A couple of months ago, the University of Alberta decided that at its convocation, it would grant two honourary Doctorates of Law (LL.D.). Normally, I'm not a fan of honourary degrees as it is - earn it or it means nothing. However, where such a degree is conferred, I don't think anyone can dispute that such a degree ought to be conferred upon one worthy of such an honour.
The University of Alberta picked two recipients. The first was Bishop Desmond Tutu. Bishop Tutu has brought the plight of Black Africans to the world. He has fought for equality, and attempted to raise the consciousness of human rights violations on a global scale. Human rights and international law are concepts that are forged, changed, and guided by men like Desmond Tutu. In other words, he is doing something to change various legal systems, and the acceptance of such systems.
Based on that, I respectfully submit that he is worthy of such a degree. He has contributed something to the field of law that is original, unique and that can withstand a certain amount of intellectual scrutiny from legal peers.
The second recipient? Oh, this was an easy choice. Wayne Gretzky of course! Why, just look at how he's changed our society! He plays hockey. He skates on ice. He can pass a puck. He can score goals on a net. He can cry on television about his wife's acting career, even though it was never meant to go anywhere (nor did it). He can jump ship to a different team everytime he thinks there is a danger that his team won't go to the Stanley Cup. He plays hockey. He plays hockey. And, oh yes, HE PLAYS HOCKEY!
Where the @#*$ is the justification in giving this guy a Doctorate of Law? And PLEASE don't tell me he does charity work and that justifies it. MILLIONS of people do charity work for which they receive absolutely no recognition. Just take a look at the tons of charity work Alex Trebek does which barely anyone recognizes. But Wayne Gretzky? The guy is a hockey player and nothing more!
This tells me two things. One: University of Alberta is obviously in Edmonton because this is some typical Canadian liberal dork mentality that with any luck, wouldn't fly in Calgary. Two: Canadians have a generally pathetic identify of themselves. An example will clarify.
A couple of years ago I went with a large group (Navy) to a hockey game. I remarked that this would be the first hockey game I had ever seen (professional hockey). A senior officer was stunned. He asked me "what town did you grow up in?" in disbelief.
News flash sir ... not all Canadians are a bunch of unemployed, beer swilling, back-bacon eating, Bob and Doug McKenzie watching, incest seeking, masturbating, backward ass country hick hockey players! There are other sports in the world other than hockey. I wouldn't even regard today's professional hockey as a sport given that these guys don't play on the ice for more than two minutes at a time. For that, they get a million dollars? They should be sweating it out for a couple of hours if they want a million! But more importantly, hockey is not the only source of a Canadian identity. The sooner these backward ass red neck hick f---s wake up and realize that, the sooner other nations will stop looking at us so pathetically and saying "They have to honour a hockey player ... they have so little to offer that this is the best they can do."
I don't give a crap if you like hockey or not. It's not that interesting to watch. The Maple Leafs suck, they have always sucked and they always will suck. So, please, stop with the Go-Leafs-Go shit. Toronto fans are so fickle anyway. People always said the Jays sucked until of course they started winning. Then it was the constant "Oh we've always loved the Jays", etc., etc., etc. Total bullshit.
Bottom line - I will never refer to him as Dr. Gretzky because he couldn't even crack it as
a proctologist (although I'm sure that he has tried). Canada ... WAKE UP!!!!!! It's just
a goddamn game and nothing more. People that play hockey are not "heroes"! I don't
recall World War II being won thirty seconds into overtime, thus averting nuclear disaster.
It's a goddamn game! If you don't believe me, try getting a life and getting out of the house
and away from your television once in a while. You'd be surprised. There's actually more to
do in life than sit there and swill beer with your girlfriend whose ass is so big, it can't sit on
one seat cushion anymore.
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