Cauterized

waiting
watching the clock
willing the hands to move
desperation
intense and overwhelming
sifts through my soul
agony
hot searing and bloody
consumes my being and leaves
nothing
absence of substance
wishing for any kind of
emotion
tears that won't fall
heart and mind, body and soul
numb
without pain, without pleasure
i am my own worst
enemy
self destruction, mutilation
creating the wounds and leaving them
cauterized