THE EASTER BUNNY PROJECT

A ONE ACT PLAY

BY PETER BRIERLEY

The play takes place in the office of the Chief Executive of a large advertising company.

Cast: Chief Executive

Karen, Vanessa, Jimmy, Chris – 4 marketing managers

George –a Christian Advertising manager

Props: 4 chairs, coffee machine, picture cut-out of a pink fluffy rabbit, or childs toy rabbit.

The chief executive enters the meeting, sits and opens the mail. One by one the managers enter, exchanging ‘Good mornings, and making coffees.

CE: Good morning everyone. In the last few days you have all been involved in preparing ideas for an ad campaign for the Cruddybar Chocolate Company, and I now can tell you officially, we have received their OK to proceed. I have the contract here! (positive interjections and exclaims from others) Now let’s be quite clear about what we are all about. This campaign is intended to promote Cruddybar Chocolate Easter Eggs sales to the max. Second only to Christmas, Easter is their next major selling period and represents over 30% of yearly sales. It is also – mark this well – our biggest and most profitable sale eve. If we fail them, we fail ourselves. Are everyone clear on that…any questions? (Silence) No questions? What noone wants a payrise? Wonders will never cease…

Now, last week you were each asked to come up with an outline for an advert aimed at selling these Easter eggs and we will now review the ideas – starting with you George.

GEORGE: Look – I have a problem relating the story of Easter to the sale of chocolate Easter eggs…the agony of the cross…you know…

JIMMY: (interjecting) Well all the bakeries already have crosses on their Easter buns, so we can’t use that.

CE: Jimmy’s right , we must have original ideas. Is your presentation based around a cross?

GEORGE: No I don’t have a presentation, as I said, I have a problem…

CE: I’ll speak to you later about this. Right, Vanessa. Let’s see your presentation.

VANESSA: Right. Here we have this big huge giant, about …(stands on chair and raises arm) three metres tall. Big, strong, and evil! This giant, lets call him…. (searches round group for inspiration)

GEORGE: I suppose you could call him Goliath.

CHRIS: OH – that’s really good, George, like WWF!

VANESSA: Well, this Goliath puts out a challenge for anyone to take him on. Up steps this gorgeous, handsomely young and sexy guy-

CE: yes yes, good – get on with it!

GEORGE: I suppose your going to say his name’s David.

VANESSA: Ooh – Davy, yes, I like that.Well any, this Davy steps up and says " I’ll take you On". The people watching all say – " But that monster will flatten ya!"…But this young dude just smile, cos he’s got a secret weapon – He eats a Cruddybar Easter egg, and the calories make him really strong – enough to fire a stone from his slingshot that kills the mean old giant!

CE: That’s really good Vanessa – it’d make a great serial, I think. OK Jimmy, your next.

JIMMY: Here we have a ship in a storm. The crew are fighting to keep the ship afloat, and suddenly – this big wave breaks the bow and the boat begins to lurch. Well one of the crew fall overboard – let’s call him Lomu.

KAREN: Great, a minority ethnic name – good PR boost for Cruddybar, too!

JIMMY: Anyway, the rest of the crew are horrified when this big fish comes along and eats him.

VANESSA: Eww…like a shark attack or something! YUK!

JIMMY: No. Bigger…more like a whale. And it swallows him whole see. Because Lomu has to survive, he’s looking for food in this belly, and he sustains himself on rotten fish eyes and half an octopus or two –

CE: Jimmy..!

- when suddenly he remembers he had a Cruddybar Easter egg in his pocket all along. He sustains himself long enough until the fish SPEWS him out, in a SHOWER of puke, onto the beach.

KAREN: Very original Jimmy, but we don’t want to gross them out – people have to want to EAT the egg!

CE: OK Chris – your next.

CHRIS: This man, call him Simpson, is the strongest man in the world. He has many enemies. And everyone wants to know the secret of his great strength so that hey can defeat him, because they’re jealous of him. So they bribe his girlfriend-

JIMMY: Who…Marge? (Sniggering)

GEORGE: Try Delilah.

CHRIS: Yes, thank you George, Delilah is a delightfully pretty name! ..and no Jimmy, she won’t have blue hair! Anyway, some so-called friends of his bribe this Delilah into finding the secret of his strength. And she finds it’s in his hair.

VANESSA: His HAIR – this is an ad for eggs, not shampoo!!

CHRIS: OK –might need a bit of polishing…. He has a long ponytail, and we see Delilah get out the scissors while he’s asleep, and chop it off! He loses all his strength, instantly, and we see the man turn into a weak-kneed wimp. As he’s lying dejected on the ground he spots a Cruddybar egg under the bed, and when he eats it, his strength is regained and he goes and pushes over the Leaning Tower of Pisa, which just happens to be his enemy’s hide out, just for fun!

VANESSA: That strength rejuvenation was my idea! Copy cat!

JIMMY: Bit far-fetched – what is it an ad, or a Greek tragedy!

CE: OK OK..strangely bizarre, but some good ideas there too. OK Karen – your lucky last. Strut your stuff.

KAREN: Well, mine’s not about heroes or tragedies but about that marvellous joyous miracle of Easter!

GEORGE: At last!!

KAREN: That’s right, the amazing amount of wedding proposals that occur over the holiday! My presentation reminds people Cruddybar eggs are there for the great moments in life.

CHRIS: Get on with it!!

KAREN: Well, it’s based in the home, a lovely mansion actually, with a beautiful garden. Everything is beautiful in this garden…there’s a crystal waterfall and clear, pure water…get the picture? Anyway, in the middle is a big tree laden with Cruddybar eggs sparkling in the sunshine. And there are 2 people..a man and a lady, simply STARKERS pouncing around tralalala with the butterflies, birds, bees-

CHRIS: Enough of the birds and bees, this is a family timeslot!

VANESSA: Yes, naked they should not be…maybe we could do a joint ad with a swimwear company, I here the 2 pieces are really divine this season!

KAREN: Yes…something in fig leaves perhaps?

VANESSA: Perfect!

KAREN: Anyway, this man is totally besotted with the lady, and he wants to impress her, so he spies the tree, and gracefully dances over, plucks the largest, finest, biggest egg there is and offers it to her on bended knee. She is delighted, they embrace tenderly, and we fade to grey….

JIMMY: And you thought mine was sickening!

CE stands up holding a large cutout of a bunny /toy rabbit.

GEORGE: (Interrupting) I suppose your going to do Noah’s ark now.

CE: Noah’s who?

GEORGE: Noah’s ark. Where all the animals and birds of the world go into the ark two by two because the earth’s being flooded. Noah sails around the earth for a long time until the floods recede, and then he sets them free to roam the earth again.

CE: Is that your presentation George, is it about an ‘ark’?

GEORGE: No, I don’t have a presentation. Don’t you people realise all the outlines you’ve been presenting are true stories from the Bible, just like this one I just told?

VANESA: What’s the Bible got to do with Easter eggs…or Easter for that matter.

CE: (Ridiculing) Yes, that stuffy old book full of myths and fairy tales………you’d hardly find that useful at Easter! However, I’m glad you brought in the animal perspective George, because that’s what I’d like to talk to you all about. I don’t know how well these outlines reflect the message we want to get across to our key market – that’s right the CHILDREN. That’s what our brief from Cruddybar is – to reach the children. What about this creature here (holds up rabbit again)

JIMMY: Oh you mean rabbits. Let’s shoot them –BOOM! BOOM! with the shotgun…aaaaaargh SPLAT!

KAREN: Hang on – I can see rabbits appealing to the children – children love fluffy rabbits…and they love Easter eggs, maybe there is something there!

CHRIS: Yes – they think rabbits are cute and nice and cuddly.

VANESSA: Rabbits are too adult…let’s call them bunnies!

JIMMY: Hold it – Easter….Bunnies. Put those together, what do you think? We need a really good news story at Easter, after all! What better than the gift of love for children!

CHRIS: Yes – a symbol. Maybe this bunny figure could save the whole world by giving out the gift of eggs at Easter to all the children!

CE: Right, so that’s it, we must be sure to associate the Easter bunny in every campaign to do with Cruddybar eggs. Well done everyone! Finally a message of good news at Easter for the children. Right, we’ll break for lunch - give it some thought and well get stuck in after lunch – time is running out.

GEORGE (to audience): Yes, time IS running out, and these poor fools don’t even know it.