock shows here to Japan Have people shaking-shaking my hand Baby girl, better known as Aaliyah Give me hives, corns, and high fevers Make the playa haters believe us Don'tcha know Gotta tell somebody Cause

Cause I really need somebody Tell me you're that somebody

Is it my goal, is it your goal Sometimes I'm goody-goody Right now I'm bout it bout it Cause I really need somebody Tell me are you that somebody

I overslept this morning so I didnt go to the car wash this morning. I went to Liz's party at 4, but stopped by Wal-mart to get her a gift, and to meet Jon.

I really must stop trying to protect myself so much, I'd be so much happier...but I cant seem to stop...Why must I think that what I did to someone, will come back around and happen to me? :(

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Everytime I look for you - 7/28/2002

Blink182 - Everytime I Look For You

Never found out why you left him, but this answer begs that question, Too blind to see tomorrow, too broke to beg or borrow. Young and Stupid, left wide open Hearts are wasted, lives are broken

One more point of contention, I need some intervention Approached with vague intentions betray my short attention span The distance, bridge the border Beg forgiveness, round the corner

Everytime I look for you the sun goes down And I stumble when this whole thing runs aground I left another message, you are never around But everytime I look for you the sun goes down once more Will the last one out, please shut the door

More time apart will give you, a few more months to argue Is this to much to live through, it always seems to far to drive The point home, send more letters Pray tomorrow, ends up better

Everytime I look for you the sun goes down And I stumble when this whole thing runs aground I left another message, you are never around But everytime I look for you the sun goes down once more Will the last one out, please shut the door

I never did do anything that she asked, I never let what happened, stay in the past I never did quite understand what she meant, In spite of everything, in spite of everything

Everytime I look for you the sun goes down And I stumble when this whole thing runs aground I left another message, you are never around But everytime I look for you the sun goes down And I stumble when this whole thing runs aground I left another message, you are never around but everytime I look for you the sun goes down

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Winds of change - 7/30/2002

Yesterday I finished up my school shopping stuff, and I met Jon and a bunch of his friends for their lunch break yesterday. It was, uhh, fairly interesting.

Today I woke up ay 7, and went to the school to stand in a hour long line for my parking permit. I got a pretty good spot in the gym lot :D I also got my schedule, which I had to go back up there and, after a lot of work, change. Lets hope they dont screw it up again.

I finally decided to do something to me car, and got purple washer lights. Now all I have to do is to find someone to install them...

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It sucks you had to wait so long to get a parking permit, but at least you got a good spot! [Anadyomene]

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I am Rachel, the dragon tamer! - 7/30/2002

Not really....I wish though, that'd be cool.

My quiet little haven that I called High School is now being invaded by Rebecca and her friends. If that wasnt worse, I actually have a class with the little brat.

That should be interesting...It'll probally be the only class I'll ever have with her, since most take keyboarding their freshman year. I passed it up for a Creative Writing class and pushed it off until now. My fall semister will be pretty easy, I have Chemistry and English, but if I like those classes (I already know I'll love the English class) then it'll be a peice of cake :)

Mmm, chicken alfredo! I can smell it cooking downstairs...*drool*

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Don't you hate having classes with people who you HATE? I love hig school though because that means you only have to spend about an hour a day with that person instead of like the whole year like youd have to do if you were in middle school again. [Pin Number]

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Beneath the water's calm surface - 7/31/2002

It's amazing really, last night I realized how shaky mine and Jon's relationship was that first month. We were both scared, and both almost ran away and hid from it. But the past week or so, everything has smoothed out, found a soild surface to stand on, and has been going great. Atleast thats my perception of everything...and I'm going to be trusting enough to say its his as well.

I woke up this morning freezing, even though everyone else was hot...so I wrapped myself up and downloaded some ROM's to play when I get bored. :)

*Sigh* I'm going to get my hair cut, and after that I'm going to crawl back up to my room and shut myself off from the world until I'm feeling better. That way I dont insult anyone because they looked at me funny, and I dont have to beat anyone down in case they say the wrong thing. It sucks being female sometimes.

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Say goodbye to the fireflies for me - 7/31/2002

The appointment was for 10 instead of 3...go fiqure.

I went to church tonight, and we had a small going back to school type thing. In spite of everything, I enjoyed it.

This is my last summer night...and I think the only reason I'm sad is that I'm going to have to shelf my freedom of my time, and my romanticized image of summer. Not that its really going anywhere, its just I'm being shoved back into the system with my hands chained down.

I wish I was in some field somewhere watching the sunset and the stars come out with my boyfriend instead of sitting here infront of this computer by myself...

Speaking of which, it bothers me on how I'm going to have to work Jonathan into everything...He'll be working every weekend, and some weekdays. So that means after practice and inbetween the football games and homework, we'll see each other. I guess thats the price I pay for being born in another county :-/

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Inner Demons - 7/31/2002

We all have inner demons...they are the ones that produce the insane fears that attack us at night...making us lose sleep. But once the morning comes, they are wiped away, and everything is ok again.

There is the two sisters, Past, and Present. They're a couple of the biggest ones, because there is truth behind them, they arnt restrained to the dark corners of your room. Then there is the What If's...What Could've Been, and What Might Be. They have an older brother, What Will Never Be, which is half What If, half truth.

The Unknown spirit is pretty rough, and is often paired with his counterpart, Suspicion.

Not all demons are bad, there is Hope, paired up with What Might Be.

I think thats all of them...but I never know. Some havent been around in awhile, and some visit me all too often.

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Wow! So far I've only read "Inner Demons" and already I love your diary. This entry is so insightful but you made it feel like a psychology lesson --I major in Psychology so that's a big complement-- =) I enjoyed it thoroughly and plan on reading much more. [alienmermaid]

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The time has come upon us - 8/1/2002

Yes, tommrow, I go back to school. I'm not really worried about it though, hey, its something to break the boredom. I already miss my summer though, it was a good one :(

Jon came over today, he skiped the band dance and even brought me a long stemmed red rose :) Well it was long stemmed, I had to break the stem off a little so it would fit in the glass...

I'm going over to his house tommrow after he gets off of work...We're going to go see about getting my little washer lights installed, and about some speakers. He can get a deal on three 12" speakers, which is good, because he wants one, and I want two..so we'll divide the cost and pay it.

"I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless, and in this moment, I am happy, happy."

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Those 3 small words.... - 8/2/2002

Well, the first day of school went as planned. I didnt hit anyone parking, I sat there and listened to the rules, I left. My lunch sucks bad, EVERYONE else has 1st but me and Hope. And while Hope has some of her friends to talk to, I dont. I dont really hang out with some of the people that she does.

I went over to Jon's today, and painfully handed him the money to get my speakers. I still got to fork over more for the amp, box to put them in, ect. *Sigh*

But anyways, life is good, life is great, life is unbelievable :)

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youre in school already? oh my. [Pez King]

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Froggies on my window.... - 8/3/2002

I have no idea how they get up to my 2nd story bedroom window...they must be eating some kind of special flies...

I went to Valdosta with Mary and Sara today. I ended up driving because Mary and Sara both had complications that wouldnt allow them to. Which is good I guess, I ended up going back and forth across town like 3 times today, mostly for Jon. I met him after work and we droped by his house and the car show a little today. Too bad I was with friends, otherwise I would have stayed up there with him. We went back over to Sara's and decorated our trackers. (Those little agenda book thingys that some schools give their students)

I hate how short weekends are....damn chains!! Grr...

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Sk8er Boi - 8/3/2002

Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi

He was a boy She was a girl Can i make it any more obvious He was a punk She did ballet What more can i say He wanted her She'd never tell secretly she wanted him as well But all of her friends Stuck up their nose They had a problem with his baggy clothes

He was a skater boy She said see you later boy He wasn't good enough for her She had a pretty face But her head was up in space She needed to come back down to earth

5 years from now She sits at home Feeding the baby she's all alone She turns on tv Guess who she sees Skater boy rockin up MTV She calls up her friends They already know And they've all got Tickets to see his show She tags along Stands in the crowd Looks up at the man that she turned down

He was a skater boy She said see you later boy He wasn't good enough for her Now he's a super star Slamming on his guitar Does your pretty face see what he's worth?

He was a skater boy She said see you later boy He wasn't good enough for her Now he's a super star Slamming on his guitar Does your pretty face see what he's worth?

Sorry girl but you missed out Well tough luck that boy's mine now We are more than just good friends This is how the story ends Too bad that you couldn't see, See the man that boy could be There is more that meets the eye I see the soul that is inside

He's just a boy And Im just a girl Can I make it any more obvious We are in love Haven't you heard How we rock each others world

I'm with the skater boy I said see you later boy I'll be back stage after the show I'll be at the studio Singing the song we wrote About a girl you used to know

I'm with the skater boy I said see you later boy I'll be back stage after the show I'll be at the studio Singing the song we wrote About a girl you used to know

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That is an awesome song! :o) [.:*:.Confusion.:*:.]

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AVRIL LAVIGNE F*IN KICKS ASS!!! GOOD SONG!! :)<3 Cindy [THiS-iS-Me]

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Sink or Swim - 8/5/2002

I ran out of school so fast today that I forgot to put my books in my locker and take out the small cooler I put in there. I'm just so glad when 3 o clock comes that I forget everything else, throw off the chains, and run before they have a chance to put them back on me. I had band practice, and I thought I was going to die from a heat stoke before we finally got out.

I got a headache...and Im severly cranky... I'm not sure why...but I just am.

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Out of my heart - 8/5/2002

BBMak - Out of my heart

I feel fine Now the rain has gone and the sun has come to shine Nothing can get me down today Head over heels Got my mind made up as I�m driving through the fields Nothing can get me down again

Catch me if you can I�ve gotta make a getaway

As the sun goes down, wakin� up my dreams And in my mind you�re with me once again Out of my heart, into your head And inside my heart there�s a place for you And in my mind I�m with you once again Out of my heart, into your head

Chasing the sun Tryin� to get away From the rain that�s gonna come Hope I make it all the way

I�m lost in a crowd Tryin� to find my way But the rain keeps fallin� down Doesn�t matter anyway

Catch me if you can I�ve gotta make a getaway

As the sun goes down, wakin� up my dreams And in my mind you�re with me once again Out of my heart, into your head And inside my heart there�s a place for you And in my mind I�m with you once again Out of my heart, into your head

Take a look at the sky Feel the sunshine In your heart In your head In your own time

As the sun goes down, wakin� up my dreams And in my mind you�re with me once again Out of my heart, into your head And inside my heart there�s a place for you And in my mind I�m with you once again Out of my heart, into your head

Out of my heart, into your head Out of my heart, into your head

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How silly of me - 8/6/2002

Another day of school....Whoo.

I was too excited, Jon was comming over after school...

He gets here, and forgot he had post camp until he got to my house...but was just going to skip it. He wasnt even here for 30 mins...and his mom calls and tells him to go to post camp.

He's got it tommrow and Thursday, so I cant see him then either.

I'm left with a ghost like feeling...like it never really happened...and the illusion that it'll get better. It wont, then we'll have practice, but as long as I make myself belive that it will...then maybe he'll belive that too...and then it'll all be ok.

I got nothing left to do but to finish all my homework now...

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What goes around, must come around - 8/8/2002

Jon broke up with me last night...and I dont even really know why. There was so many excuses, reasons, and apoligies that I dont know anything execpt Im hopelessly single again for the first time in months.

I dont know what to make of today...it was good, all things considering. I was fine this morning, but when I got to school it took everything I had not to come unraveled. Everything was ok past 2nd block...I suddenly turned happy and nothing bothered me anymore. Have you ever just stared at someone until they become unfamiliar? I think thats what I did with the situation...and after awhile it held no meaning.

I'm probally in some kind of denial, and once night falls, I'll fall with it...

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im sorry to hear about you and your boy. i know how it feels to lose someone, and so do many other people bunches~xoxo [Sweatpea]

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yup loosing sum1s crap hope u cope wid it fine sounds like u r neway :o) [*~twistoffate~*]

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Follow up... - 8/8/2002

The weather was much cooler today...it's as if summer died last night too. Maybe it'll stay like this...its appropriate.

I actually did good on that Rhetoric test today in Lit...but I've seriously got to study tonight for that element test tommrow in Chemistry. I am so glad tommrow is Friday, I need the sleep, I need the time to be alone, to reflect, and to heal. I'm taking this weekend to pamper myself, and endulge in everything that makes me happy.

I've had two thoughts today...

"I wasn't paranoid, I was right"

"If I knew I was kissing the relationship goodbye as well, I would have made it longer."

Moving on, or trying to anyways.

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She has faces - 8/8/2002

She Has Faces - The Verve Pipe

She has faces up in her bedroom and they gaze down on her guarding her slumber A black bead rosary under her pillow and when it thunders she clutches it tightly And she hears silence is white, sound is black, the world is wrapped in a paper sack And when I leave I close the door to this galaxy of yours Dropping by I open a window as the breeze blows in the curtains are butterflies And we hear the church bells ring out on a hill and all of their echoes left us singing Silence is black, the room is bright, our world is basking in tv light And we are laid out on the floor of this galaxy of yours

With all of your heroes waiting in paper piles laid on the floor I push my paintbrush lightly and fill in any empty nail holes A dresser top, a jewelry box, colored tassels tied in knots And a porcelain girl danced a music box ballet for us And your nightlight is a star, or a firefly, that Leads my gaze up to the ceiling Wondering if you think that it's the sky With all of your heroes...

Open the window slightly, pick up paper off the floor I hold my paintbrush tightly, and fill in any empty nail holes Open the window slightly

I've never heard this song before, (Im trying to download it, but I cant find it) but I read the lyrics and thought they were really amazing...

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Bea's Song - 8/8/2002

Bea's Song - Cowboy Junkies

Speed River at my feet running low and flat I'm sitting here burning daylight, thinking about the past and that distance out there where the earth meets the sky The slightest move and this river mud pulls me further down John's at my side, but he's sitting on firmer ground

John says I look at the moon and the stars these days more often than I look into his eyes and I can't disagree so I don't say nothing I just stare on past his face at Venus rising, like a shining speck of hope hanging over the horizon

With each passing year that I sit here that horizon seems to inch just that much nearer and all that appears on it seems as clear as spit But if there's on thing in my life that these years have taught it's that you can always see it coming but you can never stop it

Speed River at my feet running low and flat I'm sitting here burning daylight, thinking about the past and that distance out there where the earth meets the sky The slightest move and this river mud pulls me further down John's at my side, but he's not noticing that I'm drowning The slightest move and this river mud pulls me further down John's at my side, but he's not noticing that I'm drowning

Another song that I havent heard, but already love

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Mrs. Potter's Lullabye - 8/8/2002

Counting Crows - Mrs. Potter's Lullabye

Well I woke in mid-afternoon cause that's when it all hurts the most I dream I never know anyone at the party and I'm always the host If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts You can never escape, you can only move south down the coast

well, I am an idiot walking a tightrope of fortune and fame I am an acrobat swinging trapezes through circles of flame If you've never stared off in the distance, then your life is a shame and though I'll never forget your face, sometimes i can't remember my name

Hey Mrs. Potter don't cry Hey Mrs. Potter I know why but Hey Mrs. Potter won't you talk to me

Well, there's a piece of Maria in every song that I sing And the price of a memory is the memory of the sorrow it brings And there is always one last light to turn out and one last bell to ring And the last one out of the circus has to lock up everything

Or the elephants will get out and forget to remember what you said And the ghosts of the tilt-a-whirl will linger inside your head And the ferris wheel junkies will spin there forever instead When I see you a blanket of stars covers me in my bed

Hey Mrs. Potter don't go Hey Mrs. Potter I don't know but Hey Mrs. Potter won't you talk to me

All the blue light reflections that color my mind when I sleep And the lovesick rejections that accompany the company I keep All the razor perceptions that cut just a little too deep Hey I can bleed as well as anyone, but I need someone to help me sleep

So I throw my hand into the air and it swims in the beams It's just a brief interruption of the swirling dust sparkle jet stream Well, I know I don't know you and you're probably not what you seem But I'd sure like to find out So why don't you climb down off that movie screen

Hey Mrs. Potter don't turn Hey Mrs. Potter I burn for you Hey Mrs. Potter won't you talk to me

When the last king of Hollywood shatters his glass on the floor and orders another Well, I wonder what he did that for That's when I know that I have to get out cause I have been there before So I gave up my seat at the bar and I head for the door

We drove out to the desert just to lie down beneath this bowl of stars We stand up in the palace like it's the last of the great pioneer town bars We shout out these songs against the clang of electric guitars You can see a million miles tonight But you can't get very far Oh, you can see a million miles tonight But you can't get very far

Hey Mrs. Potter I won't touch Hey Mrs. Potter it's not much but Hey Mrs. Potter won't you talk to me

Last song for the night, I promise :p I have this one downloaded (It wasnt too hard to find) and I love it...the lyrics are awesome :)

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yeah, the lyrics are really beautiful. I saw the counting crows w/ the wallflowers when I was only 11.. it was my first concert! har har. Later... [selfish&articulate]

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I'll tell you what... - 8/9/2002

Today was a pretty good day...

I'm not feeling the intense hurt anymore...but I think its just a phase because I havent seen or talked to him since that night.

I'm by myself, and I regret that I didnt make plans for today. Well I did have plans, but you know...

The weekend is here, and I'm not all that excited about it...I mean, all I'm going to do is sit around and rot until Monday comes. I've already completed my all my homework...and its only 4:30.

4:30...*Sigh*

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guys suck. alot. and if anyone knows that..it's me. xoxo:: [bombshell.]

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Undefiable hope - 8/9/2002

I think I just made up that word...its not in the dictionary. Coolness :P

I still cant get over the fact that I'm suppose to be at his house right now...if everything went to my plan...I'd be at his house right now...if I was still happy...I'd be at his house right now.

I'd be anywhere, but here :(

But I'm not. Im home. With no one to talk to. Oh sure, I can call people up, but I know my "check-ups" have got to be getting on people's nerves. So I wont.

I'm also tempted to ask Brandon about a few things...but I know I dont want the answers he has to give.

So I sit here, I cant even will myself to turn off the computer, thinking that somebody will come on, and give me relief of some kind.

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Survey - 8/10/2002

0. Time right now: 10:07 AM

1. Why are you filling this out? Because it got sent to me?

2. What's your full name: Rachel Elizabeth Morgan

3. What are your nicknames: I dont really have one...some people call me Rach though.

4. Whens your birthday? April 8, 86

5.Hair color? brown

6. What is your eye color? green

7.Do you have braces? not anymore :D

8. Do you where glasses/contacts? Yes

9. Favorite boy names: Dont really have one...Erick I think. Maybe Luke.

10. Favorite girls names: Zoe

11. Favorite season? Summer

12. Favorite smells? Coffee, campfire smoke, and food cooking :)

13. Favorite sounds? Music, My name being said by certian people (No one ever calls me by my name...they are just like "Hey you!" :( ), bells ringing, and monk chants :)

14. Favorite food? I dont really have a favorite food...

15: Favorite drink: I love Jones Sodas :)

16. Favorite animals: Dolphin

17.Favorite shows? Dont really have a overall favorite...Im so bad about that :(

18. Least Favorite music? rap

19. Are you an angel? A fallen one

20. Princess? Prince? Ruler of the universe, baby ;)

21. Are you a Brat? *Cough* No

22.Are you a Drama Queen? I can be at times...

23. Are you a Pimp/Ho? Not at all, though my friends might disagree....

24. Are you a flirt? Just a little one ;)

25. What's your best quality? My insanity

26. What's your worst quality? I'm quite stubborn

27. What's your biggest obsession? I dont have an an obsession per say...they come and go. But I am a huge candy fiend :)

28. Say something about the person who sent this to you: Hi sam!

29.Who's most likely to respond to you? No one, Im not sending it to anyone, I'm putting it in here so everyone can see it.

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Its him again... - 8/10/2002

Jon called me up today and asked if I wanted to come over and see about getting a box for my speakers. I wasnt sure at first, but I went anyways. We went over to the place, told the guy a few things, let him see my trunk and then I dropped him back off at his house.

I dont know what to make of it, I mean I usually hang out with people I broke up with two days ago...but then again, all we did was run over to the sound place, though it sounded like he wouldnt have minded going to Wal-Mart with me.

Whatever, I'm probally better off without him.

My family found out today that we have broken up...and I've been getting the thrid degree.."Who?!" "Why?!" "Where?!" "When?!"

Shut up people....

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The Mystic's Dream - 8/10/2002

Loreena McKennitt - The mystic's dream

A clouded dream on an earthly night Hangs upon the crescent moon A voiceless song in an ageless light Sings at the coming dawn Birds in flight are calling there Where the heart moves the stones It's there that my heart is longing All for the love of you

A painting hangs on an ivy wall Nestled in the emerald moss The eyes declare a truce of trust Then it draws me far away Where deep in the desert twilight Sand melts in pools of the sky Darkness lays her crimson cloak Your lamps will call me home

And so it's there my homage's due Clutched by the still of the night Now I feel you move And every breath is full So it's there my homage's due Clutched by the still of the night Even the distance feels so near All for the love of you

A clouded dream on an earthly night Hangs upon the crescent moon A voiceless song in an ageless light Sings at the coming dawn Birds in flight are calling there Where the heart moves the stones It's there that my heart is longing All for the love of you

I love that song, its so cool sounding, I could listen to it all night long....

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Too tired to think up a name - 8/12/2002

I hate Mondays....

Nothing's changed....Nothing's new.

Why do I have a feeling that till will be the story of my life for awhile?

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Porcelain - 8/12/2002

Better than Ezra - Porcelain

Hey, you've got a lot of nerve to show your face around here. Hey, you've got a lot of nerve to dredge up all my fears. Well, I wish I could shake some sense into you and walk out the door.

But your skin is like porcelain. Yeah, your skin is like porcelain.

Just the other day I felt I had you by a string. Just the other day I felt we could be everything. But now when I see you, you're somebody else. In somebody's eyes and your skin...

But your skin is like porcelain. Yeah, your skin is like porcelain.

I don't know what I'm saying. Well, I don't know if you're there. In the words you are feigning. Do you even care?

Well I wish I could kill you, savor the sight. Get in to my car, drive into the night. Then lie as I scream to the heavens above. That I was the last one you ever loved. Yes, your skin is like porcelain.

But your skin is like porcelain. Yeah, your skin is like porcelain.

I think it scares my friends that I like the last stanza the best....

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The voices - 8/12/2002

I only have one other friend at my lunch period this semister, and we're not even that close of friends. We sit together, but she ends up talking to other people that I dont normally talk to. So I sit there, surrounded by people but alone. Ignoring, and being ignored.

Today I heard a voice..."You do not belong here, you are not of these people"

That be the truth, I cant find enjoyment in getting drunk off my ass every weekend, riding around on 4 wheelers, and doing whatever else they talk about doing in their god awful thick accented voices.

I dont know excatly where I should be, but it isnt here.

I find myself staring out the second story windows of my first block...watching the morning sun gleam off of everything and anything. I may be there physically, but my soul is off flying, staring though another window I've never seen, in a place I've never been, but I know the contents within by heart.

The same thing happens in 4th block to...I stare out the picture window, up at the sky. The same sky that we all happen to be under. The same sky that is always changing, always moving, and always means something different to everyone.

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we all feel that way sometimes. every once in a while you're lucky enough to stumble upon others who feel the same way. lol. btw, that's funny, we have the same name, but it's spelled differently. i find that hilarious. lol. maybe it's just my geeky, short-hiared, insane self. o.0; lol [Reicheru]

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8/13/02 - 8/13/2002

2 down...3 more to go.

Things are starting to set in their places...And I'm going to have to learn to live with it.

Jon got a second job...so there is no way that's he would have time for me. Maybe what he told me was true, he just wanted to be single. And then again maybe that was the biggest load of crap ever handed to me...who knows?

I have guard practice tonight...I'm seriously hoping it rains so I dont have to go. I have a feeling that we're going to be yelled at because some people dont want to listen to Mary.

I got to start working on my two projects....I feel them hanging above my head, and Im ready to just get them over with. It shouldnt be too hard though. Maybe...

Hope and I have found somewhere else to sit at lunch. We're going to start sitting with Heather, so we dont have to be out there with those people the entire time...Good!!!

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Just like a pill - 8/13/2002

Pink - Just like a pill

I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me I think I took too much I'm crying here, what have you done? I thought it would be fun

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch, I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me itch I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes being a little bitch, I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can To the middle of nowhere To the middle of my frustrated fears And I swear you're just like a pill Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill You keep makin' me ill

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me This must be a bad trip All of the other pills, they were different Maybe I should get some help

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch, I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me itch I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes being a little bitch, I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can To the middle of nowhere To the middle of my frustrated fears And I swear you're just like a pill Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill You keep makin' me ill

Run just as fast as I can To the middle of nowhere To the middle of my frustrated fears And I swear you're just like a pill Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill You keep makin' me ill

I can't stay on your life support, there's a shortage in the switch, I can't stay on your morphine, cuz its making me itch I said I tried to call the nurse again but shes being a little bitch, I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Run just as fast as I can To the middle of nowhere To the middle of my frustrated fears And I swear you're just like a pill Instead of makin' me better, you keep makin' me ill You keep makin' me ill

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Rainbows at practice - 8/13/2002

It was sprinkling when I got to the football field tonight, but we had practice anyways. The sun was out on one side of the sky, and clouds were on the other. Eventually the rain stoped, and a rainbow came out. It shone strong...and I could do nothing but stare it at. It was pretty, and almost magical. I mean, it seems almost unreal that out of nothing, a stripe of colors can appear...

I turned my head, and glanced at ths setting sun...and when I looked back, it was completly gone.

The clouds moved, and a storm was rolling in. The gray caught up with the white of the earlier clouds, and that was pretty was well...the white clouds aganist the dark grey sky...

Then we went home, the wind picked up and the storm was almost in.

---------------------------------------------------------

Besides all that, I spent most of the practice in my own little world lost in thought. I wish I could tell him just how much I miss him at times...but I cant. Im just an after thought now...and he'd probally give me a funny look like we never went out. And even if he didnt do all of that, and I could actually find a moment appropiate for all of this (Which I wont)...I wouldnt be able to find the words. So I have to keep my silence, for more than one reason... But I've been missing everybody lately...old friends from way back when, new friends of later years, the living and the dead. And everyone else who happens to be inbetween, caught up in the wind like I am.

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Study Daze - 8/14/2002

I swear, I spend a good part of my afternoon after I get home studying and doing homework. It seems I have a test every other day. Tommrow is Thursday, the day I still call the longest day of my week. Band practice use to run 3-4 on Mondays and 3-4:30 on Thursdays...but now they both run from 3:30-5...so Monday and Thursday are equal, but Thursday drags more because it knows you have to get though it to get to Friday.

Blessed Friday...how I cant wait! Even though I dont have anymore plans on my weekends, its still a nice feeling.

The uniforms came in today...I was the first one to get to try it on :)

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Think of Me - 8/14/2002

Think of me, think of me fondly when we've said goodbye. Remember me ev'ry so often, promise me you'll try. On that day, that not so distant day, when you are far away and free, if you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me. And though it's clear, though it was always clear that this was never meant to be, if you happen to remember, stop and think of me. Think of August when the trees were green; don't think about the way things might have been. Think of me, think of me waking silent and resigned. Imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind. Think of me please say you'll think of me whatever else you choose to do. There will never be a day when I won't think of you. Can it be, can it be Christine? Long ago, it seems so long ago, how young and innocent we were. She may not remember me but I remember her. Flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade, they have their season so do we... but please promise me that sometimes you will think ah... of me!

This is a song called Think of Me (Duh? :p) from Phantom of the Opera. Yay.

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Thoughts in the night - 8/14/2002

I'm thinking about changing my personality. I'm tired of being myself...I dont have enough me left in me to be me anymore. I cant handle the strange looks I use to laugh at, I cant handle the jokes, I cant handle everything that goes along with me being me.

I'm going to withdraw into myself...Im going to be quiet, and shy, and wont ever say another stupid thing again. Some people wont notice the difference, Im kind of like that to people who dont know me, but my friends might notice after awhile. I'll laugh at their silliness, but I wont have anymore to add to it.

I quit.

Worst Fear is another demon of mine. He's a smaller minion, thats why he has a personal name. He's also becomming real. He already follows me around, and mocks me, and chews at my spirit. I wish I had the strength to rise above him, to rise above it all, but I want to give up, to sink beneath the waves, and drown.

Thats when the personality change will be complete, when the old me has died beneath the torrent, and the new me will be all thats left.

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this is actually what i meant i feel like right now (though the other applies as well). friends, growing up, maturing...*sigh* [rachel wailing]

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A few dream of glory, the rest dream of survival - 8/15/2002

Thursday is over. Whoo!

I'm on a emotional rollercoaster, last night's entry was a down point, and even though I feel better, I still dont feel like being quite myself anymore.

It's only the second week of school, and yet I feel like Im going to have a breakdown before the year is over with. Project after project, drama after drama. It seems everybody is stressing over something.

But it'll be ok eventually.

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wow. this sounds a lot like how i feel right now. i picked up on you because my name is rachel (as i assume yours is, or at least your author name here). i'm going to add you to my favorites list. i think i can relate to you. [rachel wailing]

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End of Summer Survey - 8/15/2002

++HOLIDAYS++

Did you go on one (if not skip the next 4 questions):

Where: Does a church trip to a conference count? It was on Jekyll Island.

Did you like it: Yup

Who did you go with: My youth group

Any holiday romances: Nope

Were would you go if you could go anywhere: The Carribean

What was your best holiday ever: I dont really have a favorite

What countries have you been to: France and Vietnam

++SUMMER ACTIVITIES++

Did you work this summer: Nope! :)

What did you do: Lay around the house :p

What was the thing you did most this summer: Lay around the house?

What was the most memorable thing that happened: 4th of July. Enough said.

++WEATHER++

What was the weather like: HOT

Did you sunbathe: Not on purpose

Do you tan or burn: I always tan

Would you have wanted better weather: Nope, it was typical summer weather

++SUMMER HIGHS++

Have you eaten lots of ice cream: Not really

What's your favorite: Cookie dough

Have you been to the beach: Well if that trip to Jekyll counts for anything...but it isnt what I would actually call a beach. It sucks :p

How about camping: NO!!

Any bbqs?: Nope :(

Did you get a tan: Yeah! :D

Seen any scantily clad boys/girls: You mean besides me? ;)

++SUMMER LOWS++

Have you been stung: Yeah, something got ahold of me, and while it didnt hurt,(I didnt even feel it...) it made a huge bump on my leg and the scar is still there...

How about bitten by midges/mosquitoes: Yes :(

Been sunburnt: Nuh uh

Do you look in swimwear: Pretty good I think

Did you get sand in your shorts/swim suit/food: I got sand in my towel :(

++MUSIC++

What was your song for this summer: Sheryl Crow - Soak up the sun

What's your favorite summer tune: Dont have a favorite (Im so bad about that...)

When you sunbathe/sit outside do you listen to music: Sometimes

Do you use a walkman or let everyone hear it on a stereo: I let everyone know what Im listening to :p

++EVALUATION++

Was it a good summer: Very good :)

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Long days, longer nights - 8/16/2002

Towards the end of the drum break my sets have me placed right down in front beside the band :) Im excited, we never get to be in front.

Everyone is fussing about the uniforms. They have a tendency to show people's tummys...so everyone is basically in a uproar. They want to order even more uniforms, (We couldnt order the first ones we picked out because they didnt make them large enough to fit a couple of our girls) They will either send them back, or make us wear our pep rally uniforms or something. *Sigh*

The Chemistry test today was uber-hard. It wasnt stuff striahgt out of the book, you had to know it well enough to apply it, and since we didnt go over any of it more than once in class, (Even the stuff not in the book) probally everyone failed. Wonderful.

I have two projects and one essay to work on this weekend, and for some reason I feel the need to get it over with right away, but my head hurts so badly from sitting in a classroom and thinking all day, I dont know how far I'm going to get.

Who needs a life, anyways?

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Hey sweetie! take it easy, alright? you sound like your working yourself to much. just relax once every..oh...5 minutes of hard work :P thats my philosophy...*smooch* good luck, and try and have an good weekend! [insomniacDaydreamer]

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Whats your name mean? - 8/17/2002

What you do is find out what each letter of your name means. Then connect all the meanings and it describes you. If you have double or triple letters just count the meaning once.

A-You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind. B-You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people. C-You definately have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it. D-You have trouble trusting people. E-You are a very exciting person. F-Everyone loves you. G-You have excellant ways of viewing people. H-You are not jugdmental. I-You have a bad temper sometimes J-Jealously K-You like to try new things. L-Love is a hard word for you to comprehend. M-Success comes easily to you. N-You like to work, but you always want a break. O-You are very open-minded. P-You have a lack of understanding people, you only focus on you. Q-You are a hypocrite. R-You are a social butterfly. S-You are very close-minded. T-You have an attitude, a big one. U-You feel like you ahve to equal up to people's standards. V-You are very verbal. W-You like your privacy. X-You never let people tell you what to do. Y-You cause a lot of trouble. Z-You're always fighting with someone.

R-You are a social butterfly A-You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind C-You definately have a partier side in you, don't be shy to show it. H-You are not jugdmental E-You are a very exciting person L-Love is a hard word for you to comprehend

Wow, thats mostly true....Besides the part about love being a hard word for me to comprehend. I think I comprehend the word better than most people I know.

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Dances with the night - 8/17/2002

I was way too bored tonight, so I called Brooks up to see what he was up to. He was going out with his girlfriend to a movie, but he said he would go out to dinner with me.

Well his girlfriend had to babysit or something...so he got an "idea" in his head, so we went over to Patrick's house and hung out with him and his brother for awhile.

I should call him up more often, we always have a blast together, and the night ended up way better than I thought it would :)

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The red beast - 8/18/2002

My dad has my half sister's car up here to take it to the shop to fix her door handle. Its a red sebring convertable, and I adore it :) They're thinking about giving it to Rebecca, which I hope they do, so I can borrow it for those crusin' nights....

I'm exausted...I didnt sleep very well last night. I dont know why though.

Sara is comming over later so I can help her download and burn a Cd on my computer...her's is WAY too slow.

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Another day, one less dollar - 8/19/2002

I barely have anytime for myself anymore...I go from school, to band practice (If its Monday or Thursday), to home....to do homework...

*Sigh*

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Enough? - 8/20/2002

It was a degrading kind of day....Not sure why though.

I cant belive that people can be so wrapped up in themselves and their cliques that they cant see beyond it.

We have a new kid in school that moved from Brooks Co. He has my lunch, and I noticed him sitting by himself yesterday...I didnt say anything, but today I invited him over to eat with me and Hope. I'm suprised that no one else has even offered to sit at lunch with him...It makes me mad.

Friends can be a real pain sometimes...Why must they always pick at me?

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Me and you are a lot alike, it's weird. My name is rachel and im 16, too. I hate skool sometimes, especially the kids in skool [last star alive]

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Here we go again - 8/21/2002

Just when I think I've got everything figured out...something comes along and proves me wrong.

This something happened to be Jonathan (again)

We had a nice long talk last night. He wants me back...apparently he's figured things out. I got my chance to throw back every excuse he threw at me, but I told him I'd think about it.

I called him up this morning on the way to school and said I'd give him a second chance.

*Sigh* Just when I was over him...

I've been feeling different lately. Different from everyone...

I think I am going to stop telling people my problems and business all together...sometimes I just cant help myself...but I always end up having to explain my reasons and actions sooner or later.

I perfer to live my life as an enigma...

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It doesnt change....even when you're My age...it remains the same.... [WhiteTigerBabe]

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Flags in the wind - 8/21/2002

For the exit, we're doing the usual patriotic theme, but this year I get to use one of the giant flags :D Those are my favroite....

I was up at the libary from 3:45 to 5:30 today to work on my science project...Sara, Mathew, and Mandy were up there working on their group project.

It's amazing how people come together when they're all under the same forces.

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Thursdays suck... - 8/22/2002

But its over with...and tommrow is Friday! FINALLY!!!

I finally joined FCA today...I get to drive to school now, so I can arrive early enough to go.

I was suppose to stay after school today to get my teacher to help me on whatever kind of crap math she's been telling us about all week...and no one gets. But she must has forgotten...That means I got to spend time of my precious Friday learning that crap. Grrr.

Chemistry is my hardest class, and she makes it that way on purpose. She says if we get an A we're not being challenged.

No, trust me, all the A's we've gotten have been well earned....but she feels the need to kill us.

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Chocolate chip muffins and Kool-aid - 8/22/2002

It calmed me down, and has allowed me to just take it easy today. I said I was going to work, but I dont have the mental energy. The typing up of my first article dosnt seem that important today...maybe because I'm worried more about that test Monday than I am the paper just yet. Which is really good, I feel almost guilty about not doing a pile of homework today.

Almost...

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In the moonlight of another night - 8/24/2002

We finally got our yearbooks today. Whoo! I'm in there like 10 freakin' times....wow.

I went over to Jon's today just before we went out to eat with Brooks, Lindsey, Pat, and his date. (I forget her name) Then we all went to see Blue Crush. It was a cool movie :P

My tire has a small gash in it...I got to get it seen about tommrow :(

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She returns - 8/25/2002

Well...my weekend fun is over. Back to the books :(

Saturday I had to go get my car serviced...not excatly a thrill a minute.

I went over to Jon's at 5 and stayed there till midnight. Time kinda got away from us...

We hung out with some of his friends for awhile and then he took me out to an apartment subdivision. He pulled up into a empty parking lot, turned on some music, and we slow danced for a minute or two. He asked me back out and then we went back to his house for a little while.

Perfection of a Saturday night

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At the stars - 8/25/2002

Better than Ezra - At the stars

Maybe I should drop you at your door. Or leave tonight and vanish up the shore. Anywhere but here.

It's three o'clock we're driving in your car, You're screaming out the window at the stars, "Please don't drive me home!"

Blame us because we are who we are. Hate us because you'll never get that far. And who'd suppose you would go? I've already learned enough to know.

Tell me all the places we could go. And count the headlights passing on the road, A long, long time ago.

Here we are. Foreign to their world. Straight and composed. Your sermons I can do without And I finally found. That everybody loves to love you When you're far away.

Could it be we've done something wrong We'd make it home to your place before dawn "Please, don't take me home." "Please, don't take me home."

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Severe case of Paranoia (Private) - 8/25/2002

Another demon of mine has surfaced, Regret.

He's been bugging me all day long...he's a Truth demon, so he's not restriced to the dark either. He's paired with another one, but I'm not quite sure who he is at the moment.

Actually, it might be two...Fear and What Might Be.

And I thought I got rid of them...but no, I opened myself up, and they slipped in before I had a chance to close the door.

"I just thought it sounded insightful..."

Bull. It's about me isn't it? It always is...

...You have the ability to lie with the best of them...
...and nothing is stopping you from it either

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Dont Cry (For us) - 8/25/2002

justincase - Dont Cry (For us)

It's hard to know just what to do in times like these It's hard to know just what to say And i'm just sitting here just asking myself why It's good to know you feel the same And I believe I wanna be your everything And anything you need

Don't cry for us tonight Don't cry we'll be all right If I could I'd be by your side Don't cry for us

You know that i'd give anything to watch you sleep I can picture you just lying there We don't need to say the words cause they don't mean a thing You know you're not alone when someone cares And I believe You are still my anything And everything I need

Don't cry for us tonight Don't cry we'll be all right If I could I'd be by your side Don't cry for us

Built of steel we may seem rusted But in times like these we've always won And trusted in ourselves In ourselves In ourselves

Don't cry for us tonight Don't cry we'll be all right If I could I'd be by your side Don't cry for us

Don't cry for us tonight Don't cry we'll be all right If I could I'd be by your side Don't cry for us

It's hard to know just what to do in times like these It's hard to know just what to say

Wow, thats all I have to say....

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I love this song, i'm actually listening to it right now. JOey [Dawson's Creek]

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was this a song? it seems very sad [amanda kaye]

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If I could, I'd be by your side - 8/26/2002

Jon came over last for a few hours...that always makes me feel better.

It was another Monday...a very slow one at that.

Mrs. Pitts asked me to be in FBLA this year because I have the highest WPM out of everyone who is taking keyboarding. Cool :) They'll send me to competition, but I cant go to any of the meetings since I have Y-Club that day as well...and since Im the president, I kinda have to be at the meetings.

I have a Chem test tommrow over everything but Chemistry...oh joy.

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Have fun on your Chem test!! [Pop_to_Metal]

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The inner me shines through - 8/27/2002

I made a 99 on my last Chem. test that I swore up and down that I failed.

We didnt get to finish this one that we're taking, but I bet its no 99.

In Lit today the class was divided up into three groups. She gave us an essay that someone in the class wrote, but she took the names off of them so we didnt know whose it was, and threatened us with a zero if we knew and told.

Well I was the spokes person for my group, which did Content. The esay wasnt all that great, and I got up there and point all of that out. I wasnt trying to be mean about it, but everyone said I was mean. I wasn't mean, I was just being honest. I dare say most of those people haven't heard me be mean yet.

Anyways, it ended up being a friend of mine's essay, and she wasnt too thrilled with what anyone said about it.

Yeah, I know, mine probally isnt that great either... Thats a good reason why I cant ever say what I'm really thinking...

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Tuesday Night Practice - 8/27/2002

Sucks. Bah!

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Class rings and pretty things - 8/28/2002

We (finally) got our class rings today. I like mine, even though I was afraid that I wasnt going to...

I made an A plus on my hero essay! YAY! :D

Jon dosn't understand the concept of letter grades...but of course, he dosn't understand the concept of Wednesday night church either. Teenage boys are such a hassle...

I ordered a new tire for my car today also, more money I have to pay...:/

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We're almost there - 8/29/2002

First football game of the season is tommrow. Whoo! :D I really dont like the first game though, because the band director has it stuck in her head that it would overwhelm the freshmen to be in uniform on the first game, they wear their black shorts and band t-shirts. We get to wear our pep rally uniforms.

I'm bringing my Disney Cd for tommrow....heheh..

Some people in the batting cages were listing to music and practing batting, and they turned it up at one point. OLP was on, and while I love their new song, I guess the black people of the band dont. A couple mutterd unter their breath, but no one said anything since we were about to leave.

The VMA's are tonight...so I'll take a break from now till...dang, Tuesday on that science report. Woo! :)

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In the shadows of the goal post - 8/31/2002

The night went alright for our first game. We were up aganist a 4A school...with a bloody huge band. About 200 and something, but they had no aux, only 7 majorettes.

The show went ok, it could have went better, but it could have went worse. I didnt drop my flag, but I messed up a set. Crissy didnt even give us time to pick up our flags before she started Rockin' Robin.

Me and four other girls stoped the entire band on the way back home so we could go use the bathroom. I feel a strange sense of accomplishment :)

Mary was laying all the freak over one of the new guys to the band...there was probally more going on, but since I was slumped down in the seat behind them, I couldnt see. She'll deny everything Tuesday morning...

I got my tire changed before the game. I now have three tires of one brand, and one of another :) (They couldnt get the other brand of tire for some reason...)

That means I can go to Valdosta and see Jon without worrying about my tire blowing out. Whoot! :)

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Notes to Self - 8/31/2002

(I saw this on a website and thought it was too cute)

Try not to cough while drinking. Coughing is painful. Try to do it as little as possible. Never leave coke in your mouth too long. It gets very hot and turns your teeth to rubber. It is best not to stand in the rain when you are sick. Never try to swim in a puddle. It just makes you look silly. On second thought, swim in a puddle. Note peoples expressions. Be sure not to swim in the puddle when its cold. It's just not good common sense. Stare at people at school. Note their expressions. Tobasco sauce is not the best medicine. Never say you think you may cough up a lung. Because one day you will cough up that lung, and it won't be too pretty. Get really close to finding the secret of the universe, but get bored at the last minute and go play video games. Don't piss God off...For obvious reasons. Never remove things from the top of your head. It just becomes a painful, sticky mess. All electronic equipment is out to get you. Stay away from Radioshack. Despite what you may think, you did not invent duct tape. Coconuts are....painful. Always carry a map. That way you know where you are lost at. Despite what you may think, you are not omnipotent. Think of a way to become omnipotent. Tell no one. Don�t die alone. Take many people with you. Remember, your name is Josh. This may come up.

Next time you kill someone, make sure that they are indeed DEAD, as failure to do so may result in some nasty questions... The Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about. New evidence emerges, disregard last note. Look into possible "stalker" reference in the following excerpt: ...and everywhere that Mary went... Remember to eat more than once today. For best results: turn knob, THEN open door. Remember not to run with scissors. Even trotting with them at a good clip may be dangerous. Never leave car keys in your pocket when playing on the Slip 'n Slide. You left your car keys on the night stand. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning. For the last time, you cannot fly. No matter how far off the ground you are when you begin flapping your arms. Even with a good tail wind. Run into a crowded firehouse and yell, "Theatre!!" Remember to rewind tape and find out where you left your car keys. Breathing is a good way to avoid blacking out while driving. Flammable and Inflammable mean the same thing. Lather, rinse, repeat. Heheh, "a good clip." Trotting with scissors...."clip." Write that one down. Unlike a fine wine, milk does not get better with age. Do not let your eyes off of the mosquitoes for a minute! They have begun mobilizing. In one study, laboratory rats died after 17 days without sleep. Learn from the mistakes of others. Ship has crashed on a desert world. Food supplies running low. Robotic assistant damaged beyond repair. Child dying. Wife fading fast. Never let Dr. Smith do the driving again. Investigate this whole "Critical Mass" thing after the klaxon dies down. Car keys found. Now, where did I put my car? The chicken/egg thing has been resolved. And always remember...uh...um...damn. Buy more micro-sized tapes for recorder.

Beware of them. They are everywhere. You cannot drink alcohol pads, no matter how hard you try. Buy garden gnome outfit. Put gnome outfit on. Sit on someone's lawn, stay there for days, if possible recruit a friend to be the troll under the bridge. Steal a lawn chair and sit on your lawn pointing a hair dryer at cars. Salami is your friend. Bob did it. The universe revolves around your teddy bear, no matter what they say. Do not try and eat your own grey matter. Your grandmother is NOT a zombie, don't attack her. Your great grandmother is still in her grave, do not dig it up. Recruit an army of flying monkeys. Make a plan of world domination, tell no one. In school do not laugh maniacally and say "You all will be my slaves." They just don't have a sense of humor. The men in white coats are not your friends. If god talks to you, do not be sarcastic doing so may result in painful repercussions. You do not have wings. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to prevent a lawsuit. Tke insrt off. Buy more sticky pads.

They will live to regret this. Repeat this aloud as often as possible. Smirk, as if you know something, from time to time. This will eventually cause people to tell you their secrets. God is everywhere. This makes for a tough game of hide-and-seek. In regard to previous note: stop doing anything! If someone in a green suit offers you a free trip to Afghanistan, Israel, or Palestine, avoid this person at any cost. Floor is slippery when wet. Lake is slippery when dry. Sun is bright when lit properly. Do not stare directly at the sun�unless it stares at you first. At which point, standard staring contest rules apply. Only talk to strangers you know. Strangers you don't know are all spies... Kill them all. For legal purposes be sure to erase last entry. Tell all your friends about the spies that are trying to kill you. Regarding previous note: Upon telling your friends about the spies that are trying to kill you, be sure to kill them�for security purposes.) You're telling yourself too much. Crying isn�t going to help anything. Try your luck with violent mood swings. Mirrors are not portals to parallel universes; do not purposely run into them because of obscene gestures made by your counterpart. Do not run with scissors stuck in your foot. Do not read between the lines; you�ll never learn anything like that. Assemble your twelve closest friends, and start a war with Canada. Find some way of making twelve close friends. Upon taking Canada, be sure to gloat about it, and make outrageous mandates such as replacing the word "Hello" with "Boo-ya!" Make a scene whenever humanly possible. 73 years from now, adding up 6% interest, your current friends will owe you a total of $53,325.32. Make new friends; see note number 44. Friends are over-rated, enemies make life a lot more interesting.

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I like that...:) [That_Girl03]

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hehe thanks i needed that, i love those funny entries [a.virus.to.the.world]

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In the Shadowlands - 9/2/2002

I spent all day at Jon's house Sunday...It was great, we never get to spend that much time together.

We were on our way to a car show and he got pulled over and handed a ticket. To say the least, he wasn't happy.

September already? Wow, I remember New Year's Eve like it was a week ago...

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The seconds ticking killed us all.... - 9/2/2002

Sara's mom died ealier this morning. Mary's grandma called us and told us. She was trying to get ahold of Mary but couldnt because she didn't know Becky's phone number. I wonder how Sara's taking it...

Jon came over again today for a little while.

The whole concept of time is becomming a firm reality to me. It dosnt stop, it dosnt slow, it dosnt speed up, and it dosnt go backwards. I always knew that, but it's weird looking back on a weekend that I spent so much time looking forward to....

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Pardon Me - 9/2/2002

Incubus - Pardon Me

Pardon me while I burst Pardon me while I burst A decade ago, I never thought I would be. A twenty three on the verge of spontaneous combustion woe is me But I guess that it comes with the territory. An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity. I need you to hear. I need you to see. That I have had all I can take And exploding seems like a definite possibility To me So Pardon me while I burst into flames. I've had enough of the world, and its people's mindless games So Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same. Not, two days ago I was having a look in a book And I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees I said I can relate Cause lately I've been thinking of combustication as a welcomed vacation from. The burdens of the planet earth, like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D... And thinking so much differently. Pardon me while I burst into flames. I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games Pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same. Never be the same...yeah. Pardon me while I burst into flames. Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me. So pardon me while I burst into flames. I've had enough of the world, and it's people's mindless games So pardon me while I burn, and rise above the flame Pardon me, pardon me. I'll never be the same. Pardon me, never be the same. Yeah

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Lovely. Brandon Boyd is my husband. [Sweet Avenue]

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Beast of the night - 9/3/2002

Your emotions make you a monster. The question, then, is would you rather be a feeling monster or a non-feeling machine?

I am an emotional beast. I hide them, because they only cause me trouble. They are weakness.

People use my emotions aganist me...any flight of passion I have, any moment when I let go and become consumed in my emotions...they just don't know they're using it aganist me...they have no idea.

Back to endless hours of homework and study....my cold, cruel prison. I made a 95 on that Chem test though :)

The viewing is tonight at 7....we're suppose to have practice from 7 to 8. Mary is going to leave at 7:30. She can leave all she wants, I'm not going to practice tonight for any amount longer than 15 mins...they can just deal.

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Back into the fray - 9/4/2002

The funeral was today. Funerals are depressing. I dont want mine to be depressing....

Anyways, Jon came over today. Whoo :) I don't get to see him until sometime next week though...darn that band trip of his. I held him down and painted his toenails today....they're the cutest shade of blue. I don't get to see him at all this weekend...but you'll hear all about that in later entries.

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9/5/2002 - 9/5/2002

Another Thursday has passed. Good Riddance!

Today was annoying. Chemistry was annoying...we had a sub and she left us this work that we barely went over.

In Lit we did our panel presentation....I think it went pretty well. My part went somewhat smoothly...If in doubt, make it sound good ;)

Band practice was annoying...We're in such a rush to get the show done and perfected by September 28 that we're constantly being yelled at...we're not quiet enough...we're not fast enough...we're not standing right enough...ect. It gets under your skin quite fast...especially when we're back there trying to adjust sets because the band is all up in our way, and we cant get to our spots in the counts.

I need to shave...

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The weekend ahead... - 9/6/2002

Well its Friday already...a short week wasted on a worthless weekend. I'm probally not doing anything more than bagging at groceries at Harvey's from 8 to 12 tommrow to raise money for Color Guard.

Speaking of which, they took the fanfare out of our opener...but replaced it with a guard salute like we had last year. I think they did it to shorten up the opener and give the drum majors a chance to do an actual salute, instead of one in the song.

Mary said something to me about going with her to P.C and go scalloping...but I think I might pass. I just kinda want to stay at home this weekend and catch up on some stuff.

My cat is crazy...she's attacking a chair...

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The Lesson of the Moth - 9/6/2002

the lesson of the moth

i was talking to a moth the other evening he was trying to break into an electric light bulb and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows pull this stunt i asked him because it is the conventional thing for moths or why if that had been an uncovered candle instead of an electric light bulb you would now be a small unsightly cinder have you no sense

plenty of it he answered but at times we get tired of using it we get bored with the routine and crave beauty and excitement fire is beautiful and we know that if we get too close it will kill us but what does that matter it is better to be happy for a moment and be burned up with beauty than to live a long time and be bored all the while so we wad all our life up into one little roll and then we shoot the roll that is what life is for

it is better to be a part of beauty for one instant and then cease to exist than to exist forever and never be a part of beauty our attitude toward life is come easy go easy we are like human beings used to be before they became

and before i could argue him out of his philosophy he went and immolated himself on a patent cigar lighter i do not agree with him myself i would rather have half the happiness and twice the longevity

but at the same time i wish there was something i wanted as badly as he wanted to fry himself for

I dont know who its by, I picked it up on a message board, but I like it :) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I remember this from something one of my buds printed last year. the guy who wrote it...was...oh grrr...i know he's reputable. I know he, whoever wrote it, has some other nice stuff too... [insomniacDaydreamer]

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Grocery Bags - 9/7/2002

Ug. 7 am on a Saturday morning does not look pretty. I went up to Harvey's at 8 and bagged groceries until 12 to raise money for the aux's. Of course, Saturday is the busiest day...so I hauled some pretty big buggies full. But, we made over $300 that morning, and that was only the first shift :)

I went shopping today for some things that I needed/wanted. I got some of those tiny multi-colored beads, some necklace latches, and a box to hold them all. My sister got into my last set of beads and they all went missing. And I didnt have anything to hold them in, and they ended up all over the floor as well.

This time she dosnt know I have them, and I dont think she could open the box if she wanted to :) I already made a necklace. Its 6 orange beads, 2 white beads, 6 more orange, 2 white, ect..ect...

Its only 7:45 and I already feel like going to bed...

I don't get to talk to Jon until Monday...Grr. He was too busy to talk yesterday, and I finally got ahold of him this morning at around 8. I have a feeling I don't want to know about his trip.

"Moonlight spills on comic books and superstars in magazines. An old friend calls and tells us where to meet. Her plane takes off from Baltimore and touches down on Bourbon street."

This is my 303th entry...Wow. I didn't realize I hit 300 already...

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Do Be Do Be Do - 9/8/2002

Another Sunday is here...too bad it wasnt like last Sunday...i.e non school night :)

I'm excited about the upcomming weekend...

Friday - Pep rally! We're doing a guard salute (Much to the drill team's dismay, they wanted to do the drum break, but it would have looked bad with us out there doing different stuff, and Mrs. Williams wanted flagwork. I dont think they understand what excatly they're suppose to do, but thats ok, let them look stupid while we look tight :) )

Football Game! (Home) - We get to wear our uniforms, so we wont look all stupid and mess. I'll bet the show will still be pretty messed up though...I have two more routines that we have to learn by Friday that we havent been taught yet.

Saturday - Parties! Jon took off Saturday, so we're both going to Ryan's party from 11-4:30 or so, and Mary's from 5 - whenever it gets over.

Sunday - Who knows? It all depends...

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The shiny side of everything - 9/8/2002

I finally got my windshield washer lights installed today. They're cool :)

I typed up my fourth article today...Only two more to write, one biblography, and some formatting, and I'll be done.

I'll have time to do another one this week...I probally wont get to see Jon until Saturday. Cruel Injustice.... But atleast I got to talk to him some tonight

I'm in a Goo Goo Dolls mood tonight...

"Baby's black balloon makes her fly...I almost fell into that hole in her life.."

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Waitin' till 8 - 9/9/2002

School was school and band practice was band practice.

I'm becomming stressed again. I think its because Chem is giving me a headache once again...and I'm just becomming uncertian about everything. I'm getting to the point where I just dont care about anything anymore.

I wait all weekend for Monday afternoon...when I could resume having conversations with Jon...and luckily he didnt have to work today...so what does he do? Go to Brandon's. What am I not doing? Talking to him. Oh yeah, he's calling me tonight, but I dont want to talk to him tonight, I want to talk to him now, damnit. I feel the need to strangle someone, but this is one of those situations that I dont know who to take my anger out on, him for going over there, or Brandon for still being alive. I'll just kill them both...that'll solve everything.

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I hope things work out for you GOOD LUCK love [roseambrie82]

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Inhuman? - 9/10/2002

This week is going to be one of those rare, yet god-forsaken, bitchy-assed, demon-possesed, sucky weeks.

Maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but you know what I mean.

Today I've felt...inhuman. I cant really explain it right now, Im not in the "Im such a freak" mood I was in earlier...but I'll try.

I feel like I'm a loner. I've got tons of friends, but no one I could really call my best friend. I dont really share anything personal with anyone...I rarely put anything personal in here either. (I think I'm too scared of someone comming around and finding it :P ) I'm trying to figure this one out...one part of me wants the whole world to know who I am, and the other dosn't want anyone to know. Its weird.

Sometimes I'm in the mood where I feel like going out and toasting someone with a flame thrower...but then I'd probally turn around and cry because I hurt him and did emotional damage to his parents or whatever...I think I'm skitzo or something...not sure.

I need to stop being dramatical...An undisclosed source told me some undisclosed information that I have been taking way way too hard. And I realize this, so it's ok :)

And if anyone wants to know, that was me calling Jon in the middle of class...Hey, my clock said it was 3:25!

I wrote Lindsey's word's of wisdom in her tracker today...it's a cool quote, so I'll put it in here.

All of our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect who might be searching for us.

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so your the one!? hahaha...we were all wondering why jon's butt all of a sudden started lighting up and begin to glow with neon light..hahahaha... it was a nice little pick me up for an end of the day :) take it easy! Sami [insomniacDaydreamer]

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Stress...Stress....Stress... - 9/10/2002

Well Tuesday night practice sucked. Everyone is stressing out about everything...especially competition which is in two weeks....really..really..early. I won't be suprised if we dont make superiors...they knew better than to go this early.

But if they have faith, so must we. I just cant handle everyone freaking out!

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9/11/02 - 9/11/2002

Yup, its that time of year again, and I swear, if I hear the words "September 11" anymore, I'm going to scream and throw a brick at their head.

I got pissed at Jon last night, and today I was even more pissed at him, I think because I was in a bad mood. Me and his ego butted heads last night. He belives he is the defitniton of the almost perfect guy. He said that the only thing that kept him from being perfect was that he knew he was almost perfect. I about flew off on him last night and listed every flaw that I cant stand of his...but then...we all have flaws. *Sigh* I almost decided to dump his "almost perfect" butt on the "almost perfect" curb. I'm going over to his house tonight, I think I'm going to tell him how much of a self-centered jerk he was to me last night and how pissed I got.

Moving on...I need to work on my Chem notebook, I'm not going to have a chance this weekend (Thank God) and I need to pick back up on that stupid project soon. I swear, I have never loathed a class as much as I do this one.

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Deny - 9/11/2002

Default - Deny

Today I woke up and you were gone The whole day wondering what I did wrong It's like I'm falling from a mountaintop My heart keeps pounding and it won't stop

Can you see this hell I'm living I'm not giving up

Will you crawl to me Will you fall with me I'll never crawl to you I've done it all for you

Well don't deny The hand that feeds you needs you Oh god I'd die to try to Finally please you

There goes a piece of me Will I cease to be I've never lied to you Fought bled and died for you

Well don't deny The hand that takes you breaks you Oh god I'd die to try to Finally please you

There she goes and I'm on the ground, I'm on the ground, I'm on the

Well don't deny The hand that feeds you needs you Oh god I'd die to try to Finally please you

Will you crawl to me Will you fall with me I've never crawled to you I've done it all for you

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And if I don't make it.... - 9/12/2002

Tommrow...is...Friday. Finally, my day of redemption from this week! Atleast I hope so.

I made an 80 on that last Chem test, but I'm making a 92 this six weeks. I don't know how...but okie. I have one tommrow over polyatomic ions. I have to memorize the formula, the name (and spell it right) and the charges. Yeah...right.

We had BEARS today in Lit. I'm glad, I love to go to the elementary school and work with the little kids. Makes me feel like I'm back in elementary school with no problems again.

We had to work out something for us for the battle hymn today at practice....to perform tommrow night. We know what we're doing, but we didn't have time to fully work it out...I hope we go outside and work on it a little bit before the pep rally tommrow before we embarrass ourselves. I'm just about sick from running around under that sun though.

Me and Jon are ok, I think he was just running his mouth to annoy me. I yelled at him about leaving me Friday night and going to this girl's pagent. I got him to stay with me, but I think I'm going to let him go. I've been so moody this week that I dont know what I feel or what I want, so I might as well be nice about it.

I do feel a little better today, but this week my self esteme has hit rock bottom. Don't know why, but it just has. Go figure. It's probally from all the stress.

Mary and Chris go out. I knew they would flirt with each other, but I never thought that mary would actually go out with him, I mean, she has such high standards of what a guy is suppose to be. Chris is a really nice guy though, so it should be ok, just as long as they dont hang all over each other. They've already started doing that...and its not excatly the thing I want to see at the end of my day.

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The demon is dead - 9/13/2002

The week is over! Finally! Finally! Finally!

The pep rally went as I expected this morning, we screwed up, but its ok, it was only the first one :P

I'm bouncing off the walls...I'm just too excited.

This weekend is gonna rock :)

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Cook vs. Pelham - 9/13/2002

(This is of course, the Cook Co. in Georgia, not Chicago :) )

We won....barely. We would pull ahead. Then they would tie with us. They would pull ahead. We would tie with them. Ect. It got down to 45 seconds left in the 4th quarter....scored tied at 28. Somehow we scored another touchdown, and held them off for the few remaining seconds to win. Exciting.

I don't really know how the show went over-all. The music sounding fine, maybe a couple of places were off, but what would I know? Everything was going fine for us until the concert set. We ran back there to our position, and the flags were not laid out. I think the drum majors didn't give us time, or something went wrong, I'm not sure. Anyways, we eventually got out flags, but we each forgot different parts of the routine. (At one point we all stoped and just kinda looked at each other.) We only learned this thing Tuesday, and with us trying to get everything else learned (Pep rally, Battle hymn) and trying not to forget the opener, it didn't get much work.

Becky was uber-upset over something, none of us could really figure out what. All we knew is that when we came off the field, she was crying. She sent word back to us that it wasnt our fault, and then she left.

Saturday dances on the horizon, so I go to greet it, and dance with it.

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Adventures in Nowhereville (Part 2) - 9/15/2002

I'll start at the beginning of all of this:

I arrived at Jon's house at 10:30 to find him still asleep in the bed. I woke him up and we went to Ryan's party in Homerville. We got there at 12 and sat in the living room and waiting for everyone to arrive. It was raining, so we went to rent movies. Me and Jon went to the Doller General to pick up some candy (I slid and busted my butt on the floor), and then we started back to Ryan's house. On the way back we had a little rendezvous with a telephone pole. Nothing seriously damaged, and the only one hurt (of course!) would be me. I had my knee up on the seat, and when we hit, my lip got busted on my knee. I still havent told my parents about all of this, but I'll probally get around to it today.

We had to leave early because his dad wanted to see how bad the damage was. No cake and movies for me :(

His parents wern't that upset, and Jon threated to destroy the map and never go near Highway 84 again. (Thats another long story...involving me (of course) )

We hung out at his house for the next hour, then made our way over (in my car) to Applebee's. We met up with some of my friends and ate dinner, then we went bowling :) Jon had to be coaxed to join us, (He didn't have any money, and he didn't want me to pay for him) but he finally gave in. I beat him in the second game, with a oh-so high score of 97. :P

Then we went back to his house for the next hour and a half. I think he felt pretty bad about my lip being messed up. I don't think he noticed that I was doubled over in shock earlier because we didn't hit hard enough for anyone to be hurt.

It's Sunday...and it's raining. I'm not going anywhere today, Me and Jon are both catching up on school projects and stuff, and I don't feel like getting dressed to go out.

Injury Count: 1 busted lip, 2 briused knees (Dont ask me how the other got briused, but it did), 1 sore hip, 1 sore shoulder (from bowling I think), and 1 crink in the neck (I dont know how I got that either).

"And so a ghost of him had been created by her hatred and her rage. It was fading, yet it still stalked her, even here in the safe hallways of her domain."

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From all sides - 9/15/2002

You know, I have two sides to me. One is passionate, vengeful, ill-tempered, cocky, and other good stuff like that. The other is a do-gooder. It's kind, consderiate, understanding, ect. They usually balance each other out, but lately one has a tendency to become stronger than the other, so the other in return has to over power the first. Note: mood swings.

This past week I've just been ill, with only enough balance to stop taking an axe to some random person's head. So bascially this is a "Screw the world" kind of entry. And I shall list all the things that have currently been driving me up the wall.

My friend's presumptions about my love life. Drives me freaking crazy. They don't even let me explain things to them, they just see what they want to see. Then they start explaining to everyone else their perception. Is it any of their business? No. Is it right? No. Do they care? No, but I swear, if they don't stop, I'll make them care.

Ryan came on MSN and we started chatting. He asked me how I was doing, and I said my I was ok, my lip was still swollen and hurt, but that I was just fine. He then proceeded to tell me what a whiner I was and how I only wanted Jon's attention from it all. He got offline before I could tell him just what a giant pile of bullshit that was. He asked how I was doing. Excuse the fuck out of me for telling him, for giving him something besides the usual "pretty good" anwser. I wasn't worried about Jon. I was letting him get everything seen about, I was taking care of myself. I was doing nothing but sitting on the couch with an ice pack (Or in the pool, same thing). If thats crying for attention, then apparently he hasn't seen me try to vie for attention. If I wanted his attention, I would have followed him around whining, and not let him get a moment's peace otherwise. Did I do that? I THINK NOT! So please people, lets not make assumptions. Especially if they're not right.

I'm quite tired of everybody freaking out. Sat. night I was told that Becky was quitting. I somehow doubt that one since she would still have to be there 2nd block, captian or not. But I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about the general stress level of the band at this point. Yes, I know its 2 weeks to competition. Yes, I know we're not ready. Do you see me in a tizzy? No, I'm just working on what needs to be worked on. It's called stress management people, try using it.

Why must everything have advertising to it? Why must everything be geared towards advertising? The new version of AIM has skins and stuff you can use with it. Am I going to use anyone it? No. Why? Because it's all adds for something or another. Lame people. Lame and cheap. You can't get away from ad's...they're on pop-ups and banners on the net, they're on commericals, they're on stickers, and on the sides of buildings, they on the sides of the roads, even websites on crayons and pencils!!! You can't sink lower and seem more desperate than that.

I think thats it for the moment. And now that all my anger has been taken out, quite harmlessly, on a diary entry, I'll go back to being my freaking little ray of sunshine again.

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Grinding down the days - 9/16/2002

Well everything is working itself out. I'm debating on wheither I should make last night's spew private or not...

I got a 100 on that Chem retest today. Whoo :) I have one tommrow that I should study for, but I went over to Jon's instead. I'm happy that I got to see him today, but I will hardly get to talk to him these next couple of days, Thursday he's off work, but he'll be doing homework, so I probally won't get to see him until Saturday. He has to work Sat. and Sun. from 5 till whenever, so it won't be that much time together, but I'm in no position to be picky.

Troy is in 2 weeks. I see practice in my future. Lots and lots of practice.

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9/17/02 - 9/17/2002

Nothing extraordinarly special happened today. I woke up, I went to school, I sat through my classes, and I came home to do my homework. Tonight I have practice, but we need it, so I won't complain...too badly :)

I talked to Jon for all of 10 mins today. The heifer went and put my speakers in his car. He just has them until he can put them in my car, which will probally be soon.

I ended up with a 93 in Lit, which is lower than I thought it would be. I don't know why it isnt higher because I made a bunch of 100's on stuff, but go figure.

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Curse the Lighting - 9/18/2002

It's storming...

I made a 66 on the Chem test....Whoo.

Nothing else of importance went on today. I'm missing picture day and a suprise party for my 4th block teacher next Wednesday when I go to a FBLA rally. Figures, the day I miss, everything happens.

My weekend went from "A little bit of something" to "A whole lot of nothing" in 3.5 seconds. The jist of the conversation was that he is spending the weekend doing a project for his neighbour, and since he's also working from 5 till close, he won't have time to see me until next week. I don't know if he has to do this for his neighbour because he said he would earlier, but I dont enjoy being put on the back of the stove.

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The Loveless - 9/18/2002

We travel fast who know not love nor life, Grow stronger now that autumn fires are near, Dark nights conceal us as we walk the town, Sip cocktails in some gloomy basement bar, And deathly pale suck pleasure from the air.

You may have seen us roaming in the Strand, Across the platform standing for a train, We smoke despite the metro's warning signs, Laugh coldly when the rats come out to play, And vanish underground when daylight comes.

There are no midnight stars that burn as hard, Our shortened lives are wild with mindless grief, The double weight we carry drags us down, We travellers in the night who know not love, We travellers in the night who know not life.

I think its by Ian McLachlan, I found it while searching on something to help me write iambic pentameter

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Exaustion - 9/19/2002

Band practice wasn't that tiring, but it almost made me sick...

I just want to take a nap. I can't remember if I have homework or not. I'm suppose to work on that sonnet, write a letter to the editor type thingy sometime this weekend, and I think thats it. This week flew! Wow, I'm excited.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------- Summary of a Friday night and a Saturday afternoo - 9/21/2002

Well we climbed aboard the bandwagon and went tripping down to Atkinson Co. The back of the bus sung church songs the entire way there, just like old times :) The bus drivers also got us lost, but thats ok, because they realized that they went down the wrong road 10 mins after we did. But do they ever listen to us? Noooo.

The game went well, we won, but we didn't brutially smash them like we have done in the past. The show went pretty well too, I just don't think we're anywhere near ready to march compition.

I got hurt again, A lady was trying to squeeze through 13 girls sitting in a space meant for 6 people, and when she put her foot down, she put it in the gap inbetween the top step and the other step and fell, and took me with her. I bumped my elbow, and people say I almost fell through the gap...I dunno, I didn't notice it. It still hurts a little, but it'll be ok.

Jon came over this afternoon. The way the relationship goes kinda bothers me, though it shouldn't. We don't do anything I hear other couples do, (i.e watch tv..ect)instead, we usually spend the time in each other's rooms just being with one another. Sometimes it dosn't even involve conversation, we tickle each other, play games of our on divising, or just simply lay there. This isn't normal, but does that make it bad? Or better than normal? I want to talk to him about it,(and other general stuff (i.e "How did Friday go?") ) but he's gone to work and won't be home until late. I'll probally forget all about it tommrow.

Me and my sister are going to see the Banger Sisters today.(I think thats how its spelled) That is, if I ever get off the computer and actually go. I don't really feel like going, but I already told her I would take her and I don't feel like listening to her scream at me all afternoon.

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Goodbye Summer, Hello Fall - 9/23/2002

Today is the first day of fall, and I can kinda feel it...

Today I didn't go to any of my classes except 3rd block because all the juniors had to review for the Georgia Writing Test. The practice test was a waste of my time, I'm sick of having to compensate for all the dumb fucks out there. I'm ready to go to college and be with my intellectual equals. Someplace where all the ghetto bums and rednecked hicks won't be.

We're finally doing band practice the way it should have been done since day 1...us working on the details. We haven't had time to do them much, true, but we should have worked on them way more than what we did. We're going to pay for it, but oh well, it isnt my fault, nor is it my place to correct them. They wouldn't listen to me anyway.

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The face of 1,000 people - 9/25/2002

I was up on the wrong side of 6:30 this morning...but sacrafices must be made for trips that allow you to miss school. On picture day. On the day when your 4th block class throws the teacher a suprise party. On the day when the Chemistry class actually does the lab. Oh well.

I had more fun than I thought I would. I hung out with some really nice people that I would have never saw myself having fun with. A bunch of people were at the rally...4,500 I think they said. Unfortunately, all those 4,500 people were at the fair too. The lines were huge, so we only rode two rides and ran through a fun house. It didn't rain on us, it was just nasty and mucky all day. Ride operators kinda scare me...

Jon had to go to court today. I finally got ahold of him and he didn't have to pay the ticket or get points on his license, he just has to attend a defensive driving school tonight and tommrow night, and pay $50 dollers for it. He gets his license back Friday, so that worked out better than we originally thought it would.

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Approaching - 9/26/2002

We didn't have band practice until 6:30 tonight...we practiced until 8:30 and if I wasn't so tired I would say we needed more. But I was tired and it was way too windy.

I hate chemistry. I wonder if all chemistry classes are this stressful or is it just mine.

I wonder who turned off the A/c....its hot in here.

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Glory, Glory....Hallelujah! - 9/29/2002

Wow, what a weekend. Where did I leave off? Oh yeah...

Friday after school I went over to Jon's house. We actually went out! We went to dinner at The Atlanta Bread Company and then went to see the Four Feathers. I didn't get some parts, but thats to be expected of me.

We went to competition at Troy State University early Saturday morning. I sat with Sara, but we wern't in the back with the other people we usually talk to, so we just slept mostly.

We had to wait an hour at the Pizza Hut before anyone would serve our table. The entire band was done eatting and ready to go by the time we finally got our food.

The show went GREAT! Better than anything we've performed this year. We received a standing ovation from the judges too. Straight 1's across the board :) After the judges finished calling scores for all the bands, everyone rushed the field where the drum majors/captians were standing. Total chaos...people jumping up and down and screaming everywhere. It was cool. I bought a couple of really cute Color Guard shirts while I was there. They didn't have a lot of stuff for Drill Team/Danceline. Which is the exact opposite that it usually is, so we felt special.

They need to make weekends longer, I don't want to do my Chemistry stuff today, but I have no choice. I finished my sonnet for Lit and finished another poem I started on a couple of weeks ago, but didn't finish.

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2 Poems - 9/29/2002

Starry Night Sonnet
O� stars who shine so high above the sky Starry, starry twilight, perfected songs Do you notice us as you pas us by? Dancing away the midnight hours long Shining away until the first light of dawn Starlight drifting upon the little town Among the glow, sleeping, we all belong Musical spheres keeping us safe and sound Thy children come and all gather around Church�s steeple gleaming with whitened light Gazing upon the sky no cloud is found During this warn breezy summer�s midnight Of all the things Van Gogh did paint and see None were as lovely as the stars can be

That was a Spenserian sonnet I had to write for Lit. Pretty decent I think.

She's Like a Blackbird

She�s like a blackbird Sitting on a tree in the dawn Resting on her perch One bird--all alone She�s tired of her work Though the day has just begun Shiny black feathers sparkle In the early morning sun She glares at her captor But neither can be blamed So she turns her head to the fog To freely take flight once again

I wrote started this one in Chemistry while I was watching a girl daydream. She reminded me of a blackbird and I got inspriation. I finished it a week or so later, and typed it up today.

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Today's Update - 9/29/2002

I didn't plan on going anywhere today, but Jon called me up and asked if I could go to dinner with him, Brooks, and Lindsey. Well of course I went, but Lindsey couldn't go, so it was just us three. Me and Jon went back to his house and hung out for an hour or so before he had to go to work.

I FINALLY!!!!!!! finished my Chemistry 9-weeks project! Woot!!Unfortantly, I'm getting another one just as soon as I turn this one in. I hate that class.

I'm exausted...Only 3 1/2 weeks left until Fall Break...

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Taking it easy - 9/30/2002

No band practice today...our reward for going to competition.

My Lit teacher gave only three sonnets an A+...and mine was one of them :) After she got done reading it to the entire class, they all looked up and said "Rachel.." What gave it away? The mood of the poem or my exaggerated hand gestures and proud look on my face?

Me, Sam, and Mary met at Lynn's afters chool today, ate, and went to Mary's to start discussing the scene we have to act out from Macbeth. Since we didn't have everybody (And I doubt we will have everybody at any one practice) we couldn't do a whole lot.)

Man, I would just like to have one day where I didn't have some project in the works...