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Ways to Know You Are A UConn Student

1. During orientation you acquired a nickname that is derived from the type of alcohol you prefer i.e. "Tequila"

2. Co-ed showering is your favorite intramural sport.

3. You use an empty beer bottle as an ashtray on a regular basis.

4. If you own a sports bottle with a gender symbol on the top of it.

5. If you are frequently assaulted with free bibles and mittens.

6. If your morning commute includes fending off several dozen geese who try to kill you.

7. If you ever have come back to your dorm drunk at 5PM on Wednesday.

8. If you have ever participated in, or know of, the march of shame.

9. If you know there is a jungle in Connecticut.

10. If you've ever seen a Sasquasch driving a bus.

11. If you have ever lived in, or partied in a dorm conveniently located in a construction site and adjacent to a fire station.

12. If you know that "Husky Blues" is not the morning-after feeling you get when we lose that occasional basketball game.

13. If you know that Store 24 is an "inconvenience" store, yet still go there at midnight to buy ice cream.

14. If you have ever taken the Wili Bus just to arrive at your destination, realized there's nothing there you actually are interested in, and spent the next hour talking to the bus driver.

15. If you've ever thought that wine in a box was a lot classier what you usually drank.

16. If you understand that "If ignorance is bliss, then UConn must be Heaven."

17. If you have ever instant-messaged your roommate.

18. If you know that Voltaire was right in wanting to watch them die.

19. If you know that University Spirit is actually not a liquor store.

20. If the words "vegan patty" strike fear into your soul.

21. If you have ever done laundry at 3 AM because you had no more clean underwear, worn the same shirt for three days running, or gotten into a fistfight over a washing machine.

22. If you can't understand why the university is going to give people extra perks just to live in a building they forced you to leave so they could renovate it for the freshmen.

23. If you pick up the paper just to see if they have finally put in new horoscopes.

24. If you pick up the paper just to see if a certain columnist has bashed men again as she accidentally makes fun of herself.

25. If the university installed a mirror on the back of your door which could not be removed without you being charged for it, and then told you to remove it so that they could put up a fire safety notice in its place. If you put the mirror back into place, you will be charged for covering the notice. If you do not put the mirror back, you will be charged for not having the mirror up.

26. If you know why they call it "Farmer Brown" lot.

27. If you buy a parking permit for an exorbitant price yet still cannot actually park anywhere even close to campus.

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