Thinking Hard Today
|*March,18,03*|
|Feeling:Down In The Dumps|
It seems as though nothing in my life is making any sence.. I have come from the highest point to my lowest point..Theres a man that I could see myself spending the rest of my life with and there is no way possible that this will happen any time soon. I have found comfort,security and love,friendship and long laughs,Great Sex and the best thing of all is memories. I have had more memories with this man than i did my ex husband.I am dating someone now I don't know what you want to call him but His name is Ryan and he is great but when i look at the other one and I look at him there is noone that can compare to him and it makes me want to be single until i can have what i want and that is Jupiter. I have come to a point of no return and at times i think I can't get back what i feel i have lost and that's jupiter because ever since I have been seeing this other guy it seems me and jupiter have become distant.I don't want this to happen and There is so much shit that has been going on in my life that I know if i lost him i am gonna lose it all because he is the one that helped me threw all my bullshit and drama and always made me feel better when I was at my lowest. I might be leaving soon and it's not something that I want to have to do but it is something i think i need to do. I have come to a fork in the road and I think sometimes maybe it would be better if i was 900 miles away so I don't have to deal with all the bs i deal with day in and day out. I'm gonna close for now so I can get some shit done but I will be back later to finish up my thougts for today
Ta Ta
~Foxy~
|*March,15,03*|
|Feeling:LIKE SHIT|
Well Shit Let's see here I thought my weekend was gonna be relaxing but come to find out it wasnt but I had a good ass time.Now I'm starting to think i fucked up in a way because as I look at this weekend theres things that didnt make sence. I have lost the one thing that I held on to everyday and I don't now if I want to try and get it back because I seem to be more upset when i hang on to him and our friendship. I'm so tired of people wanting me to be there when they need me but than when you need them there no where to be found and that shit sucks when i look at it. I talked to him on the phone the other day and he was short as normal because he is pist that I have moved on with someone else witch in deed i havnt because I can't get past alot of shit that has went on in my life with him in the past 10 months so now here i am thinking i was right when i was thinking the bad thoughts of the guy i was talking to. I think maybe I should just not talk to either of them anymore that way i don't have to deal with all the bs drama.
Well I'm gonna jet for tonight
Ta Ta
~Foxy~
|ALL I CAN SAY IS MACK TRUCK|
|*March,14,03*|
|Feeling:KICKED AROUND|
Well Shit where do I begin? Well I met this guy and his name is Ryan and we have everything in common and he likes to do shit with me alot,I mean like every chance he can get. I find my self thinking about my life and what the fuck is going on. Alot has happend to me and I have been wanting to find someone i can kick it with and go and do shit together and now that I have found him i am like freakin out and it's all because of one person,Jupiter.. That mother fucker has fucked with me in the head way to damn long and it's funny because I allowed it. I think I need to call it quits with the whole sneaking around the long ass everyday phone tag.A couple of weekends ago I realized alot of shit about Jupiter and I don't think I would want to be with him if things were diffrent. I have been playing with men like Toys for the past 10 months and now I have no idea how to act. I'm like freakin the fuck out about it for some reason. I don't like to sit still to damn long and sometimes i think noone can understand me so why should i get in it with someone if noone could ever began to understand me. I have so many walls built up and i keep them there for a reason so noone can fuck me UP, Ha HA I say that but look at what Jupiter does to me all the time.. So as of tonight I am going to be done with good ol Jupiter so I can move on with my life and have the things I think sometimes I don't need but i need something to be happy and I have no idea what it is but I'm gonna give this guy a chance and hope it all works out for the best.
Ta Ta
~Foxy~ |*I'm On Cloud NINE*|
|*March,12,03*|
|Feeling:Happy|
I am happy with the way things have worked out in the past couple of days and it seems as though i have met the man that I have been looking for. I had a guy that was everything to me and still is and can still put a smile on my face when I'm with him. But I had to come to reality on some shit and I realized that the man that I want to be with I can't because he cant get his head out of his ass for any kind of time to see what the fuck is in front of him. So This guy I met is fuckin great we fuckin kick it all the damn time and we can sit and bullshit about anything and it's great. He has christian backgrounds and I need that so I thank God for that.
I think maybe I hit it off with a guy that I wasnt going to give a chance because of me thinking about some one elses feelings all the time instead of mine. I have been single for the past 8 months and I think I need someone in my life that will make me happy and make my life interesting. I have given myself enough time to not have a rebound and the ones I have had I can say I have done the rebound to and I guess that's a good thing because I think when you get out of one and get into another one it makes your standards alot lower and you will put up with the same shit you did in the first one and i didnt want to go back there so I thought it would be nice to get the rebounds out of the way.Well I'm gonna go for tonight it's 12:25 am an I have to go and pick him up so we can go camping.
Ta Ta
~Foxy~
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