to hollowed lungs,
relief from the
weight of an
ill-sketched past.
Cliché, yes, a
savior to untie
the weights
holding me underwater.
You are the
light, brilliant yellow
the warmth of
sunshine. The
breeze upon my
face and the
rapid beating of
a heart mended
with duct tape.
A heart eager
to be your
ONLY one. ONLY.
GNS 04/03/04
You are pitiful,
everything I hope
I never become.
SEX- Your life
your empowerment
over me.
**** has no
excuse, no time
contraints, it's
just another sin
in a cardboard
box full of your
failures. It is
your way to hold
on to your
mighty, crumbling
throne. Fuck
you and fuck your
rules.
GNS 20/01/04
VERY brief. 11:12 PM 13/01/04
New poem as follows. And I apologize again for the spaces between the lines. If I knew a damn thing about HTML, I would do it differently.
Passing you by,
I am nothing more
than a shadow of
your past. A
ridiculing laughter
lingers in a
thick air, filled
with the haze
of my tears.
It's a struggle
to survive the
broken past and
a stolen, shattered
trust. Your joke,
you misinterpret,
it is fear itself
that drives the
human soul.
Happiness is only
one more discarded
emotion in the
boneyards of
innocence, of my naivety.
Disappear into the
black nothingness
that envelops
the greedy and
the dead. You're
already there.
GNS 10/01/04
Something of an update. 8:46 PM 01/12/03
Don't fake another
unmeant apology
for the repeated
error of your ways.
I don't need your
shallow words-
what's done is done
and your choice
was made.
Your apology isn't
heartfelt, you don't
understand what you
did wrong.
----
--,I still
fear you in
the scent of
your cologne on
a passerby or
even at THEIR name.
It's an endless
maze, and I am
unable to escape
the destruction of
my soul. My
innocence and youth
are stolen in your
"8-seconds" excuse.
So don't think
I'll ever forget
the pain you put
me through-the
feeling of waking
up next to you,
I don't know how it
happened, ---
--, I'm pretty
sure I didn't,
but would you ever
tell the truth?
Just leave me be,
it's easier to
pretend you don't
exist than to hear
your voice everyday,
screaming in my
head. So please
remain the distant
memory I have made you.
GNS 27/10/03
A really bad poem. 3:13 PM 24/10/03
Hey kids. I wrote this poem today and I think it sucks, but I'm putting it up anyway. I figure, at least it has feeling. So hope you're all swell. Love to all.
Merely lovers, we
walk side by side,
never speaking of
us, the sex we find
ourselves entangled in.
We are only lovers,
your heart does
not belong to me
nor ever will it,
and mine will not be yours.
Lovers, don't let me
cry when I see her
at your door, distance
is the only rule in this
fucked up relationship.
I am your lover,
do not scowl at
him, the one who holds
me when the sun is
high in the sky.
Merely lovers, so
why does this hurt?
Why can't we walk
away, jealousy
tucked away?
Merely lovers.
GNS 24/10/03
I told you it sucked! Oh well!
"Debts to Jealousy"
Welcome yourself into the light
of a new dawn, reality no longer
exists and pain is the threshold off
which we feed. Hatred knows no
boundaries in age, sex, religion, or
creed. Everyone fights for food to
conquer the rumble that makes the
world shake. The streets clutter with
scraps, guns, and drugs your three-year-old
son dropped. Violence is our air, the only
knowledge we hold in our capacity of
our losses. Colors equal bullets, torture, and
death, symbolic of society's crash into
a blackened darkness, lit with our bloodshed.
And we know not of what we were, but only
of the antagonistic future we behold.
GNS I don't know when I wrote this, sometime during my senior year of high school, I believe.
Pain is just a side-effect
in this infantile whirlwind of a romance.
The softest kisses in the world
can't erase fuck you bitch
from my memory, nor can any
shallow apologies mend my
own indiscretion with the tip
of my tongue. I never
wanted an I love you,
just a reason to
have a little faith
in those who continually
break my heart. But so
it goes in the upgraded
high school, college
is about a quick fuck, a
one night stand. Stupidity
reigns, particularly in
the young and lonely.
My own heart is no
exception to the need
to feel wanted. Commitment
is a sin and I find
myself the most sinful
of us all. I guess the
definition of college
never really sunk
in. Here's to a
word not even in
my vocabulary. To
a fool.
GNS 9/1/03
