Marriage
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Friday I'm in love - The Cure
I was taling to Krystal the other day and she said the only reason that our boss got married was because he wanted to start a family... What ever happened to my dream of love and being in love with the man I marry... Not just beacsue I want to start popping the kids out of my vigina... I starting to think that Justin is right, people only get married for companionship, not because they are in love...

I'm starting to worry about my feelings for Justin because I'm starting to become a closet phsycho, like when I think about him being with his ex's I feel physicaly sick, or even the fact that he has has ex girl friends. I wish that when you start a new relationship you forgot all the bad stuff, but then again you wouldn't of learnt any thing and you would keep on making all the exact same mistakes... Blah life is so weird, what kind of living things are we. We kill for fun and we elect people to govern us yet there is still poverty/ murders... The human brain is weird.

There's a song called the last crusade (or something like that) and there's a line that says, no one deserves to die... Then why doesn't some one invent a potion so we don't have to... I don't know, we all have our prioeitys, in the worng places

I'm torn
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: Feel Good Inc. Gorrillas
I have this over whellming sence of being torn. I don't wont to go to QLD any more and I know why it's Justin and the life that I'm living at the moment. I mean it's perfect. I have all these friends and I'm having so much fun. I don't want that to ever go away.

And what next year on the bull shit coast with a bull shit job and no justin, only yucky pathetic slezes who don't know how to have a conversation.

But I know that I can't hold back from my dream I mean if I stayed and say Justin and I broke up a year later that's another year that I would of wasted a year.

I don't know what I want to do any more.

I think that I am just having a mid tween breakdown. Ignore me (every one else does)

QLD
I'm starting to worry starting to miss Sydney. Alot off things that I took for granted will be gone When I move to the Goldie.

I mean with no insperation like Newtown I will become like all the other little freaks and Geeks in there Supre clad wearing glitter pants... I wish I didn't have to go It's not my home any more my home is here in Sydney. But I have to bite the bullet I have to make my self proud, I will come to Sydney as much as I possiably can. My real friends are here all I have on the Goldie is Brad tho he's the best he's all I will have. This will make me a stronger person... I moved to Sydney with nothing I can do it again I will do it again...

nothing to say
Today I had a moment of clarity, I was planning on writing it in here. But alas I forgot it, as the song goes 'isn't it ironic.'

Damm now I am trying to hard to rember it. My problem and I know I have said this many times is I over analize things, badly. Now I am really only writing this peice of shit for me, cause no reads it any more. It was a passing craze.

I definitly think there is something wrong
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Some peice of shit ballad on NOVA
Ok I am evil do you know what I told my boss... That I have cancer... To get out of work and it worked like a charm hahah I know I'm going to hell

Children
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Missy Higgins "Special two"
I was reading an artical on msn, it was all about 'College Blues' and how a mother deals with her son leaving home to go collage (an American artical.)

It spoke of the loss that a mother will feel when her son no longer comes home from school at 3.00 as you eagerly anticipate his arrival.

Is this what we have to look forward to when we 'grow up' nights of nothing but crappy reruns and then bed where you get up and go to the same job you have been working at fror the last 20 years.

Why didn't the artical say, when your child leaves home get a life go out dancing (because chances are you haven't been dancing before you got knocked up 18 years ago) Or why didn't it say to get a hobby or rekinddle the love with your significant other.

I'm scared I don't want that to happen to me, I have up untill I am 30 and then I will most likley have children. Is that why I'm going to school for 4 years, so in another 3 years I can be home with a baby on my tit. then when they finnaly leave home I can't function soccialy because I haven't been able to for so long.

What a scary thought....

The world is a fucking crazy place and all that jazz
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: nothing but the voices in my head (oi wake up mother fuckers)
Ok totaly crazy weird stuff happened on the weekend. So what have we all learned from this bloag is that all I talk about is men and so why should I change that hahaha.

Any way Friday night I went with Kelly to her boy friends house, knowing full well that Justin would be there. So got there got a bit drunk (mean while mulan had a hot friend there) So justin got there and I had this over whelming felling of like. Lame i KNOW BUT i JUST WAS SO GLAD TO SEE HIM AND i KNEW THAT I had to tell him. So after snorting a few Blue pills (Take the blue pill and see how far the rabbit hole really goes...) And I told justin how I really felt about him (meanwhile my pupials were non exsistant.) and for teh life of me I can only remeber a few things.. "I like you and I have not slept with any else but you" (that is semi true but only you and I have to know that) Any way we never show public affection but we were hugging and kissing and doing couply cute stuff.

So this is where it really starts to get interesting I ge a call from Brian, married guy from back in the old AXSIOM days, whom I USED to have a crush on. So he rang me maggot and connesed all these fellingsfor me, it was funny as all hell. I was mashed and didn't know what to do, I couldn't even keep all my attention on the converstaion. Any way Justin likes me I think I found the meaning of life on the weekend but for some really weird reason, HMMM I can't remeber what it was opppps... Keep it real Fuck faces :)

Lesiban Seagulls
Mood:  lucky
Now Playing: You can't always get what you want
Man I must have a serious gardian angel looking out for me. Last night I was riding the train and granted I did have a weekly valid ticket but I got a studnet one instead of an adults (what I save like 20 dollars a week) any way last night in came the train ticket men into the carriage that I was in. I started to shit my self, my heart went faster, I started to shake. They booked one guy for having a student ticket and then I was next but for some weird reason they walked straight pass me. I was so confussed I just kept thinking that is so weird. Meh, I really hate mondays, granted it isn't a monday but I'm always so rooted in the mornings, I am counting down the days to start uni or tafe and move and live the life of a uni student :) yhey

I still havn't found what I' Looking for
Mood:  lazy
It's so weird... I acctually don't like anyone, ussually I have a boy that i loike a lot or that I'm chasing, and though I may of been talking about other boys it was always Jay always him that I was crying for, hurting for and wishing for. I feel empty like a turtle without a shell. I feel unlike my self. Sad I know but it's weird though I am not completly over Jay (I don't think that i ever will) I am not clining on to the hope of ever getting back with him. All I want is someone who loves me and someone that i love but I can still flirt with other people... no not really.. Like I said I don't know what I want..

OK I know this is my second post for one day!!!
Mood:  bright
this is soooo funny me and justine, Kelly and mulan are randomly on this internet site for clubs here are the pics (and you can see who I am talking about)



the guy on the left is Justin, Me Mulan ang Kelly



Sooo there is some laughs for you :)