(WARNING: This is my personal site.  Even though I’ll be trying to make it look as nice as possible, it doesn’t mean its entertaining.  It’s my own self-healing site.  You’re welcome to look around, but it probably will hold little interest for you.  If you do find it useful, I’m happy.  But I make no guarantees that you will find a purpose for yourself from my Oasis)

 

 

. . . Well, the beginning was like no other.  The beginning of what, I wasn’t quite sure.  But it was definitely the start of something.  Everyone has their sad story, but I didn’t think mine was worth whining about.  Maybe there is a lot of people who don’t.  But I, I just thought I was some pathetic looser, who couldn’t take care of her own. 

 

The problem is, that the longer I kept that problem unrecognized, the more it seemed to haunt me from the inside out, until suddenly, it turned into this screaming, enraged banshee.  It ripped apart my insides until all that was left of me was an empty shell sounding out an echo of hollow fears. 

 

What soul is this that died?  One unborn soul indeed.

 

The most basic fear our individual has learned to forget, submerged to my conscious self.  That day, I lost my feeling of immortality. 

 

The fall from innocence was worse then I could ever have imagined.  For some, I suppose the fall is more of a trip.  For others, I guess that the fall is hard but they manage to climb back up.  For me, the fall was never ending.

 

As I stood in the darkness - upon a ledge I couldn’t see, without a rope I couldn’t grasp - I became unspun.  All the truths that I had believed - all that I had come to see myself as - and all that I placed my value on disappeared.  I didn’t know anything.  Red, green or blue, they were all the same.  Just blends of a different shade of black.

 

They were worried they’d have to send me away.  They were angry that I was so unreachable.  They thought I was suicidal. 

 

Tell me this, why would somebody who was so uncontrollably afraid of death (and afraid that it was imminent) want to take their own life?

 

Two years later, and I still fight against my phobias every night.  I still am constantly trying to climb my way out of my depression. 

 

This is the next step.  From the ashes, a phoenix shall rise.

 

This is my oasis.  This is what will get me to where I need to be.  I need to recreate myself – mind, body and soul.  Here, is where I’ll do it.  Well, here is where I’ll record how I did it. 

 

And I’m going to do it.  ‘CAUSE THIS TIME, ITS PERSONAL!

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