Nothing New under the Sun

Cast: Grandad (GD) age 60+, Mum (M) age 35-40, Tony (T) age 16.

The set takes place in the living room of the house, with a door to one side for the kitchen.

The play begins with Grandad sitting at the table, reading a newspaper, and listening to the radio. The music from the radio is of Glen Miller, or something from the 20’s-40’s era. Mum is across the table, folding washing from a hamper.

Tony enters with a satchel and skateboard from the kitchen. He throws the satchel on the floor and leans the skateboard up against the wall.

Tony: Yuk, I don’t like that! (Turns off the music)

Mum: Did you have a good time at the park, Tony?

T: Yeah., but some of the guys were going on at me like "Oh, You Winner!"

GD: (Genuinely) Winner? Well that’s good, isn’t it?

Tony sighs and sits down next to Grandad at the table.

GD: (To no-one in particular) Apparently not.

M: There’s a postcard here from your sister, she’s reached Dublin.(Hands Tony card)

GD: Well I hope she hasn’t kissed the Blarney Stone, or we’ll never hear the end of it!

T: Jenny wants a CD for her birthday. That new one by the Rolling Stones.

GD: The Rolling Stones, are they still around. I remember going to one of their concerts back in the 60’s. Them and those Beatles chaps were big then.

M: Oh, the Beatles. I remember doing the twist at my high School ball. With Paul Brownlie…now he was a Dish!

T: No No, it’s SPUNK Mum! We had that She Loves You song last year at the ball. I didn’t realise it was that old!

GD: So, Jenny wants a CD for her birthday eh. I remember the first LP I ever owned..it was….Fats Domin-No it wasn’t…It was a compilation called Go Daddy-O!

T: Daddy Who??

M: (Picks up washing hamper, and goes into the kitchen) Never mind dear…Before your time.

GD: (Puts down the paper) So how’s tings with that girlfriend of yours…whats-her-name…Cloud?

T: It’s Skye Grandad, and things are fine.

GD: Uh-Oh.

T: What’s that supposed to mean?

GD: Believe me, things are never Fine where men and women are concerned. They’re Great or Terrible, never Fine.

T: Well, There are a few things she does, that I just don’t understand.

GD: And you never will my boy. Woman are as unfathomable as the ocean. Just enjoy the good thongs, ride out the bad, and you’ll do OK. Never reason with love, or you’ll lose your reason.

T: Yeah, I guess. When did you get time to learn all this stuff about relationships anyway? You’ve been with Grandma for Yonks!

GD: PRECISELY!

(Phone rings offstage)

M: (re-enters) Tony, phone for you, it’s Skye.

(Tony rushes out to get it)

M: So, what have you two been nattering about?

GD: Oh, this and that…

T: (Dashes back into room, looking for shoes and jacket.) Skye’s picking me up soon and we’re heading down the beach. Have you seen my shoes? We’ll get fish and chips so don’t cook me anything for tea. (Spots shoes) oh, there they are.

GD: Which beach are you going to?

T: Oh, we’ll probably just go down to Roberts Point. I’ll just go get ready. (He pulls a towel from the centre of the pile of washing, and it collapses on the floor as he exits)

M: (Wistfully to the left) Roberts Point eh…… that brings back memories.

GD: (wistfully to the right) It sure does….

M: (Shocked) You don’t mean…

GD: Oh yes, my girl, it’s been the park-up point for as long as I can remember!

M: So all those times I went out there as a kid….you KNEW??

GD: Well, we suspected, anyway.(chuckles) A juvenile delinquent is just someone who does what you did as a kid, only they get caught. We kept a pretty good handle on your company, just like you do with Tony now. You two aren’t so different you know…

M: yes, I suppose you’re right. There is a lot Tony says and does that seems familiar, only he calls it something else, and it takes a while to figure it all out.

GD: Yes, I know what you mean…it’s all these new words.. like ‘microchip’, ‘gay’, and then there’s the ones they make up..like ‘Cowabunga Dude’. It’s difficult to communicate with kids today. Still, at least they can still talk to God, cos he knows every language there is, and he understands. It’s amazing our generation can even hold a conversation with our grandkids, let alone give them advice!

M: Talking of communication, I wish I knew when jenny was coming back from her OE. She doesn’t say much in her postcard.

GD: Oh, Jenny said she’ll be back for Christmas.

(Tony re-enters, towelling his hair)

M: How did you know that, she didn’t tell me?

GD: Oh, she left me a message yesterday on the e-mail.

M: On the what?

T: On the internet, Mum, you know, computers and that. I didn’t know you could use the internet, Grandad.

GD: Well, ever since I got my new laptop…

T: You’ve got a laptop? WICKED!!

GD: (Offended) It most certainly is not!

T: I mean, Awesome!

GD: Well make up your mind, which is it? Now Jezebel, she was wicked, and God, he’s awesome, and there’s a big difference between the two!

M: He means Super, Dad, you know, Brill!

GD: Well why didn’t you say so?

(A car horn sounds offstage)

T: That’ll be Skye, see you later.

(Tony exits)

M: I better take this washing through and start getting tea on.(Exits to kitchen)

GD: The more things change, the more they stay the same. It’s like Ecclesiastes says, there really is nothing new under the sun.

(Switches on radio to music, and lights fade out)

END.