Outsider Inside

Family gathered around the table
a mother and father, two sisters
two aunts and an uncle
Decorations adorn the table
not the gawdy tasteless frill
but pleasant and relatively plain
I feel both as an outsider
and welcomed as part of this family
A child's smile fills the room with light
reflected by the smile of a mother to be
There is food here as I have not seen
in years of lonely existing,
years of turkey pot pies
and deli bought scraps,
of pulling half eaten remains
from the trash bins of people
who I would never meet, never see
and who would never see me
even if I stood before them
Remembrance of those long ago seeming days
collide within my mind and the shards fall
soundlessly to the bottom of my soul
as the blessing is spoken
and the meal is consumed
She takes my hand and smiles
a question in her eyes
as she brushes away
the falling tear from my cheek
I merely shake my head, return the smile
and eat the most wonderful meal
I have ever had in my life
while inside I am hoping against hope
that there will be many more of these,
Thanksgivings yet to come