True To Life Meanderings Of A Tortured Soul (Interlude)
Much, Much Later:
Somewhere else in the world
In a hospital bed
My belly swollen with child
Hands grasping the handles tightly
Sweat pouring down my face
Into my eyes
Nurses murmuring encouragements
Incredible pain lacing through my body
Enfolding me in its steel clad grip
Tired of counting
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
I lose track of numbers
An aide comes over and helps me remember them
She holds my hand
(I know I inflicted some unintentional pain there
And I am sorry)
It seems to have gone on for hours
But they tell me it was only fifty-seven minutes
Something seems to be wrong
The baby is crowning, but won't come any further
They try a suction cup apparatus
To pull the child out
But it isn't working
She is facing the wrong way
Sunny side up
And her head is blocked by my pelvic bone somehow
They tell me not to push
As the doctor brings in the 'salad spoons'
The child is finally wrestled from my womb
And immediately carried off
To another table
Where they measure and weigh
There is no father present to cut the umbilical cord
(A pointless gesture at best since it is already cut from
The placental sac, but I suppose it gives men
A sense of participation in the birthing process)
Nurses are busy stitching up my torn flesh
While my child is brought back to me
Screaming her protest at being taken
From the warm safety of my body
I put her to my breast
And she begins to suckle
I am so very tired
But I can't help but be in awe
Of the feat I have just accomplished
(A little while later)
I must have slept
They have taken her to the nursery
Where no father, no grandparents
Ooh and ah over her
They have asked me for the father's name
To put on the birth certificate
But I have refused to give that information
I don't want him in anyway associated
With my daughter
Knowing what I know about him
They are stern in their attempts
At gleaning this information
But I will stand my ground
If I have to I will make up a name
But he will never know
Anything at all
About our little miracle
Denver, CO 1997
Back