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Web Journal Of A Teen Cutter


;) Monday, August 5,2002

Today wasn't so good I couldn't stop myself from cutting or burning my arms. i was so pissed off at my mother...she wont get off my back.


;) Tuesday, August 6,2002

Today Was Better..Cuz I havent seen my mom today...she will be home any minute now.Better hurry up and write. ....well i didn't go to sleep til 5:30am this morning stayed up all night/morning thinking and writing. i didnt wake up until 2:00pm lol. Well g2g mom's about to get home i better go..( I don't want to talk to her today) I'll make up for it tomorrow :0)

;) Wednesday, August 7,2002

Well It's 10:26pm right now, lol I slept most of the day. Today was okay I only burned myself 3 times today :/. Didn't see my mom today..if she sees my arms she'll send me away :(.Well i guess thats it for today..trying to add some more pages.

;) Thursday, August 8,2002

It's 2:00pm right now. I got stuck watching kids....AGAIN :(. Spending most of my time working on the page...lol prolly dont look like it ..lol. Well write ya later :D

;) Friday, August 9,2002

Well Today I didn't get up until 10:00pm..I was feeling real depressed :/......i cut myself 4 times and burned my self 3 times :((.

;) Saturday, August 10,2002

Went to sleep at 10:30am this morning lol...I'm feeling pretty good today...so far :)

;) Sunday, August 11,2002

Today I spent the night at my aunts house..had alot of fun and got drunk lol :0)

;) Monday, August 12,2002

Today I got into a fight with my mom ...she pisses me off so much X-(. I cut 4 different times today :( .

;) Tuesday, August 13,2002

I slept 24/7 today lol :0)

;) Wednesday, August 14,2002

Slept most of the day away again heehee :)

;) Thursday, August 15,2002

Took care of kids most of the day and took them to the circus...spent too much money lol but they had alot of fun.

;) Friday, August 16,2002

Today I stayed at home and took care of the kids...b0r1ng :(


;) Saturdy, August 17,2002

Today I went running around all day shopping :)

;) Sunday, August 18,2002

Today sucked!!! I went to Six Flags for 8 hours with 6 bratty little kids..got sunburned and had a migraine all day :( ..Did good only cut 2 times today :/

;) Monday, August 19,2002

I woke up at 5:17am this morning ..its 11:52am right now...Cleaning since 7:00am *yawn* im tired :/

;) Tuesday, August 20,2002

Today I babysat all day :(

;) Wednesday, August 21,2002

Today I went to the Library for about 4 hours and then i went to the movies and saw Insomnia :D

;) Wednesday, August 28,2002

Lol i haven't been writing..those days that are missing weren't that exciting :-P lol. Well from Tuesday 27th til Thursday 29th i'm taking care of my lil bro(9), lil sis(6) and my niece(2) while my mom is outta town.. YIPPY what fun :-P lol

;) Friday, October 25,2002

I've missed alot of entries lol cuz i've been pretty busy with life and shit :-P...well life is shitty right now...gettin worse day by day..but i have a new b\f he was helping me get better but we haven't been doing that well together:-P ANYWAYZ! im suppose to move to hawaii in March YIPPY! i can't wait 5 more months...well im gonna try to keep the page updated!

;) Wednesday, November 13,2002

Today's my birthday YAY im 16 lol ...j\k today sucked i didn't have a party or anything...only 3 people remembered my birthday ( which was my cousin, my grandma, and my sister...oh yea and my best friend ..which makes 4 lol)....Anywayz!!! I haven't cut or burned myself in a lil while (about 2 weeks or so)Life's getting better..I have a new b\f!!! ...the other b\f i was talking about was an asshole..( somebody tell me how 2 people are supposed to have a relationship if u never talk) lol ...but anywayz sign the guestbook and tell me some suggestions to make the page better!!!


;) Thursday, December 19,2002

Well I haven't been keeping up on the page as much as i should lol can't ya tell!...Anywayz!! lets see what has happened since the last entry..hmm...k lets see since my b-day i have only cut one time YAY! ..i'm really trying to get better this time...uh what else: i broke up with my b\f..stupid me! i finally meet a nice guy and i treat him like shit GRR!! i hate myself!...uh my ex (the one before the last guy lol)is trying to get back with me...right now im just tired of guyz lol..they're driving me nuts!...Hmm what else...i have a ton of shit to do in the next week ..AHH SO MUCH STRESS! ...i have to go and take drivers ed so i can hurry up and get my liscence so i can get the hell outta this house!! But Anywayz! its 1:07am and i need to get some sleep lol i've only had about 10 hours of sleep the past week!!! *yawn* well im going to bed i'll be up in about 2 hours which totally sux! lol maybe i should just dope myself up and maybe then i can sleep! (this guy problem is making it even worse to sleep) GRR!! I HATE STRESS...AND PROBLEMS! they are driving me b0nk3rs! lol anywayz until the next entry! i'm gonna try to keep it updated!


;) Sunday, January 12,2003

Well since my last entry i have cut quite a few times. I got into a fight with my best friend (she was the only person i ever trusted..but she proved that you can't trust anybody!)..anywayz that made my "so-called recovery" not last..(i say so-called recovery b\c in a way i knew i couldn't recover from cutting all by myself)..which i hate admitting! But yea i'm really trying this time to quit. I'm really happy that my b\f (we're back together YAY! YAY! YAY! I'm soo happy!) is helping me. If i didn't have him (the one person who loves me) then i would probably just kill myself!...Anywayz..im doing pretty good now..(i've kinda made up with my best friend..we talk but i wish things could go back to normal..i will never trust her again though! GRR! it pisses me off when i think about it!) so im gonna move on!...Haha things are kinda better with my mom..she's gone even more now..but it sucks cuz i'm still raising the kids! ..the other day she was gone for over a day..and friday she went out at about 4pm and didnt get back til 2am..then left at 7am again!..I'm getting pissed cuz she doesnt even tell me shes leaving anymore. my routine is wake up in the morning..see if moms home..feed the kids..make sure they get a bath..pick up the house..and feed the kids again..and then wait for a phone call from mom to tell me if shes coming home tonight! ahh! i hate this life..arg! 2 more years and i will be free..no mom..no kids..ahh i cant wait!..but anywayz its a lil after 12am and i gotta get the kids to bed ...im really gonna keep up this time..even though peeps arent visiting the site much. Anywayz don't forget to sign the guestbook so i can see if peeps are coming or not lol..well buh bye ttyl!


;) Sunday, January 19,2003

Alright...i haven't cut or burned since uh..lets see i had my usual breakdown on...i cant think..its been about two weeks i think. i haven't thought about cutting in over a week YAY me lol w\e!. Oh yeah!..i'm learning not to act and hide the truth so..everything i said in that last entry was a lie..i wasnt happy and he didnt love me..im not just saying that as a bitter ex (ya i said ex) we broke up hmm..about 4-5 days ago..ya i dont remember lol... Hehe but i met someone else! haha not like that (yet ;) j\k) ..anywayz!..haha i dont know what to put here..especially since your reading this Jason..but ya whatever here it goes for everyone to hear:um im really really really trying to get better and i couldnt do it with out ya Jase..haha ya i called ya Jase hehe..anywayz THANK YA FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME!...i love our chats that last forever!!!..what would i do without them..but haha im suppose to be ranting and rambling about being pissed off at my mom and getting tired of raising kids..but yall hear that in every entry and im gonna be positive now!..from here on..haha yall are thinking okay no point in coming back and reading this cuz she is better and there aint nuttin good without her being pissed off! well please dont think that..haha come back and even e-mail me..you can maybe try to piss me off and get some bitching out of me..lol..anywayz! yesterday was my brothers b-day (Joshua..the one that was murdered) um he would be 23..but im not gonna talk about that right now just wanted to say that ---^...so ya do i seem happy? well i am! thank you Jason! :-) ..oh yeah!! i get to be away from every one all day today and part of tomorrow YUP! YUP! life is great!..wow did i just say life is great? well when i do these entrys i say whatever pops into my head and just type..even if it doesnt go together haha you'll figure out what im saying..well im like running on no sleep and wanna talk to you Jason so im gonna cut it short..haha no pun intended if ya dont get it then read it again..lol ...well im outie..ta ta buh bye!


;) Tuesday, January 21,2003

well hmm...today passed me by!..its 1:14am and im sitting here crying!..how pathetic!..well i don't know what to put here..i dont feel like saying whats on my mind..lets just say im thinking about the past..well catch ya later! heres an idea of how im feeling: ****I'm not suposed to be scared of anything, but I don't know where I am I wish that I could move but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel) I'm trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making me numb I try to hold this Under control They can't help me 'Cause no one knows Now I'm going through changes, changes God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately When I get suffacated, save me Now I'm going through changes, changes I'm feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone I've got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn It feel like I've been buried underneath the weight of the world I try to hold this Under control They can't help me 'Cause no one knows Now I'm going through changes, changes God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately When I get suffacated, save me Now I'm going through changes, changes I'm running, shaking Bound and breaking I hope I make it through all these changes Now I'm going through changes, changes God, I feel so frustrated lately When I get suffacated, save me Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it Now I'm going through changes, chnages God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately When I get suffacated, I hate this But I'm going through changes, changes****


;) Sunday, February 9,2003

Wowie! these days are passing me by soo fast!!!..It's a lil past 6pm already..haha i woke up about 2 hours ago (trying to catch up on sleep lol)..but anywayz! i haven't really cut in about hmm..for over a month! yay me! lol..eR! i was happy today til 5 sec. ago..damn phone!..guess who that was:the bitch aka my so-called mom..damn and just now my asshole uncle just called!..ahh leave me alone people!..well anywayz! *trying to calm down*..ah now what was i saying/thinking..ah well i cant remember now..my mind is blank (cept for one thing:JASON!)lol...eR! me miss Jason..boo hoo :-(. But anywayz me gots to go make dinner..oh what fun! lol..but ya talk at ya later..and once again im going to try to keep this up (hey peeps gotta remind me lol..ah im such a blonde!)well ta ta buh bye! ;-)

;) Monday, February 10,2003

hmm..well how was today:bOrInG!..stayed up all night as usual..went to bed at about 1pm and woke up at around 10pm or so ..my asshole uncle came over again and woke when up to do is jacked up personals e-mails..ahh hes such a dumbass!..but ya all me did really was dream about Jason haha..yup yup!..hmm and no i didnt do it yet jason (i will soon! lol) But anywayz ..yeah i know i've become boring since i'm not telling yall much cause i havent "hurt" myself in a lil bit..but im gonna make another webpage..hehe a happy one! lol but its almost 10am and i havent slept and me wanna take a shower! haha ya anywayz talk at ya later! and e-mail me people show me ur even reading this shit! haha or just sign my guestbook! please and thank you! -buh bye


;) Friday, March 7,2003

Wow i've missed alot of days..well i was doing good no cutting for a while now..about 2 months!!!!! and then i go and be dumb and get grounded...which meant no Jason =( so yeah me got depressed and shit..then my so-called moms bitching didnt help any...i ended up fucking up at 1:15am this morning..17 cuts =/ ..gawd im still soo fucking pissed off at myself...damn i went 2 months! it was going great! ahh as u can tell im not in a good mood..tired.. depressed..jason deprived..ahhh! im feeling like im going nuts again! i hate these feelings..sheesh! i feel like cuttin again right at this moment..and its like i already fucked up this morning so why not! but i know i shouldnt think like that but gawd damn! life is making me mad! but ya enough rambling and shit..i'll prolly make another entry tonight..well talk at ya later..sign my guestbook yall! please and thank you ;-)


;) Friday, March 14,2003

well first i want to say thanks to yall who signed my guestbook..im gonna keep the page updated more now that i see people actually read this.But anywayz! its 9:41am..been up since about 2am..um yesterday sucked ass! except for the time i was on the phone with Jason..til my so-called mom started bitching..so ya! haha cleaned my room spotless to keep busy..felt like cutting SOO bad!...just chunked shit at the wall and cleaned! passed out at about 7pm and woke up at 2am (got some sleep at least..sometimes passing out is good haha)..talked to jason for a lil while =/ til my so-called mom yelled at me and made me get off! ahhh! i hate her soo much! gawd damn! i feel like im just going to snap one day and hurt her..thats how angry she makes me..ah i was thinking today..(after my so-called mom called me stupid)...that she is probably right..why in the hell do i hurt myself for her even more!?!?! (she called me stupid for another reason..but ya i am!)..okay when i say "hurt myself for her even more" i mean..when i cut/burn myself more than 50% of the time its because she is either making me angry or upsetting me by dissing me all the time...jessica ur a failure..u cant do anything right..jessica ur stupid..jessica ur lazy! anywayz! enough rambling for one entry..i WILL be back today with another entry! (haha i promise!) =P...dont forget to sign the guestbook if ya havent!..(and thank you VERY much for those who have!! i like to see that people actually take time to read this! =) but thanks again..talk at yall later today! =D P>


;) Wednesday, March 19,2003

hmm well its 12:41am...i dont know what to say..just wanted to put another entry since before i forget...but ya im just sitting here waiting for Jason to get online =( .. i've been doing good..no slip ups yay! lol ..just still feeling a lil sick and in a lil pain..my stomache hurts...for what a week now...i need to go to the doc i know!..going to go in a about a week i guess =/ but anywayz!..me tired and have a tummy ache..so im gonna cut it short and lay down til jason gets online =(..talk at yall later! P>


;) Friday, March 21,2003

howdie yall...well today was okay..last night could have been better..sorry again jason!!!..yeah yall are confused..well mouse was being a bitch to jason...again!...er! why do i alwayz gotta fuck things up?!?!?!..but ya moving on..today was alright..got some much needed sleep(bout 5 hours!) wow im sleeping alot again..not good!..but anywayz!..my so-called mom is pissing me off..im so gonna snap and whig out on her! i dont care what happens to me if i do that..she is just soo mean anymore and i cant take it! ugh! 1 yr and 6 months seems soo far away! i dont know if i can last that long =( ..ahh i need to go lay down and get calm..talk at yall later..and dont forget to sign the guestbook if ya havent! =) P>


;) Friday, March 28,2003

Otay! me behind as usual!..grr me alwayz forget to write in here!..um between this entry and the last one i've been doing okay..going crazy.which is nothing new..but im otay!..im starting to work on the page more.i need suggestions of what to add..and make it better!?!?..oh yeah PINKY PINKY PINKY PINKY PINKY PINKY! (see me mention ur name in here!) haha yeah pinky aka my best friend! (whom doesnt know how to pick up a phone..grr!)yeah she has a webpage..more "happy" i guess haha yall should check it out! and sign her guest bookie also (after u sign mine of course! haha)...the url is: www.angelfire.com/journal2/pinkyswirls_bananas ..shes the banana girl! lol...but anywayz me gonna get back to working on the page..la la la mouse loves jason la la la..(just wanted to throw that in! =D)..talk at ya later! P>


;) Wednesday, April 9,2003

okay grrr im behind again!...well i've been grounded the past 3 or so days...yippy what fun!ah oh my have i been tempted to cut and do some bad shit, i really feel like getting high soooooo much, and i dont know why...started having cravings big time about a week ago. ahhhh they are making me nuts! lol..anywayz on to happier things! i get to see my neice friday!!! yippy! i talked to her on the phone yesterday!=D i havent seen her since October..so im REALLY happy to see her!...i just wish i could see my other neice and nephew again..i havent seen them since Christmas Day 2001 =(...but ya such is life..i'll prolly never see them again =/ ...anywayz im just happy i still have my neice!...but anywayz! (ok i say anywayz way too much lol)...**yawn** im tired and borededed right now! ahh!..**ahem** anywayz im sore from working out too much today and then my hands are blistered ahh my typing sucks! but haha im just complaining so im gonna end this now...talk at ya later! buh byez! P>