Searching For Holiness

There is a song that I've known since childhood.

"Take time to be holy, speak oft with thy Lord;
Abide in Him always, and feed on His Word.
Make friends of God's children, help those who are weak,
Forgetting in nothing His blessing to seek."

(William D. Longstaff)

I used to wonder what this could mean, since it was obvious to me that I could never be holy. I understood communicating with my Heavenly Father, studying the Bible, and helping others; but being holy? That remained a bewilderment. You see, I made too many mistakes, and I thought holiness meant perfection. I was wrong. Holiness can't encompass a person's whole life, because no one is perfect. However, holiness can be found, gift by wonderful gift, through the mercy of God.

Just this month, I just discovered Joni Eareckson Tada's excellent, and beautiful book, "Holiness In Hidden Places." It has blessed me so much. Her insight has helped me understand more about holiness.

There is a tiny, quiet place in each person who is saved, where holiness dwells. It is the place within, where our deepest yearning desire is to please the Lord. Unfortunately, our human natures are stronger, louder, and very selfish. My mother used to call our human natures "the old man in us." I didn't understand this as a child, but I never forgot her teaching. I comprehend it much better now.

Tonight, after a long, hot day, I became exasperated with my husband. There was no good reason, and I knew it. No reason at all, beyond my own exhaustion. When I am too tired, small things sometimes loom large, like shadows in the night.

I was ashamed of myself, and didn't want to show him how I was feeling, because it was an unfair attitude. So I went down the steps to the laundry room by myself, which is a cold and quiet room. There, I tried to envision a peaceful place within my mind, where I could receive guidance and patience from my Heavenly Father. I wasn't even praying, just opening my spirit.

Suddenly, a song I learned at five years old, came to my mind:

"I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses,
and the voice I hear, falling on my ear, the Son of God discloses;
and He walks with me, and He talks with me,
and He tells me I am His own,
and the joy we share as we tarry there,
none other has ever known."

(C. Austin Miles)

As I stood alone in the unlikely, humble chapel of the laundry room, leaning against the washing machine, God's calmness crept over me gently and slowly. What a relief it was, to feel those angry feelings draining from me! My Heavenly Father had seen me going in shameful anger, down those steps. I know He sends those hymns and verses I learned as a child, through my mind, just at the right time. The eternal light of His love had lit a little candle for my mind again, illuminating the way out of my darkness. How I thanked Him!

Freed and delivered for a while, from my own "old man nature," I came back up the steps, and sat down to write this. I don't have much work left to do today, and my sweet children are out doing my evening barn chores for me. I have so much to be grateful for. And the crowning glory of all, is the love, patience, and guidance of my Heavenly Father. If it weren't for Jesus Christ, I would be lost, both in this world, and the next.

I am always searching for books to help guide me on my spiritual journey. How grateful I am to the people who write books that speak to my soul! I am sure that God brings the very books to my attention, that He wants me to read.

One book remains a great blessing to me: "A Woman's Journey toward Holiness" by Sheila Cragg. This is a most unique book. A rich and deep resource for intense heart searching, it is even set up as a study guide. It has taught me much about the careful and purposeful path to holiness in everyday life.

That path can only be taken one prayerful step at a time. I have been such a slow learner. Thank You, Father, for Your immeasurable mercy, patience and love.