One Flesh

When God created Adam & Eve, He made this statement found in Genesis 2:24.
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" NIV

"Time" Magazine, Oct 21, 1991 says, "I believe that there is a devil, and here's Satan's agenda. First, he doesn't want anyone having kids. Secondly, if they do conceive, he wants them killed. If they're not killed through abortion, he wants them neglected or abused, physically, emotionally, sexually. One way or another, the legions of hell want to destroy children because children become the future adults and leaders. If they can warp or wound a child, he or she becomes a warped or wounded adult who passes on this affliction to the next generation." I believe this is why the statistics for lasting and happy marriages are so alarming today. Satan makes sure we are wounded as children and we carry those wounds into adulthood and our marriages. In today's society there are many ways we "deal" with our damaged past in relation to our current relationships. Among them are: sexual addiction, polygamy, domestic violence, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, & verbal abuse.

This site deals primarily with the belief in polygamy. After much Bible Study, prayer, and reading I am convinced this belief stems from damages we have received in childhood-i.e.: rejection, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, etc.... If in childhood we perceived we didn't receive the love, cherishing, and acceptance we should have from our parents, as adults the lie at our core is that we have no worth and value. We are still looking for someone to count us worthy of love. We find a person who loves and cherishes us; who believes in us. We fall in love and get married.

Even though this is what we have desperately wanted all our lives, we become afraid and can't accept that love, cherishing or belief in us. It doesn't feel "normal". It is hard for us to convince ourselves that we are worthy of having someone like that for our very own. We are afraid if we become totally intimate with this person, we will be rejected once again just like our parents rejected us. Most of us don't understand this and get confused about what isn't working in our marriage. Some of us, when we feel rejected in our relationship, begin looking for a fix outside the relationship. We are still looking for someone to love and cherish us for who we are. Because we can't love and accept ourselves, it's hard to believe that someone else could. It is easier for us to share our intimate thoughts with someone we aren't so closely attached to without the risk of rejection. We form a new relationship, but as soon as it starts getting too close, we begin looking elsewhere again. It becomes too scary for us to think of losing the new individual or being rejected by them. The vicious cycle repeats itself over and over again. We must find healing from the wounds in childhood in order to become whole and healthy and have a successful intimate relationship.

As damaged people, we look for damaged people to love us. This makes the cycle even more vicious as we each look to the other to fill our void only to find the emptiness still there.

When looking outside the current relationship for someone or something to fill the void, the majority of the population do so by having affairs, viewing pornography, visiting prostitutes, being gay/lesbian, divorce etc.... .. What do you do if you've been raised in a Christian home and believe these to be morally wrong? If you don't understand your wounds from childhood, where do you turn to ease your frustrations and not feel guilty for looking outside your relationship for love and acceptance?

There is one group that does this by teaching that God wants men to have more than one wife in a family. Thus intimating that God is not willing or capable of giving them total fulfillment in their current relationship. One of the arguments is that a man then has another person to go to for love and cherishing if one wife doesn't "feel like it" at the moment. These men have an inability to trust that God can fulfill all their needs with the wife of their youth. Since their parents weren't able to fill their needs as children, and parent's stand as examples of God to their children, these men have no basis for trust.

The purpose of this page is three fold:

1. To offer support and encouragement to wives of men who are looking outside their marriage for an intimate relationship.

2. To pass on resources I've found helpful in my journey and maybe make someone else's journey a little easier.

3. To pass on a few things I've learned from my Bible Study about marriage pertaining to the subject of polygamy vs monogamy.

Please read and enjoy with a prayer that God will speak to your heart and give you understanding and healing of your own. My prayers are with each one that visits this site. I would love to hear from you with your thoughts, concerns, prayer requests, or words of encouragement.

"It is as absurd to say that a man can't love one woman all the time as it is to say that a violinist needs several violins to play the same piece of music." Honore de Balzac

You could even change the quote a little and say "to be a master violinist" instead of "to play the same piece of music." If a violinist striving to be a master violinist, were to have more than one violin and practice on each one, he would probably still be a good violinist, because he was still practicing a lot. In order to be a master violinist though, he would need 1 violin. He would need to practice on one violin only, so that he knew not only his music forwards and backwards, but his violin also. In essence he would become one with the violin when playing his music. Only then would he really be a "master violinist".


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Music by: Connie Talbot

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