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My Journal 2002 (May thru August)

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To My Journal 2002 Entries (Sept thru Dec)

August 25, 2002

Another beautiful day here in MN.

Kathleen and Dick from Iowa are staying with me this week. We took a sauna last night and today we went into Ely to a meeting and then out to lunch at Northern Grounds. Now I am home looking at the beautiful lake. There are not enough words to express how much I love this place and how much I love my friends here. I can hardly stand the thought of traveling to Indiana to stay for the winter. This is my spiritual home. My son will be coming up after I leave to read and write as apart of his sabbatical.

Fall is one of the most beautiful times of the year with the fall colors of the Tamarack trees reflecting in the water and the bright blue colors of the lake and the wonderful colors of the woods on my property. I so love this place that I can hardly stand the thought of leaving. And I have just one more week to be here.

I went to Duluth this past week and talked to Mary, my counselor and she gave me some good ideas as to how to cope in IN and I will write about that later.

Sorry I have not been in chat room, but I am taking every advantage of being on the lake!

August 16, 2002

Saturday morning...

Rainy day this morning, which seems to be my mood. I feel sad that soon I will be going back to Kokomo. I love this place so much that is very hard to leave.

Last night we had quite a bit of rain and I loved hearing it pitter pater on my roof and skylight. Last night, I also took another sauna and jumped in the lake. It is getting a bit cooler now so a sauna feels wonderful.

I have loved being here and having friends that didn't mind driving me into town. I also relished having some solitude. However, I have missed being in the chat room--since usually I'm in town or eating when chat starts. I know things will change when I get to Indiana!

August 6, 2002

It seems I have not written for awhile. I have had so much company--I really love it, but I am exhausted.

First, my son and his son came, then another son came, with his family and then my daughter and family came. After they left, my granddaughter stayed for a week and I flew her back to Indianapolis. She was fun to have her her. Even though we did not have a car, we got rides to Ely every day. She starts college this week at Purdue Univ. and will have 6--8 years for a degree in Pharmacy.

I am loving being up here in Ely. This week my neice and 2 boys have stayed with me. All they wanted to do was fish, so they were easily entertained. And we did have some nice fish dinners! My neice is like a daughter to me and I hate to see her leave tomorrow for Penn. After my niece leaves tomorrow friends from Ely and MInneapolis will be staying with me.

I have to go back to Indiana the end of this month and I am grieving already! I love this place! And I hope I will always remember!

My other daughter could not come because her daughter was in a serious accident and is on crutches for some time.

It has been a nice summer up here--lots of warm weather and the lake actually got up to 76 degrees. Now it is cooler because we are having much cooler nights. Hope you all have had a good summer, too.

July 24, 2002

Nancy and Ron just left for Indiana after a fun-filled week with them and my grandchildren, Holly and Jake. It was quite a warm week and even the lake was quite warm. Jake loved the swimming and snorlkling and Holly, who is going to college this fall had a great time getting a suntan before she is off to college as a freshman at Purdue University. She is planning to take 6 years of pharmacology. She was at the head of her class in high school, so I know she will do well.

Holly is staying with me to fill in a few days, since my Becky and family could not come because of Natalie's accident. Seems very quiet here!

I do miss not having my youngest granddaughter, who is 11 and lives in Ohio. Also, I miss the granddaughter who was coming to Mn and was in an auto accident a few days ago. But now, I am looking forward to spend time with Holly for a few days.

July 22, 2002

Nancy and Ron are here now at the lake after David and Michelle left a couple of days ago. We have had a wonderful time with lots of hot weather (until today!) for fishing, swimming, boating, water skiing and lots of saunas.

I am so grateful to be up here in my own home and enjoying all my friends here in Ely. I LOVE this place and I can hardly think about not being here. So it is one day at a time, Alice!

Two days ago, we go a phone call that my granddaughter, Natlie, was in a serious accident and is in the hospital in Indianapolis. So, of course, my daughter will not be coming up to MN. She is doing well, but probably will have a long recovery. She is a JR at Ball State in IN.

So, my granddaughter, Holly, who will be going to Purdue, offered to stay with me until my niece comes. We will have no car, but friends here in Ely have offered to help, so we will be ok.

Nancy is here now and has been a lot of help.

July 14, 2002

How glorious to be in MN this summer! For the past week, we have had warm, sunny days which has been wonderful for swimming and boating.

Last night we went down to the Burntside Lodge and listened and danced to music. It was a nice, warm evening so we boated down to the Lodge and came home at dusk. I so love this lake and the I can hardly think about the time when I can no longer be here.

My middle son is here with his family and today. I became so frustated that I could not remember things and that I have been losing things. I became irritable and needed to apologize later for my behavior. I feel so bad when that happens and they are so wonderful about accepting me, that I feel very fortunate to have such a son.

We are going out for a gourmet dinner at the Blue Heron in a few minutes. It will be at a charming B and B on another lake.

I feel so blessed too be here in MN!

June 17, 2002

A beautiful day on Burntside Lake!

This morning, my caregiver and myself took a canoe trip through a few islands which are out from my home. It was a glorious sunny calm day and felt so good for my soul!

I feel so fortunate to be up here this summer, even though it has been much harder to adjust being in a different place with a different caregiver. We have managed to plant some flowers in containers on the deck so at leaast it looks like someone is living here now!

Tonite, I am going to Burnt side Lodge with some friends from Minneapolis, and in a few days, I will going out to Montana with a long-time friend of mine. So I will be offline for more than I would like, but I am taking every opportunity to travel and be with friends as long as possible.

Time is getting shorter for me, and I realize it, so I'm "going for the gusto" as much as I can.

I am to be interviewed tomorrow re my web pages, so that will be interesting!

I am a happy camper today! Thank you, God for such a beautiful place!

June 8, 2002

I am so excited today! In a few minutes, my son-in-law, Ron, and my daughter, Naancy, will be here to pack up my computer and printer, and tomorrow morning, early, I will be headed for Minnesota! Some friends are driving me up and my children will come up in July. I will have friends up there who will help me with my living arrangements and with getting me to town. I am so excited! It has been a challenge to go back and to work on how I will manage up there for 3 months, but I think it is all coming together. I am so blessed with not only a great family, but also great friends. There were times that I wondered if I should be gloing with the decline I am experiencing, but I think it will work out o.k. I need to live in the now and let my Higher power take over the furure. I think that looking at something and not really seeing it has been a challenge. And, of course watching my spelling decline so drastically has been very frustrating. It is apparent that my AD is working overtime on my brain cells!

And on the gratitude side, is I am grateful for reasonable health and mostimportant of all, I am thankful for such wonderful children and their patience with Mom! I know how hard it must be to repeat things all the time and help me find things! So I feel very blessed.

So, off to Ely, MN and Burntside Lake!

May 24, 2002

I am feeling much better now after a serious bout with food poisoning from the rehearsal dinner for my granddaughter a week ago. About 14 of us ended up in the Emergency room at St. Joe Hospital. I would never want to go thru that again! Thank goodness, my niece and her son were here to help out. And Liz even planted flowers for Becky, my daughter, who had an appendectomy 2 days before the wedding.

The wedding was beautiful. Her color was purple. Unfortunaately, the bridegroom got ill on the way down to Cancun! But all is well that ends well, as they say.

I am beginning to enjoy the food again.

Lately, I am noticing that I am having a lot of trouble spelling and thinking of something I need to be doing and forgetting it before I get there!

But I am determined to keep on keeping on!

And I am looking forward to going up to Minnesota in a couple of weeks and being there until August--God willing.-

May 14, 2002

A busy time these past few days. On Saturday, my oldest granddaughter became a Dr.! She graduated from Indiana School of Medicine and her husband is one year behind her. Both of them are planning to become anesthesiologist so they have have ways to go, but since she is my first granddaughter, I am so happy for her.

I can still remember when I went over to help out my daughter when they were going to school at Ball State!

And now, I am going to a bridal shower for my third granddaughter this evening. Becky, my daughter, has one more girl to get thru college. All of the girls have done so well, and I am very proud of them. Of course, I love all my grandchildren and it will be very special to have all of them here in Kokomo for the wedding. I feel so blessed. So, a busy time, but I love it!

May 11, 2002

I would like to share this with you, as it is so appropriate for my situation in life and coping with ALZ.

ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance is the answer to ALL my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some peson, place, thing or situation-some fact of my life--unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept the person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I accept my disease of AlZ, I could not stay sober, unless I accept life completely on its terms, I cannot be happy.

I need to concentrate not so much as to what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in my attitudes.

The Big Book--page 449

When I focus on today, I have a good day, when I focus on a problem, I have a bad day.

If I focus on a problem, the problem increases---
If I focus on the answer, the answer increases

The Big Book--page 451

May 8, 2002

April showers bring May flowers...

Tonite, I am so grateful for my children and how much my daughters have done to take me places and eat with them as well as coming to my place.

Every time I am out with Becky, she gets me a Jamies coke!

Went to the dentist today and I do not have to go back--Hooray! Having a dry socket is no fun and very painful, but at least I can eat on my right side without too much pain.

I am finding it harder and harder to keep up with things on the computer, etc. And I am discouraged about finding an early support group. I seem to get the run-around. And I do not seem to have the energy right now to pursue it. Not being able to drive is a real hindrance and I seem to get confused when I try to call a facility. I will give it another try --just needing to get some help and I find that B and N are so busy that they do not help me to pursue it. Sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself tonite and that may be. At least I do have my chat room friends.

I am still feeling somewhat isolated here and I am looking forward to getting up to MN in June! I have so many more friends up there and I know I will get a lot of help from them. In the meantime I have a lot of packing to do and getting rid of some things to take to the Salvation Army.

Tonite at the dinner table, the subject of Alz came up again. I feel so strange as they talk about people like me--I feel like: So what...People seem to be so afraid of this disease, so they often make unkind remarks or ignore what I say. Oh well, tomorrow is anotoher day and hopefully, it will be better!

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