Web Journal Of
A Teen Cutter
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Monday, August
5,2002
Today wasn't so good I couldn't stop myself from cutting or
burning my arms. i was so pissed off at my mother...she wont
get off my back.
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Tuesday, August 6,2002
Today Was Better..Cuz I havent seen my mom today...she will
be home any minute now.Better hurry up and write. ....well i
didn't go to sleep til 5:30am this morning stayed up all
night/morning thinking and writing. i didnt wake up until
2:00pm lol. Well g2g mom's about to get home i better go..( I
don't want to talk to her today) I'll make up for it tomorrow
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Wednesday,
August 7,2002
Well It's 10:26pm right now, lol I slept most of the day.
Today was okay I only burned myself 3 times today :/. Didn't
see my mom today..if she sees my arms she'll send me away
:(.Well i guess thats it for today..trying to add some more
pages. |
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Thursday, August 8,2002
It's 2:00pm right now. I got stuck watching kids....AGAIN
:(. Spending most of my time working on the page...lol prolly
dont look like it ..lol. Well write ya later :D
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Friday, August 9,2002
Well Today I didn't get up until 10:00pm..I was feeling
real depressed :/......i cut myself 4 times and burned my self
3 times :((. |
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Saturday, August
10,2002
Went to sleep at 10:30am this morning lol...I'm feeling
pretty good today...so far :)
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Sunday, August 11,2002
Today I spent the night at my aunts house..had alot of fun
and got drunk lol :0) |
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Monday, August 12,2002
Today I got into a fight with my mom ...she pisses me off
so much X-(. I cut 4 different times today :( .
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Tuesday, August 13,2002
I slept 24/7 today lol :0)
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Wednesday, August
14,2002
Slept most of the day away again heehee :)
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Thursday, August
15,2002
Took care of kids most of the day and took them to the
circus...spent too much money lol but they had alot of fun.
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Friday, August 16,2002
Today I stayed at home and took care of the kids...b0r1ng
:(
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Saturdy, August 17,2002
Today I went running around all day shopping :)
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Sunday, August 18,2002
Today sucked!!! I went to Six Flags for 8 hours with 6
bratty little kids..got sunburned and had a migraine all day
:( ..Did good only cut 2 times today :/
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Monday, August 19,2002
I woke up at 5:17am this morning ..its 11:52am right
now...Cleaning since 7:00am *yawn* im tired :/
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Tuesday, August 20,2002
Today I babysat all day :(
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Wednesday, August
21,2002
Today I went to the Library for about 4 hours and then i
went to the movies and saw Insomnia :D
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Wednesday, August 28,2002
Lol i haven't been writing..those days that are missing
weren't that exciting :-P lol. Well from Tuesday 27th til
Thursday 29th i'm taking care of my lil bro(9), lil sis(6) and
my niece(2) while my mom is outta town.. YIPPY what fun :-P
lol |
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Friday, October
25,2002
I've missed alot of entries lol cuz i've been pretty busy
with life and shit :-P...well life is shitty right
now...gettin worse day by day..but i have a new b\f he was
helping me get better but we haven't been doing that well
together:-P ANYWAYZ! im suppose to move to hawaii in March
YIPPY! i can't wait 5 more months...well im gonna try to keep
the page updated!
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Wednesday, November
13,2002
Today's my birthday YAY im 16 lol ...j\k today sucked i
didn't have a party or anything...only 3 people remembered my
birthday ( which was my cousin, my grandma, and my sister...oh
yea and my best friend ..which makes 4 lol)....Anywayz!!! I
haven't cut or burned myself in a lil while (about 2 weeks or
so)Life's getting better..I have a new b\f!!! ...the other b\f
i was talking about was an asshole..( somebody tell me how 2
people are supposed to have a relationship if u never talk)
lol ...but anywayz sign the guestbook and tell me some
suggestions to make the page better!!!
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Thursday, December
19,2002
Well I haven't been keeping up on the page as much as i
should lol can't ya tell!...Anywayz!! lets see what has
happened since the last entry..hmm...k lets see since my b-day
i have only cut one time YAY! ..i'm really trying to get
better this time...uh what else: i broke up with my
b\f..stupid me! i finally meet a nice guy and i treat him like
shit GRR!! i hate myself!...uh my ex (the one before the last
guy lol)is trying to get back with me...right now im just
tired of guyz lol..they're driving me nuts!...Hmm what
else...i have a ton of shit to do in the next week ..AHH SO
MUCH STRESS! ...i have to go and take drivers ed so i can
hurry up and get my liscence so i can get the hell outta this
house!! But Anywayz! its 1:07am and i need to get some sleep
lol i've only had about 10 hours of sleep the past week!!!
*yawn* well im going to bed i'll be up in about 2 hours which
totally sux! lol maybe i should just dope myself up and maybe
then i can sleep! (this guy problem is making it even worse to
sleep) GRR!! I HATE STRESS...AND PROBLEMS! they are driving me
b0nk3rs! lol anywayz until the next entry! i'm gonna try to
keep it updated!
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Sunday, January
12,2003
Well since my last entry i have cut quite a few times. I
got into a fight with my best friend (she was the only person
i ever trusted..but she proved that you can't trust
anybody!)..anywayz that made my "so-called recovery" not
last..(i say so-called recovery b\c in a way i knew i couldn't
recover from cutting all by myself)..which i hate admitting!
But yea i'm really trying this time to quit. I'm really happy
that my b\f (we're back together YAY! YAY! YAY! I'm soo
happy!) is helping me. If i didn't have him (the one person
who loves me) then i would probably just kill
myself!...Anywayz..im doing pretty good now..(i've kinda made
up with my best friend..we talk but i wish things could go
back to normal..i will never trust her again though! GRR! it
pisses me off when i think about it!) so im gonna move
on!...Haha things are kinda better with my mom..she's gone
even more now..but it sucks cuz i'm still raising the kids!
..the other day she was gone for over a day..and friday she
went out at about 4pm and didnt get back til 2am..then left at
7am again!..I'm getting pissed cuz she doesnt even tell me
shes leaving anymore. my routine is wake up in the
morning..see if moms home..feed the kids..make sure they get a
bath..pick up the house..and feed the kids again..and then
wait for a phone call from mom to tell me if shes coming home
tonight! ahh! i hate this life..arg! 2 more years and i will
be free..no mom..no kids..ahh i cant wait!..but anywayz its a
lil after 12am and i gotta get the kids to bed ...im really
gonna keep up this time..even though peeps arent visiting the
site much. Anywayz don't forget to sign the guestbook so i can
see if peeps are coming or not lol..well buh bye ttyl!
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Sunday, January
19,2003
Alright...i haven't cut or burned since uh..lets see i had
my usual breakdown on...i cant think..its been about two weeks
i think. i haven't thought about cutting in over a week YAY me
lol w\e!. Oh yeah!..i'm learning not to act and hide the truth
so..everything i said in that last entry was a lie..i wasnt
happy and he didnt love me..im not just saying that as a
bitter ex (ya i said ex) we broke up hmm..about 4-5 days
ago..ya i dont remember lol... Hehe but i met someone else!
haha not like that (yet ;) j\k) ..anywayz!..haha i dont know
what to put here..especially since your reading this
Jason..but ya whatever here it goes for everyone to hear:um im
really really really trying to get better and i couldnt do it
with out ya Jase..haha ya i called ya Jase hehe..anywayz THANK
YA FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME!...i love our chats that last
forever!!!..what would i do without them..but haha im suppose
to be ranting and rambling about being pissed off at my mom
and getting tired of raising kids..but yall hear that in every
entry and im gonna be positive now!..from here on..haha yall
are thinking okay no point in coming back and reading this cuz
she is better and there aint nuttin good without her being
pissed off! well please dont think that..haha come back and
even e-mail me..you can maybe try to piss me off and get some
bitching out of me..lol..anywayz! yesterday was my brothers
b-day (Joshua..the one that was murdered) um he would be
23..but im not gonna talk about that right now just wanted to
say that ---^...so ya do i seem happy? well i am! thank you
Jason! :-) ..oh yeah!! i get to be away from every one all day
today and part of tomorrow YUP! YUP! life is great!..wow did i
just say life is great? well when i do these entrys i say
whatever pops into my head and just type..even if it doesnt go
together haha you'll figure out what im saying..well im like
running on no sleep and wanna talk to you Jason so im gonna
cut it short..haha no pun intended if ya dont get it then read
it again..lol ...well im outie..ta ta buh bye!
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Tuesday, January
21,2003
well hmm...today passed me by!..its 1:14am and im sitting
here crying!..how pathetic!..well i don't know what to put
here..i dont feel like saying whats on my mind..lets just say
im thinking about the past..well catch ya later! heres an idea
of how im feeling: ****I'm not suposed to be scared of
anything, but I don't know where I am I wish that I could move
but I'm exhausted and nobody understands (how I feel) I'm
trying hard to breathe now but there's no air in my lungs
There's no one here to talk to and the pain inside is making
me numb I try to hold this Under control They can't help me
'Cause no one knows Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately When I get
suffacated, save me Now I'm going through changes, changes I'm
feeling weak and weary walking through this world alone
Everything you say, every word of it, cuts me to the bone I've
got something to say, but now I've got no where to turn It
feel like I've been buried underneath the weight of the world
I try to hold this Under control They can't help me 'Cause no
one knows Now I'm going through changes, changes God, I feel
so feel so frustrated lately When I get suffacated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes I'm running, shaking
Bound and breaking I hope I make it through all these changes
Now I'm going through changes, changes God, I feel so
frustrated lately When I get suffacated, save me Now I'm
falling apart, now I feel it Now I'm going through changes,
chnages God, I feel so feel so frustrated lately When I get
suffacated, I hate this But I'm going through changes,
changes****
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Sunday, February
9,2003
Wowie! these days are passing me by soo fast!!!..It's a lil
past 6pm already..haha i woke up about 2 hours ago (trying to
catch up on sleep lol)..but anywayz! i haven't really cut in
about hmm..for over a month! yay me! lol..eR! i was happy
today til 5 sec. ago..damn phone!..guess who that was:the
bitch aka my so-called mom..damn and just now my asshole uncle
just called!..ahh leave me alone people!..well anywayz!
*trying to calm down*..ah now what was i saying/thinking..ah
well i cant remember now..my mind is blank (cept for one
thing:JASON!)lol...eR! me miss Jason..boo hoo :-(. But anywayz
me gots to go make dinner..oh what fun! lol..but ya talk at ya
later..and once again im going to try to keep this up (hey
peeps gotta remind me lol..ah im such a blonde!)well ta ta buh
bye! ;-)
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Monday, February
10,2003
hmm..well how was today:bOrInG!..stayed up all night as
usual..went to bed at about 1pm and woke up at around 10pm or
so ..my asshole uncle came over again and woke when up to do
is jacked up personals e-mails..ahh hes such a dumbass!..but
ya all me did really was dream about Jason haha..yup yup!..hmm
and no i didnt do it yet jason (i will soon! lol) But anywayz
..yeah i know i've become boring since i'm not telling yall
much cause i havent "hurt" myself in a lil bit..but im gonna
make another webpage..hehe a happy one! lol but its almost
10am and i havent slept and me wanna take a shower! haha ya
anywayz talk at ya later! and e-mail me people show me ur even
reading this shit! haha or just sign my guestbook! please and
thank you! -buh bye
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Friday, March
7,2003
Wow i've missed alot of days..well i was doing good no
cutting for a while now..about 2 months!!!!! and then i go and
be dumb and get grounded...which meant no Jason =( so yeah me
got depressed and shit..then my so-called moms bitching didnt
help any...i ended up fucking up at 1:15am this morning..17
cuts =/ ..gawd im still soo fucking pissed off at
myself...damn i went 2 months! it was going great! ahh as u
can tell im not in a good mood..tired.. depressed..jason
deprived..ahhh! im feeling like im going nuts again! i hate
these feelings..sheesh! i feel like cuttin again right at this
moment..and its like i already fucked up this morning so why
not! but i know i shouldnt think like that but gawd damn! life
is making me mad! but ya enough rambling and shit..i'll prolly
make another entry tonight..well talk at ya later..sign my
guestbook yall! please and thank you ;-)
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Friday, March
14,2003
well first i want to say thanks to yall who signed my
guestbook..im gonna keep the page updated more now that i see
people actually read this.But anywayz! its 9:41am..been up
since about 2am..um yesterday sucked ass! except for the time
i was on the phone with Jason..til my so-called mom started
bitching..so ya! haha cleaned my room spotless to keep
busy..felt like cutting SOO bad!...just chunked shit at the
wall and cleaned! passed out at about 7pm and woke up at 2am
(got some sleep at least..sometimes passing out is good
haha)..talked to jason for a lil while =/ til my so-called mom
yelled at me and made me get off! ahhh! i hate her soo much!
gawd damn! i feel like im just going to snap one day and hurt
her..thats how angry she makes me..ah i was thinking
today..(after my so-called mom called me stupid)...that she is
probably right..why in the hell do i hurt myself for her even
more!?!?! (she called me stupid for another reason..but ya i
am!)..okay when i say "hurt myself for her even more" i
mean..when i cut/burn myself more than 50% of the time its
because she is either making me angry or upsetting me by
dissing me all the time...jessica ur a failure..u cant do
anything right..jessica ur stupid..jessica ur lazy! anywayz!
enough rambling for one entry..i WILL be back today with
another entry! (haha i promise!) =P...dont forget to sign the
guestbook if ya havent!..(and thank you VERY much for those
who have!! i like to see that people actually take time to
read this! =) but thanks again..talk at yall later today! =D
P>
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Wednesday, March
19,2003
hmm well its 12:41am...i dont know what to say..just wanted
to put another entry since before i forget...but ya im just
sitting here waiting for Jason to get online =( .. i've been
doing good..no slip ups yay! lol ..just still feeling a lil
sick and in a lil pain..my stomache hurts...for what a week
now...i need to go to the doc i know!..going to go in a about
a week i guess =/ but anywayz!..me tired and have a tummy
ache..so im gonna cut it short and lay down til jason gets
online =(..talk at yall later! P>
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Friday, March
21,2003
howdie yall...well today was okay..last night could have
been better..sorry again jason!!!..yeah yall are
confused..well mouse was being a bitch to jason...again!...er!
why do i alwayz gotta fuck things up?!?!?!..but ya moving
on..today was alright..got some much needed sleep(bout 5
hours!) wow im sleeping alot again..not good!..but
anywayz!..my so-called mom is pissing me off..im so gonna snap
and whig out on her! i dont care what happens to me if i do
that..she is just soo mean anymore and i cant take it! ugh! 1
yr and 6 months seems soo far away! i dont know if i can last
that long =( ..ahh i need to go lay down and get calm..talk at
yall later..and dont forget to sign the guestbook if ya
havent! =) P>
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Friday, March
28,2003
Otay! me behind as usual!..grr me alwayz forget to write in
here!..um between this entry and the last one i've been doing
okay..going crazy.which is nothing new..but im otay!..im
starting to work on the page more.i need suggestions of what
to add..and make it better!?!?..oh yeah PINKY PINKY PINKY
PINKY PINKY PINKY! (see me mention ur name in here!) haha yeah
pinky aka my best friend! (whom doesnt know how to pick up a
phone..grr!)yeah she has a webpage..more "happy" i guess haha
yall should check it out! and sign her guest bookie also
(after u sign mine of course! haha)...the url is:
www.angelfire.com/journal2/pinkyswirls_bananas ..shes the
banana girl! lol...but anywayz me gonna get back to working on
the page..la la la mouse loves jason la la la..(just wanted to
throw that in! =D)..talk at ya later! P>
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Wednesday, April
9,2003
okay grrr im behind again!...well i've been grounded the
past 3 or so days...yippy what fun!ah oh my have i been
tempted to cut and do some bad shit, i really feel like
getting high soooooo much, and i dont know why...started
having cravings big time about a week ago. ahhhh they are
making me nuts! lol..anywayz on to happier things! i get to
see my neice friday!!! yippy! i talked to her on the phone
yesterday!=D i havent seen her since October..so im REALLY
happy to see her!...i just wish i could see my other neice and
nephew again..i havent seen them since Christmas Day 2001
=(...but ya such is life..i'll prolly never see them again =/
...anywayz im just happy i still have my neice!...but anywayz!
(ok i say anywayz way too much lol)...**yawn** im tired and
borededed right now! ahh!..**ahem** anywayz im sore from
working out too much today and then my hands are blistered ahh
my typing sucks! but haha im just complaining so im gonna end
this now...talk at ya later! buh byez! P>
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