Left Behind

A/N: This is at the beginning because I don't want to ruin the effect at the end. (Hopefully there will be one). This story needs a bit of an explanation: I have read countless fics about the woman Sirius "left behind", but have never even seen one from Peter's girlfriend's POV -- come to think of it, I've never seen Peter have a girlfriend. Well, this is my meager interpretation of what one might have to say. Take it for what you will. Please review when you're done! ~Anne

Disclaimer: It's not mine! Well, the plot is, but I'm still not sure how I feel about it, so don't give me any credit yet!

Why me? That's a question I often ask myself. Why did I have to fall in love with the one who was never brave, but in the end that tried to be? Doesn't that count for something? Doesn't that bloody count for anything? Yes, you say? That counts, of course it counts. Why, then? Why is he gone? Why has he left me here?

It's been nearly eight years and I keep asking myself these pointless questions. Why? I don't know. Perhaps it's because if I don't keep asking I might have to move on-- date again, even love again. But I don't think anyone could love me again. No one ever did; not until Peter.

I'm not pretty; not in a traditional sense, but he always said I was beautiful. I've always been plump, but after he died, I gained a lot of weight. I couldn't cope, so instead I ate. My hair is blond and thick, kind of non-descript, and my eyes are a watery blue, but when Peter looked at me he didn't see all that. He saw me.

We met after our school days- his at Hogwarts, mine overseas in Beauxbatons. We were both assigned to the same department in the ministry- The Department for The Regulation of Magical Accessories and Wares. Peter was doing an apprenticeship in cauldrons, while I was learning how to inspect wands. For us it was love at first sight. Obviously I'd not done much dating at Beauxbatons; only when the occasional boys' school visited at the dances, and even then, well, I wasn't much of a dancer.

Peter had never had a girlfriend before me, and likewise I'd never had a boyfriend before him. We were each other's firsts in every way, and then he went away and left me. I know he had to do it. He loved Lily and James. I only met them once or twice at parties, but he talked about them so often that I felt I knew them. Them and Remus Lupin and that, that Sirius Black. I'm bitter- I'm the first to admit it, but I suppose Peter wouldn't want me to be. He loved Sirius, too, after all.

I'll never forget that Halloween. We were supposed to hand out treats to the muggle children in my neighborhood together, but at the last minute Peter owled me and said he couldn't make it- that he had something he had to see to. I still have that letter.

Mandy,

I'm so sorry, but I have to skip handing out treats with you tonight. I've been called on to handle something; hopefully it'll go well and I'll be able to join you for the end of the evening, but if not, remember this: I love you.

-Peter

Short and sweet. That was my Peter, in more ways than one. He obviously knew what he was headed for. Why didn't he take me with him? I would have gone so much more willingly than I'd have stayed here for this eternity of loneliness. I visited his mother after they told us what happened. But after that first visit, I found I couldn't go back. There was too much of Peter that lingered there and it hurt too much.

So now I play a waiting game. I'm waiting to die, because I know sooner or later I will. A broken heart will kill me eventually; it's just a very slow disease. At least in death there will be release- release from all the pain and heartache and maybe- just maybe from the memories.