"I have a new friend on my computer
desk. His name is Herman. He's a male wolf spider [See image to
the right] about the size of a penny if you include his legs. Herman
is surprisingly friendly for a wolf spider. We met when he crawled
up my arm -- a thing he continues to enjoy doing when he's not living
in my CD rack."
"Strange dreams lately, just imagine
bumblebees on the size of footballs smoking cigarettes and you'll
get the picture. And this is not correct cause I lost my mind long
time ago, in other words it's nothing new. By the way, I should
not be taken seriously on saturdays. I'm usually too bored that
day - unless I drink tequila from womens's shoes. But you people
don't take anything I say seriously, do you?"
"Oh, again to the why I'm buzzed...I'm
procrastinating and annoyed. Annoyed that an article in URB covers
a lot of the same ground that I wanted to cover for an article I'm
getting paid to write and procrastinating because I should have
written my piece for Get Underground by now and I haven't. Did you
know there are 6 pairs of shoes strewn around my desk?"
"Long, fucked-up story shorty, Sgt.
Will's Reservist Chemical Unit was called up to haul ass out to
the badlands in case anyone got slimed out there. Well - shit howdy
- whaddya ya know? Nary a fartin' dust chemical weapon reared it's
ugly ass head during the whole squeamish squirmish. Will's unit
was able to utilize their highly technical training by power washing
vehicles and equipment to meet safety standards of cargo shipped
back to the states."
"It was an extraordinarily beautiful
weekend, so there we all were on the roof after dinner. I was with
a few friends, and a few more friends of friends, and even more
friends of friends of friends, and invariably, more than a few were
genuine Grade-A Park Slope hipsters. Slopesters are a laughable
breed of hipster, none too threatening either with their salt and
pepper hair, whining about working their three-hour shift at the
Food Co-op in their North Face fleece zip-ups sidled by screaming
toddlers in ballet tutus, their endless piles of sporting goods
and big, clear Rubbermaid containers filled with sweaters and Christmas
"Let me tell you something - there's
NO better way to get women worked up than TALK ABOUT PERIODS. I've
found that the best way to 'break the ice' with strangers is pull
a 'so, how about these new tampons...?' line (LOL! - 'pull' &
'tampons' - LOL!). They either love it or hate it."
"Someone said to me today "Tom,
your going to die," and they weren't far wrong. Naturally I'm
sure I'm not loved by everyone in the world, I mean, no one has
a perfect reputation, and I mean, everyone has someone come up to
them now and then to hear that being said to them, right? Well this
is a slightly different situation, and the reason that quote was
said to me, was certainly not because they don't like me (no I'm
not in denial)."
"I left the Zombie Hut after hanging
out with Sarah, Liz, and Alissa, and I was thinking about how fantastic
my friends are, and then it was snowing. Not this gross, wet, almost-rain
snow we've been getting, but actual big white flakes. Alissa and
I hugged and screamed "It's snowing!" Just before we left
the bar, we were drinking rum punch and Jimmy Eat World was playing
(I put that in especially for you, Amy) and a woman came over and
told us we were beautiful. I think she was there with her fiance.
She gave us cigarettes. She guessed our ages (twenty-five for me,
twenty-four for Alissa) and then told us that she was thirty-one,
and if there was one thing she had learned, it was that things have
a way of working out and that we should have fun."
"I was recently looking for those teensy
tiny rare earth magnets, and I found some at Radio Shack of all
places. But in my search I came across this variety of magnets at
Lee Valley Hardware (they of the many glass topped containers as
usually seen for wedding favor containers)."
"For the Melburnians reading this:
the 13th Note would be somewhere between the Empress and the Tote,
or perhaps like Revolver without the house music and vague miasma
of wankerdom subtly permeating everything; it's a funky-yet-too-grungy-to-be-yuppified
bar with vegan food, artworks on the walls and flyers everywhere
else, and a subterranean cavern where the punters go to see bands
make a lot of noise."