Life
Mood:  blue
Why cant we simply be happy? when that is what we try most. We are trying hard to find a way to be happy. And we are willing to give up anything to be happy, then why cant we find it?

Doesnt it proves that, life is uncertain, and it is not in our hand? Life has it's own way. It claims the sorrow, as much as we have happyness. Inspite of happyness, sorrow has depth impact. It affect us severely, it is directly related to death, it shows us, life is uncertain, it reminds us.

But, happyness, is on the surface, it covers all the sadness and make us forget about them for few moments, when it leaves, we fall back into the sorrow, then we try to reach the top to get happyness... It is a cycle. life!

It is meaningless to be jealous on some one. I know a guy, who doesnt work at all, every day he gambles, playing cards, the remaining day, he listen music, sleeping... But he is a psychic, he has a continuous dream, about an superstitious machine, which controls him ... here or there, he is tortured.

I see the loadmen, they work hard, get good wages. They drink everyday.. but they have their own issues, family, poverty, illiterate, society etc.

So... if you are jealous on others about their happyness, drop it now, they have their own karma. and you have yours. You are all on the same boat!
See ya.

Dark
Topic: Pondering
It is Dark
moves of the trees can be seen, and it is more black
stale house, i have been dwelling alone.

I light up a candle, on hall, but stays inside a lonely dark room.
Every walls are murmuring.
Windows are opened, i see only dark from that way.
Those are the windows of hell.
Like the antennas of cockroach, my mind seeks only dark.
No one is going to seek me here.
Me alone, in my hell.

A poem
Mood:  bright
Topic: Pondering
Title: Love Saint

Being alone and woeful time
In that hushing time,
An Angel comes out from the sky.
In her smile earth blossomed
Looking at her eyes, the stars cooled down
When I wondering, thinking who would she be,
She asked me,
“What is your sadness for?”
“Love” I said.
In her eyes, jocular shined
As we can hear her speaking all day, She said,
“Squabbling each other, then being sad in missing each other,
how much pleasure human beings has!
Love, that which opens all the windows of heart. It makes the hearts lighter than the breeze.
Suffering by missing, that breaks even a very cold heart.
One heart that inhabits another heart. It ains the other heart as its own.
Is not that gives the melancholy!
In love, sadness is only by hearts grabs each other”
She smiled softly, and at the moment of her dissolve, I remembered
And asked her,
“What is your name?”
“Angel of Love” she dispersed.

hmm?
Mood:  down
Topic: Walking
Some days are like this, what to do? We cant expect all understandable. As well as we cant understand everyone. (sigh). What is wrong? lack of communication or lack of love? i think both. We should love each other, we should trust others. No matter what we gets, we have to trust. hmm...

What is Arts?
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: For your Random Thoughts
... So what do you think? Anything that is present to the public, or anything that has been created by some one, with his skill can be taken into consideration for arts.

But Arts has certain quality. You goto a movie, and you feel it's silly. That movie is created for public. But you dont like it, will you call it an arts?
Lets see this way, the same movie you saw, and had no good opinion, can be liked by some one else. Is it Arts in his view?
Some poems, some stories or movies cant be understood easily. It seems complicated, or only the creator knows the meaning. For example, modern arts is somewhat hard to understand. Just because we dont understand, we cant say its not an arts.
I have read the book written by Leo Tolstoy, named What is arts recently. He quoted few poems from famous writers in French. He said its hard to understand, he asks why they are not clear... He measures arts by how many people understand and likes it, he determines by the ratio.
I dont think this is right way. A creator has all the freedom to write whatever he feels, whatever crosses in his life. Every one is unique. We have our own way of presentation. If others cant understand the meaning, it is not the fault ofthe creator. When the creation comes from heart, with his own feelings, he/she dont have to worry about this question whether its arts or not. It must be definitely an arts.
Im seeing poets writing poems like a enlightened person. Atleast in india i have crossed over that kinda poems, many times. All poets must read Zen poems, to see what enlightenment is. How the writing will be from a enlightened man.
Compare to any other countries, america produces lots and lots of fictions, scary movies. Many people likes that kinda movies. If we take a survay how many has seen ghosts, demon or dragulas, i bet there wont be more than 10 people. And the ten people will be reserved from the society. Like mentally defected. And yea, the sci-fic.... oh God, how many pics made with those themes...
Why im saying these is becoz, these are all not an arts. They are all created for you, to make you happyness for few mins, excitement make you scare. Now we have a question, what about circus? sports? They do things to make you wonder and exciting. They are arts. because, they are not cheating you, there is nothing false in what they are doing, it is genuine. They have such natural talents (or learned) and they are proving in front of you. They are all artists.
Magicians? Yes they are also artists. Movies with fictions and sci-fictions are fictitious, there is no truth in it. Magicians do in front of you. Though there is some tricks, it makes you think, it leaves you to guess.
More than this, An arts must touch your heart, you must feel the way the creator wanted you to feel. That is the true purpose of an arts. One must have the true sight to understand what is an arts. There is no knowledge needed, when it comes to emotion, a heartful creation is easy to understand.
Composers create many tunes, composing complexive work. It is not an arts, until it gives cordial expressions.
Arts is related with heart, they are done whole heartedly. With particular state of mind. It needs the same from the audience too.
Enough for now. Thank you.
Bala

Lets talk about sex today
Mood:  bright
Now Playing: brrrr
Topic: Walking
Lets talk about sex today.

You know, only human being has the way to have sex, by facing. All other creatures (animals) do from behind. Is there any particular reason? All other creatures don’t thank the partner for giving(yes of course they form a family and raise their children). Human being enjoys sex. Animals just doing with intuition, they just do, they have no other choice (no mind). We know how to enjoy. We have to many toys, role playing, stories, movies to tempt the mind. The reason I think why human being has the way to have sex by facing each others is… watching the partner’s face. When we see the partner, how they enjoy, it gives pleasure.

Have you ever think about this… the very big difference between sex and love is, love is always giving. While sex is always taking. Sex arises with ur selfish reason. Even though sex is kinda selfish thing, when you have sex (with mutual desire) what you do, gives pleasure not only to you, but also ur partner. That is the beauty of nature. The time you are taking, your partner also getting from you, may be more than you take…

So if you go for sex, just go with good fantasy. Good imagination. You must be in fever like, how much desire , temptation and need you have that much of pleasure you will get. We born with all the possibilities. We have to find out to be on the equilibrium between love and sex.

In society, we have created some tacit rules. We have created certain way of living. Relationships, those who know how to relate, with whom to relate, will be successful in life. Their love and sex life will be good. Not any man can suite for any woman, its not random. We each seek for our spouse with an inner figure. When it matches in reality, life gets brighter. All the best.

Love and sex
Mood:  chatty
Topic: For your Random Thoughts
LOVE AND SEX

1. What is love? And what is sex?
Very old question. What to do with the answer? I mean when emotion over comes, we loose our mind. The knowledge become void. Being with the knowledge all the time, makes you wise, then you will be a saint like.

What is love? We likes many, we want to be with many other companions. We grows pets. We love parents and we have many relationships. In fact, life is relationship. How you relate to others, how others happen in your day to day experience is life. At each age our need for others (relationship) is different. Until we grow up we need parents. At adolescence we like to be with friends, much more than parents. Becoz there is the point starts that we need to share something that we couldn’t share with parents. The biological changes, makes us need for sex. We need opposite sex. That instinct, the need for opposite sex is intense. It’s the search for life partner or for others it’s the nature that made us so, for creation. Every creations in this world propagates, its natural instinct. We don’t need a knowledge when we want sex. Sex is the only thing in our mind, but the reproduction happens on its way (we found so many precautions that’s different)

After the crucial young age… with so much need for sex attains peak period it gets fatigue, and diminishing slowly. That is the point where we realize what is we really want. By the way, the fatigue point differs person to person. Some couldn’t come out all in life. Here we have to analyze sex.

Sex.. like love sex doesn’t have eyes, it has no boundaries. Your thoughts has any boundaries? Sex arises from thoughts. If you think something which is erotic, you need to satisfy your body. (your body didn’t start it, but ur mind). Some time, if u don’t let your mind on the way of body, your body gives u the need for its sexual satisfaction. But truly speaking, sex is mind thing. You can masturbate yourself and imagining some one else. You can have sex with some one thinking about other one. Where you stop thinking some one else, or about other times, simply, when you stop thinking during sex then there is no sex. It becomes pure love making.

We have seen lovers have quarrel becoz of their affairs. Why? Its simple. Sex is blind. It can be on anyone. Unless your love is strong, unless ur control enough, you will be lost. We are all another kinda animal, thinking animal. (and we know “thinking” is dangerous, that is the key for sex). When you are in love with some one, craving for the one… your sexual need is very lesser. You both starts to make love. Without the interference of thoughts. Yet we have the danger of sex (why I say sex is danger?) it can come at any moment. We must aware of ourselves, we must have known what is our mind doing. Then only we can direct the mind. Otherwise if we are unaware of it (pretending nothing is going wrong) we will be lost.

Now we are back to our discussion on what is love. Love is aesthetics? A chemistry? A biological need? We are seeing all around the world. People get married. Sooner they have babies. Their entire life is spent to nourish the family. He is not a single man/woman any more. It becomes “we” they are a group. Then that chains add another link… the babies grows as adult and they marries..
It goes and goes and goes on. Have we ever loved some one? Love is a feeling, a blossoming. It doesn’t ask, it doesn’t beg, it is a great treasure, its flowing, bubbling from the vessel of heart. It just want to give, surrender, without any questions. It is precious. Momentary. We cant be “in” love all the time. We do day to day routines, some time without any reason love dissolves, there is no one to blame for it.

But when lovers understand each others, accepting who the other is, the love grows stronger. Love has many dimensions, many layers. At each level it passes one by one. Joining hands with the soul mate, walking on the path of life together.. they keep walk on the entire life. When saw say, some one is in love, when you say you are making love, there is no part for sex.
(we can discuss more later)

showing my ass, plz spank me!
Mood:  don't ask
She may not know how absent minded im, but it would be clear now to her, lol. She is an asshole, didnt even remind me yesterday... i was wondering why she was quiet this morning. She is upset with me now...(sigh)

She is going out with Shankar, or may be alone...hmm...i really hated to hear that. We must go out tonight. If everything worked as we have planned before, she would be here today! we will be celebrating. Anyway, (smile)
I love you asshole!

To my Vicki
Mood:  down
This trip made me feel tiresome. Today after sent my assistant to deliver stock to the next town, i felt so lonely. Was giving work to the other two boys. I was questioning, (it was not "me", but the voice inside) what am i doing? is this my work? am i going to do this forever? I afraid, that i will lose myself.. I am deeply unsatisfied about it.

what happend to my dreams? Book stall and independant life. I have nt did anything for that. I must do something. To get rid of this vicious circle.

Vicki, i need you with me now. I miss you after u left. Babe.... where are you? I know i will be ok. Im sorry Vicki, i was wild this morning. (smile)
(sigh) good nite honey.
see ya in the morning.

Spiritual
Yesterday Vicki asked me a question, why God make us suffer? if the meaning of life is to find God, why cant he be simple, why he makes it hard to find, if he really love us.

She asked the question i had been seeking at my teen. Do we ever say, when we go for a movie, why this story? why shouldnt they tell the climax in the beginning so that we dont need to "waste", "to see" all these scenes? (may be we do only if its "a bad movie")

Life is given, to make it on our way. To find our own idealogy, our own self. The path is ours. our owns. We should be proud to walk on that road. Its our life. As a mother she is so happy to see her child grows, she is happy to see her child intelligent, his mankind, his humor, his creativity everything. Why dont we think about this?

We always depends on our parents (God). It doesnt show maturity. Do we have any right to ask him/her?
(smile)
have a good day babe!
I love you!
Your Bala